It is hard to fathom that it has been two years since Abdullah left this world.  Life has gone on but not a day goes by that I do not remember the love of my life.

I feel his presence in many ways.  Of course I only need to look at the photos of him which I have in each room.  But perhaps more importantly, I can feel his spirit encouraging me and especially so when I may be having a bad day while continuing my own battle with cancer.

Abdullah has left a beautiful legacy.  I only need to see and hear his children’s voices and it is like hearing him.  His first grandson also arrived.  I know his Grandson will be told about his Grandfather (Jed Abdullah).

Abdullah came from a unique generation of Saudi men.  He was always keen to explore and discover.  From the time he was a young student he had already developed his keen interest in foreign affairs.  It was no surprise that he enjoyed 33 years as a career diplomat in the Saudi Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

He showed respect to everyone – men, women, children.  He was an advocate for the rights and freedoms of women.  He ensured that his sisters and daughters received university education.

While he could be professionally hard if required, he did not have a mean bone in his body.  He was kind to everyone.  He did many good deeds that were only known to himself and the recipient of his kindness.

Abdullah always knew how to make me laugh and feel like the most cherished woman in the world.  Against all odds he managed to get the governmental approvals for our marriage with the intent that we would have a long and fulfilling life together.

We had a fulfilling life…it just wasn’t nearly long enough.  God decided to take Abdullah home two years ago.  God took a piece of me that day, too.  I lost my life partner, best friend and love of my life.

May Abdullah continue to rest in peace and always know how very much he continues to be loved.

Christians and Muslims both worship God.  Allah is the Arabic word for God.

Muslims recognize Jesus Christ as a Prophet (pbuh).

Christians recognize Muhammed as a Prophet (pbuh).

However, Christians also recognize Jesus as the Son of God and as God.  Most Muslims do not.  Furthermore, Christians believe in the trinity which is The Father (God), The Son (Jesus Christ) and the Holy Spirit (essence of God).

In the simplest of terms, Christians believe that the Trinity is three in one such as God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

So while it is clear that both Christians and Muslims believe in a higher being called God, do they in fact worship the same God?

Will Muslims and Christians share the same heaven?

Many individuals from third world countries will come to Saudi Arabia for work.  Yet if you get to know any of them, their ultimate dream is to be able to live in the United States.  Even many citizens of Saudi Arabia yearn for an American green card.  This online forum has an interesting discussion of why people from around the world may want to come and live in the United States.

The prominent reasons given for living in the United States are its democracy, freedoms, education and business opportunities.

So I am curious about American Bedu readers.  Where do you live now?  Where would you like to live and why?

An American Bedu reader shared this music video with me which features Saudis and Saudi drifting.  What do you think?

The annual Janadriyah festival which showcases the cultures and traditions of Saudi Arabia will open on February 8^th.  King Abdullah will oversee the honor of opening the event which will run for a two week period.

The Janadriyal festival is one of the best means for anyone – whether an expatriate or a Saudi – to experience the traditions and customs of each province within Saudi Arabia.  The event showcases the National Unity within the Kingdom and its unique regions.

The event will have something for everyone such as demonstrations of dances from the differing regions of Saudi Arabia, appetizing foods typical of throughout Saudi Arabia, arts, crafts, camel rides, poetry readings and much more!

The local newspapers, television and web site, www.arriyadh.com will have ongoing information about the festival along with a schedule of events.

The Ministry of Culture states that activities will be non-segregated but I suggest that this be confirmed before going as a family only to discover admission is for men-only or vice versa.

If you live anywhere near Riyadh, this is an event you would not want to miss!

I strongly encourage American Bedu readers who do attend Janadriyah to provide your feedback and experience of the event!

An American Bedu reader sent me some great questions about having a housemaid.  I’m sharing these questions along with my own answers.

It is very common for Saudis and expatriate families to engage a housemaid whether full time or part time.  The culture and lifestyle in Saudi Arabia is different than that of Western countries and lends itself to employing a housemaid.

For example, as part of a large and extended Saudi family, I may not know when I’d have unexpected guests.  Or if there were a typical gathering of family, I’d easily have anywhere from 40 to 60 individuals to look after and prepare food for.  In addition, the climate of Saudi Arabia is such that floors require daily sweeping and mopping due to the sand which has a tendency to get into everything.  Daily dusting is required too.  This is on top of the regular routine tasks that one has to do with running and maintaining a house.

The questions though that I have been asked to specifically respond are as follows:  If a family has help in the kitchen, how exactly does the woman manage the cooking?  Is she very hands-on with making sure how the cooking is done and planning the meals, etc. or is someone else doing this?  How in the world does someone manage houses with tons of people?

A housemaid can be of tremendous help in the kitchen and especially so when preparing food for a group of individuals.  Some housemaids may prepare most of the meal but I always liked to do my own cooking with a housemaid assisting me as a “sous chef.”  For example, much of the traditional Saudi dishes require a lot of preparation and chopping of vegetables.  I’d typically have my housemaid chop the necessary ingredients that required chopping.  Once that was done, then I would prepare the dish which I was making.  Sometimes I would have the housemaid make the salad but only after she had been trained and there was no doubt she would follow good hygienic practices. 

The housemaid would also be responsible for setting up the area where we would eat in addition to cleaning up after the meal.  My housemaid would typically serve tea or coffee (khawa) to guests.

When I would have large numbers of guests, I would coordinate and delineate tasks among my own and any other housemaids which were in the house.  With large numbers of guests (usually Saudi family members)  it would be typical for them to bring their own housemaids with them to help out.

Usually during the Spring break my husband and I would host family members at our home for ten days.  We would average between 25 – 30 guests eating and sleeping in our home during that period.  I’d have about 4 housemaids in the home during that time.

The housemaids would be responsible for individual tasks such as sweeping, mopping, dusting, doing laundry, ironing, cleaning the bathrooms and keeping the kitchen clean.  Each housemaid would take responsibility for keeping the area clean and tidy where “her” family slept.  This routine worked well in my home.

  Now if my husband and I were having a function in our home which was comprised mostly of other expatriates, I’d usually “borrow” the housemaids of my sister-in-laws for the function.  Of course, my own housemaid and the “borrowed” housemaids would be paid extra for their assistance.  They’d be tasked with helping to prepare the meal and also serving so I could have my time free to socialize with guests.  After the guests left they would clean up the house.

The woman of the house primary will undertake most of the cooking.  The housemaid will generally do the rest of the tasks associated with running the house.  If there is a large family, more than one housemaid may be employed.

Unlike in the West many Saudi children and teens are not required to do chores or clean their room.  This is part of the culture and tradition in a society where housemaids are more the norm.

It is common to have domestic help in Saudi Arabia.  The two most common types of domestic help are a housemaid and a driver.  In hindsight, I would have preferred to have a full-time driver rather than a full-time housemaid.

Women, by law, are unable to drive in Saudi Arabia.  This can create an unnecessary hardship on both the woman and the Saudi man responsible for her transport needs.  As a result, a practical solution is for a Saudi family to engage a full time driver. 

Usually the driver is a third world expatriate from India, Pakistan or perhaps the Phillipines.  The driver may or may not live with the family.  Some drivers may live with a group of other drivers in a local apartment.  There are others who have family with them and live in a small apartment with their family.  Yet others may live at the home of their employer.

Homes in Saudi Arabia usually come equipped for domestic help.  In the case of a driver, there is generally a small room which is attached either to the outside of the house or attached to the wall which generally surrounds the house.  It is a simple room and basically a place for the driver to sleep.  Some drivers will outfit the room with a small tv or radio.

The driver is expected to be on call for the family as needed.  However, he will have more freedom than a housemaid.  In addition to transporting family members, many times he will be requested to go out on his own and run errands for the family.  He may not have set days off but there may be blocks of time when he is free.  His typical day will be spent driving or waiting to be of assistance.

  The driver who lives with his employer or shares an apartment with other drivers is typically in Saudi Arabia for the money.  He will live simply so that he can send more money home to his family.  Most drivers are supporting an extended family.  They find that by working in Saudi Arabia they can offer their family better lives.  It is not uncommon for a driver to come to Saudi Arabia and stay for 20 years or more.

The housemaid, on the other hand, has a different life from that of a driver.  She is relegated to the inside of the house and is kept busy throughout the day and perhaps the evening.  The housemaid usually lives inside the same house as her employer.  Her employer is typically her sponsor and responsible for her iqama.  Due to the challenges with some housemaids wishing to run away and “free lance” for more money, employers may not allow the housemaid to have possession of her iqama.  They may also limit the opportunities the housemaid has to go outside of the house.

Compared to the driver, the housemaid has a more isolated life which revolves around taking care of the family for whom she works.  Some families can be compassionate employers who treat the housemaid with kindness and give her regular times off.  Other families may have the housemaid work irregular hours determined at the beck and call of the family. 

The housemaid will usually be given a room within the home.  It depends on the family and their circumstances as to what kind of room the housemaid has to call her own.  Sometimes she will have her own room and bath and other times she may share with a young family member or even be given a cot to sleep upon in the kitchen.

Like the driver, the housemaid comes to Saudi Arabia to earn more money than she could otherwise receive back in her home country.  Most housemaids are from third world countries like Indonesia, Africa, Phillipines or India.  The housemaid usually wants to send most of her monthly pay back to her family.

Housemaids may have a network of support they can call upon if they have a mobile phone.  They may know of other housemaids from their home country who are also working in Saudi Arabia.  Additionally at large gatherings, housemaids from different families are brought together to work together.  At the same time, these housemaids will exchange numbers.

   The housemaid who has run away from an employer and “free lances” will usually share an apartment with other housemaids.  These women have to be careful and are fearful of being caught by authorities and unable to prove their legitimacy of being in the country.  They will pool their resources.  They may seem to have more freedom but at the same time live with an ongoing element of fear.

I always welcome when American Bedu readers will email me with questions about Saudi Arabia and its customs, cultures and traditions.  It is easy to forget that what might become ‘natural’ to an expatriate in the Kingdom may still seem ‘foreign’ to someone who has never been there but interested in learning and understanding.

I was recently asked whether Saudi couples could ever go out together within Saudi Arabia.  For example, could two brothers and their wives be able to meet at a restaurant for dinner?

The answer to the question is Yes.  Married couples can go out together socially.  They would be able to meet up in the family section of a restaurant and sit together.  However, the sister-in-law’s would be expected to remain in their abaya, hijjab and perhaps even niqab.  If the family is less traditional and more open, then the women may remove their niqab and allow the brother-in-law to see her face.

One time my husband and I took a group of extended family to one of the Western restaurants in Riyadh.  The family section did not have dividers like many of the Saudi restaurants do.  The adult family members sat together at one big table and the teens and younger kids sat together at separate tables.  The women who were there chose to remove their niqabs as it was much easier to eat and drink that way.

Some families feel more comfortable if they go out and are able to sit in a “private” family section.  For example there is an excellent Mexican restaurant in Riyadh where families get to sit in their own small private dining room.  There is a buzzer when one requires the presence of wait staff.

So in sum, Saudi couples can certainly go out and dine together but how they do depends upon the couples themselves.

If you know a Saudi man who has taken a foreign wife, why do you think that is?  What is it about the foreign woman that makes the Saudi man want to choose her over a Saudi wife?  It is not as if it is simple to marry a foreign woman either.  For a Saudi man, he must not only obtain governmental approval for the marriage (at least to live together legally in the Kingdom and for her to be recognized as a legal wife) but he probably has to win his family over to the concept of a non-Saudi wife too.

If you are able to ask a Saudi man why he took a foreign wife, he’ll likely say that she met all his desires of what he wants in a woman.  What few Saudi men will say, but probably thought, was that ‘she was not Saudi.’

It’s true.  A lot of the Saudi men who have chosen to take a foreign wife did not want to marry a Saudi woman.  The reasons can vary from having to pay too much for a dowry; too high of expectations for a husband; too many challenges with families; an inability for the Saudi man to be truly himself.

The Saudi man who marries a foreigner probably does not want to have a traditional Saudi life or lifestyle.

Yet most of the foreign women who have married Saudis and go to Saudi Arabia to live with their husband are unlikely to have existing family and friends in Saudi Arabia.  As a result, his family may become her family.  She will also make friends which may be among both the expatriate and the Saudi community.

It’s not surprising that the foreign wife who comes to Saudi Arabia with her husband will want to fit in to the Saudi society and norms.  His family may also, through their welcome of her, take her under their wing and perhaps guide or “train” her of the expectations and customs of the Saudi life.  Over time, as children are born and the years pass by, the foreign wife will have become more Saudi in her ways than those of the country from which she was from.  One can only hope that her husband will have grown and adapted with her.

In some cases, the husband realizes that the foreign woman he loved and married has become a Saudi stranger to him.  What happened to the woman he met and fell in love with because of her differences?  What does the man do in such cases?

This is the time when a Saudi man has been known to take another wife.  He may take a Saudi wife but it seems more likely he will take another foreign wife.  However, instead of a Western wife, the Saudi man may choose to take a non-Saudi Arab as a second wife.

I can state that I have not known a Saudi man who has had more than one Western wife.  It seems that Saudi men who have first married a Saudi wife will choose either another Saudi wife or a foreign wife.  Whereas Saudi men who have married a foreign wife first will seem to choose another foreign wife as a second wife.

American Bedu recently finished reading the book ‘The Ruins of Us’ written by Keija Parsinnen.   The Ruins of Us is the story of Rosalie and Abdullah.  Rosalie is an American who was born to expatriate parents in Saudi Arabia.  She lived in Saudi Arabia until she was twelve years old and those years in the Kingdom made a significant impact on her as she grew into womanhood.  Rosalie met Abdullah, a Saudi student, when they were both students in Texas.  After Abdullah finished University the couple returned together to Saudi Arabia’s Eastern province where they made their life together.  Over the years they had two children, Faisal and Mariam.

Rosalie had a filled life in Saudi Arabia with her husband, children and many friends.  She learned the language, the customs and cultures.  She transformed from the gregarious American into a refined and cultured Saudi wife.  But…did she become too Saudi for Abdullah?

Abdullah is a successful businessman who expanded the company his father started.  He routinely wined and dined with Saudi’s elite.  No challenge was too much or too big for him.  His business activities had him keep long hours and often times trips away from home outside of the Kingdom.

During one trip away, Abdullah meets Isra, a strong Arab woman of Palestinian heritage.  He is captivated by Isra and exercises the right of his religion to take another wife.  However he fears Rosalie’s reaction and withholds the news from her.  Rosalie discovers the existence of Isra while shopping at the family’s jeweler who inadvertently asked Rosalie how she liked the anniversary pendant her husband had purchased.

As Rosalie has to now contend with sharing her husband with another woman, the family is plummeted into a dark period.  Rosalie rejects her husband and no longer wishes to share a bed with him.  Her children lose themselves in their own pursuits – young Mariam creates a blog and Faisal finds solace and belonging under the tutelage of a controversial Sheik.

Rosalie is at a loss on what to do.  She wants to leave her husband but not at the expense of her children.  However before she can solidify a decision or make plans for her future, a crisis arises which brings this broken family back together.

The Ruins of Us captures the full quagmire of emotions of a Saudi wife who discovers that her Saudi husband has taken a second wife.  The book takes one into the mind of the Saudi husband and his justification for taking a second wife.  Readers will feel Rosalie’s pain as she explores her options as an American woman who feels betrayed by the actions of her Saudi husband.  The book further captures the mixed emotions of family and friends as they also deal with the consequences of a marriage that has now become polygamous.

Author Keija Parssinen is an “Aramco brat” who grew up in Saudi Arabia’s Eastern Province.  She is a provocative and sensitive writer.  The Ruins of Us is her first novel.  You can learn more about Keija and purchase your own copy of The Ruins of Us at her website, www.keijaparssinen.com.  The Ruins of Us is an American Bedu recommended read.