A friend of mine has contributed to my blog before sharing her wisdom and experiences. This time she provides tips, etiquette and experience on traveling as an expatriate woman to and from Saudi Arabia, with an emphasis on traveling via Saudi Airlines to the United States. With Eid al Fitr approaching and shortly thereafter the Hajj holidays, many expatriates and Saudis take advantage of those dates to travel outside of the Kingdom.
Many expat women will be traveling ‘to and fro’ over the summer, as per their usual trek, and during the Ramadan and Hajj holidays, visiting the many relatives that live abroad. Some of us have done this for several decades or more. For those of us with years of experience and on a tight budget, we have learned to time our trips to the best of our ability in order to squeeze in the most ‘bang for the buck’ so to speak. Planning ahead can mean a savings of hundreds and sometimes even thousands, of dollars.
For example, by booking your ticket by April and leaving before June 15th, the entire ticket to NY or Washington would be under 3,000 SAR (less than US$1000 for a round trip ticket). However, if you waited until after June 15th and booked just before your flight, your ticket would most probably be several times that price. And, of course, any continuing flights would also be double or triple to get to your final destination in the US or Canada.
Some of us prefer to take the direct flights to the States and just get it over with all at one time. Most of the flights offered are late at night, so you can sleep the entire flight. Then, when you awaken, you’re ‘home’ in the US at least. Others prefer to go through Europe and take a break along the way. This may be due to their need to travel much further onto California or even Hawaii.
When traveling off-season, you should pack a queen-size fluffy pillow and take along an extra warm long-sleeved t-shirt even in the middle of the summer heat. The pillow will aid in your comfort while you’re lying down, if you’re lucky enough to grab 3 or 4 seats together, and your t-shirt will keep you covered as you ‘toss and turn’ on your lumpy, bumpy, bed throughout the flight.
You should pack snacks, a scarf or eye covering, and extra socks and/or slippers if possible as well. That way, you can take off your shoes and really feel relaxed if you need to walk through the cabin. Don’t forget your make-up, a small mirror, a brush, a toothbrush, and toothpaste for your trip as well. All of these items used to be given by the airline but have recently been stopped. You may also consider taking along your own music and/or specially-made headphones that block out ‘noise’ from the plane. These inexpensive ‘perks’ will help you feel like you are one of the first-class passengers.
Finally, be prepared if you are fondled, touched, or spoken to inappropriately on your flight or at any time. Think about how you would react…BEFORE it happens. In the unlikely event that it should ever happen to you in Saudi Arabia, on or off of a flight, think about how you would respond and be prepared to speak-up about the situation to others in authority if you are able to do so. Many times, this lousy behavior from young Saudi men continues because most women are afraid to make any waves.
For example, recently while on a Saudia flight, a young man, claiming to be from Yemen, stood back near the bathroom. As we waited for our turn in line, the young man began asking many questions about why I was in Saudi Arabia and how I liked it there. He asked me if I was a Muslim and if I was traveling with anyone. We spoke for about 5 minutes and he seemed like a very respectable young man in his late teens or early twenties. When he left the restroom, however, he asked me if I had any cream. Without going into details, when I said no, he did something very rude to himself in front of me. I was shocked, but I just decided that it was a silly prank by an immature kid and let it go. Actually, I should have reported him to one of the female stewardesses. And, when we deplaned, I noticed that he went through the American side of the customs’ line, so I knew that he had an American passport. He stayed by an elderly couple and he pretended to be extremely polite so that if I had any ideas about accusing him, it would be my word against his.
On another Saudia flight, a young steward put his hand on my head and around my face in a very ‘loving’ way to awaken me for the meal. This time, I waited a few minutes, and then went to the back of the plane to speak to him and give him a piece of my mind. I told him that just because he thought that I was a Christian woman, or because I didn’t cover my hair, he had no right to touch me. He claimed to be sorry and said that he didn’t realize who it was because I was all covered up with the blanket. (Yes, all but my blond hair was covered up.) So, I asked the 4 stewardesses in the back with him if what he did was appropriate, and they all replied that it was not. Again he told me that he didn’t realize who I was. So, I told him that I was not just any woman, but that I am an AMERICAN MUSLIM WOMAN, and he had no right to touch me no matter if I was covered or not. So, the stewardesses chimed in, “Yes, even if you were Christian, what he did wasn’t proper. He shouldn’t have touched you.” I told him that he was lucky that I was nice and didn’t report his behavior, but that I just wanted to let him know that what he did was inappropriate from an airline steward and that the next time he didn’t know who was lying there, he should ask a woman to awaken the passenger instead.
The reason I wanted to write about his behavior is to help other women, especially expats in the Middle East, to be prepared with their own responses should any type of sexual harassment happen to them.
Funny thing, though. If it had been an American man who had done the same thing to me on a non-Saudia flight, I don’t think it would have been such a big deal. But, because Saudi males are taught not to touch women from a very young age, his behavior was quite shocking to me when I finally was awake enough to realize what had taken place.
I must say that in 30 years of flying with Saudia, I have never noticed any kind of sexual harassment until recently. All women, especially American and British women, need to speak up to nip it in the bud. Or do we need to have different sections of the plane (or different flights?) for men and women because of this behavior as well?
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“Funny thing, though. If it had been an American man who had done the same thing to me on a non-Saudia flight, I don’t think it would have been such a big deal. But, because Saudi males are taught not to touch women from a very young age, his behavior was quite shocking to me when I finally was awake enough to realize what had taken place.”
By this do you mean you would not have been as shocked if an American man touched you because they tend to be more brazen? Or nonchalant? Would you honestly have just let it go if he’d been American or also reported him?
I don’t understand how you could say it wouldn’t have been such a big deal had he been American on a non Saudia flight. Many (if not most) Americans are also taught the idea of personal space and appropriate behaviors with the opposite sex (strangers or relatives), this does not only apply to Saudi men on Saudia flights.
His nationality shouldn’t matter in this context. If any man makes unwanted advances towards a woman they should be reported full stop no matter the time or place.
Anebu….you beat me to it. How could it not be as shockable simply because it was an American? As a matter of fact…just from reading this blog..one would think its less shocking if an Arab DID touch rather than not..since it seems they have NO control over such animalistic behavior. So it seems.
An American man is taught just like anyone else what is permissable and what isnt….and touching a woman who you dont know..and is asleep btw is a definite no no whether on the ground or up in the air.
Seriously…that just sounded odd.
Also, your phrase…”Americans and Brits need to nip it in the bud” sounds rather like once again westerners need to step forward and teach Arab men manners since their own culture and mothers didnt. Save the world from those Arab men…how cliched.
I will be the first to admit Arab men can have the worst behavior when it comes to women…any women…but this whole post just sounded odd…and condescending towards them.
Check the net…you will find women from all over the world are sexually harassed by men from all over the world who sit next to them on planes trains and automobiles..its not just a Saudi thing or even an Arab thing..apparently its a predator thing. And ALL women need to nip that shit in the bud when and where it happens…while keeping her personal safety in mind at all times.
Frankly, when I was younger, I probably would have slapped the man across the face – hard – with the back of my hand. And given him a lecture loud enough for the whole plane to hear. Nowadays, I would just firmly remove his hand from me and, since he was a Muslim, probably give him a somewhat quieter lecture about proper Islamic behavior.
Indeed, I would probably do it even if he did it to a fellow passenger – now that I wear hijab, he no doubt wouldn’t have dared to touch me… But since I live by Christian rules, I would not have to ask a man to do the job. I could make him stop myself. I admit to hating men with warped minds. To this day, about all the love I could manage for such a creature is to refrain from knocking him over and putting my heavy, cowboy-booted foot on his neck. Because he deserves much worse. He deserves to burn in hell.
Correction: He deserves to burn in hell for even thinking of doing such a thing.
Bismillah.
And of course I should not have posted such a thing – without even thinking long enough to say Bismillah at the beginning. I was just so angry, I allowed myself to think like an unbeliever who has zero idea of forgiveness or redemption… May the Lord forgive me.
” young steward put his hand on my head and around my face in a very ‘loving’ way to awaken me for the meal. ”
“He claimed to be sorry and said that he didn’t realize who it was because I was all covered up with the blanket. ”
Well, how could he touch your face in a “loving way” when your face was covered with a blanket? Perhaps he was just groping about foolishly to remove the blanket? I do believe he was completely out of line to touch you at all. He could have just raised his voice and if you didn’t stir then call a stewardess.
“I told him that just because he thought that I was a Christian woman, or because I didn’t cover my hair, he had no right to touch me. ”
Did you actually say this to him? I think it has very little to do with religion here so why make that an issue? It matters not what religion either of you are…he was out of line by touching you, simple. Why would he just assume you must be Christian simply because you’re not covered? You could be anything else for all he knows. And by the way, how do you know he was Muslim? Are you sure he was Saudi? It seems a lot of assumptions were made on both sides here.
“So, I told him that I was not just any woman, but that I am an AMERICAN MUSLIM WOMAN, and he had no right to touch me no matter if I was covered or not. ”
This has nothing to do with nationality. I’ve met some Muslim women from across the globe who do not cover. Big deal. I think it was pointless for you to spout off about your religion and nationality when this incident occurred when in actuality the issue at hand had more to do with invading personal space and harrasment. The very same thing could have happened to a Lebanese Christian woman who doesn’t cover or any other woman for that matter (who may or may not even be religious), blonde hair or not. If a man wants to touch a woman and sees an easy chance to do that he will do it, full stop.
” I told him that he was lucky that I was nice and didn’t report his behavior, but that I just wanted to let him know that what he did was inappropriate from an airline steward and that the next time he didn’t know who was lying there, he should ask a woman to awaken the passenger instead.”
You should have reported him. If it was that shocking to you that a Saudi man could be capable of such a thing then why not??? Now that same man is free to do it again. Granted it wasn’t full on sexual harrasment but if you want to “nip it in the bud” as you stated then we should all speak up even over these minor infractions. Or are you afraid it might lead to segregated seating arrangements on Saudia flights as you suggested?
And if that happens would you avoid Saudia flights or feel more at ease?
Sorry, I don’t intend to sound patronizing here. Just sharing my thoughts.
Bishmallah, I would have slapped his face! No matter who or what he is!
Bismillah. Aafke, Your considered opinion, I presume?
caraboska, That is not an opinion, that’s an action.
Although it is my opinion that every woman should hit every man who touches her agaiinst her will.
This is about women being disrespected. This has nothing to do with either religions or ethnicity but everything with respect for the personal and bodily integrity of women..
Which was wholly lacking in this instance.
Being a Muslim woman, or an American woman, or a Christian woman, should not be taken into the equation. A woman is not deserving of more respect than other women because she happens to be American, or Muslim or whatever. One is not automatically entitled more respect. All women deserve respect for their bodily integrity.
A dutch atheist woman has as much right not to be harassed as an American Muslim woman. And I’ll always be happy to point that out in a punitive manner if necessary.
No woman should be touched without her express permission.
Aafke-I agree with you 100%. This has nothing to do with religion but with the right of women to be treated with respect. Why does religion or nationality always have to be a major factor? Always the “us” against “them” mentality?
I agree, though, strange post.
Aafke, I was referring to the fact that you wrote Bismillah before your reply – as if to show that this was your considered statement, not just out of fury
Of course I agree with you. I even believe my own husband (if I ever find one who is willing to put up with me) should *ask me for permission* (verbally or otherwise) each and every time he wants to lay so much as one finger on me for *any* reason – sexual or otherwise. Obviously I would give him the same respect. I mean, sometimes he might not be in the mood to be touched, right? Why should I force myself on him? This is really a human rights thing.
To be frank, I have no tolerance for this type of behavior. If someone (be it a Saudi dude or someone from my hometown of Chicago, they all know better) is going to speak to me in an abusive fashion or sexually abuse someone in front of me, I am going to respond in an equally public and inappropriate fashion.
I’ll never forget standing with a bunch of girlfriends on Tahliya street when a young Saudi dude started yelling “Bitches, yo bitches!” at us in English. Why? Who knows- because some of us were obviously expats? Some of us were not in hijab?. But when I turned around and yelled back, “Suck my d*ck!” all of the sudden it was “I’m sorry, I wasn’t yelling at you, I didn’t mean anything by it…” (who else was he yelling at then, there was no one else around?) He was shocked that a woman would yell back, fight back, use dirty words in response to dirty words (lil-asif, but I swear like a sailor when I choose to)
Men who do these types of things in such a dramatically public venue think they can get away with it because they have lived in communities that turn a blind eye to this type of behavior and pressure women into remaining passive victims and objects of this type of abuse. Nothing flips these expectations on their head faster than publicly shaming the abuser.
Just my opinion :-p
I have just read the article and comments regarding experience and etiquette especially when flying Saudi Airlines…………….I am appalled by the article which began innocently enough as some tips for the traveller but then descended into what appears to be a complete condemnation of young Saudi males in a plane!!! This article has honestly has made me very angry and I feel offended and I am not Saudi. I have travelled back and forth to the Kingdom for well up on 30 years now and have not ONCE encountered any experience such as those mentioned. I have met young and old Saudi males who have flattered me as a female but never, never have I been touched or insulted in any inappropriate way. I am a firm believer that there are Good and Bad people everywhere, polite and rude everywhere; but to state that Saudi men “think they can get away with IT because they have lived in communities that turn a blind eye to this type of behaviour and pressure women into remaining passive victims and objects of this type of abuse” condemns a entire nation as abusers.
I can see that many other readers feel the same way about the article and rightly so, I personally do feel I want to state that as an European woman I refuse to be recruited by the writer to consider what my response would be SHOULD this happen to me. I have flown B.A. and BMI to Saudi and repeatedly see men and women get onto the plane drunk and moreso getting off the plane drunk. Would I be right in saying that all EXPATs are drunkards……..NO I would not be right at all. Similiarly I say to you, how dare you write about your personal perception of an experience and condemn an entire group accordingly.
I do not get riled very easily and apologise if this appears to be a personal attack, it is not. I have a Saudi husband and son and feel you have no right to make accusations as you did.
Apart from all the I wish I were allowed enough carry-on space to bring a big pillow with me.
I agree that the statements about Saudi men and the bit about American and British women were not appropriate. There are jerks everywhere and it’s certainly not up to all women, not just American and British to speak up about bad behaviour by any man or woman for that matter. I also would not get bent about someone touching my hair.
Wendy, check this out!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000VKP6VW?ie=UTF8&seller=A42Z2WTSZTENL&sn=Mission%20Bay%20Traders%20Inc.
I knew a couple that lived in Libya for 2 years and the woman said it was impossible to go out even with her husband. She said on her first shopping trip she got into a crowded elevator. Big mistake. She was Brazilian and brasileiras know sexual harassment because of Brazilian macho culture but never had she seen or experienced anything like what happened to her.
Why does religion or nationality always have to be a major factor? Well, it may be because some religions and nationalities consider themselves morally superior to “the other” – you know, the ones they are always accusing of indecency and worse.
Now for some controversy. As much as I want to blame men, I give women 50% of the blame. All they have to do is speak up and say a few choice words, preferably in a loud mean voice (you know, natural female tones). If this happens, in 99.9% of the cases, the offending male will not only retreat with tail between legs but hestitate to make same mistake with next dame (I was going to write ‘;lady’ but decided to go Bogie and 40′s instead).
Since this rarely happens they question is why. It is lack of self worth? timidness? embarassment? original sin? woman as object mentality? lack of confidence in law and/or society? You tell me?
Sexual harassment is a reflextion of sexual repression and gender absement.
@ irishaziz Before you get upset, go back and read my post. “be it a Saudi dude or someone from my hometown of Chicago, they all know better”
Unlike the original poster I do not mean to imply that there is something particular to Arab or Saudi males that yields public, abusive behavior. Instead, I was sharing how I react to any man who harasses women in public, regardless of where I am (Chicago or Riyadh) or who he is.
Actually, when I wrote, “think they can get away with it because they have lived in communities that turn a blind eye to this type of behaviour and pressure women into remaining passive victims and objects of this type of abuse” I was thinking about my work as a sexual violence prevention speaker and sex ed teacher in the Chicago area. It applies equally (although in different manifestations and structures) in the US as it does in Saudi.
Just so we’re clear.
Even people who do not commit abuse perpetuate it with silence. And yes, that is a very wide brush that paints quite a lot of people. I’m comfortable with that.
I think Carol is onto something for feeling targeted because she looks like a foreign woman. I have not been to KSA but I lived in Turkey and was followed, harrassed, butt-pinched, stared at, had dudes flash me in a park in broad day light… when asking my Turkish girlfriends if this happened to them… they said no. So from my own experience I felt that being a red head… obviously not Turkish… brought out the crazy (Sapuk- if you know Turkish) perverts and they thought… well I dont knoww what they thought but my guess is they took advantage odf the fact that I did not speak Turkish well, had no big and mean brothers and fathers to defend me and that I was most likely alone… when I was with my Turkish fiance at the time… of course everything was peaceful… moment he was not with me… the sexual harrassment would begin. I could tell you story after story. I was dressed as a normal western woman jeans and t shirt (not like that matters but I want to say that I dressed the same as any woman who is uncovered in Istanbul).
In fact, this was a major determinator for me leaving: I felt like constant unwanted attention. Attention Turkish women were not getting. It was sad and unfair. Yes men can be pigs but its honest and authentic to warn a population if they get targeted… if American men were doing things like this more often to Saudi women than American women you bet 100% I would be warning every Saudi woman at the airport when she flies in!
To LizL, I am sorry that you took my comments as being directed at you. They were not.
I had not read your post at all prior to writing my own.
My comments were directed at the writer of the original article.
Again to LizL……….I think in my HASTE to post I must have taken the quote from your post in error. Sorry about that!
@irishaziz No problems!
Jay, you know, it is a very bad thing for a woman to be sexually harassed, it makes you feel sick, very embarrassed and inadequate, everything which is bad. It really makes you feel awful, and I think all women naturally tend to withdraw in themselves. that’s why it is much more difficult than you would think to speak up or do something loud about it.
Sexual harassment is psychological harassment, it makes you feel inferior and loose your self esteem.
And I think the men who indulge in it know that and they want to torture women and make them feel bad so they can feel better about their pathetic selves.
that’s why I hit men, or any man close enough to hit, when I get pinched or whatever: it’s a very good action which gives you back your feeling of self esteem.
And it is educative to the louse who pinched you.
Bismillah. Aafke, Evidently you are living proof that it doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to make one lose one’s self-esteem. Those who sexually harrass other people are the ones who are defective. What they are doing – as I told a friend whom someone had attempted to rape while she was returning to her home one evening – is objectively morally wrong even if she had begged the guy to do it. Which she most certainly had not.
Jenna, I admit to being curious about what would happen if a woman were to walk down the street alone in Turkey under the following conditions: 1) she is wearing a fashionable but conservative form of hijab; 2) she is over 6 feet tall – so a) obviously non-Turkish, and b) big enough to do the job her large, vicious boyfriend would do if she had one. Now, I happen to have a Turkish male friend whom I can ask about that, and I think I might just do that…
I think part of the problem- at least with me, and it’s with any wrong someone does me- I am so suprised it happens. I am simply slow to react. The typical “harassment” I recieve is to “cover my hair” or rude drivers. Age and experience has helped me to respond more quickly.
But no, it is not 50 percent the fault of women because they don’t respond differently- though it would be beneficial for all if they stood up for themselves.
caraboska, i agree, but it does make you feel very depressed, very awful. So hitting or yelling is not only good for their manners, but also very good to get back what they tried to destroy.
Still, I do understand that ones natural impulse is to retreat into yourself. That makes it extra sinful for those pigs who think they need to demean women.
@caraboska
I did a few times wear full hijab while in Turkey and it was as if I disappeared I had no issues whatsoever it was so soothing… however… just because I am wearing jeans and a t-shirt doesn’t mean that the harassment can begin. OR just because I am in modest dress or some pervert thinks I am a muslim… he then will leave me alone. I would HOPE that men who are truly muslim would avert his gaze and give me respect as a woman regardless of my religion or even my gender but that I am human and deserving of respect. As I will give any woman or man regardless of their religion or dress.
That being said, I cannot deny the fact that I had more harrassment in my one year in Turkey than my full 33 years living in the US. There is a correlation… I can only guess as to the reasons. From my experiences, however I do warn women of possible issues when they go to Turkey so that they are prepared to stay safe and sane. That does not mean I think less of Turkish men or I am racist or whatever… I currently tell all of my students coming to the US and specifically my dangerous city, “Look its dangerous… asian girls are targeted for burglary at gun point… its a correlation… I am sorry this happens but you must be street smart while here.”
While in Turkey I dressed as non-hijabi Turkish women dressed… I didnt have a hijab but my pants/shirts were not tight nor revealing. Despite my attempts to fit in (within reason… I am not Muslim so why would I cover?) I was targeted by mean spirited men and there is enough data to suggest a correlation.
As for 6 feet… well I cannot grow
So if someone wants to go there?
To be frank, I think hijab versus no-hijab is a red herring. From what I saw in Egypt, hijab had little to no bearing on whether a woman was verbally or physically harassed on the streets. There have been riots in Cairo in which women were stripped of their hijabs and then assaulted. And, of course, the women who receive the greatest protection from the Egyptian state are the European and American tourists who dress outside the norms of local society and move within a bubble of privilege from tourist site to tourist site.
Victim blaming might start small but always ends up absolving the perpetrator for responsibility for his actions. She was wearing a tank top and shorts becomes she dressed in loose concealing clothing but was not wearing hijab becomes she was wearing hijab but it was not ‘good’ hijab and her jeans were tight becomes why wasn’t she wearing niqab? In the end, the logic is exactly the same: women are responsible for sexual violence even though we know the perpetrators to be primarily (although not exclusively) male. This ends up limiting women’s freedom of movement and choice, further reinforcing patriarchal control over her body.
The end result? Women feel silenced by sexual violence because the overwhelming narrative is that the only women who are assaulted are the ones who ‘deserve’ it. This is the logic of victim blaming and it is pervasive.
Very well put!
I’d like to reinforce/reiterate that this is not based on my own personal experience. Another expat who has been traveling for years between the USA and KSA shared her experience.
I think she does give some good travel tips. It’s a shame that she had an experience which was inappropriate.