I posted earlier this month about a bride’s dowry and if the marriage did not succeed, should the dowry be returned. The resulting discussion on the post of dowry seemed to have a natural segue about marriage in Saudi Arabia and entitlements to a woman in the event of a divorce. In accordance with Islam and Shariah law, in the event of a divorce a man is required to provide 3 months (90 days) of “maintenance” to the wife. In the US and other western countries the word maintenance would be substituted as alimony. However let’s think about whether 90 days of maintenance is really fair in Saudi Arabia.
A Saudi woman must have a male mahrem (guardian) and in most cases she will go directly from her family’s home to her husband’s home through marriage. There remain many Saudi women who going directly from being a daughter to a wife have had limited life experiences and have never worked let alone acquired a professional skill. Additionally the Saudi culture and tradition strongly encourages and expects a couple to have a child within the first year of marriage. Therefore it is not surprising in the case of a lot of divorces among Saudis there are typically children involved who if young enough, will remain with their mother.
Thankfully Saudi culture is strong where family will look out for and take care of blood relations. A Saudi woman whose marriage is over in most cases will be able to return to her family home. But is that necessarily fair to her? Is that what she really wants rather than making her own home for her and her children? Yet the woman with no marketable job skills and with young children may not have a lot of options. Also factored in is the fact that traditionally the husband is only expected to provide three months of maintenance which in many cases may not amount to much at all considering a woman is attempting to rebuild her life. This is not a case of trying to freeload but to look at all available options for a woman and not make her feel forced into decisions not necessarily right for her.
On the other hand it is not surprising there are many Saudi couples who choose not to live together as husband and wife but in reality are pretty much divorced but without the official process of a divorce. In this case the woman usually has her own home separate from the estranged husband and without moving back in with her family. She may or may not work but in most cases she does have some kind of work. She is independent yet not viewed as a divorced woman. Her family name and reputation remains intact whereas a divorced woman can be looked upon with a stigma or as “used goods.” This woman will likely have accepted there will not be an active husband in her life and is content with her children and her extended family. She is happy to not have the daily expectations of a husband and instead enjoys her liberation and freedom of being her own person.
So which is better? Deciding not to get a divorce but live separate lives? Getting a divorce and accepting 90 days of maintenance even if meant returning to live with family? Or getting divorced and negotiating for further maintenance in order to have additional options?
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Of course it’s not enough. And why should it remain so? Why not have a law that men who divore their wives have to give them alimony?
After all, this is a completely different world from what it was at the life-time of the prophet.
One change which really sticks out is that in those days women quite easily found new husbands. Men married widows and divorcees all the time. Some women married sebveral times, there is no indication that men were so neurotic about virginity as they are now.
And nowadays a woman’s only marketvalue is her virginity. And if she is ”used goods” she’s not good enough anymore.
This change in society’s perception cuts women off from any prospects of marrying again today.
And also, at the lifetime of the prophet it seems that women could go about quite freely, interact with men, conduct businesses, even own large international businesses…
That has all changed as well.
So, yes!
As all these things have changed, the ruling on alimony should be changed to fit the different circumstances women now live in. And men should pay alimony uintil their ex-wives are married again, or make enough money by working or owning a business.
I think the no-divorce-but-live-separately option is good only if the woman never wants to marry again. Otherwise she is forced to be married to some guy who is not even coming around. But if she likes that, so be it.
Otherwise I think paying alimony longer than 90 days is the best option. It seems Saudi ex-husbands get out pretty cheap!
They do pay child support for all those offspring that they’ve had part of creating, right?
1. split all your assets (earned after marriage) 50-50 ,irrespective of if he worked, she worked or both .
keep your pre-marital mohnies to yourself.
Anything other than this would be unacceptable to be and unfair. the part about staying separate but not divorced makes no sense to me, so you’d rather be lonely,miserable and honorable ? hmm strange…
The main problem is that the Quran doesn’t provide for maintenance to a divorced woman beyond 3 months – It was presumed in 7th century Arabia that a divorced woman would return to her legal guardian who would provide for her. Since her ex-husband was no longer her legal guardian, he was under no obligation to maintain her.
This is not a fault of KSA, it is a flaw in the Islamic jurisprudence.
Hence, expecting Saudi Arabia to change its maintenance laws would be a tall order.
On that post, I was provided with a webpage link of progressive Muslims. I wrote to tem to ask whether a divorced Muslim woman should be given maintenance beyond 3 months. Following is their reply –
Our opinion on this issue is that the Qur’an often does NOT give legislation that is considered to be permanent and instead deals with material that was at the time of the Prophet, emending the then conditions. Does Islam provide alimony beyond three months? Certainly, depending on the circumstances and situation. If Muslims choose to live in a society where there are laws that govern divorce rules, then the Muslim automatically becomes subject to such law.
The idea of a man being a woman’s guardian, insofar as that by virtue of his gender he is somehow superior, is antiquated and un-Islamic.
The legislation of the Qur’an was based in an androcentric society and often has to be seen as simply making things better for that time. The Muslim thinkers, with the passing of time, and supposed increase in their awareness of better ethics, have to address new issues with legislation mutatis mutandis based on the philosophy of the Qur’an, which means the giving of rights to those who are oppressed.
I feel, reading from your short letter, that you are far more advanced in your thinking and perception of the Qur’anic perspective than most of the “alims” trained in the Islamic institutions. Sadly, the issue of thought and reflection in the Muslim world of traditional scholarship is lacking.
Whatever Radha says, same goes for me. No point in keeping a facade in front of the society.
Same old story, the saudi man wins in every aspect. I find it interesting that its mentioned above from others,..in the prophet days women divorcees remarried, etc etc..The saudi society has become more and more supressed over time. All the hype about virginity, doesnt give any chance to look into a womens heart and soul to see who she really is, she just becomes after divorce,…the word: used goods, how sad really. When you really look at the overall mentalitiy of society, its ridiculous to be honest
I have to tell you…I am finding it increasingly hard to be a “good” muslimah by the standards of my society.
It is unconscienable that a woman get three months of support after several years of marriage, where the goals of the family are achieved in tandem.
As for muslim jurisprudence, which doesn’t really exist under shariah, much has to be done to reignite the concept as it was up until the 13th century when Islam ruled a major part of the world and had to accomodate many cultures and growth.
Well, Islamic rulers didn’t really enforce the Shariah in every place they ruled – large part of India was under the Muslim rulers for almost 900 years, but it was never an Islamic rule in India – they left the population to follow their religions and customs and concentrated only on political administration.
Especially the Mughals, who ruled from 16th to 18th centuries, took special care to actually patronise the local Indian customs and the art forms of Hinduism. India is indebted to the Mughals for the kind of composite religious culture and interfaith exchanges it has today. Because of this, many orthodox Muslim clerics believe that the Mughals didn’t follow Islam in India, but that was the wisest way to rule a diverse region as this.
Women can build into their marriage contracts a stipulation for a sum of money to be paid her in the case of divorce. The problem here is that many men will then go to almost any length to prevent a divorce because they dont want to pay the money.
In the situations I know the men have taken care of their former wives after divorce, but I am finding out that this isnt common practice.
It’s a bit strange that all assets by defination belongs to MAN after marriage, that the MAN decide how much to give to his wife for support upon divorce.
This all comes back to this guandianship problem, if woman had more freedom and opportunties to work, then woman would have contributed as much for income generation etc, hence should share the ownership of the assets. So that all mutually owned assets could simply be split 50%-50%
As long as woman are perceived to be property of man, not able to work independently, man in that society is never going to treat woman equally, hence, never going to give enough alimoney.
This is a particular issue that is near and dear to my heart as I have a good friend who dealt with this issue for over 4 years. she was kicked to the curb by her husband of 18 years (he was having an affair and she found out, then she got the boot). The initial “off record” reaction that she got from the “learned scholars” was to take his butt to court and take him for all he was worth, but when she went and did just that, suddenly all the good old boys in “the boys club” went around and changed their opinions. My suggestion to all Muslim women in America is to, sure, get a good contract before you get married, but the civil marriage is the MOST IMPORTANT ONE TO HAVE. It’s the only way to make sure your Islamic rights are followed through on when all the chicken s*&% shuykh head for the hills when you need their support.
While the 3 month alimony is great, it is often not enough, obviously for converts, they usually have no Muslim family to fall back on for support. While that was the traditional route for divorcees to go back in ye days of olde, nowadays, it often doesn’t work. So women traditionally who had gone through their alimony and couldn’t rely on the family to support her became essentially WARDS OF THE ISLAMIC STATE, just as orphans and widows did. With the back up of the state, they could still live comfortably and feel secure. My question to the scholars who deem that only 3 months alimony is permissible in all circumstances is what will then happen to the women who have no other means of support? My friend had stayed home for 18 years, homeschooling and raising her kids…devoted her life to her home, kids and husband. Why should he NOT pay her in some way for all of the things that she had done in that marriage? I think the bastard should pay through his nose for the rest of his life.
Sorry to rant, saw the topic and couldn’t resist.
BTW, she took his A%& to court, against the “sound advice” of the scholars and got HALF of EVERYTHING. Even half his pension. When that jerk retires, we are all having a party on his dime. LOL
3 MONTHS IS NOTHING!
what about the children? are they still finacially responsible for them? child support?
how unfair..especially if it was orginally an arranged marriage.
Abu Sinan,
It’s true that theoretically speaking, women can build into their marriage contracts a provision for some post-divorce payment. However, that’s not their legal right – at best it’s the groom’s generosity and he has the right to refuse to allow this provision. Mehr is her right and a Muslim marriage is null and invalid if the Mehr amount hasn’t been decided in the marriage contract – when it is paid or if the wife condones it is a different matter, but this has to be decided in the contract. But to stipulate the post-divorce amount is not her right and the groom is not under obligation to agree for this condiion.
It’s really her luck – if she gets a kind and rich groom, he will agree for this condition, otherwise he may refuse and if the bride’s guardian keeps on rejecting marriage proposals on this ground, he may not be able to get the girl married.
Hence, it should not be left to the groom’s mercy – there should be a clear legal provision for post-divorce maintenance and that can happen only if the Islamic jurisprudence changes.
According to the religion, it may be 3 months, but most generous husbands that I have heard about, given the financial means, do take care of their children….even sometimes when it’s the wife that leaves the nest and moves back to the states.
When a woman is getting a divorce and is in her “iddah” or waiting period her husband provides for her financially just as he did before the divorce was pronounced because she is essentially still his wife. This 3 month period is from Allah and he knows the wisdom behind it. You cannot change Allah’s laws just because you don’t understand it or deem it to be insufficient. It’s a blessing Muslim women aren’t required to pay the men alimony, ever thought of that? Some women in other parts of the world are plagued with that problem and none too happy I’m sure!
Obviously if a woman chose the no divorce-live separately path there was something dire to make her choose that over a straight forward divorce.
For example if a woman is faced with losing her children she will do whatever it takes to protect them even if that means sacrificing her marital happiness. Or if she had absolutely NO WHERE else to go, no education, no money and didn’t envisage remarriage, where is the harm? It doesn’t necessarily mean she would be doomed to a life of loneliness and misery. Who knows, perhaps that sort of situation actually HELPS the spouses to get on well together?
In all honesty I feel it would take one courageous woman to do that.
And besides, this setup is not much different then some Saudi marriages I know of where the husband is a “married bachelor”, provides maids, drivers, money, etc to the family; live in the SAME house yet independently of one another but might as well be divorced.
Well if it is insufficient for our times then Allah’s law or not, it has to be changed – any right thinking society would do that.
ALLAH DISLIKES DIVORCE:
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings ofAllah be upon him) is reported to have described divorce, which read asfollows: “ The most hatred lawful item in the Sight of Allah (subhanahu wata’ala) is divorce”
Although divorce is lawful, it is still well restricted. In fact, divorce is not a toy in the hand of the person, which he may use it any way when he or she likes.
There are lists of steps to avoid divorce, let me share a few:
(I) The two parties must try to settle their differences on their own.
(II)Islam mentioned modern marraige consulation long before:
If they fail to settle themselves, two arbitrators, one from the husband’s relatives, and one from the wife’s relatives, must be appointed to try to make peace and to settle their differences.
(III) If this attempt also fails, then the husband or the wife may seek a divorce. But this is not the end, there Allah still gives time to both partners to realise their emotional decision made out of anger.
(IV) In case divorce is served, a reconciliation time of three months is available (except if the parties have divorced each other for the third time). The two parties can reconsider their views and reunite in this waiting time.
I dnt think a sensible couple will get angry for 3 months but surely try to settle theri differences.
(V) However, if the above time limit expires and no reconciliation occurs, then the divorce becomes effective and marriage is terminated.
But this is not the end,
But, still Allah gives time to save theri marriage :
-they can divorce first time,
- wait for 3 months to reconciliate,
- if cant reconciliate, then marriage is terminated
- they can re unite whenever the want
-If still they have problems in their married life, they can divorce 2nd time
- wait for another 3 months to reconciliate
-if cant reconciliate, then marriage is terminated
– again they can re unite whenever the want but no more re-union after 3rd time divorce. Marriage is not joke that u play gambling. So, its strict warning from Allah.
- Some scholar says that they can still reunite, in that case simple reunion cant happen but do all marriage process like – paying fresh mahar
Islam encourages reunion of the two disputing parties and considers it meritorious to cancel divorce during the reconciliation time. From the given procedure, it is clear that Islam permits divorce only when it has become impossible for the parties to live together in harmony and also all attempts to make peace have failed. If both parties are willing to live together happily, in spite of the defects or drawbacks in the other, no power on earth can impose a divorce.
A Muslim is permitted to have recourse to divorce, provided there is ample justification for such an extreme measure. Islam does not believe in unlimited opportunities for divorce on trivial reasons. To curtail reckless use without reason, a tradition of the holy Prophet says that among all permitted things, God dislikes divorce the most. God has condemned the Muslims who use their legal rights of divorce except on legitimate grounds and in unbearable condition. In the absence of a genuine reason, no Muslim can justify a divorce in the eyes of either religion or law
ALIMONY IN ISLAM:
In Islam, in any condition, financially a daughter has to be taken care by father, a wife by husband, a mother by son when she gets old. Simply a woman doesnt need to work in her whole life for her need/food/requirement.
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In Islam, daughter has her inheritence right
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Right to provisions from her husband for all her needs and more
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After divorce, Right to ask compensation for feeding baby if divorce occurs
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Considering wife is working,If he used even a single penny from her for buying her make up items, or for running family like -paying electricity bill, kid’s education fees, in running kitchen or anything he has to pay back to his wife. Its husban’d responsibility to run family and take care of wife and kids financially.
Above all this, many scholars say that if the divorce is initiated by husband he needs to pay the unpaid amount of Mahar, child-support and alimony (wife-support). Its in practice in many Islamic coutnries.
But, many times, Allah’s rule is made mockery by many Muslims.
With regard to alimony, in the Quran the ex-husband’s financial obligation to his ex-wife is mandated:
This is open for negotiation between parties and should be in accordance with the husband’s financial ability.
“And for divorced women is maintenance according to what is acceptable – a duty on the righteous.” [Quran 2:241]
NEED MORE ANALYSIS:
There is big discussion on this issue. My opinion is do what is best. As per islam, anything that is not mentioned as “NO” and that doesnt cause any harm can be done.
Like, Islam never asks wife to cook, wash clothes of husband, but still it never say NO also. Do what is best in the eyes of Allah and to maintain a good relationship.
If wife helped him by taking less mahar, if she doesnt work, if there is no one to look after her, then help her by giving at one go some big SUM. Even u can give ur zakat to ur ex-wife. I think whatever happened in Shah bano case was creating mountain out of mole hill by media and politicans..it has been 3 decades but still street dogs and cats remeber shah bano(who was having her son to support her and was rich woman). At the same time, forcing some1 illegally is also not the right way.
Allah knows best.
Let´s see how people misuse Islam/misundertand islam and culture by reading following two interesting topic:
RECLIMING WOMEN’S RIGHT TO DIVORCE IN ISLAM:
http://www.ahl-alquran.com/English/document.php?page_id=548
Divorce in Islam and Alimony:
http://www.islamweb.net/VER2/archive/article.php?lang=E&id=92752
NEED MORE ANALYSIS:
There is big discussion on this issue. My opinion is do what is best. As per islam, anything that is not mentioned as “NO” and that doesnt cause any harm can be done.
Like, Islam never asks wife to cook, wash clothes of husband, but still it never say NO also. Do what is best in the eyes of Allah and to maintain a good relationship.
If wife helped him by taking less mahar, if she doesnt work, if there is no one to look after her, then help her by giving at one go some big SUM. Even u can give ur zakat to ur ex-wife. At the same time, forcing some1 who doesnt have capability to pay, is also not the right way.
Allah knows best.
Let´s see how people misuse Islam/misundertand islam and culture by reading following two interesting topic:
RECLIMING WOMEN’S RIGHT TO DIVORCE IN ISLAM:
http://www.ahl-alquran.com/English/document.php?page_id=548
DIVORCE AND ALIMONY IN ISLAM:
http://www.islamweb.net/VER2/archive/article.php?lang=E&id=92752