American Bedu recently completed reading the book “The Red Sea Bride.”  “The Red Sea Bride” is the autobiography of Sylvia Fowler, a woman who met her Saudi husband when he was a student in Texas during the 1980’s.  They had a fast courtship and were soon married.  Instead of her dream of becoming an international journalist, she found herself a young mother and new wife living in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.

This was before the internet was readily available in Saudi Arabia.  This was before it was natural for most homes to have satellite TV.  Sylvia found herself in a new land with a new husband and where everyone spoke a language she did not understand.

Sylvia shares her experiences of starting out married life in the same building where her mother-in-law and other extended family members lived.  She describes in heartfelt detail the challenges of raising a son who is different from his cousins because he has lighter skin and does not speak the language.

Sylvia spent twenty years in the port city of Jeddah.  During this period she raises her children, grows apart from her husband and integrates herself in to her Saudi family.  She shares her downfalls and her triumphs.  She educates the reader of Saudi customs and traditions that only someone within the circle of a Saudi family can know.

“The Red Sea Bride” is complete with pictures of Sylvia and her life in Jeddah through the years.  It is a must read for any woman who may be considering marrying a Saudi man and making a life with him in Saudi Arabia.

To order your own copy of “The Red Sea Bride” click on this link.

It is kind of ironic.  Red hearts, teddy bears and roses are always readily available in the conservative capital of Riyadh…except on Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes I think this is the one day that the Muttawa look forward to the most.  They will enter into florist shops, party stores or any other store that may have a festive appearance to ensure that the shopkeepers are not supporting the prohibited day of Valentine’s Day.

But, as we all know, where there’s a will, there’s a way.  Many young men and women in the Kingdom take great pride in their ability to show someone special how much they love them with something special.  While red hearts, teddy bears or roses might be the most traditional, Saudi Arabia does have some of the finest chocolate selections and arrangements in the world.  Chocolates and lovely gifts will prevail.

My late husband always surprised me on Valentine’s Day.  In the States or elsewhere he would present me with red roses and a memorable gift.  Once we were in Saudi Arabia it became a tradition that Valentine’s Day would be a ‘date night.’

We would typically go to the Globe restaurant located on the topmost floor of Al-Fasiliyah.  With the glittering city of Riyadh as a magnificent backdrop we’d enjoy a fine meal as we expressed the deep and strong love we had for one another.

Others who celebrated in the Kingdom may honor their loved one in a different way.  Even if live roses are difficult to find, many a young woman (or man) will probably receive a romantic musical greeting card embellished with roses and a stirring personal message…via email.

The muttawa may try their hardest to prevent Cupid’s arrow from striking but as we all know, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

To those who enjoy recognizing loved ones and dear friends, American Bedu wishes you a Happy Valentines Day!

When one hears that a man has taken a second wife, too often there may be remarks that the first wife must have done something wrong.  She must have disappointed him or made him very angry.  She must not have been a good wife if he had to seek out someone else.  More often than not, those suppositions are wrong, wrong, WRONG!

In many cases the wife probably did not know in advance that her husband was even contemplating another wife.  He may not have even told her he had another wife.  Usually she seems to discover this fact through a solicitous friend or by other means.

Some first and second wives had no indication of each other.  They did not find out until their children were enrolled in the same school and became acquainted.  With the same last name it did not take long to make the connection.

The Saudi man can easily live several multiple lives in the male dominated society of Saudi Arabia.  His family and friends will consider whatever he does to be HIS business and would never think of informing a wife that she is not the only.

Families can live only few blocks apart in a city such as Riyadh or Jeddah and not run into one another.  The society also allows the Saudi man to be away from his home without drawing suspicion.

So if the first wife is not to blame, then why does a man take another wife?  Usually it is for his own ego and whim.  Nowadays it is unheard of to hear of a man taking another wife for Islamic reasons.  Men also seem to take another wife during the time of their lives when they are more financially secure.  Instead of enjoying the better life with the first wife, he chooses to diminish the wealth and security by taking another wife.

Instead of casting blame or pointing fingers at a wife, remember that it is the husband who has chosen to tear apart the lives and well-being of families through polygamy.

The annual Janadriyah festival which showcases the cultures and traditions of Saudi Arabia will open on February 8^th.  King Abdullah will oversee the honor of opening the event which will run for a two week period.

The Janadriyal festival is one of the best means for anyone – whether an expatriate or a Saudi – to experience the traditions and customs of each province within Saudi Arabia.  The event showcases the National Unity within the Kingdom and its unique regions.

The event will have something for everyone such as demonstrations of dances from the differing regions of Saudi Arabia, appetizing foods typical of throughout Saudi Arabia, arts, crafts, camel rides, poetry readings and much more!

The local newspapers, television and web site, www.arriyadh.com will have ongoing information about the festival along with a schedule of events.

The Ministry of Culture states that activities will be non-segregated but I suggest that this be confirmed before going as a family only to discover admission is for men-only or vice versa.

If you live anywhere near Riyadh, this is an event you would not want to miss!

I strongly encourage American Bedu readers who do attend Janadriyah to provide your feedback and experience of the event!

An American Bedu reader sent me some great questions about having a housemaid.  I’m sharing these questions along with my own answers.

It is very common for Saudis and expatriate families to engage a housemaid whether full time or part time.  The culture and lifestyle in Saudi Arabia is different than that of Western countries and lends itself to employing a housemaid.

For example, as part of a large and extended Saudi family, I may not know when I’d have unexpected guests.  Or if there were a typical gathering of family, I’d easily have anywhere from 40 to 60 individuals to look after and prepare food for.  In addition, the climate of Saudi Arabia is such that floors require daily sweeping and mopping due to the sand which has a tendency to get into everything.  Daily dusting is required too.  This is on top of the regular routine tasks that one has to do with running and maintaining a house.

The questions though that I have been asked to specifically respond are as follows:  If a family has help in the kitchen, how exactly does the woman manage the cooking?  Is she very hands-on with making sure how the cooking is done and planning the meals, etc. or is someone else doing this?  How in the world does someone manage houses with tons of people?

A housemaid can be of tremendous help in the kitchen and especially so when preparing food for a group of individuals.  Some housemaids may prepare most of the meal but I always liked to do my own cooking with a housemaid assisting me as a “sous chef.”  For example, much of the traditional Saudi dishes require a lot of preparation and chopping of vegetables.  I’d typically have my housemaid chop the necessary ingredients that required chopping.  Once that was done, then I would prepare the dish which I was making.  Sometimes I would have the housemaid make the salad but only after she had been trained and there was no doubt she would follow good hygienic practices. 

The housemaid would also be responsible for setting up the area where we would eat in addition to cleaning up after the meal.  My housemaid would typically serve tea or coffee (khawa) to guests.

When I would have large numbers of guests, I would coordinate and delineate tasks among my own and any other housemaids which were in the house.  With large numbers of guests (usually Saudi family members)  it would be typical for them to bring their own housemaids with them to help out.

Usually during the Spring break my husband and I would host family members at our home for ten days.  We would average between 25 – 30 guests eating and sleeping in our home during that period.  I’d have about 4 housemaids in the home during that time.

The housemaids would be responsible for individual tasks such as sweeping, mopping, dusting, doing laundry, ironing, cleaning the bathrooms and keeping the kitchen clean.  Each housemaid would take responsibility for keeping the area clean and tidy where “her” family slept.  This routine worked well in my home.

  Now if my husband and I were having a function in our home which was comprised mostly of other expatriates, I’d usually “borrow” the housemaids of my sister-in-laws for the function.  Of course, my own housemaid and the “borrowed” housemaids would be paid extra for their assistance.  They’d be tasked with helping to prepare the meal and also serving so I could have my time free to socialize with guests.  After the guests left they would clean up the house.

The woman of the house primary will undertake most of the cooking.  The housemaid will generally do the rest of the tasks associated with running the house.  If there is a large family, more than one housemaid may be employed.

Unlike in the West many Saudi children and teens are not required to do chores or clean their room.  This is part of the culture and tradition in a society where housemaids are more the norm.

It is common to have domestic help in Saudi Arabia.  The two most common types of domestic help are a housemaid and a driver.  In hindsight, I would have preferred to have a full-time driver rather than a full-time housemaid.

Women, by law, are unable to drive in Saudi Arabia.  This can create an unnecessary hardship on both the woman and the Saudi man responsible for her transport needs.  As a result, a practical solution is for a Saudi family to engage a full time driver. 

Usually the driver is a third world expatriate from India, Pakistan or perhaps the Phillipines.  The driver may or may not live with the family.  Some drivers may live with a group of other drivers in a local apartment.  There are others who have family with them and live in a small apartment with their family.  Yet others may live at the home of their employer.

Homes in Saudi Arabia usually come equipped for domestic help.  In the case of a driver, there is generally a small room which is attached either to the outside of the house or attached to the wall which generally surrounds the house.  It is a simple room and basically a place for the driver to sleep.  Some drivers will outfit the room with a small tv or radio.

The driver is expected to be on call for the family as needed.  However, he will have more freedom than a housemaid.  In addition to transporting family members, many times he will be requested to go out on his own and run errands for the family.  He may not have set days off but there may be blocks of time when he is free.  His typical day will be spent driving or waiting to be of assistance.

  The driver who lives with his employer or shares an apartment with other drivers is typically in Saudi Arabia for the money.  He will live simply so that he can send more money home to his family.  Most drivers are supporting an extended family.  They find that by working in Saudi Arabia they can offer their family better lives.  It is not uncommon for a driver to come to Saudi Arabia and stay for 20 years or more.

The housemaid, on the other hand, has a different life from that of a driver.  She is relegated to the inside of the house and is kept busy throughout the day and perhaps the evening.  The housemaid usually lives inside the same house as her employer.  Her employer is typically her sponsor and responsible for her iqama.  Due to the challenges with some housemaids wishing to run away and “free lance” for more money, employers may not allow the housemaid to have possession of her iqama.  They may also limit the opportunities the housemaid has to go outside of the house.

Compared to the driver, the housemaid has a more isolated life which revolves around taking care of the family for whom she works.  Some families can be compassionate employers who treat the housemaid with kindness and give her regular times off.  Other families may have the housemaid work irregular hours determined at the beck and call of the family. 

The housemaid will usually be given a room within the home.  It depends on the family and their circumstances as to what kind of room the housemaid has to call her own.  Sometimes she will have her own room and bath and other times she may share with a young family member or even be given a cot to sleep upon in the kitchen.

Like the driver, the housemaid comes to Saudi Arabia to earn more money than she could otherwise receive back in her home country.  Most housemaids are from third world countries like Indonesia, Africa, Phillipines or India.  The housemaid usually wants to send most of her monthly pay back to her family.

Housemaids may have a network of support they can call upon if they have a mobile phone.  They may know of other housemaids from their home country who are also working in Saudi Arabia.  Additionally at large gatherings, housemaids from different families are brought together to work together.  At the same time, these housemaids will exchange numbers.

   The housemaid who has run away from an employer and “free lances” will usually share an apartment with other housemaids.  These women have to be careful and are fearful of being caught by authorities and unable to prove their legitimacy of being in the country.  They will pool their resources.  They may seem to have more freedom but at the same time live with an ongoing element of fear.

I always welcome when American Bedu readers will email me with questions about Saudi Arabia and its customs, cultures and traditions.  It is easy to forget that what might become ‘natural’ to an expatriate in the Kingdom may still seem ‘foreign’ to someone who has never been there but interested in learning and understanding.

I was recently asked whether Saudi couples could ever go out together within Saudi Arabia.  For example, could two brothers and their wives be able to meet at a restaurant for dinner?

The answer to the question is Yes.  Married couples can go out together socially.  They would be able to meet up in the family section of a restaurant and sit together.  However, the sister-in-law’s would be expected to remain in their abaya, hijjab and perhaps even niqab.  If the family is less traditional and more open, then the women may remove their niqab and allow the brother-in-law to see her face.

One time my husband and I took a group of extended family to one of the Western restaurants in Riyadh.  The family section did not have dividers like many of the Saudi restaurants do.  The adult family members sat together at one big table and the teens and younger kids sat together at separate tables.  The women who were there chose to remove their niqabs as it was much easier to eat and drink that way.

Some families feel more comfortable if they go out and are able to sit in a “private” family section.  For example there is an excellent Mexican restaurant in Riyadh where families get to sit in their own small private dining room.  There is a buzzer when one requires the presence of wait staff.

So in sum, Saudi couples can certainly go out and dine together but how they do depends upon the couples themselves.

American Bedu recently finished reading the book ‘The Ruins of Us’ written by Keija Parsinnen.   The Ruins of Us is the story of Rosalie and Abdullah.  Rosalie is an American who was born to expatriate parents in Saudi Arabia.  She lived in Saudi Arabia until she was twelve years old and those years in the Kingdom made a significant impact on her as she grew into womanhood.  Rosalie met Abdullah, a Saudi student, when they were both students in Texas.  After Abdullah finished University the couple returned together to Saudi Arabia’s Eastern province where they made their life together.  Over the years they had two children, Faisal and Mariam.

Rosalie had a filled life in Saudi Arabia with her husband, children and many friends.  She learned the language, the customs and cultures.  She transformed from the gregarious American into a refined and cultured Saudi wife.  But…did she become too Saudi for Abdullah?

Abdullah is a successful businessman who expanded the company his father started.  He routinely wined and dined with Saudi’s elite.  No challenge was too much or too big for him.  His business activities had him keep long hours and often times trips away from home outside of the Kingdom.

During one trip away, Abdullah meets Isra, a strong Arab woman of Palestinian heritage.  He is captivated by Isra and exercises the right of his religion to take another wife.  However he fears Rosalie’s reaction and withholds the news from her.  Rosalie discovers the existence of Isra while shopping at the family’s jeweler who inadvertently asked Rosalie how she liked the anniversary pendant her husband had purchased.

As Rosalie has to now contend with sharing her husband with another woman, the family is plummeted into a dark period.  Rosalie rejects her husband and no longer wishes to share a bed with him.  Her children lose themselves in their own pursuits – young Mariam creates a blog and Faisal finds solace and belonging under the tutelage of a controversial Sheik.

Rosalie is at a loss on what to do.  She wants to leave her husband but not at the expense of her children.  However before she can solidify a decision or make plans for her future, a crisis arises which brings this broken family back together.

The Ruins of Us captures the full quagmire of emotions of a Saudi wife who discovers that her Saudi husband has taken a second wife.  The book takes one into the mind of the Saudi husband and his justification for taking a second wife.  Readers will feel Rosalie’s pain as she explores her options as an American woman who feels betrayed by the actions of her Saudi husband.  The book further captures the mixed emotions of family and friends as they also deal with the consequences of a marriage that has now become polygamous.

Author Keija Parssinen is an “Aramco brat” who grew up in Saudi Arabia’s Eastern Province.  She is a provocative and sensitive writer.  The Ruins of Us is her first novel.  You can learn more about Keija and purchase your own copy of The Ruins of Us at her website, www.keijaparssinen.com.  The Ruins of Us is an American Bedu recommended read.

Westerners (and particularly Americans) in and outside of Saudi Arabia are viewed to be very open and friendly.  They can also be seen as approachable.  However this post is oriented for the expatriate woman who may be new to Saudi Arabia and is getting to know some Saudi women.

Saudis will be very friendly and hospitable yet will retain privacy when it comes to family and home.  Even members within a Saudi family such as siblings will not know personal details of each other such as salaries, for example.

Yet for some reason, when a Western woman is with Saudi women, she may be asked questions she would not be expecting.  Some of these questions may include:

If she is the one working, how much does she make.

If her husband is the one working, how much does he make.

How often does her husband travel?

How much is the rent where she lives?

How much does she pay her housemaid?

How much does she pay her driver?

How much do different items inside the home cost?

How much did her abaya cost?

Of course she will likely be asked if she or her husband is Muslim.

The responses can either be straightforward and direct or she can politely decline to answer such personal questions.  Surprisingly a lot of Western women have answered such personal questions for fear of offending.  I think that is part of what has encouraged these kind of questions to continue to be asked of expatriate women.

Saudi women will typically not gossip of such details about each other but if an expatriate woman responds to such questions, then that is fair game for discussion.

If unsure how to respond to such personal questions, an expatriate woman can smile kindly and say, “I’m sorry but I don’t reveal such personal information.  Do you?”  Of course the Saudi woman will agree with the expatriate woman and the topic is dropped.

Obviously there is not a large enough contingent of Saudis in Iceland since the nearest Saudi Embassy which oversees Iceland is the Saudi Embassy in Stockholm.

However, the following articles, (provided by a friend who is originally from Iceland) although a little bit dated, are very interesting in regards to the Muslims in Iceland.

Conflict Between Two Muslim Groups Delaying Mosque Project

10.12.2010

Words by Paul Nikolov

Photos by

The city of Reykjavík has decided that it can only give one plot of land for building a mosque, although two separate Muslim groups want one. The chairman of the Muslim Society of Iceland says the situation is “like asking the national church to be with the Jehovah’s Witnesses”.

Fréttablaðið reported that Anna Kristinsdóttir, the director of human rights for the city, said that there are indeed two separate Muslim groups in Iceland: the Muslim Society of Iceland numbering 373 members, and another group numbering 218. Both groups have asked for their own plot of land on which they intend to build their own mosques.

The response from the city, however, has been that the two groups are too small to each get their own plot, and should therefore share one. “We have of course not asked the two groups to combine into one,” she said in part, “but that they could possibly form an umbrella organisation, under which they can operate separately.”

Karim Askari, the chairman of the latter Muslim group, told Fréttablaðið that he wasn’t against sharing a mosque with the Muslim Society of Iceland. Salmann Tamimi, the society’s chairman, disagrees, pointing out that his group has waited 12 years for a mosque of their own, and that the city is responding as if all Muslims believe the same things and worship in the same way.

“Our application is completely different from theirs,” Salmann said in part. “This is like asking the national church to be with the Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

As neither the city nor the Muslim Society of Iceland do not seem to want to budge on the matter, the issue is deadlocked for the time being.

http://www.islamiccci.com/about-us-in-eglish.php Icelandic Council for Endowment in Iceland

 http://www.islam.is/podlinki/english/english.htm Muslim Association of Iceland

The Saudi Embassy for Iceland is in Stockholm. state.gov estimates 800-1000 muslims in Iceland.

“This is like asking the national church to be with the Jehovah’s Witnesses.”  I find that comment especially amusing, interjects American Bedu.

New Muslim Organization in Iceland

31.5.2010

Words by Paul Nikolov

Photos by

Sulaiman Abdullah Alshiddi and Hussein Al Daoudi, from Saudi Arabia and Sweden respectively, have established an organization called The Islamic Endowment in Iceland, Vísir (an Ircelandic newspaper) reports.
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The purpose of the group is twofold. On the one hand, to help Muslims in Iceland maintain the characteristics of Islam, and to help Muslim children hold onto their faith and traditions. On the other hand, the group also wants to encourage Muslims in Iceland to learn both Arabic and Icelandic. They also want to teach Muslims Iceland’s laws and societal mores, their rights and responsibilities, and to get Icelanders better acquainted with what Muslims believe.

Salmann Tamimi, the chairman of the Muslim Society of Iceland, told Vísir that the group has not been in contact with him yet, but that he does know they have branches in Sweden, where they engage in charity and educational work. “Hopefully this new group can help us get a mosque in Iceland,” he added.

There are about 600 registered members of the Muslim Society of Iceland, who have been waiting about 11 years for approval for a plot of land to build a mosque in Reykjavík from city council. That approval is still pending.