In Saudi Arabia it is easy and common for Saudis (and expats) to draw wrong conclusions when they see a Saudi male accompanied by a Filipina, Indian, Pakistani or Indonesian woman. The common assumption is that the woman is either the housemaid or nanny. I know of several Saudis who have Filipina or Indian spouses and these women have told me how irritating it is to be treated as the hired help until the misimpression is correct. While we are presently in the States I have encountered a similar experience. I have learned that it is not unusual for many of the Arabs and particularly Saudis receiving treatment at the medical facility we are frequenting to engage private care nurses. Therefore multiple times I have mistaken for a private nurse instead of recognizing that I am a family member.
Filed under: America, culture, Dress, gender, relationships, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, Saudi Living, travel, Uncategorized, Women Issues Tagged: | America, culture, culture shock, customs, gender, gender issues, KSA, marriage, Relationship, Saudi, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, women
It would seem the demographic of numbers of for examples filipinas who are nannies or housekeepers in a given country so far outweigh the ones who are the wives of well established locals, leads to the statistical assumption. Filipina lawyers, accountants and dentists married to Westerners in Hong Kong have told me how unsettling this is. In part this is due to how people treat you when they think you are the hired help, in part it is because of the very real, and dramatic social hierarchies within their own countries, and in part it is a reflection on their appearance–choosing to by insufficiently done up by Hong Kong standards, so that their regular casual North American or European clothes make them look “shabby” enough to be the hired help.
I would imagine analogous situations occur in Saudi with specific groups as mentioned in the post, and which do in their own countries have rigid socio-economic class systems.
American Bedu–what is your understanding of why you are mistaken for a private nurse. Is it your American physical appearance, blending in with the nursing locals, or do you behave in a way a Saudi wife wouldn’t, eg. empty K-basins, tidy and straighten the room, whatever? Do you dress more casually than I wife of your station would? It does seem curious in your case.
Dear Chiara,
In response to Bedu’s post, I agree with you 100%. It is as you said ” It would seem the demographic of numbers of for examples filipinas who are nannies or housekeepers in a given country so far outweigh the ones who are the wives of well established locals, leads to the statistical assumption”
Salam.
or may be American Bedu,dress behave like a whore?
and by the way pakistani dont work as domastic helper and many indians are married to saudis.
l
Bedu, they can’t have been watching you for a very long time then, because I have seen you at it, you are so sweet and caring, I could never confuse that with a professional hired help.
Perhaps they just can’t believe your relative could be so lucky, to have this lovely sweet caring angel as a family member.
I second what Aafke’s said!
Salam
Being called a maid to the husband, hmmph. But maid to the children would be something! (^v^)
Should I try imagining I’m a super beauty sharp feature & see my kind with a slanted eyed low nose petite jane who is usually like one of my 7 house maids. That’s why they say don’t judge a book by its cover. Even Rasulullah PBUH said to look past the exterior.
I can’t verify this, but was something about studying to China? If I read right the Great Wall of China is built BC? I wonder during the arabian age of ignorance, what was the civilization on the china region.
Either way, we are all servants. Abdullah. Humility is good for everyone.
Carol, so you are saying **Americans** think you are you are hired help instead of part of this Saudi family, right? I wonder if it’s because they don’t see a lot of mixed white American/Arab marriages or maybe that is common there. I don’t see it here, but I’m not in a large city either. It’s interesting. People just see what a great caregiver you are to your relative and assume you are a loving, caring nurse. There ARE some out there, thankfully.
My guess is that, in your case, Bedu, you are not being treated disrespectfully as a result of the mistake. I think that the bigger issue is not the one of mistaken identity but, rather, how people treat others that they perceive as being of a lower class than they themselves are.
Medina–Shokran!
Susanne–it is a good hypothesis that the relative rarity of the American wife/Saudi international patient, and the relative commonality of the private nurse/Saudi international patient leads people to assumptions, again based on statistical experience. Nurses usually behave differently than wives (hopefully!), although some care is “cross-assigned”. It might be enlightening after a case of mistaken identity to ask politely with a wide smile “what me you think so, I am curious as others have made the same assumption?”. Even a formulaic polite response, or evasive silence might be illuminating.
irisheyesksa–Agreed!
A wide variety of comments! In my own case, I believe the mistaken identity takes place because one does not see too many Saudi/American relationships in the medical setting but more Saudi/private western nurse. And when the med team comes to see my family member, I will sit quietly while they examine and talk and only speak up if I think someone has been omitted or needs further clarification. As far as dress, it is FREEZING in the med center so I’m usually pretty bundled up from head to toe, sometimes even with a blanket over my lap! When I do speak up, if it is a new med team member, first thing they will say is “And what is your relationship with the patient?” Some continue with “Are you his private nurse?”
Nader, Aafke – thank you for your kind comments and observations. While not meaning to go too off post one thing I have learned through this experience in addition to not judging people by the looks, is that I have found I am able to do things I never thought I would or could do when it comes to caring for an ill individual. Your body and mind just go into natural response regardless of what the situation. Even if someone is having projectile vomit and dry heaves you tune out the sound and just focus on caring for the loved one. And thankfully the hospital here also allowed me to take classes to help me further learn on taking care of my family member so I can now also give transfusions and other procedures. It’s a good feeling to be able and capable to do that for someone you love.
Now in regards to Pakistan and domestic servants, some Pakistanis have indeed chosen to work as domestic servants. The very best majordomo I’ve ever had was a regal Pakistani man who spoke English, Arabic and Urdu. Our best driver in Saudi is a Pakistani. Now specifically to Saudi, you will find Pakistanis in all fields from doctors, managers, professors to laborers, drivers and domestics.
HIPPA laws in the US regarding privacy are taken very seriously. Institutions do not want a HIPPA complaint filed. Doctors are supposed to disclose information to only certain persons. When you are asked your relationship to the person by a new med team member he or she may have been trying to understand if he or she could talk to you about the patient under HIPPA rules.
@joanj – very good point! And to further illustrate your point, one time while my spouse and I were at the medical center, we noticed an arab man having difficulty understanding instructions. My spouse spoke to him in Arab and offered to translate. The man was very greatful but then a staff member came up and explained that an official translator had to assist because of the HPPA laws and privacy.
the amount of times i was called “Sister” and addressed in broken Arabic by patients at the hospital, mistaking me for a Filipina nurse.
P.S. I have nothing against Filipino health care providers.
P.S.S. i’m a medical student.
P.S.S.S. i dont like being called “sister”, it’s not the same as “okhti”, the latter is better and whatever happened to “excuse me” or “law samahte”?
@Asmaa – although I am not a nurse, when working in Saudi Arabia I wear a lab coat and am always referred to as “Sister” if someone stops me asking for information. I don’t mind and have always thought that to be a very polite address.
lol and if you are an asian driving a nice or a decent car, you are perceived as a “sawaag” or a driver.
joanj –an excellent point. During my father’s year of multiple hospitalizations I was asked by each new staff member my relationship to the patient, and whether he had given his permission to discuss his case with me, including putting me on hold while they went to check with him. As a physician I have had to tell many a parent that their “baby” being over 16 I am not allowed to even acknowledge whether the now adult for confidentiality purposes is in care, let alone give details. It doesn’t usually go over too well LOL
.
Asmaa–it is indeed a question of gender assumptions when a female medical student or doctor is assumed to be a nurse, and based on your photo on your blog, a leap in racial or ethnic identification. As one of the challenges for female (and male) medical students is to develop a personal and public professional identity, this assumption is not so innocuous as it may seem. It plays into the medical team dynamics in negative ways, and also can distract the student from duties, by being called on in the name of politeness and caring to answer questions or perform services that are not her primary task. This is particularly difficult for female medical students who were previously nurses or stimulaneously nursing part-time to pay for med school (I had a number in my class in this situation).
American Bedu–I have never worked in a medical setting where non-clinical and non-lab staff were allowed to wear lab coats. Some nurses have adopted the lab coat as a symbol of their professional status although it is discouraged and unnecessary; and doctors are discouraged from wearing them anywhere in the hospital except the ward while on duty, as the coat itself can transmit nosocomial infections. Medical students are restricted to a short lab jacket to make it clear to patients and staff that they are not yet licensed physicians. Is that different in your hospital? Is the lab coat worn more often because of issues of modesty? Is the practice the same throughout Saudi?
YQ–
yes, the same is true in some places for African Americans, except it is assumed the car is stolen. 
Sister – is the fprm of address we use for a nurse in some places .. It’s hard switching back adn forth, in India we call them sister and here in the US i call them by name or if unknown as nurse. Further in surgery it’s fine to just ask for what you want in the US but in india i’ll usually tack on a “sister” in the end.. like ‘scalpel pl sister ‘ . SO far never had to deal with a male OR nurse in india ..wonder how i would adress them hmmm have to check with F it’s been a while since i’ve worked in india.
So no ‘Sister’ in some places is not disrespect , just a form of address. even the patients call then so in india.
In Dutch the word for ”nurse” is ”sister” and for a male nurse it’s ”brother”.
Where does that come from? I always assumed that they called nurses “sister” because the first hospitals were American missionary hospitals, and the nurses were nuns.
At Saudi hospitals it is pretty typical for most women to wear a lab coat even if they are not a doctor, nurse or technician.
Radha–interesting! In India it is probably at least partly the British tradition of nursing “sisters”, perhaps extended as “brothers” to male nurses, or a reflection of the historical role of monks “brothers” nursing as part of military expeditions, since the first hospitals as we know them in the West were created by the Crusaders.
Munaqabah–as above, nursing (beyond wet nursing and dry nursing children) began in the Middle Ages as an activity of nuns and monks who were part of military expeditions, and got a big career boost from Florence Nightingale’s expedition to the Crimean Front. American missionary hospitals became prominent later, and were remarkably prevalent in Hong Kong, which has multiple private missionary hospitals each from its own denomination of Christianity (Baptist, Adventist, Catholic,etc).
American Bedu–thanks. It sounds as though that use of the lab coat reflects “hijab” in the sense of modesty or cover; and, as you have explained in another post a lab coat obviates the need for an abaya for female medical students and nurses (and yourself!).
I think the issue with being called “sister” is that it may well be an issue of being mistakenly addressed as a nurse, rather than being called “okti” which is clearly a religious form of address that probably wouldn’t be used with a presumably Roman Catholic (or born again Christian) Filipina nurse. Perhaps Asmaa will clarify.
Aasma–beautiful blog!
Chiara – thank you!
my initial dislike of the term “sister” was, knowing the Saudi community, the fact that it was their literal translation of the term “okhti”, which is the religious/socially accepted term in addressing ladies in this country and them not knowing that its origin was when nurses were nuns. Literal translations don’t always work.
it’s basically the same issue with this community. If at the supermarket someone grazes your leg with a trolley (which really hurts) and instead of saying “asif” or apologizing, they say “maalaish” meaning “it’s ok” and counting on the fact that the other person will forgive them. “maalaish” is not a “sorry”. same as “okhti” is not “excuse me” as there is no familiarity between me and the people i meet at the hospital. I know it’s the way things go in my country, but i would like that to change sometime even if one person at a time.
i really hope that made sense.
Don’t get me started on this topic. I had an experience where I was was wearing shalwar kameeze and was walking to a Pakistani wedding in Bahrain and a group of Bahraini bous threw empty Coke cans at me. nice.
anthrogeek10
Bahraini BOYS. Sorry for not reading first.
Anthrogeek…that happened a time or two to me as well…until I bent down and picked up some rocks to throw back. These “boys” had the nerve to get extremely offended that I dared, not only retaliate, but chuck rocks at their cars!!!!
The squeal of tires as they doughnuted out of the area was music to my ears.
Yeah! Coolred38… The Judge Anderson of Bahrein!
http://www.cyberpunkreview.com/images/Judge_Dredd01.jpg
Asmaa–thanks for your comment, which I understood as follows. You are speaking of non-Saudi, non-Arabophone members of society who mistakenly translate “okhti” literally as “sister” which lacks the same religious connotation, and results in your misidentification as a nurse, by people unaware even that nuns were the original nursing sisters.
The same group is just as likely to give a rather rude “it’s okay” instead of the more polite “Sorry”, when causing a social mishap. You wish they would be more accurate and respectful of Saudi norms.
Correct me if I misunderstood you.
Linguistic and cultural change happens generationally, so that the children and grandchildren of these “offenders” will be more Saudized, presuming they remain as 2nd and 3rd generation immigrants.
Anthrogeek–nice indeed! Do you think they were trying to make a statement on global conglomerates and the hegemony of American corporate culture? No, probably it was the your shalwar kameez wearing Americanness. Both nice and logical!
I have to agree with Aafke – your relative is very, very lucky to have you indeed
Thanks Riyadh Mom…and ironically I was mistaken for a private nurse again today! (LOL)
This post was picked up by the Chicago Sun Times:
http://www.suntimes.com/news/blogentries/index.html?bbPostId=B6kcqoGH9Pf8Bzn7nRZ5sNNoCz3paV4SJJ2DXB5lOZGOUDs7F