Welcome to the American_Bedu blog. This blog is about me, a former American diplomat who met and married a Saudi national. With this blog I am sharing my experiences and perspectives as an American in Saudi. This blog is not intended as Saudi-bashing. I try to write candidly and openly about experiences and observations. In addition, your input is also most welcomed. I want this blog to be an exchange of views and perspectives so we can learn from one another.
I always welcome hearing from individuals who have viewed my blog. I like to receive your comments, feedback and suggestions for additional topics for me to write about. Also if you have a question or something you’d like to address but not within a post, you can reach me via the following email address:
admin@americanbedu.com
Although I’ve only recently discovered your blog; it’s now included in my “rounds”.
Keep up the excellent (and interesting) work! I’ve got a job to go through your archives now, lol.
Ma’a salaama
Thank you very much!
Hey, Strup – Glad you moved someplace other than MySpace!
Ed,
So happy to see you here and very much looking forward to your comments!!
Exactly what Aliyah said! Looking forward to reading previous archives and Insh’Allah I’ll see you in my “rounds”. Thank you!
Tina — thank you so much! I’ll look forward to seeing you and reading your comments!
Thank you so much for very important information. I am Russian, living in US and married to American-Indian muslim. Recently my husband got the opportunity to work and live in Saudi Arabia. I am very exited about this change, since I am looking for “healthy ” environment for our 6 year old son. Unfortunately, in US it is impossible to maintain those standards outside the family and home. I hope that I will be able to adapt to the life in Kingdom, as for the past 9 years I was , pretty much, living securely in our house with 2 neighbors on the street and did not have strong desire to “socialize” with general public. There goes beauty of shopping on line, not driving, because I do not want to endanger anyone’s life…
Your blog is just what I was looking for… All the information is present and gives adequate and full answers to questions I had before.
My husband is already working in Riyadh, now he is in process of obtaining “residential” paperwork for me and the baby.
It would be nice to see you there one day. Hope, it is possible.
Please, continue to support and educate those of us, who has no idea about the environment in that country, but wishes to follow their loved ones to the place of their success.
Thank you very much.
L. Quarashi.
Lada — Thank you for your comment and I am so happy to learn my blog is answering a lot of questions for you. Yes; it can take up to 3 months for the paperwork to be processed to bring dependents to the Kingdom. If you have not done so, you may also want to join the newsgroup expatsinsaudiarabia@yahoogroups.com which can answer additional questions about life in the Kingdom. And of course if you have a question which you have not found answered in a posting, please drop me a line and let me know.
Best Regards,
Carol
Hello
I came across your blog as part of a college project I am working on for an Arab Media course, interviewing female bloggers in the Kingdom. I’m a student at Princeton University and I would love to do a brief interview with you about your experiences in the kingdom (via webcam or email, anonymity preserved). It wouldn’t take much of your time, but would be incredibly, incredibly appreciated. My professor is Daoud Kuttab of AmmanNet Radio in Jordan: http://www.ammannet.net/. Please check out my blog/send me an email if you might be interested! I can also send you the list of questions if you’d like.
Great blog you’ve got here!
Best,
BloggerL
Thanks BLoggerL…. an email is forthcoming to you.
Best Regards,
Carol
I lived in Riyadh from 1986 through 1998. Those were the best years of my life, and I miss them very much. I discovered your blog today, and will read it regularly from now on. I wish I could have met you while I was there.
Marie
Hi Maria and thank you very much for the lovely comment. What were you doing in Riyadh for that period and what made those years such highlights? It is always nice to hear others experiences.
Best Regards,
Carol
Hi, Carol,
Well, for the first six years I worked in the lab at KFSH, immersing myself in the various opportunities for cross-cultural experience there. Then, I married an Egyptian, and retired to become a homemaker. Living across from the TV tower in Riyadh, I was able to study Arabic at the women’s community school down the street, and then I studied tajweed at a local madrassa. We came to the US in 1998 for several reasons, and I knew it would be many years, if ever, before I set foot on Saudi sand again.
Why were those years special? Why did my experience veer so far off the beaten path? My character is such that I am fascinated with other cultures, world views, and languages, especially Arabic and Italian. Saudi Arabia was a wonderful place in which to cultivate that interest.
Thanks for asking.
Marie
Marie,
What a shame our paths did not cross. I also worked for a period at KFSH but have since shifted to another organization. Mabrook, for it sounds like you met your husband while in Saudi, perhaps?
You are so right how one can be immersed in the richness of other cultures, world views and languages here in the Kingdom particularly when working at a multi-national organization.
Thanks for sharing,
Carol
Carol,
I’ve just noticed that you added my blog to your blogroll. Thanks! I am looking forward to exchanging greetings, ideas, info, entertainment, wisdom, friendship, and even a rant or two with like-minded people.
Marahm
You’re quite welcome, Marahm!
Have a nice day !
your issues shown me somthing which i ddin’t know.
thx Carol
Thanks Bo Tarig!
Thank you! This is so helpful, especially for me as I’m a Canadian who will be moving to Saudi Arabia when married. I’m excited, but I wanted to do my own research before leaving for the Kingdom and this really helps! Great work…
You’re welcome Bridgette and Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Yes; do a lot of research for KSA is quite different from Canada!
mai ous nes’pas?
Regards,
Carol
Hi there! You’ve got a terrific blog and some very enjoyable articles here
. Keep up the great work!
Thank you very much. I’m glad to hear you are enjoying and hope to see more comments.
Best Regards,
Carol
Hi
I just came across your blog, and I hope this is not an out of line question, but did you covert to Islam when you married your husband?
Hi Jamilah and welcome.
Actually I was muslim before marrying my Saudi husband.
Hi,
I have lived in KSA for the past 23 years . I am an American married to a Saudi and have had successful businesses in Saudi Cooking classes for the expat community, Saudi antique dealer and served as a guest lecturer to many organizations, including the American comm. services in Riyadh and have taught at an American School for the past 14 years. I am now in the USA over seeing a daughter in college. I have lived all my Saudi life in the Eastern province of Saudi Arabia, however upon my eventual return KSA, I will be living in Riyadh because of my husband’s employment. My husband’s family lives in Riyadh and Qassim. I am so happy to discover your blog. It will be a big change for me to live in Riyadh, and would like to keep in touch with you as a information link to Riyadh. I have only visited Riyadh, never lived there, of course it will be a different situation. I will be sure to check in from now on.
Thanks,
Sabrina
Welcome Sabrina! It will be a pleasure to be in touch with you and please do let me know when you arrive in Riyadh! Oh yes, Riyadh is quite different from the Eastern Province but after the initial adjustment there is plenty to do here as well.
Nice blog!! dat 2 frm a country like KSA
Gud Work.
Thank you Niyaz and welcome to the blog.
ur post r very gud & help us to knw mre abt KSA !
I’m glad you find my blog useful. Where are you located?
Basically i’m 4rm india , i vl oftn come to KSA 4 work related…
What part of India Niyaz? How do you like coming back and forth between the two countries for work?
yes i’m 4rm south india..only 4 work i m coming to KSA…hehe
… i hve to !!!
Just discovered this blog interesting
welcome awaisyaqub and hope you enjoy!
Great blog! I hope you are doing well in Saudi Arabia. As a high schooler, it is my dream to become a diplomat when I am older. I hope to, at least, major in International Relations in college.
Ohmymai,
A pleasure to hear from you. I also hope you fulfill your dream to become a diplomat. It is important to set those goals and then make your roadmap towards reaching them!
Best Regards,
Carol
Thank you for your kind words.
If you don’t mind me asking, how did you go about pursuing diplomacy? What did you think about the test itself? how has working in diplomacy change your view on the world and people?
Mai,
I like to retain my focus on Saudi Arabia rather than talk about me personally. However I will say that diplomacy will help sensitize one to seeing the various views of the world and people and realize there are always many sides to a story or an issue.
Thanks for your comment! I appreciate it. Yeah, that is what I hope to experience if I decide to go into diplomacy.
Hello! I found your blog from the WP mainpage and have started to read your most recent posts – you are a great writer and an insightful one, which makes for great reading!
Also, I notice you said you lived in New Delhi – when? My parents have been living there for the last 8 years, and I finished high school at AES
.
Nice to meet you, you’re definitely going on my blog roll.
Thanks for your lovely comment Adventures! I was in New Delhi from 2001 – 2002 and thoroughly enjoyed my time there.
I look forward to reading more comments from you.
Regards,
Carol
Hello there,
I enjoyed browsing your blog..it’s rich in content.I also live with my husband who an American muslim expatriate in the kingdom..
If you would like to take a look at my blog, you would be very much welcomed
Hello there,
I enjoyed browsing your blog..it’s rich in content.I also live with my husband who is an American muslim expatriate in the kingdom..
If you would like to take a look at my blog, you would be very much welcomed
Thanks for your comment Love and will be happy to look at your blog.
Hey there
Seems a sweet blog from the “About” thingy only. I will be getting through it alot so bear with me ;D
Welcome ‘His Sweetheart’ and look forward to reading more comments from you.
Hi Carol it is a great blog and enjoyable to read but how to you get the time to keep up with it everyday?? and also a question as a muslim married to a saudi does he approve of you blogging your info and also showing your unveiled photo? just curious as mine flipped when i had facebook going.
:) have really enjoyed commenting on some topics. a good place to vent at times 
Umm Yara – thank you for your comment. And actually it is pretty easy to keep up and does not really take that much time out of the day.
My husband knew before he married me he was marrying an independent western woman and that I have chosen not to be like a traditional Saudi woman. I also encourage you to check out Susie’s Big Adventure in my blogroll for more postings from an American married to a Saudi. She recently tells (with full photos) the story of how she met her Saudi husband.
hey
just came across ur blog, excellent work and keep it up.
just one question- ur name “American bedu” is the bedu like the indian “bedu”(friend) or the arab “bedu”(bedouin)
Hi Sammy,
Welcome and thank you for your comment. You can say it is a bit of both since after all I am American but now living in the land of the bedouin here in Saudi Arabia.
Hey Carol,
The blog is really good. In my opinion people don’t know much about Saudi Arabia and its culture. I also like the way you show the issues: you always respect both parts of the world, west and east, and try to show us that we can’t not say what is right or wrong. The best think is to respect the cultural differences.
Welcome zizi and thanks for your comment. I’m glad you are enjoying the blog and all the diverse topics I try to cover. Actually I don’t think all of the various issues and cultural aspects can be fully covered in a lifetime sometimes! There are never a shortage of topics.
Ms Carol you’ve mentioned that you’ve worked for the u.s. government for many years. what countries have you lived in?
Hi David…I was associated with international projects for many years which took me to more than 100 countries throughout Europe, Asia, Latin/Central/South America, the Middle East, Eastern Europe and Russia. I also lived/worked for extended periods in Pakistan, India and Iraq.
What a nice blog. I discovered this blog via Saud-Jeans…
I am living in the Magic Kingdom since 2003 – till last year we have been in Riyadh and since April last year we are in Al Khobar.
am really enjoying life in Saudi – yes it is different and difficult but not bad at all.
I will come and visit more often
Welcome Turkish Mom – it’s nice to have you here!
That’s great to know you are in KSA and I look forward to mroe comments from you sharing your views and experiences too.
Hi Carol!
Have not checked your blog out in ages…it looks fabulous mashallah! Look forward to visiting it regularly.
All the best,
Tameen xx
Thanks so much Tameen. I’m happy to have you back!
Out of curiousity where did you go to University? I am currently in the college process so I am curious to see where people went to University if you dont mind me asking?
George Washington University (USA)
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I am genuinely curious. Why on earth would you marry a Saudi? Aren’t Saudi men the most patriarchal, repressive men in the world? Did he force you to convert to Islam, or to undergo FGM?
I do not ask these questions to provoke or offend you, but rather I ask these questions as an American man who wonders why an American woman would so voluntarily give up her freedoms.
Welcome Chris,
You are not shy about expressing your views which no offense do tend to come across as pretty close minded! One can not necessarily predict with whom they find that special life partner who shares the same interests, values and goals so never say never!
Yes – some Saudi men can be patriarchal and repressive but I can also think of other men from differing countries to include the USA who are also the same or maybe worse! You can’t judge one individual and thereby condemn (or praise) that all therefore are from the same cloth.
I encourage to read more of the posts on the blog here if you are geninuinely interested in hearing at least one perspective of life as an American in Saudi and I’m sure many of your questions may be answered.
Congratulations for your blog! It is amazing, filled with precious information for a new expat/ wife of a Saudi in Riyadh. I found the city to be almost not existing on the internet and so difficult to find any information about places and activities online, also didn’t had who to ask about these things. Your blog is a blessing to me!
All the best to you and many more incredible articles to come!
Thank you Ayat and welcome to Riyadh! Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.
I’m glad you are enjoying the blog.
Best Regards,
Carol
Chris–while American Bedu has provided you with an excellent answer and recommendation, I would suggest you also read reliable information about FMG, in the hopes that you will learn there for yourself that it is neither Islamic nor practiced in Saudi Arabia (isolated incidents occur world wide among immigrants from the African countries where it is a cultural practice retained from pre-Islamic days). Coersion to convert is also unislamic and not habitually practiced, except perhaps by hostage takers (a minority of course of the approximate 1.5 billion Muslims in the world).
You remind me of that lady at the American Embassy in Riyadh. The one that’s always wearing long gypsy like skirts, has dyed orangish hair, always tries to speak Arabic to the Saudis waiting outside, and looks so Egyption. Do you know which one am talkin ’bout? < A very intelligent question. Some people just stick to my memmory. That reminds me, I’ve got so many unanswered questions after my visit to that very strange place. Should I post them in ” Dear Bedu”?
@mimi,
I believe I do know of who you are speaking but I can assure you that
looks-wise and personality wise I am indeed very different. (smile)
What makes her remind you of me?
And please, do ask away your questions but Dear Bedu would probably be
more appropriate.
I am so happy to see you and some other Saudi ladies on my blog. I
can only give my views as an American who now lives in Saudi Arabia
with my Saudi husband but I realize in so many cases my views will be
different than those of the Saudi woman. And I hope through my blog
we can dialogue and reach greater understanding on why we may view or
think so differently on various aspects and subjects as well as
showcase the many commonalities too!
Hi,
I have recently come across your blog and I have to say I am very intrigued and will be very interested to read about your experiences in Saudi Arabia.
Not that it will make any difference to me with regards to my views on your blog but am I right in thinking that you converted to Islam? Please feel free to ignore this question if you would rather not answer.
I have visited a Saudi Arabia a few times (3 to be precise), I have an uncle in Jeddah and I last visited in December 2007 to perform the Hajj.
Unfortunately this last experience left me with some mixed experiences, some good and some bad interactions with Saudis. But then again this was interaction mainly with Saudi staff at the 2 Holy Mosques and at the Airport.
I look forward to reading your posts, which will hopefully provide a fuller picture of life in KSA through the eyes of an American Woman.
Kind regards
Benaam
@Benaam,
Welcome Benaam!
I am not evading your question but as you read the various postings
you will indeed find the answer!
Mabrook on your Hajj! I am sure it was an incredible experience…in
fact, I would encourage you to share with readers (if you feel
comfortable doing so) on what it was like and what it felt like for
you.
Best Regards,
Carol
Inshaallah…I will also be able to share my views which are somewhat different than many other different views
Allah Speed
Hello Carol,
I was looking for a recipe for Saudi Champagne on the Net and I found it on you site. I started reading it and I am impressed. I worked a lot in Saudi in the early 80′ies and when in Riyad I always stayed at the Intercontinental. I have since carried fond memories of lovely lunches and siesta in the hotel’s pool area. Of course, always enjoying the Saudi Champangne! Now I am off to get some sparkling apple juice. Maybe I wil come back and rate it for you!
Thank you!
Mats
Mats,
Welcome! Please do come back and let me know how your Saudi Champagne turned out! I enjoyed your comment and look forward to hearing from you.
Regards,
Carol
Bedu,
You know that I am going to school for anthropology with a minor in MidEast studies. Can you tell me how you became a US diplomat, what your education is, etc. Can you also tell me about a typical day in that career? Can you tell I may be interested?
Emeil me privately if you want. wildlife_iguanas@yahoo.com
Thanks!
anthrogeek10
Thanks Carol,
I am happy to share my experiences about Hajj but am wondering which section of your site is best to post this under?
Is it this section??
Kind regards
@Benaam – I suggest you post it under the debate page since that is the “open” page for readers to freely express themselves and their views.
Thanks!
Carole, I thought Daisy had changed blogs, is still blogging and . . . you interviewed her! I might be mistaken.
intlxpatr – No. I’m sorry to say that Daisy has taken a long term hiatus from blogging. ):
[...] About [...]
Just found your blog today, very informative. It’s hard to find candid observations like this. Thank you.
Thank you flora.
Dear American Bedu
It took me a lot to actually write you. I have been reading your blog for weeks now. I am in a very hard situation right now and I was looking for some advice from you or from any other woman o man that has been in my same situation.
I met a Saudi guy 4 years ago and we felt in love. We had a relationship for almost a year. I went through a lot of trouble to be with him because at the time, I was living with an American family who was a little bit racist. I have to clarify that I am not American I am Hispanic but I reside in the US.
When my boyfriend’s finished his master, he had to go back to the Kingdom because his visa expired. A year later, he applied for another visa but it was denied.
On the other hand, at that time I could not leave the US because I was waiting for my green card papers. We stayed in that situation for 3 years. Talking in the phone and e-mailing each other.
A month ago, he called me and told me that he got a visa and that if I wanted he would come to visit me in US. I was not sure if I wanted to see him because I know he would have to leave me again and it is just too painful.
But at the end, I did saw him and we spent 10 wonderful days together. At this moment he is back in his country but we are in a dilemma right now deciding if it is really smart to see each other again.
He says he loves me, and he has done things through these years that make me think that maybe he does. However, he says is impossible or very difficult to make a life together. That is I want to be with him it has to be only every time there is an opportunity but I know that traveling to the US can be very expensive.
I wanted him to come to the US and work here but he said he has a very good job over there and he cannot start from zero again here especially with the high rate of unemployment in the US.
He is like a director in a company over there.
I told him, I would go over there and he said that because of that law he has to be like 35 to 40 to start asking for permission so that I can leave there. He is 32 at the moment and I am 25
It is just a horrible situation. I love him deeply but it seems to me that if I want to be with him I would have to accept this “lover” position……. But I am thinking … maybe he would get marry to a Saudi girl not because he loves her but because he need a woman and he needs to go alone with family, society and tradition.
Please, I am looking for anybody who can give me any advice. If you had this situation or you know just want to comment, I would appreciate any advice. I am in a lot of pain right now
Sincerely
Tami
Dear Tami,
I read over your words very carefully and am responding to you candidly. I do not want to minimize in any way the deep feelings you have for your Saudi. But to be very candid, it does not look hopeful that the two of you have a good chance for a future. Yes, the approval process is lengthy and very involved but even before that, I kind of doubt that even his family knows of his involvement with you which can present even greater problems. He has also made it clear his place is in Saudi Arabia. He also made it clear any time he came to the US he would be willing to see you. But is that what you want? Is that what you are willing to accept for yourself? My advice is to nurse your hurt, get the grieving out of your system and then move on where you will find someone with whom you can have a stable future and life.
Wishing you all the best, Bedu
Dear Bedu
Thank you very much for your beautiful worlds. I know you are right, and that is what my mind is telling me but….. it is just too painful. It has been 4 long years………This life is very tough… but I thank you for your worlds and for your time. They mean a lot to me.
Carol,
I just got an e-mail from someone else about the marriage/Saudi issue. It is nice to be able to help even when the news isnt always good.
One thing struck me here. He stated he had to be 35 to apply for marriage to a foreigner. Either he is misinformed or he isnt telling the truth.
There isnt an age limit for this, although one would have to be an adult. Under age 21 I am sure they’d have to gain permission from their family.
The whole story sounds, unfortunately, to be a rather common one.
You gave great advice.
Hello Abu Sinam
Thank you very much for your clarification.It is interesting to know about the age issue. Not only he has told me 35 but other Saudi’s as well. If you or any person has a link with the actual law regarding marriage foreign woman in the Kingdom I would really appreciate if you or anybody else could send it to me.
Thank you very much for your worlds and your time
tami
Dear Tami,
Indeed it is easier to get the marriage approval if you are over 35. But that doesn’t mean you cannot get it at an earlier age, so Abu Sinan is right, there is no actual age limit, but it will take a lot of time and spend a lot of emotions from you both if he is under 35, because the process is longer and more difficult. I know this information due to the fact that we recently got our approval to marry, my husband is Saudi. It was so hard and so stressful that I never want to go through that again, waiting for someone to tell you that you have the right to be together with the one you love and to be happy. Although everyone said we were lucky that it took us only about 6 months to get it. I am sorry that I do not have a link with the law for you, it is hard to find these info in English, but I am confident it is accurate what I just told you.
I hope that God will help you and show you the way, cause it seems that you need it.
Tami
You are indeed in a difficult emotional situation. I was sure I had read about age 35 before, and finally found it. On this blog in an earlier post (May 28, 2008, on Saudi students abroad) American Bedu wrote:
“Just to reiterate, Saudi men under the age of 35, Saudi students on government scholarships outside of the Kingdom and Saudi nationals who work for the Ministry of Interior, Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Ministry of Defense, Intelligence Services, National Guard and armed services are prohibited from marrying foreigners. Yes; exceptions have and do occur but these are the MINORITY and certainly not a majority. ”
For the actual law you might try the Saudi Ministry of the Interior link moi.gov.sa or the website of your nearest Saudi embassy.
You may also find more information on the blog “Future Husbands and Wives of Saudis: Helping you make an informed decision about marrying a Saudi” which is at taraummomar.blogspot.com and is linked on this blog at the bottom left, and under Links–blogs about Saudi.
I agree though with American Bedu, and Abu Sinan, and with what you yourself wrote, that the most important thing is both your desires to marry. So far from what you’ve written he has basically said, “it is too inconvenient”, which is often “male speak” for “I don’t want to, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings”. If he really wanted to marry, 35 is only 3 years away, and he could propose further planned meetings in either the US or some other country for the next while.
Other “inconveniences” would be religion, your nationality, his family’s influence (usually huge), his own readiness to marry anyone, etc.
You already sound unhappy with a “lover position”, or as a social worker/MD friend calls it “living on crumbs”, crumbs of affection, crumbs of time, crumbs of attention, crumbs of respect… crumbs. You deserve more, as does everyone.
I hope the above helps you with your (and his decisions) and that whatever the outcome, it is not too painful for you.
All the best
Dear Chiara
Thank you so much for your comment. You are completely right. I know it with my mind…… right now I feel like I have wasted 4 years of my life…..
sometimes, I feel I wish I never met him but…. he is not a bad person so I do not wish anybody any harm…..
I will read the links you sent me…. I really appreciate your time and kind worlds…..
all these comments are actually helping me to think more with my head and not with my heart.
Once again, thank you
Tami
@Chiara,
The man she talked about doesnt fit into any of the groups you posted that require age 35 for marriage. She said he is a director of a company. Your list indicates only students and members of the Saudi government basically.
Unless his company is actually owned by the Saudi government it doesnt apply to him.
@Tami,
Saudi isnt like the West where you can always hit a website and pull up a complete listing of rules, requirements and forms.
As far as I know there isnt any publication or anything on line that lays out rules. The age 35 rule, as Chiara posted, doesnt seem to apply to him. Besides, we are talking about Saudi. If he is the director of a large company he’d likely have the “wasta” (connections) to get such a marriage approved no matter what the rules say. That is how it works there. Everything depends on who you are, who you know, and what money you have.
If you are the right person (maybe director of a large company or member of the right family) or know the right people or can pay a big enough bribe, almost anything is possible.
I also suggest you read the posts here about Westerners married to Saudis and the issues they face, as well as racial issues in Saudi Arabia.
It is my opinion that if this guy is as connected as he’d have to be to be running a company in Saudi, he’d be able to by pass these rules even if they apply to him, which doesnt seem likely.
It is very common for Saudis to have wives and girlfriends in countries they visit on a regular basis, on top of the wife/wives they have at home in Saudi.
Even if you do live in the West and he lives in Saudi you could actually still get married here in the USA, both Islamically and through the state. Mention it to him and see what he thinks. It might be a good way to judge his feelings, but be aware that a marriage to you here wouldnt prevent him from being already married back home or getting married there after your marriage here.
At least if you marry him here you can ask for a dowry and have other rights on him here in the USA. His willingness to do so could be an indication of things.
Looks like I misread the posted portion, but like I said rules and requirements in Saudi Arabia or not like they are in the USA. With position, money or family connection non of that matters.
It can take years to get a marriage recognised or minutes, it just depends on who you are.
Hum……I am confused. It would seem the snippet from Carol was about Saudi students. Does the age 35 requirement just stand for students?
I have never heard of a 35 year old requirement that was for all Saudi men.
Hello Abu Sinam
Thank you very much for your comment. You do make an interesting point. Now, if we get marry here in the USA, still he has to stay there where he works and I have to stay here… so… we will be marry and living separated lives until something else happens.
I have another question, maybe you, or anybody there can help me…..
I have a bachelor degree in Education from a University in PA.
Is there a way, I can find a job teaching or doing something else over there?
I am also a a classical musician and bilingual (Spanish/English)
I want to thank everybody who has taken the time to comment on my situation. I really appreciate it and it is a huge help.
Gracias amigos!
@Tami,
You could look for jobs teaching English in Saudi, they are very common. However, you must keep in mind that since you two will not be married in Saudi you will be setting yourself up for a VERY SERIOUS situation if you two decide to meet up there without being married.
Punishments for relationships outside of marriage are VERY severe and include prison time and physical punishment.
That isnt a good idea.
Check out his company……….if it is international he could work on getting himself posted somewhere and you could move there.
Again, I suggest you read the previous articles on this blog about marriage to Saudi men. I dont know your guy so I cannot make any real judgements, but there is a major issue with Saudi guys using women in the West when they are in school or here to work, and dumping them when they move back home. Marriage to Saudi men sometimes sounds nice……..but has a lot involved with it and often ends up badly.
You also need to be aware of the racial issues in Saudi that would make a barrier to marriage an issue. Also, if you are not a Muslim the chances are his family will not accept you. Since you were dating when he lived here the family will have issues with that as well. They will see you as the stereotypical Western woman, which isnt a good thing.
So even if you do get married and get it accepted, it is just the very begining of a very long struggle.
Dear Abu Sinam
This is exactly what I need, some real information and neutral opinions.
Thank you for your advice. I can imagine what you say and it sounds awful. All the things you mentioned in your comments, I know they are so true. I have those questions myself everyday and I thank you for your honesty.
Do you know of any company who hire teachers? Do I need any specific qualification for those jobs?
How do people usually get hire, by contacting the company directly or by some kind of agency?
On the other hand, when you mention racial issues, does that mean that they discriminate against people according to where they are from? I am from the Caribbean, is that an issue over there? I mean, how many Hispanic people can leave in Saudi Arabia so that they can actually have any opinion?
You know what is worst about all this; I actually met his older brother in his last visit to the USA. We had a good time and he seemed like a nice person and open minded, I thought. He was really nice to me all the time. But now… I am thinking twice about it…. God knows what he said to his family when he got there? …. Was he honest in his nice behavior towards me? ……. He also assured me that my boyfriend was not married that he was single …. But….. at this point… I don’t know what to believe anymore ……
anyway, thank you so much for all your information.
Abu Sinan–the information quoted from American Bedu’s post does apply to non-students, as written by her. I’ve read it on a Saudi government site too, but can’t find it again.
Tami–De nada! Abu Sinan made alot of excellent points, and wasta or influence certainly matters–if he has it, and if he chooses to use it, or if he has the money to spend “facilitating things”.
On the other hand, government and embassy links are actually helpful in that they inform you of the “official” rules, which are often held to. They at least let you know what you are up against in terms of the beginning of the process. Tara Umm Omar is an African American who married a Saudi and had a lot of difficulty getting permission but is finally living with him and their son in Riyadh (all information she has posted on her blog about herself). Her struggle was what inspired her blog.
Other of American Bedu’s posts also deal with being married to a Saudi, or being the girlfriend of a Saudi student. You can do a search on the blog, and also do a date search for the May 28, 2008 one. Some include rather chilling but important information on your rights (or rather lack thereof) in case of death of your spouse, or divorce. In general, life in Saudi would be more restrictive than what you have previously experienced. However, as you will read in the comments some have been married happily to Saudis for decades.
Racism in Saudi includes South Asians, East Asians, and Africans. If you look Afro-Caribbean it might be more of an issue than if you don’t. Your religion, and HIS MOTHER, father, aunts, uncles, grandparents will be more of an issue than his brother. His brother may also have a negative opinion about his actually marrying.
You could contact an international agency that places teachers, but as Abu Sinan pointed out, you and your boyfriend won’t be free to “date” or even “meet for coffee”, because of severe laws against it, and if his family is aware they would discourage it, or consider you unfit for marriage (most likely).
Also, in Saudi, he may be more rigid, and demanding about your behaviours than he is in the US, because of legitimate concern for how you will be perceived and treated there, and because he will need to fit into Saudi culture. Susie of Arabia’s blog “Susie’s Big Adventure” also deals well with the transition back to Saudi life for her (American) and her Saudi husband of 30 years.
Be sure before you make any dramatic life decisions, that your boyfriend is as committed to the relationship as you are, and what the intent is–marriage? local girlfriend? wait and see? Would he take an international transfer for you, if he could? Most importantly, what do you want? How likely is it to happen?
Lots to think about and read! LOL
Good luck!
First, I apologize for so many questions. I just want to take advantage of people who have access to information that I could never get in any other way.
Can a Saudi get accepted into an American, British University without a sponsor from the country? Can they go through this process in their own?
I will appreciate any info on the topic. Thank u!
Dear Chiara
Thank you for all your info. I would never ever take such a decision in these circumstances. I can not sacrifice so much for a person that I am not sure will sacrifice everything for me.
I ask all these questions because if I take any decision one way or another, I want it to be an educated decision. Also, what do you mean with an international transfer? When his company assigns him to work in another country?
This is all so stressful but I thank God for people like you giving me all this information.
Take care!
@Tami – it is painful and hard for me to tell someone to try and forget about someone whom they believe could be “the one.” I spoke candidly since you asked for my opinion and view. If he were willing to at least try towards getting permission and making sure that his family were supportive and aware of you, then I would advise differently.
I do wish you all the best. Bedu
@Abu Sinan – If he wants his marriage to be recognized in KSA and wishes to have a foreign wife with him in KSA, then he is correct on the age stipulations…and approval is still required…
@Tami – yes; you could likely get a position in the education sector in Saudi Arabia but that would not necessarily solve your problems. It would be illegal for you and your Saudi to be together as you are not related. You could not date or get together in the traditional sense. And if you were to try and be caught, you would likely be deported if not first placed into Saudi jail. However, HE should be the one making suggestions and recommendations for the two of you if he is serious about the two of you having a future together.
@Tami – Part of the reason this blog is here is to respond to questions, so ask away!
Yes; a Saudi can get admitted to an outside (non-Saudi) University without a sponsor if he or she has the right qualifications and funds to do so.
yes, u are right about everything u said. I just trying to put the things he has been telling me together. I want to see what is true and what is not. All this information, is helping me to know facts that I didn’t know before.
I thank you deeply for your blog and for all your kind worlds.
Tami
Tami–I am very glad you are thinking with your head, and letting it help your heart make good decisions.
Yes the international transfer would be if his company transfers him to one of their offices in another country.
Even then you would have to coordinate your activities. I agree with American Bedu that he should be making suggestions, but I understand you are trying to sort the information and get your own knowledge. That is very wise, since you are better able to form decisions good for you or to contribute to mutual decisions better.
The issue does seem to be if he is willing to meet you at least half way or more, since given the laws of Saudi, he will have to do alot of the work for the couple.
All the best!
Hi Carol, ( American Bedu )
I just want to say while browsing the net, I came across your site and have spent the best part of 1.5 hours browsing it and enjoying it so much. I am fascinated at your continuing love story. I myself am a British lady married to a wonderful Lebanese for the past 27 years and our love has proved everyone who had doubts our love would last, wrong! We have 3 wonderful sons ( 2 of whom are at University ) in Beirut and we are still best friends.
By the way, thanks for your info on vets in Riyadh. We have just inherited a beautiful male persian from my friend who left the Kingdom and I am looking for a great vet. I will call Dr. Majed, where is he practicing by the way? Keep up the great work. Kathy
Hi Kathy!
It is lovely to hear of your own love story too! How long have you been in the Kingdom?
Dr. Majed’s office is not too far from Aziziyah mall (the one off of King Fahad Road). At times he has also made house calls too. I’ve no doubt you will feel very comfortable when you see his practice. In fact, if you look at some of my flikr photos (link at right side of blog) you will see photos of Dr. Majed and his clinic when I interviewed him for Saudi Television Channel 2.
Best Regards, Carol