The following interview is with a Saudi man who has graciously allowed me to ask him some candid questions about himself and his background. While I do not want to interfere with his story and in his own words, he gives us a greater appreciation and understanding of what it has been like to be born of Saudi parents but raised in two very diverse and different cultures.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to interview you. I think it is very helpful when we have the opportunity to exchange point of views and learn from each other.
To begin, please share a little bit about yourself.
My parents are Saudi and I have lived most of my life between Canada and Saudi Arabia. I have lived approximately 11 years in Canada and 11 years in Saudi Arabia, with the last year in South Korea as an English teacher. Coming to Korea is really what began my identity difficulties. Extreme double minority status really leads you to question your norms.
As one who has spent pretty much equal time in both Canada and Saudi Arabia, are there times when you feel that you are “more Saudi” and other times that you are “more Canadian?” And can you please give some detail for the reasons of your response.
I feel boxed into one stereotype usually when I am in the opposite country. So I feel more Canadian in Saudi and more Saudi in Canada. I think it stems from a little bit of nostalgia but more importantly, the way I am perceived in both countries. I am always the foreigner, because I don’t completely “fit” in the norms of one country.
You have Saudi parents, but how did it feel after being born and raised in Canada, to go to Saudi Arabia? Can you share your first experiences.
I was born in Canada and moved to Saudi Arabia when I was five. I do not remember much, but I remember I did not speak Arabic very well, I could understand it though. So I remember my cousins always laughing at me about the Arabic, and I guess it stuck. I was also held back a school year because of the lack of Arabic skills, even though I was in an International School. I was also one of a handful of Saudis in the school as well. In retrospect, that added to my feeling of being a stranger in Saudi Arabia, even though it was my family’s home.
Did you feel like you had a lot in common with the Saudis with whom you interacted while in Saudi Arabia after having been raised in Canada?
I think I might have alluded to the answer above. I was the always the “ajnabi” (foreigner). I really did not interact with too many Saudis other than my family and extended family. It is quite difficult to conceptualize these feelings when you are a child. Sometimes I did not understand what was going on, but I learned to get along and there weren’t too many obstacles. I wasn’t into Arabic music, unless I hung out with my cousins a lot, in which case I became into it. Children are pretty impressionable.
What were some of the biggest adjustments for you in coming to the Kingdom after having lived in Canada? How well did you adapt?
I think the biggest adjustment for me, if memory serves me correctly, was the fact that now there were no girls around. I would say I dealt with it pretty well, I don’t remember any particular obstacles and I just accepted it. It was just the way it was. I think I also was a little too young to really deal with anything substantial. As I grew older, I spent my summers in Canada and the rest of the year in Saudi Arabia and that is when I started noticing and adjusting. To this day, it takes me about a week to get over the culture shock when arriving in Canada from Saudi Arabia or vice versa. I just need to switch mindsets. Just not being able to go outside for a walk and go to the movies or sit on a patio was something to move on from. I would say boredom was my biggest obstacle.
Where did you spend the majority of your time while in Saudi Arabia? And as one who had lived outside of KSA for a long time, what did you notice about distinctions in the differing regions of Saudi Arabia itself?
I lived in Jeddah, and I am sorry to say I have not well traveled in the Kingdom, other than Makkah and Madinah.
How have you coped as an individual coming from a mixed culture and particular where the cultures are very diverse from one another?
Personally, I have been forced into questioning many things that seemed to clash in my head due to the different cultures. My parents associate Saudi Arabia as home, and I did too for a while. But I do not have one home. I care for Canada and its people just as much as I care for Saudi Arabia and its people and futures. I don’t think the coping is complete, but I learned that I cannot simply follow one group or culture. It is not a question of “which camp do you belong to?”. Therefore since I cannot associate myself with a nation or culture with complete devotion in the standard meaning of the word, I associate myself with principles. It remember Chris Rock once saying “ on some issues I am conservative, and on some I am liberal”. On some issues I have a Saudi mentality, and on some a Canadian mentality. It is still very confusing, because even though my Canadian mentality is more acceptable in Canada, it is still now a part of Saudi mentality due to my association of the place as my home. I hope that makes sense.
Has being brought up in two very different cultures given you an added appreciation when one thinks of the “Clash of Civilizations”?
I think it can more accurately be described as a clash of generations as opposed to a clash of civilizations. And I have never really ever been comfortable with that term because it brings an inherent negative connotation. I would prefer an encounter of civilizations. I think the negative element puts people of mixed cultures, who are increasing, in really difficult positions. For me, it is not a clash but rather an enriching of character. I can say some of the most interesting people I have met are those who are form different cultures but have another culture to build bridges and express and teach from both.
Based on your own experiences, what do you think may be some of the biggest challenges for an expat coming to the Kingdom for first time?
I think the biggest difficulty would be the increased number of things that are “illegal” and that you can be punished for, from things like driving or having a coffee with and unrelated female to having a glass of wine at home, and most recently, walking your dog or cat in public. These laws are comedic in the West, but it is important to understand that Saudi Arabia, like many other countries, is going through intense change and growth, which is frightening for many, and coping methods may seem quite absurd, but no nation is free from a history of absurdity at one point or another. It is important to be more aware of one’s own history before passing judgment on others.
How has being raised between the two cultures impacted on you most as an individual?
I think it has instilled and understanding for acceptance as opposed to simply tolerance. It is easier to accept differences, in opinion, in dress, in tastes, in what is considered decent and moral, etc. Ideas that make up my base of norms span a greater area, due to my “flexibility” when it comes to culture.
And if you do not mind my asking, how has being raised between two cultures impacted or influenced you in regards to traditions? Can you see yourself more easily with a Saudi wife or a foreign wife?
That is a good question, and also the most pressing one for me. It is where my understanding needs to be translated to practice. I can see myself with a person from Canada or Saudi, because it is not the culture that I am looking for. There is a large emphasis placed on culture and tradition. I find it easy to accept people for their differences and am also fascinated by them. I can respect a person’s mind, their ideas, their thoughts, especially if they were able to question how environment has influenced them. Respect is a cross cultural norm, and via respect, a loving and healthy relationship can be born. Unfortunately, the biggest obstacle facing culturally diverse people is family acceptance and societal support. To me it is similar to inter-racial marriage, I do not see the problem, so why is it an issue?
What traditional cultures do you find yourself following from Saudi Arabia and why? And of course, where do you see yourself following more western traditions and why?
The largest influence from western traditions that I carry proudly is religious tolerance, which stems from curiosity and understanding. Due to many factors, western traditions has put a lot of effort on critical analysis and thinking, which logically (at least for me) leads you to acceptance. It is unfortunate that the Saudi tradition has regressed from this particular aspect of life.
I think the Saudi tradition that I most follow would be the importance played in family and relationship ties, as well as the emphasis on generosity. My cousins are like my brothers and sisters, and my parents will always be my parents, no matter what happens. It saddens me sometimes to see my friends my western friends step away from that.
Are there any additional comments you’d like to add?
I would just like to say that being of mixed culture is not inherently of itself positive or negative. But it can be interpreted by the person in both ways producing a sense of loneliness and alienation. I think people of mixed cultures have the privilege and, more importantly, responsibility to act as the facilitators of cross-cultural communication. We can build bridges and erase a) negative stereotypes and b) from a unique perspective, improve both cultures by initiating discussions and dialogues that lead to self-improvement and awareness.
Thanks again for this opportunity. You also give all of us much to think about in regards to the new meaning of “Global Citizen” and the impact today’s technology has in making all of us closer and able to share views and perspectives focusing on culture, customs, traditions, society and the resulting impacts!
Filed under: culture, Saudi Arabia, Saudi customs | 17 Comments »
