Since I had done a previous post on how to break the ice and converse with a Saudi, thanks to a blog reader suggestion, I have decided to write a reverse post on how to break the ice and converse with an American. To begin with, the Americans are probably less shy and reserved than a Saudi so it should be much easier to start a conversation. Once a conversation is started, it will likely flow naturally. An American will probably have many questions he or she would like to ask a Saudi once they know that a Saudi is not hesitant to speak.
But how do you start that initial conversation? For starters, just the simple “Hi, How are you doing?” is oftentimes all that is needed for an ice-breaker. In the American culture it is typical to exchange greetings when eye contact has been made whether in a grocery line, walking along a sidewalk or in a restaurant.
Where can one start though after the initial pleasantries? The weather can always be brought up as a safe and benign topic. For more animation, sports can also be an engaging subject. For example, if one is in the Washington DC area during football season, it is not unusual to remark to a stranger “What do you think of the Redskins this season?” Or if some well-known sporting event is taking place like the World Cup or US Open, these are also natural subjects to raise. Yes, I am giving initial starting points for as I stated in the first paragraph, once a discussion ensues, it usually takes on its own life and continues.
Topics that I would recommend avoiding raising with someone unknown are religion and politics. Some Americans can get very emotional on these topics or alternatively consider them to be private topics not to be discussed with a stranger.
Other topics that an American would likely be very responsive and helpful is to ask the American for recommendations and viewpoints on the area one is in such as best restaurants, places to go, things to do.
As conversations progress it is culturally acceptable to ask an American about marital status and children. However if those subjects are raised, be prepared as a Saudi to be asked the same questions in turn.
Once a conversation has been maintained and continuing, do not be surprised if an American offers to exchange contact information such as name, phone number and email. Americans are also more spontaneous than a Saudi in readily inviting a guest to their home. And once in the home a Saudi would probably meet all family members in residence without any thought of segregation.
It is typical in the American culture to readily make rather than avoid eye contact as well as smile in a gesture of natural friendliness to males and females.
Filed under: America, culture, Freedoms, friendship, gender, Hobbies, relationships, religion, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi Living, Sports, travel, Uncategorized, Women Issues Tagged: | America, culture, culture shock, customs, gender, gender issues, KSA, language, moving, places, Saudi, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, weather
In my first few months in the states, I observed how people like to initiate conversations. The only problem I had with that was that they only talked about basketball
, American football 
or the harvest season 
!!!!!! Occasionally they’d mention the weather.. but it was mainly the first three.. which I know absolutely nothing about!!! I would just nod and say nothing. One time I decided to participate more actively in the conversation, but unfortunately I made a complete fool out of myself. The other person immediately noticed that I knew nothing about football.. so he said.. oh the weather is good today! (although the weather was NOT good at all that day!!!) 
After that incident I decided to initiate conversations myself… and that has worked so well for me… so far!
Well I agree with your post except for one thing…I find Arabs (always use general term Arabs even though your speaking of Saudis) are quick to invite you home without hesitation. Ive been invited off the street into stranger homes with an impromptu meal with tons of sweets etc laid out for my pleasure. Spent 5 hours with a virtual stranger but left with a new friend. Happens more often then you can imagine.
I think I would be a bit more hesitant to accept the invite of a strange American to come home straight off the street…but thats me.
Talk about how they’ve killed your brethren and how they’re oppressing the Muslim world blatantly thru their open acts of violence and carnage against unarmed civilians and covertly through their backdoor deals.
That’ll break the ice and show you what you have in common.
Implement some wala’a wa’l bara’a ..
Nader, and what did you think about the Dutch? They dó tend to talk about the weather a lot!
I found the Americans very ready to start friendly conversations! When we were shopping the Q had to almost physically drag me away from a lady in the supermarket! I only asked her if they stocked ”La vache qui rit” cheese, which they did have but it’s called ”Laughing cow” in America. But the conversation didn’t end there, it started a new one about languages, travel, vegetables, etc!!!!
coolred, I’ll drag you off the street and into my house as well if you’re ever in the neighbouhood!
@HR,
I guess since your statement applies to both Saudis and Americans, it would be a great way to start with common ground!
HR, perhaps you should’t start a conversation on those points, you might get to hear about the many innocents, including muslims, killed at random by muslim terrorrists.
Not forgetting the fact that the very, very great majority of muslims are killed by their fellow muslims. For being shia, or sunni, or just in the way…
Don’t ask an American how much money they make, or how much they paid for their house or car, or for rent. I think that for Arabs, these kinds of questions are normal, but they’re awkward for Americans.
Munaqabah…thats something Ive never gotten use to over here…the very personal questions that Arabs dont feel shy asking about…but in which Americans will give you a raised eyebrow mind your own business look.
When my sis came and visited last summer…she was hit with an onslaught of these type questions and she was like …damn!!! lol
Aafke…no dragging required…Im there.
HR, I agree that that would be a WONDERFUL topic of discussion to bring up!
You’ll probably even get invited to their homes to share a meal and some MUCH needed education on the main causes of death of Muslims in the world.
Do you have any plans for a trip to the states in the near future?
@Nader – oh yes…Americans like their sports and depending on where you at and what time of year it’s football, basketball, baseball, hockey…..where were you at in the States? I’m curious by the mention of harvest time.
Your comment of weather reminded me of a funny story. Back in the early 2000′s there was a Saudi diplomat posted to Washington. He lived in Northern VA with his wife and family. One day he awakened to a cloudy and overcast day with the scent of upcoming rain in the air. Since days like that were few and far between in Saudi he decided to take a drive. He also enjoyed looking at the lovely American homes that one could see freely and not restricted by the high walls like villas in Saudi Arabia. Another pertinent fact…he spoke very little English. So he took off in his diplomatic vehicle and eventually found himself in an exclusive neighborhood in McLean, Virginia. The houses there reminded him of some of the palaces back in Riyadh. He was enjoying the view of one particular house and parked his car, rolled down his window to get a better look. However he noticed two black SUV’s with men wearing dark glasses looking at him oddly so he moved on. The SUV’s continued to follow him. He thought that was odd so rather than go home he kept driving. The SUV’s kept following. He decided he would then drive to his embassy not knowing what else to do. Just before he was going to cross over the bridge into DC one of the SUV’s put a light atop it’s roof and indicated for the diplomat to pull over. He did. The men in the SUV’s approached him and after viewing his diplomatic drivers license and diplomatic id, asked him what he was doing driving around randomly. The diplomat did not know how to respond so he simply pointed up at the gray cloudy sky saying “nice day, nice day.” The men let him go but told him he should not drive around or park his car like he did in that McLean neighborhood again. The diplomat seemed to get the message. However just to make sure, the next day when the diplomat reported to work at the embassy, he found himself being called into Prince Bandar’s office. Speaking in Arabic, Prince Bandar wanted to know what on earth was this diplomat doing parking in front of Colin Powell’s house on a Sunday afternoon?
Woehahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@munaqabah – I agree…that is pretty much one area where Americans in general keep private.
Nader-Hehee, I bet your smile was very wide. The wider the smile, the less comprehension. My smile is the widest when football is the subject. Basketball, you can bluff a little and nod. Good to hear you took matters into your own hands.
I think I’m giving up
. It’s just so hard! I’ve had less than ten conversations that don’t end up with religion(scarf)
HR-Dude/dudette, really?-_-
Aafke-You’re a “la vache qui rit” fan?! LOL There isn’t a Saudi house without “labachkri.”
Wanna visit? I’m trying to lure you. Hehehe.Sadly, it was an exaggeration. In case you are still wondering what the heck “labachkri” is, it’s the Saudi pronounciation. It’s known by both names here. Laughing cow=”Albagara aldahika.”
@Jamjom – welcome! I can say that even with being married to a Saudi, this topic comes up infrequently both in the US and back in Saudi Arabia. When it does come up, it is usually after several meetings when people feel more at ease with each other to bring up the topic.
Coolred, after I had been working here a year or two, I went back to the States for a vacation. When I returned, my co-worker said, ‘Oh, you gained weight while you were gone”. I just thought it was funny, but some people could have been mightily offended by that, lol.
So here’s another tip: You’re welcome to comment when someone seems to have lost weight, but if they’ve gained weight, don’t mention it!
Munaqabah–great additional advice.
In summary no religion, money (intricately allied to religion), politics, sex (Saudis might not raise this anyway but others have been caught up in mistakenly thinking Americans are more open about this topic than they are), eating habits or weight fluctuations (weight loss unless you are sure it is desired is also sometimes a sign of illness or stress), or weight guessing (this seems to be a favourite of Arab men–at least North African ones).
On the positive side–recent films, books, local cultural events
HR–Human Resources? or the Zionist HR husband of my friend? Point made.
Nader–funny stories and excellent positive coping stragegy. I agree with you about American football though–now Canadian football that’s different. Only 3 downs instead of 4 to get the “prolate spheroid” ball
through the goal posts, bigger playing field, tighter time rules–a totally different game! LOL 
@munaqabah – yes, do not be surprised in Saudi to be asked questions about weight or to have comments made. The funniest one I received was from a (Saudi) family member who had not seen me for several months. He quipped “What happened to you? You used to be fat?”
Hmmmm… is that a compliment or not?