Comments on: Saudi Arabia and Marriage: How Many Years Does It Take

By: ALEXYA

ALEXYA — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 11:41:25 +0000

HI TO YOU ALL

I would like to know,if anybody has any ideea…
How long it takes the aproval for marriage in KSA between a saudi man and a western woman?
Both never been married.
THANKS A LOT & REGARDS

By: Of Western women and Saudi men « Save the Women!

Of Western women and Saudi men « Save the Women! — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 22:48:26 +0000

[...] American Bedu [...]

By: American Bedu

American Bedu — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 02:00:31 +0000

I believe in reality and to me that is no marriage is ever always perfect. A marriage takes continued work and compromise. Sometimes a marriage can benefit from counseling. And if one part of the unit will not seek consoling, it says volumes for the one who goes to a counselor anyway to learn how to cope and tips and techniques for learning how to communicate better.

By: ummtiflain

ummtiflain — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:32:24 +0000

Oby, it was really kind of you to share your story. And I have to say it was brave of you to accept you couldn’t change your spouse, seek counseling AND stay in the marriage. Divorce is never an easy option and though it is sometimes inevitable it doesn’t need to be the only solution to a strained marriage. I feel people these days are too quick to divorce without really giving it their all to make it work or at least make it better.

It isn’t easy for any of us to write candidly about our marriages and that’s as it should be. We owe our spouses and the sanctity of our unions respect. And we should try our best to always remember this even when we are in need of advice and support.

Oby, I wish you continued strength and happiness in your life and thank you Bedu for posting on the topic.

By: American Bedu

American Bedu — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 21:05:33 +0000

Speaking of regrets in where families may not have been able to share to me are the high school and college graduations. To me, these are such monumental events in the life of the child and the parents that it is such a shame in Saudi Arabia most graduations are segregated. Although as mentioned, both parents are usually involved in helping with school work but I’d have been devastated not to have had my parents and grandparents at my graduations! Again…I guess a matter a culture and how we are all brought up to view and relate to things.

I know so many doctors both male and female who I will kid about being split personalities (in a nice way) due to their bedside/work manner and then once away from work do not want to think or talk about work in any way! I think that is pretty natural.

By: radha

radha — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:32:03 +0000

@oby,
I totally understand your husband, My kids and career are very imp to me, i somehow cannot place one over the other. Yes not the most PC thing to say, yes i’d pick to be with kids if i have to pick but that will make me depressed ,miserable and of no use to my kids either, on the other hand that makes me a easy parent .

As for school, less said the better, once a while program is ok, but this constant visits,volunteering etc., grates on my nerves,. My husband acts the doting dad .

ah well , i’m done being-anti kids . see that’s why i decided early in life i wanted 1 kid or less. i woudn’t give up my 2nd for anything, but i would have very happy with just 1 too and believe me life would have been way easier. ah i was young and stupid, what can i say.

By: oby

oby — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:58:45 +0000

I just feel I need to say one thing about my husband lest everyone think he is a total jerk. The irony of this situation is that he has an AMAZING bedside manner. His patients adore him and he gets handwritten notes all the time thanking him for his care and telling him he is the best doctor etc. The thing is he doesn’t like small talk and says it is hard for him to banter back and forth with people. He would rather be quiet…Unlike me who finds it easy and can talk to a fence LOL! So it must take all the internal energy he has to always be “up” for his patients and spend all day talking when for me that would be heaven. That is probably why, when he gets home he doesn’t want to talk about anything more complicated than “How was your day dear and what’s for dinner?”

By: oby

oby — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:41:08 +0000

@Radha…

Your post is so funny! Being the one that has to attend all the stuff I do feel like “enough already!” sometimes and I have only one child! I can’t imagine when there are several children involved and then of course you can’t treat one differently. You have to go to all or none. your explanation had me laughing imagining myself.

But also your statement about dad’s getting involved…that is exactly what my husband said. He said if if Dad has to step in to solve a situation it isn’t going to be a pretty sight!! So moms handle it until it is too out of hand and then Dad takes over! And he knew if Mom called for reinforcements he was in BIG trouble.

By: oby

oby — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:32:24 +0000

Daisy…

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. I try my hardest, but it hasn’t been easy. I am just glad that I am now able to appreciate the good things rather than focus on the negative which I did for a long time and it really almost tore me apart.

I have no other option than to “cope”. But since the counseling it no longer feels like coping and much closer to being very OK. Not perfect, but very OK, even really great on occasion. At least I am not in a bad mood all the time anymore and I can truly enjoy life, him, us (whatever us is) and get on with things. LOL!

Thankfully, he is not entirely helpless and can do a few things. He’ll unload the dishwasher once in a while. And he will carry the laundry baskets full of newly folded clothes upstairs and take care of his own basket. And when I go out of town he takes great pride in doing his own laundry even though I have to handwrite out the directions and tape them to the machine, and show him how to divide up clothes so that he doesn’t wind up with pink underwear.LOL!

But yes, I have to say, Indians are very chauvinistic in some ways, but on the other hand there are some great things about Indians that I wouldn’t find in an American. So once I looked at it as a trade off it was better.

@Bedu…WHAT is it with that man cave thing??? Maybe women should try it!

@Abu Sinan…

I agree with you. Although he doesn’t see it as a chore per se, I do think he is missing a lot of stuff that can’t be recaptured and he might regret one day. Needless to say I am there for pretty much everything. I will say this, however…when he is home (and once in a while we get lucky and he is home early) he is very focused and involved with our daughter. Last night, even though he missed the winter concert she was in due to work, when he got home he and my daughter worked on homework together and then had some time watching a show together. So I am grateful for that. And he treats her with the most respect I have ever seen a father treat a daughter, very gentle, tolerant and playful and they laugh a lot together. So that is something.

By: radha

radha — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:15:50 +0000

My dad never and i mean NEVER walked into my school. The one time he came was when we had a final show when i was in my last yr. however I never felt the lack mainly because dad’s were not expected to show up, atleast the higher profile ones like mine, My mom/aunts and grandparents showed up religiously. Unless we slacked off in school and teachers had complains dad’s never got involved. Once my brother was not so obliging and my dad showed up to the mtg, the aftermath was not pretty.

Here it is very diff , culturally my spouse is expected to show up for all events and he does, unless he’s travelling or in surgery, and there are sooo many events in school. a few yrs ago with 2 kids in school we had 4 musical programs, 2 biography reading, 3 school cultural type events , 4 parent /teacher meets ,2 field days , not to forget thanksgiving program/mothers and fathers day events…. not to underestimate parent involvement, but that is waaaayyy tooo much . I even suggested we alternate each program, why take the whole family and visiting grandparent to visit a group musical, really that’s dandy in elementary but pales after a while. my spouse nixed that idea and insisted we all go to all events. so i dragged my very reluctant highschooler to my daughters musical prog. and this doesn’t include the outside school events, music/dance/sports… it makes a diff in the younger grades after about 5 th grade… i’d taper off the videocam/photo deal and oh we forget the graduations.. there’s about 4 of those per kid till 12th grade… really i conser completing bachelors graduation.. where in parents attend/clap/dinner etc., etc., the rest in my opinion is a non-event, completing high school is MANDATORY. ya we can celebrate but it’s not a big deal.