Polygamy in Saudi Arabia remains a very sensitive subject. It is not a subject most women will even joke about although there are times you may hear a woman having some challenges with a demanding husband remark “oh, if he only had a second wife I’d finally have some peace and quiet for myself.” However in most cases she is probably just venting and not serious about that statement. The majority of women, Saudi and non-Saudi prefer to be the one and only wife with her Saudi husband.
Therefore when or if the Saudi man brings up any kind of comment about a second wife, BEWARE! This is not a subject that should be joked about. In all cases when I have heard that a Saudi husband asked his wife “What would you think if I were to take a second wife?” in most cases he in fact had already done so. This was his manner of testing her reaction and “breaking her in” that circumstances and equation of their marriage had changed. This is not a subject that a man brings up just as a general discussion. If a man starts talking about a second wife that is a good indication he is likely seriously considering doing just this. It is a form of mental cruelty for a Saudi man to hold over his wife’s head the remark “If you don’t straighten up or if you don’t please me just so I am going to take a second wife.”
If the husband begins to speak in such fashion the wife should not joke back or remain unresponsive. She should be firm and clear in telling her husband such remarks are unacceptable and never to be made in a joking or threatening fashion. And if such talk happens the wife should also make some decisions in her mind. She should reflect and look deeply on her marriage. Has she been happy? Have there been any changes or alterations in the relationship? Has her husband changed or altered his routine or habits? And then the tough issue – if it does indeed appear that he either has or wishes to go forward with a second wife, what does the first wife want to do? And yes, she should always remember she does have choices.
Her choices may be few but it is essential for the wife to take control of her life as she can in Saudi Arabia. If she loves her husband and/or believes there are extenuating circumstances which may prohibit her from leaving a marriage (such as a foreign wife who has children and does not want to risk separation from her children due to the Saudi laws) then she will have to come to terms that her life as she once knew it had changed and her husband has taken a second wife. She must resign herself to the changed circumstances but at the same time not be afraid to speak out for her continued rights. Alternatively if a woman recognizes she absolutely cannot live with the fact of her husband taking another wife or believes he is planning to take another wife, she should begin an exit plan. Start saving money and make your plans if that is your decision. Try not to act rashly, emotionally or hurriedly. Do not be shy to draw upon your support network. I will stop writing on this note as I am very confident this particular post is going to generate many comments as well as other advice and thoughts.
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