For those who are newcomers to American Bedu blog, each month I will begin a fictional story about some aspect of Saudi Arabia and Saudi life. It is up to you, to either finish the story or simply take it on to another stage. The story is presented not only for a change of pace but to help foster understanding and dialogue about different aspects of life in Saudi Arabia.
The majority of Saudi families engage a housemaid. Some families will even have multiple housemaids depending on the size of the family. Housemaids can have either a positive life or for some, there is always a fear of abuse or being singled out as a scapegoat. This month’s Use Your Imagination focuses on an illegal overstayer who accepted a position as a housemaid (which is very common) and it is up to you to determine whether her life takes on a positive turn or one that is more precarious than simply being an illegal alien.
When Amal’s husband finally agreed she could engage a housemaid she was overjoyed. She was the mother of six active children ranging in age from two to fourteen and five months pregnant with child number seven. Rather than take the additional time and expense to apply for a housemaid through a traditional agency, her husband promised to find a suitable housemaid for her in Jeddah among the many illegal Umrah overstayers. Amal really did not care, she was just eager to have a housemaid who could help her out as soon as possible.
The following Friday after Jumah prayers Amal’s husband told her he was going to go and see if he could come back with a housemaid. As he left, Amal prepared an area for the housemaid. She decided that the housemaid could sleep on the floor in the room occupied by her four and seven year old daughters. Due to the growing size of Amal’s family they did not have a separate room for a housemaid. The traditional “maid’s room” in their home was already occupied by their fourteen year old son. As the eldest and first son, Amal and her husband wanted him to have privacy and make him feel like a young man. Actually it was kind of Amal to want her housemaid to sleep with her daughters. If she had followed customary tradition, the housemaid may have ended up sleeping in the pantry or on the tiled kitchen floor.
When Amal’s husband returned later on Friday afternoon, there was a woman following behind him draped in her black abaya and with a long hijab that covered most of her face. Her husband simply gestured at the woman behind him telling Amal “here, she’s all yours now.” He left leaving Amal alone with her new housemaid. Amal asked the woman softly “What is your name?” Without looking up to meet her eyes, the woman replied softly “Ragah.” Amal then asked “Ragah, where are you from?” Again, with a whisper, Ragah said “Indonesia.”
Amal hoped that Ragah would overcome what she perceived to be shyness. Thinking the best course of action would be to just get settled down to business, Amal started showing Ragah around the house and explaining the expected duties. When Amal took Ragah to the room which Ragah would share with the two daughters it dawned on Amal that Ragah came into her home without any luggage. Amal asked her “Do you have any clothes or belongings you wish to bring to this room?” Ragah simply shook her head no in response.
Amal confirmed that Ragah understood what was requested and expected of her in way of work. She was expected to keep the house tidy and clean, assist with cooking, take responsibility for laundry and ironing and help Amal with the children. Amal noted that Ragah had no difficulty following and responding in Arabic.
Later that evening Amal asked her husband what could he tell her about Ragah so that she had a better idea of the person who was now going to be a part of their household. He advised her that he did not know much. He simply went in Jeddah where he was directed to see the “baterer.” The Baterer was another illegal umrah over-stayer himself but who oversaw placements of female over-stayers who wished to now work as housemaids. For a transaction of 1000 SAR, Ragah was presented and ready to leave with Amal’s husband. They did not know if she was married, had other family illegally in Saudi or if she even had a passport any longer.
Amal was happy that she did not work outside of the home because the unanswered questions about Ragah and her background made her a little uneasy. She realized too that she must be careful on whether she allowed Ragah to go out with them because if they were ever challenged or asked to show proof of Ragah’s legality in the Kingdom, they would face severe consequences.
Ragah performed her duties without complaint. Amal had to train her and show her how she specifically wanted some tasks performed. Ragah remained a diminutive and silent individual. Even with the children she remained aloof while taking care of them and rarely smiled. Amal did not want to have a close relationship with her housemaid but she did feel compassion. She gave Ragah a few of her older discarded ladies thobes so that Ragah did not have to wear the same thin outfit each day.
After Ragah had been in their household for six weeks, Amal noticed that she had become even more withdrawn. Amal tried to draw her out but to no avail. Whatever was bothering Ragah she was not going to talk about it. Amal noted that Ragah’s right arm sported fresh bruises as if someone had grabbed her and held her against her will. When Amal informed Ragah she had noticed the bruises, rather than talk, Ragah’s face paled with fright. She refused to answer Amal’s questions and only respond “no problem, mistress, no problem.”
Amal’s gut instinct told her something was not right. She asked her older children if any of them had been giving Ragah a hard time. The children referred to Ragah as the “Silent One.” However one of her daughters then commented that on some nights Ragah would leave her place where she slept on the floor. She would not return to the room until shortly before the first prayer. On those times it would be her soft crying which would awaken the daughter. The daughter said that one time she wanted to go get her mother but Ragah took her arm and said she would be hurt more and have to leave if Amal were involved.
Amal did not know what to do at this point. She had yet to talk to her husband. How does she bring up the subject to him? She was afraid to understand the possible reasons why Ragah would not want Amal to know that some nights she left her room and returned later crying. And as she was nearing the time for the birth of her next child, Amal knew she needed someone to help out more than ever. What was she to do?
Filed under: Charity, culture, gender, Saudi Arabia, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi Living, travel, Uncategorized, Women Issues Tagged: | blogging, culture, culture shock, customs, gender, gender issues, house, Jeddah, KSA, places, Saudi, Saudi Arabia, Saudi customs, Umra, women
This sounds similar to stories I’ve heard of husbands sexually abusing their maids. Very sad…
My thoughts exactly Dalal
ouch.. i cannot imagine the disbelieving comments you’re going to get from Saudis about what this post implies (despite the truth in it). I wait w/baited breath.. lol
Amal remembered she must go for her routine check-up. The only one around in the house is maidl and ofcourse the driver. She thought of what an opportunity it would be to get out of the house with the maid. Amal thought a way to coax Ragah to escort her to the ob/gyn.
Without any trouble, Amal and Ragah head off to ob/gyn. As usual, it is hot day in Jeddah, but especially humid and hazy. Ragah remains to have placid look on her face, concentrating on the driver who is driving crazily down the highway. The cars in front are crossing over, not using the turn signals, the car is going very, very fast. Then, the beeping sounds, indicating the car is exceeding the speed limit. The car starts to feel as it floating and then it came to a full stop in a ditch. Amal is screaming in pain but is Ragah who is bleeding profusly. Blood is streaming down her leg and even soaking through black abaya. Her eyes roll back and fourth, breathing gets slower, slower and slower. Amal dazed…..
The ambulance siren is blaring and Ragah is awake but still in a daze. She hears the chatter of arabic men outside the car. The attempts to open the passenger door only makes her tense as she now has the sobering thought that she can be discovered.
She is in the amubulance now, the gurney swaying back and fourth. The paramentics examining her while Amal is holding her hand, accompaning her to the hospital. Then, Ragah hears a word in arabic, something she has heard a lot lately, due to Amal’s state. The parametics tell Ragah that she has had a miscarraige….
sorry but it’s not always the husbands that abuse those maids…
many of them are prostitutes.
i have a friend here whose maid would sneak out during the night or wait for my friend to leave the house and then invite strange men upstairs to her room. the neighbors informed my friend of what they saw happening and the maid was then fired and sent back to her country.
i know their lives are tough but they are not all innocent as some believe. they can cause a lot of problems for the families they work for whether they are legal or not.
i have had a few rotten maids myself, some can be very difficult to live with.
but i still wouldn’t wish their lives and the problems they face on my worst enemy.
so to continue bedu’s story:
Unbeknownst to Amal and her husband, Ragahwas sneaking out of the house to be with strange men for money. One particular man was very fond of her and over time developed a wicked jealousy towards her other patrons. He repeatedly beat her to deter her from seeing other men but to no avail because she claimed to need the money……
There can be so many differing ends to this story and in all likelihood, true to reality. Maids can be abused by husbands or sons. Some also choose to supplement their income through prostitution or have a liaison with the family driver. Other maids come to Saudi already having a boyfriend working in the Kingdom.
ah.. exactly what i was expecting. Why would any respectful faithful family-man/husband accept her “advances” and take advantage of her willingness, rather than simply dismissing her? Sorry, but no prostitute who willingly gives herself to the man of the house is going to exhibit all the classics signs of a victim of sexual abuse. They’re mutually exclusive.
You know….I was told once by a Saudi who truly believed in what he was saying that a lot of those maids are witches and when the 2004 Tsunami hit, a lot of “medical miracles” occurred in Saudi Arabia….apparently evil amulets were “washed away, breaking the curse some had set on their employers”………
Oh yes…..and a taxi driver in Oman attempted to molest me once, and I was told it was because I was in abaya and with my “exotic look” he probably mistook me for an Indonesian prostitute…….I did absolutely nothing to give him that notion, the dog attempted to take advantage of a female who was alone in his taxi. Is this mindset is what causes some employers to be so abusive and degrading to foreign workers ??? I’ve been in homes where the maid was treated as a family member and in other households where they were treated as paid employees, but still treated with respect….but I’ve only heard stories about abuse, although I do believe it happens a lot more than people are willing to admit, just like in the US people find it hard to believe slavery (sexual slavery and human trafficking) exists within their borders.
It is true that some of the housemaids do believe in what I guess would be called “black magic” where they think they can cast spells or put an evil eye upon someone.
I have met a fair amount of Saudi men and women who do believe in the evil eye.
You’ll find the whole gamut with housemaids and how they are accepted into a home and treated. I believe the best relationship and fit between a housemaid and the individual they work for is the one between my MIL and her Indonesian housemaid.
I used to feel sorry for the maids,but no more,they are very naghty,liers,prostitutes,most of them are heartless.
This entire subject irritates me, especially seeing so many who actually believe their own rumours about people they’ve simply chosen to be prejudiced against. As to blanket statements about the evil or lack of virtue of housemaids in general, I find this hateful in the extreme. It’s a generalization and a racial prejudice that is simply hateful and evil in itself. Give credit where it’s due, and when you discover that more credit is due (to the people who clean your home, make your food and literally raise your children FOR you) than slanderous insults maybe you’ll accept that housemaids as a rule aren’t evil prostitutes. Also, I doubt the majority of americans are stupid enough to actually believe that bad things literally don’t exist within our borders. That’s simply ignorant. sheesh. (sorry Carol, to be so blunt..but I’ve seen one too many mid eastern doctor be rude to our indian and asian housekeepers at the hosp simply because they think they’re better and it really rubs my humanity wrong)
Hmm, I tend to fee pity for housemaids…Ive been in some Saudi homes where te daughter or mom would just sit on her butt and scream at the maid to do this or that and once when I started to inquire about the maids schedule and life I was told she was a little devil, all because she gained fluency in Arabic within 2 years.
Its a very very strange mentality…you know..if you got a healthy back, arms and legs…its called doing your own housework! If your having 6/7/8 kids then guess what the mom and the dad should be taking care of them! Otherwise, its called family planning!
I really don’t think maids or nannies are necessary, unless there are medical reasons why the wife or husband or a child needs the help.
Women ALL over the world work and take care of their kids and the house…or have 8 kids, work and take care or everything. Its normal! All this maid and nanny stuff is doing is making people here lazy, really, really lazy and unable to do things on their own! I really hate peple trying to do things for me, because then it implies I’m in capable of taking care of myself or my family.
Harumph! really the whole maid and nanny thing here really gets under my skin! Once I told off this Saudi guy who dropped his coffee and stood there while screaming for the guy behind the counter to go and clean it up, I really loudly said…you got two arms…why dont you help him! You dropped it! He just looked at me and walked away.
Even if I heavens forbid, I drop a drink in public I always apologize and offer to help clean it up…and if its a small spill, ask for a wet cloth and clean it up…thats how I was raised…to be self sufficent. Thats what adults do!
*rolls eyes*…
Right on Umm Ibrahim!
i don’t think maids are used there because they cannot do the work, it’s just a convienience i guess. I know a lot of saudi’s who have 4/5/6 kids here who cannot afford a maid and manage fine, the minute they return home they need HELP..
of course that place gets dustier a lot easier too. here in US if i clean once a week it’s good enough but there daily sweeping/moppings need to happen. so i guess that’s one of the reasons everyone has a maid.
so it’s an availability issue, cheap labor so why not use it, as well as the follow the herd mentality, everyone has one so why not …
When we lived there , it wasn’t so prevelent , either that or i have OCD i clean clean and clean even if someone else does, so it was much better for us not to have a live in/daily maid and me getting on her nerves
However i do not agree to kids being raised by maids.. why have them if you cannot raise them.they are not a status symbol, save yourself thetrouble andlighten the load on theplanet if you think you need someone to raise them. again my 2 cents..
Overall I have had good housemaids and I believe it is due to how I treated them. My late husband did disagree with me and I felt I was too familiar and easy on them. I made sure my maid had her own room with satellite tv and her own washroom with shower. I allowed her to select the fabric and style of curtain for her room. She was allowed to eat when she was hungry and choose from what was in the house.
I have seen Saudis treat maids quite differently with not believing in tv, having them sleep in the kitchen on the floor, not letting them eat unless they bought their own food and other things were simply not right.
Depending on how the family treats the maid also greatly influences how the children treat the maid. You can’t blame the housemaid to get frustrated with children or adults if no compassion or decency is shown.
Many housemaids come to KSA legally but depending on the family are eager to run away to work for an expat family or someone who is going to pay them more money.