Saudi Arabia: Letter to My Husband

My Dearest Abdullah,

Today you have been gone from us for six months since leukemia ravaged your body and sniffed out your last breath.  I continue to have closure issues for not being able to have that last opportunity to hold you, touch you, smell you, kiss your eyes and the top of your head.  I have done so in my mind millions of times but it has yet to give me the peace I am seeking.

I’m confident of where you are and that you are free from the pain and agony you suffered at the end.  I know you would not want me to continue feeling so adrift and for you, I am fighting those feelings.

This will be our first Ramadan apart from each other.  Naturally my thoughts drift to one of our earlier Ramadan’s when we arrived in Saudi Arabia in the midst of Ramadan.  We didn’t give ourselves time to breath the air of Jeddah before we were on our way to the Haram to perform Umrah for the first time as husband and wife together.  Performing it together as husband and wife and during Ramadan was a magical moment when I felt I could reach out and feel God’s hand in mine as we walked around the Ka’abah.

You’ve never stopped being my best friend and confidant. You probably know I continue to have conversations with you all the time.  The only problem is, this time you do not answer back!

I’m remembering your final words to me.  Never lose touch with your family. Be there for your children. Never lose sight of faith. Never forget how much you loved me and that I was your first and last love. I’m trying to keep all your wishes.  Some are not as easy as others but I am not giving up.

You taught me more than you’ll likely ever know.  Much of what you’ve taught me I’ve only comprehended and understood better since your death.  And yes, I can imagine the wry grin on your face and slight shake of your head as you hear those words.  You always knew me better than I knew myself.

You have also been the love of my life. You remain the love of my life.

Rest in Peace my darling.

Abdullah Othman Al-Ajroush

09 June 1956 – 08 February 2010

No one who met him was unaffected by him…

6 Responses

  1. Really precious.

  2. I cried like a baby reading this.

  3. cant stop the tears from falling.😦

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  5. It left a profund effect on me. I am with nikkita regarding “can’t stop the tears from falling” One thing this has made me realize is cherish and love my wife.

    May Allah reward you for your patience and strengthen your faith.

  6. Thank you, Abdulrafay.

    Each day one should get up and first thank Allah for a day of life and its blessings. Then secondly, make sure loved ones know the same!

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