It’s a pleasure to have you hear at the blog.

Hi! this is the first time I visit this website and I have to say that I really apreciate this discussion! I am from Brazil, and last summer I went study english on Canada, where I made a lot of friends around the world. The thing is… I FELL IN LOVE WITH A SAUDI GUY! Omg, I did not know what to do… We spend like 1 month toguether, totaly fall in love… I think in the begginning was a little scary, we didnt know if it would be wrong or not… Now, I came back to Brazil and he to Saudi Arabia, but we still in contact and in love… We talk everyday and he is making plans to visit brazil next year… It really seems like a summer love, but I think it may became something elese… And I am so afraid! I think I will spend much time in this website… thank u for share your experiences… You can write me too! I need hear someone else opinion! thank u! byebye

I just wanted to comment that if you are able to visit Saudi prior to marriage, it would likely be for work. Anyone traveling to Saudi Arabia must have a sponsor.

Good luck. If he is meant to be the one for you, I sincerely wish you all the best and all happiness. I do not want to discourage anyone from pursuing love and happiness. However in spite of having married a Saudi myself, I would not strongly encourage pursuit of the relationship unless many questions have been answered.

I agree that a lot of Saudi men don’t consider marriage to a foreigner for different reasons. Some of them date women for sex while others I have met don’t really date around. It depends on their personal beliefs and desires.

My boyfriend isn’t the only Saudi male I know. I met a lot of them before I started dating my boyfriend, and there were a few (including my boyfriend) that I knew rather well just as friends. I was dating someone else at the time, and they knew I wasn’t going to cheat. I think they really respected me for this because I was getting asked out quite a bit more than I ever have in the past.

These friends treated me with nothing but respect. If I needed something, they were there to help. One tried to flirt with me, but he flirts with everyone (much like one of my American friends- I think they could almost be twins…haha). Still, they really do care about their friends. That said, my boyfriend is a bit more open-minded than the others (a thought confirmed by one of my non-Saudi friends) and I believe he is including me in future plans.

However, like any other relationship, it can only progress so fast. People in general come with different baggage, so it can take time for someone to open up completely with another person. This is especially true when people are used to being independent and more private about their personal life. I know I have a hard time opening up about certain things myself. Still, my boyfriend tries to answer any questions I have about himself, his family, etc. He makes a point to talk with me every day and to plan things to do together. Sounds like a relatively normal relationship to me. I am aware things would be different in Saudi Arabia because of the culture. But then, if he hadn’t have come here, I would never have met him in the first place.

Thank you for the advice about coming to visit before making a final decision. I have already mentioned to my boyfriend that when he is comfortable with our relationship, I’d like to visit his city and his family, but that I am also aware of what that would mean to his family so not until he is/we are ready for it. I would not marry him without at least meeting his family first.

It’s been very difficult for me, personally, to find a guy that I can be happy with. I have a very odd perspective on life that has been shaped through different (though somewhat unusual) experiences. I have seen a lot of different ways of living. I have seen people make really bad life decisions and later make really good life decisions. There will be cultural differences I will have to deal with whether I date an American, a Saudi, etc. When it comes to family life, I find I have more in common with my current boyfriend than most of my ex-boyfriends (who are American, mostly).

I am aware of the laws you mention. In the event that my boyfriend and I get married, I trust him. There will be things I’d want to discuss with him of course, but that goes for any guy who wanted to marry me. And of course, it’s a bit more important because of the laws there.

AnonymousCal,
I am somewhat curious what your experiences have been in Saudi Arabia. Are you happy? What has been really difficult for you since you moved there? Do you regret marrying your Saudi man and/or moving to Saudi Arabia? If this is too personal for you to discuss, I understand and apologize for asking.

I would say that 99% of Saudi men with western girlfriends don’t think of marriage, they are just looking for a company (and a bit of sexual experience!) while they are away from home. Most of them will deliberately hide this from the girlfriends in fear of losing them. I think you shouldn’t waste your time planning ahead anything until you discuss this issue with him. Be frank and direct. He might be sharing some of his future plans with you, but are you sure his plans include you ?

Regarding the move to Saudi Arabia, I would advise you of making a visit here first before making any decision. It is an advise I wish someone gave me 18 years ago ! . This will give you not only the chance of experiencing life and culture here firsthand, but it will also give you a rare chance of knowing your Saudi man for the person he truly is. You have no idea how much a Saudi man changes once he is in his country. I’ve been living here for more than 16 years, I met tons of western women married to Saudi men and if we all have something in common, it would be that we all agree that our men now are so different here than when we met them the west, we all agree that sometimes we ask ourselves in disbelief ” Is this the guy I fell in love with ? ” . I know that I asked myself this question shortly after moving to Saudi Arabia, and I still do.

Also, please bear in mind that in Saudi Arabia, as a woman you basically have no rights, you will be fully depending on your husband. You will need his permission (and I mean legal permission) every time you want to travel outside the country, or when you get a new job, your future daughters will need their father’s permission to enroll in college no matter how old they are. There is no law to protect you or your children from domestic violence behaviors. In case of a divorce, you won’t get anything at all and you will lose your children.

This is no anti-Saudi propaganda, this is the reality of women in Saudi Arabia .

I suggest reading the various Saudi blogs (check my blogroll and links). It would also be helpful to read the Saudi newspapers too. Be as informed as you can. Learn about the area he is from too.

Good luck Carol

From what I can tell, I have a strong feeling that he will want to return home at some point because he misses it and his family, especially his mom. That is one of the reasons why it is so important to me that I learn as much as I can about the culture. If I were to eventually move there (which is likely if I stay with him), I know that it will be difficult for me to adjust (especially at the beginning), but as my mom puts it, there are good and bad things about every place that you will live. The thing is to focus on the good things to love about a particular place rather than the bad. I think for now, though, he is okay with living abroad.

One again, thanks for the advice!

It is a very unusual and unique Saudi who will decide to remain and live outside of KSA on behalf of a foreign wife and children. Most will have a strong urge to return home to the extended family but especially to be close to their Mom. I know of some Saudis who have been in their 50′s and after more than 20 years outside decided it was time to move back home.

Some Saudi men will wish to have all plans in place and “do it all” themselves believing that they are making the right decisions and therefore no need to consult with a woman. Other Saudi men may not want to lose their foreign wife/girlfriend and therefore prefer to shield her from challenges (marriage approvals/existing wives/family not approving) by not saying anything.

If it were simpler, my advice to a woman thinking of marrying a Saudi is to first go and work for a while in the Kingdom towards determining if this is a culture to which she can adapt and be happy.

Thanks for sharing your view and giving some additional guidance to Strangeone based on your experiences and observations.