The Saudi-American Relationship Noone Expected
I am feeling more sentimental and melancholy at this particular time in my life but in a positive and reflecting way. As such, I know that everyone enjoys a good love story and I have chosen to share more about my own story. My husband and I were probably the least likely you’d ever expect to have met, let alone fall in love and marry… An American and a Saudi, both official representatives of their respective governments in a post-9/11 world…come on…you’ve got to be kidding, right? No. Not at all.
I was at the stage in my life when I was happily single and living/working in Pakistan. I had a job I loved and enjoyed and felt like I was making positive contributions. I had a wonderful network of friends from all over the world and very important, my family was proud and supportive of my work.
I have always been a workaholic and full of high energy. I was happy to volunteer for extra work and initiate projects and new initiatives. It was not unusual to see me working all kind of odd hours. One night I happened to work beyond 9pm and missed my dinner. Needless to say, I was quite hungry. I didn’t feel like cooking since I was tired from working and although I was fortunate to have a cook, I was not going to call him in at that time just to pamper me with a meal. So I was slowly driving towards my home thinking where could I go to catch a bite and like a beacon calling to me, I saw the lights of the Canadian embassy and its club. Now the Canadian club had some of the best western food and beautiful atmosphere of diplomatic camaraderie in Islamabad. I took the sharp right and entered the club’s parking lot. Fortunately on entering the club I was greeted by a group of diplomatic friends to come join them. Taking the only empty chair left at the big table I could not help but notice I got to sit beside a decided “George Clooney” look alike distinguished and charming gentleman. At that time, we did the usual diplomatic chit chat. What country, mission, what was the portfolio worked, how long in Pakistan, observations on living in Pakistan and then a few more personal questions such as interests and reasons for choosing a diplomatic career.
Now all the time we were talking I was just chowing down enjoying the delicious French fries that the Canadian Club prepares. Imagine my embarrassment though when I discovered I was eating Abdullah’s French fries from his plate and in fact, I had not even ordered anything yet from the waiter. Fearing that I had sunk low in a brash of diplomatic etiquette I was prepared to apologize and eat crow. Instead Abdullah simply informed me that under his country and customs anyone who ate the food off of his plate meant that he would now be personally responsible for that person. We each left the Canadian Club shortly after to our respective homes. I left thinking what a nice, polite and yes, handsome Saudi gentleman. No more, no less.
Two days later I received a call from the official secretary of the Saudi Consular asking if I would accept a call from Abdullah. Somewhat puzzled by the formality, I took the call. In his charming and professional manner Abdullah wanted to know what were the criteria for anyone interested in becoming a member of the American Embassy’s own club. At that time an American officially could easily sponsor a foreign diplomat to the club so given my faux pas of the other night, I told Abdullah I’d be happy to be his sponsor for membership. I guess you could say that led to our first date in a sense. We agreed to meet at the United Nations Club for dinner during which time I’d have the club membership documents for him. We had a pleasant evening chatting more about our travels, experiences, views and goals in life. I shared with him how my first opportunity to work overseas was actually for a posting in Riyadh but that I had chosen to turn it down fearing I was too adventurous for a place like Riyadh…who would have known what the future was going to hold…
We left the United Nations Club going our separate ways after dinner. Abdullah was going to contact me when he had the documents completed and pictures taken so I could submit his application. In the meantime I go to the embassy the next day. As I pull in to the security check point, the Pakistani security guards with broad smiles on their faces informed me, “Memsahib” (typical title used to address women in Pakistan) “you have gift from Saudi embassy today.” Then I enter into the embassy itself and the next line of security sees me and smiles saying “Memsahib, you have gift from Saudi embassy in Security section waiting for you.” Hmmmm, I wonder…what’s up? I go up to my office and sure enough I’m notified by the section secretary that a gift in my name from the Saudi embassy was delivered and available in the security office. By this time I do think the entire embassy was aware I had received some kind of mysterious gift and were all eager to see what it was. I guess it was not every day a gift was delivered by courier from the Saudi embassy to a mere female diplomat. I make my way to the security department where the Pakistani liaison was apologetic telling me that he was sorry but rules dictated he had to xray my gift but he was certain I would enjoy it. I simply told him thank you and took the package in my arms and returned back to my office.
There was no avoiding it. There was too much curiosity and no one was going to give me privacy to open my gift. As I tore off the outer wrapper underneath was the lovely wrapping of the Saudi embassy with date tree and crossed swords. As I opened this elegant box I found it enclosed a simple, traditional and breathtaking Saudi coffee pot. There was a short note with the gift from Abdullah expressing his sincerity and thanks for my sponsoring him to the American Club. So of course I had to call him, go through his protective secretary (for he was the Consular and had quite a responsible position) in order to thank him for the lovely gesture and thought. We chatted a few minutes and then Abdullah informed me that as soon as his membership was approved I must be his first official guest at the club again as a thanks for sponsoring him.
From that point we would chat occasionally on the phone. And being in the same diplomatic circles, we’d start to run into each other more. But shortly after the first monumentous dinner at the American Club where I was Abdullah’s first guest, that is when he dropped the first bombshell to me. I will never forget the words. We were getting to know each other better as far as values, goals, ethics, plans and we had a lot of common interests. So he looked up at me seriously and simply stated “American Girl, you may not know it yet but I am not letting you out of my life. One day you will be the wife in my life.” Honestly, his comment terrified me. That was probably the only time I had visions of being locked up in a turret in some castle as I was not used to such forthright speaking of a relationship that way. But again, I was also internally thrilled and melting for I quickly learned Abdullah did not say words he didn’t mean. We both had very busy professional schedules so we may chat on the phone daily but several days would go before we’d actually see each other.
An early ice-breaker in that I began to realize maybe just maybe we were beginning a courtship was one morning he called me around 0700 hours wanting to know if I was up. Since I had had a late night the evening before I was not as diplomatic as I could have been and simply responded “well I am now.” His response? “Good. I’m on my way over with breakfast.” When he says he coming with breakfast I had no idea it meant five bags of groceries, two dozen of eggs, fresh tomatos, onions, cilantro, freshly squeezed orange juice, bread and cheese and honey. It was a lot of fun chatting in the kitchen as we prepared a breakfast together. And then since the day was still young we went for a hike in the Margallah Hills before the weather became too hot.
It was the following weekend which could be called the transition weekend. I had been invited to spend an afternoon at a typical Pakistani farm with hayrides and hikes and bar be ques. This farm was not too far away from Rawal Lake and I invited Abdullah to go with me. In addition to ourselves, there were many other diplomats and Pakistanis at the function. It was a lovely and friendly group. At one point Abdullah was going exploring with one of the French diplomats who was present and I just decided to stay by myself rocking on a swing and enjoying the day. As Abdullah returned from his sojourn, our eyes met and then that was it. There was a definite spark and I realized we had clicked. On leaving the farm I took him to one of my favorite sanctuaries outside of Islamabad where there was a small park and lake and hiking trails. I told him this was where I went to just meditate and be by myself. Always the gentleman, he kissed me on the forehead and told me I’d never feel alone again.
We continued to have more beautiful experiences and adventures together while in Pakistan. So many governments and officials were puzzled by us. What was going on between this Saudi and American official? For a period of time my own home was referred to as the Second Saudi embassy since many of Abdullah’s friends would come over and we would watch videos or play American board games and simply share thoughts about life. That time may sound totally contradictory to the Saudi culture but for that place and time it was natural. I felt like I had so many concerned older brothers. And if Abdullah was out of Pakistan they would take turns checking on me just like a brother would do and see if I needed anything.
Time started to draw down as I was notified my next posting would be New Delhi, India in 2001. As a result, Abdullah and I spent more time together exploring and enjoying the beauty of Pakistan. We went hiking, we went into Kashmir, we saw so many historical cites and I even taught the desert boy how to golf. I could easily write a long and large book about our unique Pakistan experiences which would also include mountain riding in Kashmir, going to places only accessible by old Willy’s jeeps, fishing in Kashmir and meeting so many of the indigenous tribes of Pakistan together. There was also a moment when I lost my temper and called him a crazy Arab. Yes, I remained ashamed of that but I was so scared when he forged over a waterlogged log to cross a ravine that had a high risk of his SUV going over the side of a mountain.
When it started to get close to my transfer to New Delhi, I had the standard phrases all ready saying how much I treasured and cherished knowing him but realized it was time to say Goodbye. Abdullah just looked at me and heard me through and then said to me, “American Girl, a mere border is not going to keep us apart. You are going to be my wife.”
I am condensing this story but yes, 2 years later you could say I saw the light and agreed to be his wife. Because of his position and my prior position we had to go through an intense process for our marriage to be approved and recognized. In fact, we actually had to ultimately get approval from the King. Masha’allah our persistence and patience paid off. We have had our ups and downs and challenges, but what married couple does not? That’s part of our life. Now as we face cancer together we are even more closer and attuned with each other. And now, while I still like George Clooney, I think George Clooney is the fortunate one to bear a resemblance to my handsome husband.
Given the challenges in our life right now, I don’t know for sure how our story is going to end but now you at least know what I mean when I say that we were probably the least likely you’d expect to meet, let fall in love and get married…but we did!
And if you’d like to learn more about our courtship and experience just let me know with your questions!
Filed under: America, Charity, culture, Dress, Entertainment, Freedoms, friendship, gender, Hobbies, islam, relationships, religion, safety, Saudi Arabia, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, Saudi Living, travel, Uncategorized Tagged: | America, blogging, culture, culture shock, customs, gender, gender issues, heritage, history, islam, KSA, language, Love, marriage, places, Relationship, romance, Saudi, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel
What a lovely story! Thank you for letting us peak inside your life by sharing about how you and your Prince Charming met.
So sweet!
hahhah !
do u like George Clooney ? i like him too actually hes one of my best actors but not the reason of a woman makes her to love him of course
did u watch Up on the Air movie to him yet?
loved your own story , Carol so much…..so interesting
i hope you will stay together forever as a nice couple …my prays to you the couple fully wishing to get better sooon .
Oh that story is heartwarming! your husband is a real gentleman! Funny coincedence, (Saudi) hubby and I went to see “Up in the Air” and I saw how much I thought MY husband resembled George Clooney! It must be the dreamy brown eyes and silver hair! When he was younger, people thought he resembled Frankie Valli.
oops, I mean Frankie Avalon
oops! I mean Frankie Avalon! I’m a child of the 70′s, I get my 50′s hearthrobs mixed up
incidentally, i got a question for ya– where did u get married officially in a court or a church –where exactly? i am just curious please don’t answer if you feel its a personal question —-PLEASE
Thank you all for the lovely comments!
and to answer your question, we had both an official marriage and a religious marriage. For the official marriage a representative licensed and certified to perform (civil/court) marriages came to our home where we shared the moment with family.
That is the sweetest story ever! I am so thankful for all the experiences you continue to share with us…in a way I feel like Ive been there. I hope to go one day but if not I least I can experience the culture through your blog. You are in my prayers…I know everything will be okay.
Brought tears to me eyes Carol.
My husband on the other hand told me last night how he had no respect or love for me at all.
I am truly excited that such love stories exist.
I am still young, 33 years old and going to file for divorce as soon as possible.
I am really trying to see it as a trial in my life, and I do look forward to my own “happily ever after” story.
HUGS sorry hon didnt mean to make it about me, I am just so sad and hurt and confused.
J (UmMuhammad)
Carol, what a lovely story! So lovely to read on christmas day
UmMohammed, I am so sorry you are going through such a bad time. You are in such a sad time now, of course you need to share some of it. If your husband neither loves you or respects you than it is the right decision to get divorced. I hope it will go smoothly for you.
I respect you for your strength and resolve go and get your own ”happy ever after”.
Lovely post, beautiful love story..
Enjoyed so much reading this and had to laugh about eating up his French fries on the first sight…….something I’d typically do as well when I am hungry….
Merry Christmas and may the new year brings love and healing to you both…
just found ur blog, n feeling amazed reading all ur stories, especially the love story … so enlightening
AB,
Masha’Allah!!! That is a wonderful, beautiful and very inspirering story. Def movie material.
I am having to hold the tears back as I write this because, the hope coming off the page is so great.
The saying “love conquers all” is rattling through my head.
And the fact that Mr Bedu knew with surety that one day you would be his wife (swoon) WOW!
That’s def “my cup of tea”.
I can only hope and continue to pray that indeed Allah brings you back to your beloved husband because your bond is very unique in this day and age. You have made me want to contact every person that makes me feel as loved as you feel (starting with my dear hubster) so wish you all the best.
Happy holidays as they say.
May Allah cure you both and bring many more years of peace and love to you Ameen.
A love story that never ceased to amaze me. Love never knows borders or restrictions and Allah made this possible for you two.
May you get to see the next sunrise and your husband every single day. My thoughts and prayers are always with you and him. May He grant you two the will and strength to live each days in hope of seeing each other again soon, Insyallah.
@Umm Mohammed – you have a whole group to support you and give you encouragement.
Everyone – thank you and I am glad you enjoyed.
I guess I need to put out a feeler…I want my blog to stay on theme about Saudi Arabia but would additional posts about some of my husband and I’s experiences be of interest or not? I mean, Saudi Arabia is much more than love and relationships so let me know.
Wow, that is beautiful and romantic story – it should be a movie as it shows love can conquer all boundaries!!! Thanks so much for sharing. I truly mean it would make a wonderful movie – names changed of course!!! I could visualize every scene, the beauty of Pakistan, the embassies – of course Canada’s Embassy would be played up,
Abdullah cooking you breakfast, the “crazy arab” drive, too perfect!
It was a nice Christmas story for me to read today. Thank-you.
Oh Wendy…that is only the beginning! Then it goes to the move to India, visiting each other while he’s in Pakistan and I’m in India and 4 governments wondering what’s going on…..then it’s the marriage approval process, ultimately coming from the King…meeting the families on both sides…and my father’s infamous questions at a restaurant just when there was a loll in conversations around us saying he understood Saudi’s could have up to 4 wives so did that mean a man would wear 4 wedding bands at once (and my Stepmom telling my dad to shut his mouth that was not diplomatic) followed by my dad’s next question while the restaurant was still too quiet “so, does your country have spies?” (yeah…my Dad is quite a character) and it goes on and on. And then when we were visiting my Dad again but at his Pennsylvania home and he wakes up early and decides to go get a cup of coffee and newspaper at the local restaurant that has been in existence for more than 30 years and decided to take Abdullah’s diplomatic plated vehicle and then told his golfing buddies who were at the restaurant that his son-in-law was an Ambassador. When my husband carefully told my Dad that he should not say that my dad’s response “well, you should be one.” Like i said, I could just keep going on with so many memories.
And, happy to say my husband is also having a very good day today. We just touched base a few minutes ago! alhumdilla’allah.
Carol,
I enjoy reading your blog. It makes me think deeply about growing up in Riyadh, all the things I didn’t fully understand as a young teen, and where the country is now, so many years later. I also enjoy hearing your personal stories, too. Your story adds to the anecdotal information that creates a larger picture of the country. So… I definitely wouldn’t mind if you said more.
I hope you and your husband are doing well and having a good holiday, even if apart.
I would LOVE to hear more personal stories! Your Dad sounds like quite the character! I think it shows that your husband either has a good sense of humor, or was REALLY using his diplomatic skills with your father
Love these details!
And I am glad to hear mr Bedu had a goos day today.
Merry christmas bedu!!!
Carol, thank you for sharing such a lovely love story. Yes this time of year makes us all reflect. I just did my piece on my own 2009 reflections and see my own milestones. It has been a good year so far alhamdulillah. I also reflected on my own experiences in marrying my husband (a Canadian) this year. Yes, please share more of your experiences. Hugs!
That filled in a lot of spaces for us. What a wonderful story. When two people from such different backgrounds get together it is always an interesting story!
All our best to you and yours!
Awwwww………This has to be one of the sweetest stories I’ve heard in a very long time.Hoping you are both feeling better soon.
Should we start addressing you as AG instead of AB??
I loved your story, Carol….especially the part where Mr. Bedu (so typically Saudi) told you that you would not have to be alone anymore – LOL – no arab can understand that particular western need!!! Thank you for sharing this with us.
I’ll have to ask with Abdullah! (LOL)
forgive my poor English….pretend the word with was not there!
On Sun, Dec 27, 2009 at 7:06 AM, Carol Fleming wrote:
> I’ll have to ask with Abdullah! (LOL) > >
Thumbs up, Carol! I loved reading this post and getting to know more about you personally. I can just see you eating the French Fries off of his plate – I’m sure he loved it !!! He’s a class act – and so are you!
Thanks Susie! Glad you enjoyed! All my photos remain in Saudi so I could not insert additional photos the way you do with your lovely posts.
how romantic!!!!
i’m a fool for romance…and this post had me smiling the whole time i read it. i especially liked that your interaction started by accidently eating his french fries…and his reply.
thanks for sharing this story…..and i wish you both decades of years together making beautiful memories, you will write about for us.
So romantic <3 <3 <3
*sigh*
Thank you lovely ladies!
Thanks for sharing your beautiful story. May Allah bless you with many happy healthy years with your husband.
I am a South African Muslim expat living in Riyadh and many of your experiences here have been very informative. Thankyou!
thank you blue topaz and I’m glad to know that many of my posts have been helpful to you as an expat in Saudi.
Wonderful story. So nice to know another mixed marriage Saudi/American is holding up even when you are going through such severe trials in your lives. It’s good to know that you have each other to rely on.
Thanks, RCG
What a lovely story. You said you were facing cancer. I hope you come out of it unscathed and have many years of happy togetherness with your husband,
Welcome SS and thank you very much.
Carol…..you posted a thread for me a while back seeking advice about marrying a Saudi guy. We are still conversing until this summer when we plan to meet in Egypt insha Allah….
What touched me most was your husband’s confidence that you would be his wife. So funny because just the oher day my Saudi said almost the same thing…well, it was “you will marry a Bedouin insha Allah.” And equally assertive, “I cant imagine anyone else as my wife…you will be my wife.”
In those moments you feel like you should be insulted, like hey wait, you cant claim me as your own as if you know the future!” But then the sincerity in their voice makes you say inwardly….”yeah….youre right….”
totally understand Tudi!!
wow… im speechless.. lovely story..
)
by the way.. may I know how long you’ve been together?
)
Sorry my question is for Carol
My husband and I met in 1998.
What a beautiful story to start my day with. God help you carol. I m speechless but your dad’s question about wearing four wedding bands is hilariooooous !!!! I m a new comer to your group . But i m thinkng where is ur father now ?
Carol I wish you ll always be strong and overcome allll the hard times in ur life. I m sure there r a lot of ppl out there who still need carol In their life. Have a lovely day:)
Thank you Jamiela!
My father passed away in 2004 but each day he was on this earth he kept everyone fully entertained!
KSA in my heart