The Saudi culture and customs can be very beautiful and there are areas where other nationalities can learn much from Saudis. Yet one aspect of the culture that seems to be endemic and concerning is with the ease that some Saudis can outright lie. These lies can go from mild lies such as saying something was forgotten like picking up something from the store when the person never even went to the store in the first place to a real whopper as denying there is a second or third wife.
However the most common lie which Saudis will get caught up in day-to-day are usually in regards to money and finances. Neither the husband nor the wife will want to acknowledge whether there are any “discretionary” funds. Furthermore, although it is typical and expected for the man to take care of the wife and provide for her, oftentimes in today’s society he will claim to be poor and either ask for or expect her financial help. A good wife who loves her husband and wants to keep him happy may jump right in and help out with no questions asked only at some point and time realize that while she has been sacrificing and forfeiting she will slowly start to notice that when other issues come up the husband who was claiming to be poor and have no funds would suddenly be able to make purchases or spend money or provide money to others allegedly in need at will and with no explanation to the wife on how these funds were miraculously available. Obviously he has not been sharing full details with his wife. Then by comparison the husband may provide the wife with monies for grocery shopping. It is typical for a careful shopper to hoard a certain percentage of these funds each month for herself.
A ploy on the part of the Saudi wife which I’ve learned of happening multiple times is for the Saudi woman to tearfully announce (or have children announce) that she “lost” money her husband may have given to her for a specific purpose. She’ll claim she had it all in her purse and it was stolen or some other similar tale. The women who have used this ploy say it is necessary in order for them to have all the funds they need, citing in many cases that the husband is stingy or does not understand their needs. They may also desire purchases that they believe the spouse will deem as unnecessary. So rather face what they believe would be an outright ‘no’ if asking for additional funds, they take the route claiming to have “lost” money which was given for rent, support or other necessities. After all, how can a man refuse to provide funds for a wife and children to survive?
Now are these tactics and techniques conducive to a trusting relationship? It would seem that these tactics would result in couples drawing further apart and to an overall lack of trust. Yet this has become so accepted and “the norm” of society here in some circles.
Filed under: culture, gender, islam, relationships, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, Uncategorized | 38 Comments »
