Engaging in a dialogue recently with other foreign wives who are married to Saudis made me realize something that over time I and others have come to accept about marriage to a Saudi and that is abnormal is normal. What one would take for granted and find to be very straightforward in other places of the world is not always the case in Saudi Arabia and particularly when it comes to marrying a Saudi and living in Saudi Arabia. For those who may marry a Saudi and live outside the Kingdom their life will likely be more typical. But if the plan is to live in Saudi Arabia as a married couple then the whole marriage approval process comes in to play. Now I can understand why individuals in certain positions may be subject to restrictions prohibiting marriage to a foreigner regardless of nationality but is there any other country in the world where one requires governmental permission to marry and live with the spouse of their choice?
I’ve written many many posts previously on this subject of marriage and the approval process. This is the first time though that I am addressing some of the peculiarities where what one may view as abnormal is the norm for Saudi Arabia. It is normal to take several years for most marriage approvals to be obtained. Those foreigners whose marriage has been approved in mere months fall into the abnormal category. It is normal for most foreigners who marry a Saudi to have to undergo several marriage ceremonies at the request of the government to get the marriage approved. For example if the marriage took place in a third country where neither the bride nor groom held nationality, another marriage must take place in the home country of one of them.
It is normal that there will always be exceptions to the marriage process in spite of clear cut guidelines. It is also normal that multiple Ministries review the marriage approval request and have the ability to approve or disapprove. In one case I am aware of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs waived its approval of a couples marriage request saying it would abide by the decision of the Ministry of Interior. The Ministry of Interior approved the marriage request. Upon learning of the approval from the Ministry of Interior, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs then decided that the King himself must approve the marriage request due to the background and positions of the couple involved.
In yet another marriage approval, one American-Saudi couple married in the United States. They had a child while in the States. Eventually they decided to relocate to Saudi Arabia. The husband had no difficulties obtaining approval and he and his wife went to Saudi Arabia together. After more than 20 years of marriage and more children they received notification that they were cohabitating and not legally married. Naturally they went to authorities with all pertinent documents. Realizing that there was a dilemma on their hands, the authorities decided to have the couple marry again.
For those who are planning to marry a Saudi, have patience and a sense of humor. For those who have already married a Saudi I invite you to share your own experience on how long the approval took and what the process was for you.
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“…is there any other country in the world where one requires governmental permission to marry and live with the spouse of their choice?”
Well, technically, that’s the whole idea of a civil marriage – government sanctioning of the marriage! =D More seriously, governments regularly forbid certain types of marriages – such as those between close blood relatives or same-sex couples.
@Q,
Welcome to the blog and appreciate your comment.
Is a civil marriage government sanctioning per se? For example in Saudi Arabia for a bi-cultural couple (either the husband or wife is a Saudi national) to live and be together even publicly as a husband and wife in Saudi, the government must approve the marriage. Even if a couple had an islamic ceremony which recognizes the couple as married the couple must still have the governmental permission to be in Saudi Arabia together as a married couple. While same sex marriages are strictly prohibited and against Islam and Sharia’ah law, it is very common for many Saudis to continue to marry first or second cousins. Again, another example of Abnormal in most other places is normal in Saudi Arabia.
Civil marriage may require State permission, but in most countries this permission comes easily.
What I have never understood is – why do these couples want to go through so much trouble and insist upon living in Saudi Arabia – often as “illegeal” couples as far as the State is concerned, since they haven’t got permission.
I am not denouncing Saudi Arabia – I know it has many wonderful aspects and many negative sides too as any other country – but isn’t it much easier to live in another country where they can easily have the status of a legally married couple? What’s the need or the motivation to take so much of trouble on oneself?
Daisy~
I would say that answer to that question, from my experience, is that the Saudi of the couple will be pretty miserable away from their family and country.
In the US families are not NEAR as close and dependent upon each other as Saudi families. I don’t know any Saudi person who could be away from their family indefinitely. They just wouldn’t be able to function without Saudi Arabia.
I’m sure there are Saudis out there who aren’t this way, but I certainly don’t know any of them.
A license for a civil ceremony is easily obtained by just providing a few basic pieces of information. It is almost always granted, one doesnt have to go through a process and hope it is granted. You either meet the straight up criteria, which is plainly provided for everyone to see, or you dont.
The process for Saudi recognition is NOT the same. You have to fill out a lengthy questionaire, you must provide references, and if the foriegner is the male, he must provide proof of gainful employment. As I remember correctly, it must even state how much money you make.
Then, even if you provide all of this information, you might wait years and years only to be rejected with no clear reason as to why. Any official along the way can throw a spanner into the mix and the decision is made by the Ministry of the Interior in Riyadh.
Again, but there is no check list of requirements, you can be rejected for any reason, no reason, they dont have to tell you, so you might never know.
In the West, for a civil marriage, you could have legal recourse if they refused you permission. Look at the recent incident where a justice of the peace refused to marry a bi-racial couple in LA. There was national coverage that lasted days and ended up with his quiting his job.
In Saudi if you are refused you have little or no recourse. If you had the money or the connections to do something about it…………you wouldnt have gotten refused in the first place.
The MOST important thing here is that Saudi is supposed to be the land of Islam, so where do they get the right to approve or disapprove ANYTHING that God has made legal? If one is married through the proper religious officials I believe it is haram/forbidden for the Saudi government to try and step in and basically approve or disapprove God’s own laws.
In this case they clearly put themselves BEFORE God’s laws.
Oh, I have absolutely no argument that the Saudi restrictions are unduly restrictive and complicated. I was merely pointing out that the Saudi government is not the only government interested in regulating whom its citizens marry (albeit more interested than most).
Is the permission worth it? Oh yes…I believe a spouse should know and see where their spouse has come from and what has been their traditions and heritage. And, life can be very good in Saudi Arabia. For example, as a foreign woman married to a Saudi I find I have more and unique opportunities in Saudi than I would receive as easily in the United States. While it of course depends on what one is looking for or what makes a person happy but I say that a couple can live a good and easier life in Saudi.
And yes, family does indeed play a more proactive role in the life of a Saudi than perhaps many Americans. This can be both good and bad but it is of such high importance to many many Saudis to maintain that familial connection and live near one another or at least within the same country.
Great post, Carol. I’m wondering though if you know of anywhere that gives a complete list of things you have to do/people to see? M’s scholarship is almost up and he has to go back to see the family so he’s thinking of starting the process soon.
I think the permission would be worth it too. I just recently got back from meeting my in laws in Bahrain and wow, what an experience. I definitely agree with you in terms of having completely different opportunities – it does all depend on what you’re looking for.
Having just gotten officially married myself two weeks
ago tommorow. I can say it is ofcourse worth it, but
I would be falsely representing myself if I were to
claim I was in any relationship longer than any of the
esteemed posters here, on the contrary. It was only
a year and a half ago that I got engaged. Got married
in court on October 26th, went and picked up the
Watheeqat Zawaj ( Marriage Document ) and
IMMEDIATELY walked over to a photocopy shop to
keep a copy with me at all times, as my wife is
not a Saudi national, I can not get a family card
issued and have her added, and were we to cross
over the causeway into Bahrain or drive over to
Kuwait, I would need evidence she is indeed my wife
and this serves to curtail those who mask religious
piety and just seek to ruffle feathers. Sad as it is,
it will most likely help me get out of problems within
the surroundings of my beloved Eastern Province
more than on any border crossing.
Aziz! Congratulations bro! Really happy that the process and ordeal is finally over
Islam recognizes the marriage, but bureaucrats!?
1+1 doesn’t always equal 2 
Each country has it’s own laws.
Recognizing the marriage is useful in case of something happening ( inheritance, social security, etc…).
Yes it’s frustrating, have patience. here in the middle east things are done differently
Just before I forget
I’m a frequent reader of your blog only started commenting recently.
PEACE.
@Ellen,
I believe one of the posts which I linked to this one explains the step by step process. But as cited in this post, there can and will be exceptions. I think it is great that you did have the opportunity to meet your future in-laws in Bahrain! So many (foreign) women do not receive such an opportunity prior to marriage to a Saudi.
@Mohammed,
It is a pleasure to have you commenting and I do enjoy your comments.
@Aziz,
Mabrook! I am very happy for you and your wife. Yes, foreign wives are not placed on a man’s family card even though children resulting from the marriage would be. The proof of marriage is her iqama which identifies her as your wife and sponsor. At least that is how it is for me and my husband. I can understand also wanting to have a photocopy of the marriage certificate too, particularly when traveling.
@ Bedu
Thank you very much for your mabrook. Finally a
hurdle has been passed. What you say is true,
the resulting children from a Saudi-Husband/Non-
Saudi wife are present in the family card. Its not
something we’re rushing, she’ll be eligible for
citizenship a couple of years down the line and that
will make things a near formality.
I learned of the idea of photocopying the marriage
license from friends who are married, whats shocking
is that all their wives are SAUDI citizens, yet that
doesnt stop the Hay’a from harassing them.
You’d think they’d have more pressing issues to
occupy their time, but really, they can only check so
many business establishments during prayer hours
to see if they’re still conducting business when
they’re not sanctioned to, lol.
Carol,
I said in my comment I wasn’t denouncing Saudi Arabia, just wondering why they want to live as “illegal” couples there and go through so much hardship to get permission, rater than living legally elsewhere. I do agree with you a spouse should know about the place and heritage of his/her spouse. But even if it involves living “illegally” and going through difficulties for years?
NeverEver,
Thanks for your explanation. Radha who writes on this blog has a Saudi husband and livs in the US. I myself come from a culture where family matters a lot but each year my country sends amongst the largest immigrant populations abroad. I have also seen people from similar family values coming to my country and staying here for years away from their families because they come from dictatorships or politically disturbed places. Eventually, they go to some other country but not back to their home country, because of the difficulties involved in living there – many of them are neighbours of Saudi Arabia. I do feel Saudis take it too far – or perhaps they feel their spouse will accommodate them so much.
I saw your blog and liked it too.
@Daisy,
Forgive me if I made any confusion. I was referring to couples who marry outside the Kingdom in a recognized marriage and then have to wait for the governmental approval so they can live together in Saudi if that is what they wished.
Now I am aware that there have been some couples with a foreign spouse and due to a marriage not being recognized the foreign spouse comes into the Kingdom via an umrah visa and then just stays. However the risks of this are so immense and can involve deportation for the foreigner and imprisonment to the Saudi spouse. In my opinion, it is simply not worth those kind of risks.
@Aziz,
It is a shame how couples can be approached and asked to show proof. In my observations this seems to happen more when a Saudi male is accompanied by a spouse who is either uncovered (not wearing a hijjab) or the spouse appears foreign. The only time my husband and I were ever challenged on our relationship in Saudi was one time entering a compound to see from friends. This was a National Guard officer providing security for the compound. After he saw my residency card and my husband’s id, he smiled broadly and asked my husband “How did you do that?” meaning how did he get the approval as my husband’s vehicle also has a sticker identifying it with a government ministry. It just takes a lot of time and patience and again, so glad it worked out for you.
Carol,
Thanks for explaining. You don’t have to apologise for this, it’s quite natural – I could be much worse.
Thanks, Daisy!!
Ours took close to 5 yrs for approval, we didn’t bother much with it for about 3 yrs and then when we thought we should give saudi a try , we moved it into high gear, sorry i don’t know much details my spouse handled it .
I personally had a nice time there, made great friends who are close to us till date , Of couse my career dropped to the lowest low but i got to spend plenty of time with my kids. nothing against saudi but it’s something about being a female urologist in saudi treating specialized male disorders that didn’t go over too well.. F meanwhile had a ball.
the only regret i have is the part of his family that didn’t acept our marriage still didn’tcome around. oh well too much water under the bridge now.
Daisy
I think you are right that some Saudis do take it too far, and I think that most would expect their wife to go along/ respect their decision to go home. If they did not feel that the woman would respect this wish, they would not marry her.
Honestly I would really like to live in Saudi I think. It depends on the woman. Things other people see as limitations don’t seem to me that way. I already choose to wear abaya here in the US so this doesn’t bother me, I don’t like to drive, I plan on staying home with my children so that inshaAllah I can teach them to be good people. To each their own I guess.
Thanks for coming by the blog, and I’m glad you liked it
oh i have to add, i had plenty of fun shopping in dubai , visiting friends in bahrain and doha, desset camping trips where we had out own mini 5-star tent and best of all sharjah cricket match india vs pakistan .. ooh living in saudi was sooo worth it
Oh and I’m not trying to imply that you cant do all of those things outside of Saudi because of course you can. Just that dressing this way, not driving, and staying home don’t seem like hardship to some people.
@Radha – I can’t stop chuckling thinking about your area of specialization and how to make it work in Saudi! (smile) sorry…some days my off-sense of humor gets the best of me!
Radha and Carol,
