American Bedu recently completed reading the book “The Red Sea Bride.”  “The Red Sea Bride” is the autobiography of Sylvia Fowler, a woman who met her Saudi husband when he was a student in Texas during the 1980’s.  They had a fast courtship and were soon married.  Instead of her dream of becoming an international journalist, she found herself a young mother and new wife living in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.

This was before the internet was readily available in Saudi Arabia.  This was before it was natural for most homes to have satellite TV.  Sylvia found herself in a new land with a new husband and where everyone spoke a language she did not understand.

Sylvia shares her experiences of starting out married life in the same building where her mother-in-law and other extended family members lived.  She describes in heartfelt detail the challenges of raising a son who is different from his cousins because he has lighter skin and does not speak the language.

Sylvia spent twenty years in the port city of Jeddah.  During this period she raises her children, grows apart from her husband and integrates herself in to her Saudi family.  She shares her downfalls and her triumphs.  She educates the reader of Saudi customs and traditions that only someone within the circle of a Saudi family can know.

“The Red Sea Bride” is complete with pictures of Sylvia and her life in Jeddah through the years.  It is a must read for any woman who may be considering marrying a Saudi man and making a life with him in Saudi Arabia.

To order your own copy of “The Red Sea Bride” click on this link.

It is kind of ironic.  Red hearts, teddy bears and roses are always readily available in the conservative capital of Riyadh…except on Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes I think this is the one day that the Muttawa look forward to the most.  They will enter into florist shops, party stores or any other store that may have a festive appearance to ensure that the shopkeepers are not supporting the prohibited day of Valentine’s Day.

But, as we all know, where there’s a will, there’s a way.  Many young men and women in the Kingdom take great pride in their ability to show someone special how much they love them with something special.  While red hearts, teddy bears or roses might be the most traditional, Saudi Arabia does have some of the finest chocolate selections and arrangements in the world.  Chocolates and lovely gifts will prevail.

My late husband always surprised me on Valentine’s Day.  In the States or elsewhere he would present me with red roses and a memorable gift.  Once we were in Saudi Arabia it became a tradition that Valentine’s Day would be a ‘date night.’

We would typically go to the Globe restaurant located on the topmost floor of Al-Fasiliyah.  With the glittering city of Riyadh as a magnificent backdrop we’d enjoy a fine meal as we expressed the deep and strong love we had for one another.

Others who celebrated in the Kingdom may honor their loved one in a different way.  Even if live roses are difficult to find, many a young woman (or man) will probably receive a romantic musical greeting card embellished with roses and a stirring personal message…via email.

The muttawa may try their hardest to prevent Cupid’s arrow from striking but as we all know, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

To those who enjoy recognizing loved ones and dear friends, American Bedu wishes you a Happy Valentines Day!

A German woman announcing that she is going to accompany her partner as an expat wife to Jeddah and will be living in Saudi Arabia for several years? Impossible!

Suddenly, even your most conservative relatives from rural small-town Germany will turn into staunch defenders of “Western liberty”, reminding you that you will be sitting all alone “somewhere in the desert”, unable to drive a car or eat even a bite of your beloved roast pork, veiled from head to toe, threatened with heatstroke by five layers of black cloth at 50°C, and placed under the legal guardianship of your husband. (The last point is invariably raised by that annoying elderly uncle who’s usually prone to making jokes about “women’s libbers”.)

Indeed, since Saudi Arabia is not a tourist destination, there is little German literature available about the country, and no travel anecdotes to share with friends. Thus the expat spouse-to-be may board her flight to Jeddah with some trepidation…

Upon arrival in “the Bride of the Red Sea”, the “honeymoon” period of the culture shock experience probably sets in. Jeddah’s geographic location – which makes it the designated gateway to the holy sites of Mecca and Medina – also predestined the city to grow rich with trade, to acquire a cosmopolitan touch from the millions of Muslims arriving for the hajj from all corners of the earth, and to basically explode with growth due to the oil-boom. So, the first thing to do, once the suitcases have been unpacked, is to tour the town and then share plenty of Facebook photo galleries with the gloom-and-doom naysayers back home: a bikini-clad girls’ volleyball team at the private Hilton Beach Club – the Gucci and D&G boutiques at Al Khayat Mall – the tennis court in the local compound – the palm trees along the splendid Cornice waterfront.

But soon, the inevitable disillusionment, the next stage in the culture shock process, will catch up with you. Employment opportunities for women in Saudi Arabia are still limited after all, and even laidback Jeddah is not an exception. Without the right qualifications (e.g. for teaching) and the necessary language skills, you may not stand a chance. If you have kids aged between three and 16, you can at least socialize with the tight-knit, friendly community of the German School in Jeddah, but in other cases, you face the plight of expat wives everywhere: isolation and alienation.

You may feel as though you had the same small talk with the same expat neighbors every day. You’ll long for a time when you’d take the underground to the office or cycled to get to the beergarden and weren’t stuck without a driving permit in a city clearly not made for walking. You will grit your teeth while battling to keep your lovely little compound villa free from sand and desert dust. German curses (such as a heart-felt ‘Sch***e!’ ) will be on your lips when you forget about scheduled prayer times again and stand before the closed doors of a shop. And when you happen to schedule an appointment with a Saudi dentist who used to work in Germany for eight years, you might almost burst in tears as he greets you with a smiling ‘Guten Tag!’ (It’s only your stubborn pride that keeps you from writing lachrymose emails or posting self-pitying Facebook updates for everyone to see…)

Most expatriates in Jeddah are lucky enough to overcome those feelings of rejection and proceed towards recovery and adaptation. There are several hundred German expats in the city, with a small infrastructure to accommodate them. For example, the General Consulate used to host a women’s club for all German-speaking ladies and organizes an international film festival together with the German mission (a definite bonus in a city without theaters or cinemas). While it’s not always easy to make friends among Saudi women, you will notice a certain “Saudification” in your daily habits: You might try out your newly acquired Arabic phrases during your next shopping trip to Jeddah’s famous Tahlia Street – and receive a slightly amused smile in return. (Non-native speakers are normally taught classic standard Arabic while the average denizen of Jeddah speaks the distinct local dialect.) You are getting accustomed to using two calendars concurrently, the Gregorian and the lunar one. You don’t shy away from taking a taxi on your own and have lunch in the “family section” of your favorite shawarma restaurant.

Once you go home, on your first extended holiday, your family and friends will probably throw you the occasional odd look because you automatically slide into the backseat of a car, get Friday and Sunday mixed up, or refuse to drink tap water. “How’s life in Jeddah?” they ask, and you can safely say: “Not bad. No, not bad at all.”

I spend time reminiscing about my late husband and all the variety of experiences we have either shared together or shared with one another.  I was thinking of one experience that he shared with me that put a smile on my face and thought I’d share it with you.

My late husband worked for the Saudi Embassy in Washington, DC from 2002 until 2006.  Most everyone who worked there had high pressure jobs and worked hard.  They also knew how to play hard as well and especially liked to play practical jokes on one another.

One diplomat seemed to always be working under deadlines and knew that his reports would be personally read by HRH Prince Bandar bin Sultan, who was the Ambassador during this particular period.  As a result, some of his colleagues would call his extension and when he answered the phone, they’d muffle their voices saying “This is Bandar.  Where’s the report?” and hang up the phone.  He quickly caught on this was the way his colleagues liked to have fun with him.

There was one night that the diplomat was working late putting finishing touches on a report.  His phone rang.  He answered and there was the usual “This is Bandar.”  He was too busy for games so he hung up the phone.  Thirty seconds later the phone rang again.  Again the voice said “This is Bandar.”  He hung up the phone again.  He did not have time for their games.  Five minutes later there is a quick knock on his door and it opens.  He looks up from his desk to see Prince Bandar standing in the doorway.  Of course this diplomat jumps up showing proper respect with simultaneous surprise on his face to see the Prince in his office!

Prince Bandar said he had to personally come down to see why someone kept hanging up each time he identified himself on the phone.

(nb: it was very common when Prince Bandar made direct calls he would simply say “This is Bandar” when the call was answered.)

When one hears that a man has taken a second wife, too often there may be remarks that the first wife must have done something wrong.  She must have disappointed him or made him very angry.  She must not have been a good wife if he had to seek out someone else.  More often than not, those suppositions are wrong, wrong, WRONG!

In many cases the wife probably did not know in advance that her husband was even contemplating another wife.  He may not have even told her he had another wife.  Usually she seems to discover this fact through a solicitous friend or by other means.

Some first and second wives had no indication of each other.  They did not find out until their children were enrolled in the same school and became acquainted.  With the same last name it did not take long to make the connection.

The Saudi man can easily live several multiple lives in the male dominated society of Saudi Arabia.  His family and friends will consider whatever he does to be HIS business and would never think of informing a wife that she is not the only.

Families can live only few blocks apart in a city such as Riyadh or Jeddah and not run into one another.  The society also allows the Saudi man to be away from his home without drawing suspicion.

So if the first wife is not to blame, then why does a man take another wife?  Usually it is for his own ego and whim.  Nowadays it is unheard of to hear of a man taking another wife for Islamic reasons.  Men also seem to take another wife during the time of their lives when they are more financially secure.  Instead of enjoying the better life with the first wife, he chooses to diminish the wealth and security by taking another wife.

Instead of casting blame or pointing fingers at a wife, remember that it is the husband who has chosen to tear apart the lives and well-being of families through polygamy.

The “Roads of Arabia” exhibit at the Pergamon Museum in Berlin has more than 4000 artifacts on display.  The exhibit is an excellent opportunity for those who are not in the Kingdom to learn about Saudi Arabia, its history and some of its treasures.  Saudi Arabia has a legacy that started well before oil was ever discovered in the Kingdom.

This short video clip gives a preview about the “Roads of Arabia” exhibit.

It is hard to fathom that it has been two years since Abdullah left this world.  Life has gone on but not a day goes by that I do not remember the love of my life.

I feel his presence in many ways.  Of course I only need to look at the photos of him which I have in each room.  But perhaps more importantly, I can feel his spirit encouraging me and especially so when I may be having a bad day while continuing my own battle with cancer.

Abdullah has left a beautiful legacy.  I only need to see and hear his children’s voices and it is like hearing him.  His first grandson also arrived.  I know his Grandson will be told about his Grandfather (Jed Abdullah).

Abdullah came from a unique generation of Saudi men.  He was always keen to explore and discover.  From the time he was a young student he had already developed his keen interest in foreign affairs.  It was no surprise that he enjoyed 33 years as a career diplomat in the Saudi Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

He showed respect to everyone – men, women, children.  He was an advocate for the rights and freedoms of women.  He ensured that his sisters and daughters received university education.

While he could be professionally hard if required, he did not have a mean bone in his body.  He was kind to everyone.  He did many good deeds that were only known to himself and the recipient of his kindness.

Abdullah always knew how to make me laugh and feel like the most cherished woman in the world.  Against all odds he managed to get the governmental approvals for our marriage with the intent that we would have a long and fulfilling life together.

We had a fulfilling life…it just wasn’t nearly long enough.  God decided to take Abdullah home two years ago.  God took a piece of me that day, too.  I lost my life partner, best friend and love of my life.

May Abdullah continue to rest in peace and always know how very much he continues to be loved.

Christians and Muslims both worship God.  Allah is the Arabic word for God.

Muslims recognize Jesus Christ as a Prophet (pbuh).

Christians recognize Muhammed as a Prophet (pbuh).

However, Christians also recognize Jesus as the Son of God and as God.  Most Muslims do not.  Furthermore, Christians believe in the trinity which is The Father (God), The Son (Jesus Christ) and the Holy Spirit (essence of God).

In the simplest of terms, Christians believe that the Trinity is three in one such as God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

So while it is clear that both Christians and Muslims believe in a higher being called God, do they in fact worship the same God?

Will Muslims and Christians share the same heaven?

Many individuals from third world countries will come to Saudi Arabia for work.  Yet if you get to know any of them, their ultimate dream is to be able to live in the United States.  Even many citizens of Saudi Arabia yearn for an American green card.  This online forum has an interesting discussion of why people from around the world may want to come and live in the United States.

The prominent reasons given for living in the United States are its democracy, freedoms, education and business opportunities.

So I am curious about American Bedu readers.  Where do you live now?  Where would you like to live and why?

An American Bedu reader shared this music video with me which features Saudis and Saudi drifting.  What do you think?