These tips apply whether you’ve met a Saudi within or outside the Kingdom. First and foremost, there are indeed distinctions when conversing with a Saudi male or female. If conversing with a Saudi female it will likely be another female who is conversing with her. If the Saudi female is unknown and she has been met in a social setting, the following topics are appropriate and good for breaking the ice.It is okay to ask her if she has children, how many, what ages and what sexes. I think it is universal that all mothers enjoy talking about their children. However it is not considered appropriate to ask a Saudi female whom you do not know well what is her husband’s name or what does he do. That comes under the category of privacy. It is however fine to ask a Saudi woman about running a house, managing a housemaid, Saudi cooking and preparation of dishes. She would likely enjoy such subjects and pleased to be able to give pointers and tips. Of course places to shop and what to shop for (clothes, jewelry, etc) are suitable topics as well.
You should quickly be able to discern in a discussion with a Saudi woman her mastery of English. If she speaks excellent English with no hesitation, I’d suggest complimenting her on her grasp of the language and ask her where she learned her English. If her English is broken and she speaks hesitatingly, I’d suggest telling her how happy you are to have the opportunity to chat with her and how pleased that she is speaking to you English.
The Saudi woman who speaks to you confidently and easily would likely be more amenable to discussions which go beyond the generalized. She may enjoy discussions about news, current events, movies and shows on tv.
However when someone is not well known, I recommend avoiding topics such as religion, politics or marriages.
At the same token, do not be surprised that the Saudi woman, well educated or not, may ask you, as a Westerner, the very personal questions which are viewed as in appropriate of asking her. She may ask you who is your husband and what does he do. If you work, she may ask you not only where but how much you make. She may ask where you live and how much you pay for rent. It is up to you to choose how you wish to answer her. Why though would she ask you and be able to ask you questions that culturally you are prohibited from asking her? It’s pretty simple and more like reverse imaging. She may know of or hear how very open the West is and under that premise, has the right to ask you all kinds of curious questions. But you, as a Westerner and especially if in Saudi Arabia, are expected to follow the cultural traditions and abstain from asking personal questions of a Saudi.
Another word of advice that is very important if one is a single western woman and speaking to a Saudi. Let’s say the western woman may have a Saudi boyfriend. That should not be revealed to the Saudi woman. If it is, the western woman will likely lose much face and respect from the Saudi woman since co-mingling is against the customs and culture of Saudi Arabia. Instead of bonding you more closely together thinking that this is something that brings you as a Westerner closer to a Saudi woman, it would likely isolate you instead. The Saudi woman may in turn tell her friends and family about the loose westerner she met who has stolen a good Saudi man without the benefit of marriage.
Filed under: abbya, America, culture, Dress, friendship, gender, relationships, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, Saudi Living, travel, Uncategorized, Women Issues Tagged: | abaya, America, culture, culture shock, customs, gender, gender issues, KSA, religion, Saudi, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, women
I went to your link and saw a picture that looked familiar… I’ve just seen the same picture today with this article: Saudi girl crowned Miss Moral Beauty
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5hSVJkDYazbgSgUzPaC98j4zIBN4A
(The caption reads: Female Saudi women in Riyadh. Hmmm… as opposed to Male Saudi women, or Female Saudi men?)
Is it really considered rude to ask a Saudi woman her husband’s family name?
@munaqabah – how funny….considering I also do much writing well in advance of posting! And yeah…I like your sense of humor there too!
Depending on how traditional as well as secure a Saudi women is or is not, it can be perceived as threatening or inappropriate to ask the husband’s name or questions of him, particularly if they come from a single foreign woman. What I tend to do is wait until I am asked about my husband and then I will ask the same question back.
Im sometimes floored by the very personal questions Arabs will not hesitate to ask…but then have all their rules as to what your allowed to ask them. They have to consider you family or very close in order to have that sort of permission…then again they are generally accomodating at making you feel like family etc.
After the many hundreds of conversations Ive had with Arab women…those that speak english well and those that dont…there is one question they ask more than any other…do I think Arab men are good at sex and better than American men….I do get offended of course because they ask in such a way as to assume…not only have I slept with enough of both nationalities to discern a difference in technique etc…but that as an American…its automatically assumed that I have just such experience and a colorful background…prior to getting married to a “good” Muslim man and setting me straight *yawn*.
American bedu – OK, that makes sense, especially coming from a foreign single woman. I guess when I was in that status, I never really asked, because the names wouldn’t have meant anything to me anyway then. I get asked that question pretty often, though.
Coolred, I’ve never been asked that question or had anyone even go near a topic like that – even when I was foreign, single and not Muslim.
munaqbah…we definitely run in different circles. Ive been asked this question by every sort of Muslim woman…from the dont wear hijab type and rather carefree…to the niqabis who are very quiet and shy for all intents and purposes…Im not pointing fingers or anything…just relating my experiences.
Coolred – did you get asked that when you were still married (and I’m assuming you are not married)? I’ve never been asked that question. The closest I’ve been asked is about whether a honeymoon should be romantic and what I consider romantic. I’ve not yet been to Saudi, only Bahrain, but have Saudi and African Muslim family and friends.
@Coolred – wow….I’ve never been asked any questions like that! The most intimate I’ve been asked was what are tampons exactly and why would a woman want to use one instead of a napkin!
Wendy…yes…and now that Im divorced…still yes.
There seems to be this generalization among Arabs that white American men are boring and bad at sex and that black American men are hot and fantastic at it…and that Arab men are selfish and completely uncaring about womens pleasure…so alot of it centers around my “personal experiences” …assuming I had them of course.
i dare say Ive disappointed quite a few of these ladies when I tell them I had no prior experience (child abuse not withstanding)
Carol…funny you should mention that because I recently introduced a bahrain lady to the joys of tampons and she is over the moon…seems tampons are not something bahraini girls are introduced due to concerns over a potential loss of virginity.
oops…I didnt personally introduce her to them…I hope you know what I meant…
@coolred – I know whatcha mean! (smile) And I wrote an earlier post a few years ago about tampons and Saudi Arabia in regards to expat women who like them need to bring them in and why many (most) Saudi women will not use them.
Manaqabah–that is an interesting article. The winner was valued for her educational achievements and career goals among other things, and the runner up was praised for taking care of home and family while mother works far away during the week. Not to mention, the winner is a triplet!
Interesting that some categories of questions are opposite in politeness and rudeness: asking about money for North Americans is generally unacceptable, and it seems to me more acceptable in Arab culture to insist on questions about when someone will have babies, and repeat them over time.
Coolred–wow they do ask for a lot, a 3 cell quantitative study requires a great deal of experience to get enough numbers of white americans/ black americans/ arabs for legitimate comparison! LOL
The tampon-hymen misconception is rather general and unfortunate, since tampons give so much more freedom eg, for swimming, and other sports.
Something that’s sort of relevant to the topic, about white people and their sensitivity towards certain questions.
@coolred38
this so wierd!! where do u live? in SA?
women dont usually talk abt that kinda stuff! mostly avoid it!
the most Q i see been ased is do u like living here and how did u adjust!
and AmericanBedu
topics can also differ if talking to younger or older women! i mean the general topics u listed above would appeal to my mom but not me! =D
dealing with differnet people from around the world requires a high cultral senstivity and its never easy!
@SomeOne – you are correct that the age of individuals also makes a difference in what is of interest.