When I had my mastectomy one year ago due to breast cancer, I had no problems in discussing and sharing my experience with anyone who wanted to know. I attribute my forthrightness in this regard to being an American and having grown up in an environment where illness is a fact of life and not something that should be hidden or avoided as a topic.
However in Saudi Arabia the stigma’s continue to exist. Privacy is tantamount in Saudi Arabia and certain topics are simply not generally discussed or shared such as illness, family issues, divorce, and to a degree, marriage. Is this a good practice or not? I do believe that some topics should remain within a family but not to an extent where it can be detrimental to an individual. Let me give you one example which I personally encountered.
After I had spoken candidly about my breast cancer with an emphasis to other women on the need for regular self checks and mammograms, one young Saudi woman sought me out privately. She had had a lump in her breast for more than a year and was scared. Yet she had not informed anyone in her family about her condition. When I asked her why she had not told her mother or anyone else in her family her response was “then I will be viewed as defective and unmarriageable.” She realized she needed to be examined by a doctor but was adamant that she did not want anyone in her immediate family to know. As it turned out, she was at the age that some marriage offers had been presented hence her determination to not let it get out that she had any kind of problem or in her view, an ‘unfashionable deformity.’ Yes, I managed to get her to a doctor for examination and thankfully in her case it was a benign lump which did need to be removed. At that juncture her family was informed. Fortunately their reaction was supportive but she still insisted that if she had been diagnosed with cancer she would have become a pariah and outcast.
While many inroads are thankfully being made towards educating families about medical conditions more needs to be done. Families need to better realize that a disease or infliction is a family concern. It is a family concern because the family member who needs medical attention also needs moral and physical support from family and friends rather than be cast aside to be forgotten.
Another experience I have encountered as well is when a member of a family requires special needs due to Down’s Syndrome or some other affliction. To my sadness in a lot of occasions, these family members are ostracized and hidden from view if the family is entertaining guests in the home. Some families will rarely if ever even acknowledge there is a family member with such a diagnosis. They may talk about other children and siblings but the name of the one with a health issue will not be mentioned. Again, this goes back to the need for education and the need for support groups to be more readily available in the Kingdom.
I would like to see awareness and understanding started in the school systems during classes of health and science. Awareness and understanding should also be ongoing with radio, tv and print campaigns. Companies and organizations should help spread awareness through CSR campaigns which could have poster contests illustrating the need for understanding.
But coming back to the initial question raised at the beginning of this post…what is YOUR view? Has the issue of privacy been taken too far?
Filed under: culture, Freedoms, gender, Health, relationships, safety, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, Saudi Living, travel, Uncategorized, Women Issues Tagged: | culture, culture shock, customs, gender issues, KSA, Relationship, Saudi, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, women
your analysis is perfectly correct. to certain extent privacy is required, especially in case of illness. afterall, its our life our funeral. nobody (other than family members or dearer friends) would come to rescue from the suffering. majority would like to peep into our life for their time-pass. sorry, to write these lines – oflate, this is my experience.
you haven’t taken the issue far. everything is rightly said. if you had some material to share, still you can qualify your stand.
i pray with almighty for your and your family’s ever welfare
gurudEva dayaa karo deena jane
This is a topic that definitely needs to be addressed in the Middle East. Unfortunately, people are ashamed of having family members that have special needs, or sometimes even treat them differently in public.
Here in the U.S., I was at the park with my uncle, who had just returned from Kuwait for a visit. We seen a bunch of old special needs people being taken care of a group of aides. My uncle told us, it’s amazing how in America, many times we make sure to interact and make these people feel comfortable, but overseas, they keep them indoors and far from public.
I think it would be interesting if some human rights group, or any group, formed some sort of program that could bring these people together, and interact with them, bring more awareness to the public that this isn’t something to be ashamed of. More over, it is our religious duty as Muslims to take care of these people, and not treat them any differently. Allah created them this way, it wasn’t their choice.
As for privacy, I understand some kinds of privacy, but when it comes to health issues, that is something that you NEED to share with someone else… if it’s a matter of life and death, then no one should ever feel compelled to hide their problems. I agree with you, they need to teach it to the young in schools… before it’s to late.
Great post, and interesting topic.
I actually don’t like the ultra-privacy that is part of the Kingdom.
Frankly, I get really very tired of the girls who are blatantly 6 months pregnant, but can’t admit it and certainly can’t tell you the sex of the baby. Lest you become insanely jealous I suppose.
I also think this is the perfect recipe for domestic violence and child abuse which I myself have experienced because one must never tell.
I can’t begin to imagine the sadness what happens to the elderly with Alzheimer’s or a child with autism. How very very sad.
In the last 1950s, when I was probably 6 or 7, I learned that one of my aunts had breast cancer (I hadn’t the foggiest idea what that meant at the time). She was never ostracized from the rest of the family nor hidden from site during the short tme she had left to live. I know that we in the US go too far in telling all and sundry our medical problems but we have done a good job in eliminating the stigma from some conditions.
Illness shouldn’t be a source of shame.
Sometimes this leads to improper treatment here in the West as well. I remember going to the mall last Eid. We saw a family, looked Arab, all dressed in new clothes, looking good. They had a member of their family with them who obvious had serious special needs. She was dressed like she stole her clothes from some drug addicted bum.
We all felt so bad that the family would clearly spend a lot of money on themselves yet ignore their other family member. We tried to think the best, but it’s hard.
As a father of a 4 year old with Autism it is REALLY hard for me to get over the extreme way many special needs children and adults are treated in the Middle East and wider Islamic world.
That’s a good post, Carol.
In some (if not most) families in Saudi Arabia, this privacy issue is indeed taken too far, especially when the afflicted person is young. I dont even know if we can call it “privacy”. Whatever you call it, it is a baaaaaaad habit.
Good topic addresses an interesting issue in saudi social norms, the main reason behind alllll these stuff, PRIVACY in everything is ” THE REPUTATION” If saudi people do not care about reputation, I think all social obstacels will be solved in seconds.
@Lisa, the majorty of saudi people believe in ” EYE EVIL” to far extend, for example, if a lazy student fail in his exam , he will say it is an eye evil LOL. so they keep things, that they think it could be a target of eye evil, secret.
Salam.
Keeping the “less fortunate” from public eye is a common occurence over here…something about marriage prospects might think there is something wrong with your blood line…in other words…if they marry you they might end up with children with that same “disease”. Hard to convince them otherwise…its a very ingrained belief.
What a heartrending story, I am very glad to read it ended well for the girl, both disease wise, and family wise.
It’s always: ”I can’t do that because what of our family reputation” ”what will the neighbours think” etc.
And the neighbours never seem to think anything which is understanding, positive, helpful or kind.
I prefer to do without neighbours then…
The dreaded “family line ” logic again i guess.. Quite a few things seem to impact the family line.
I know exactly what coolred’s talking about . I think this is a eastern culture thing . It’s in india too to a lesser extent , of course major illness they tell all and sundry about, but the ones they percieve to be genetic disorders in the family is kept quiet, Our neighbours daughter in india had a mild case of epilepsy in childhood and it was hush hush + she got trotted out to the most weddings by her parents just to show the world she was ok.. in reality she was
I understand people desiring privacy in some matters, but I wish the reason for it were not because they would be judged by others. Perhaps shame-base society puts up the false notion that every other family is perfect, therefore, we must keep hidden the fact that our family has a “flaw.” You go through life keeping secrets not realizing most *every other family* is hiding something. Instead of realizing people have imperfections, people make wrong decisions, people get diseases, humans are not God and therefore not perfect, you suffer in silence thinking you are the only one. I think that’s so sad.
People need each other. And we need each other to be merciful and compassionate, loving and forgiving. Why do we have to wear happy masks pretending our lives are wonderful when inside we are hurting, falling apart and in desperate need of kindness and encouragement?
If God Almighty can show mercy and compassion to imperfect people, to sinners, WHY IN THE WORLD can we not do the same? We often hold people to higher standards of righteousness and perfection and withhold mercy and compassion. WHY? Have we become the judge?
We need to let God be God and stop kicking our wounded and fallen and making them feel as if they are ruined for life.
Love unconditionally. Show mercy and compassion. You might need it one day yourself and you reap what you sow.
(And I’m talking to people of all cultures here….not going off on KSA, I promise. This post just struck a nerve …bet you couldn’t tell.
)
@Aafke,
It’s always: ”I can’t do that because what of our family reputation” ”what will the neighbours think” etc.”
Yet ironically I live in an all-Saudi compound and have yet to meet any of my neighbors…even after 3 years! Kind of reiterates how the families stay together and circulate among themselves predominantly.
@Susanne – I very much enjoyed and agree wholeheartedly with your comment!
Bedu, amazing… three years, married to a saudi, and never met anybody ever???? That freaks me out! To know ones movements are always watched, but never have met anybody!
This also does make moore real and clear to me how important the family is: as you don’t have m/any contacts outside, not even know ones neighbours, there’s no-one left but The Family!
No wonder so many behave like mob-families, never really trusting of anybody from ”outside”, always protective of ”their own” and dismissive of anybody else..
Very unhealthy.
I remember having read, (a hadith?) that one was encouraged to be on good terms with ones neighbours, and to help out whenever nessaccary…
Bit difficult if you’ve never met them!
Suzanne, I agree too!
And beautiful sentiments! And true as well, I have been reaping a lot lately and feel honoured and very happy!
Aafke…neighbors are so important that the prophet considered ordering them to be placed in wills as beneficiaries…and also…eating while your neighbors are hungry is a big no no…
how would you know if your neighbor is hungry if you never bothered to meet them?
re neighbors – in my case of not knowing my neighbors I think it is because of living in an all-Saudi compound. However our compound is not what one thinks of when you hear the words “compound” in Saudi Arabia. Even though our home is in a compound, each villa is surrounded by high walls ensuring privacy which do not allow one to see their neighbor’s home. And the Saudi women in the compound do not for example go out walking like many expats do in their compounds.
One time during Ramadan I took a dessert over to a neighbor’s home but when I rang the bell, a housemaid came to the door and took the dessert. I had included a card saying Ramadan Mubarak and our villa number so the lady of the house would know where the dessert came from. I never heard anything.
Thankfully I do have many Saudi friends but not ones met in the neighborhood!
Interesting topic because I felt the acuteness of such privacy when I was with my ex.
Another great topic (if you haven’t talked about it already is in regards to the evil eye (we have that also in my Hispanic culture). Maybe the woman who was pregnant (just guessing) didn’t want to verbalize too much in case she was cast the “evil eye” which many Middle Easterners believe in.
@Marianna – you are so correct that a lot of folks in Saudi do indeed believe in the evil eye…and a clue as to those who do, if you pay them a compliment they may tell you to say ‘mashallah’ afterwards….
Mashallah, you have a nice blog bedu, and I consider you sort of as my neighbour, and I’m only sorry you aren’t really so i can’t bring you selfmade cakes and give a helping hand….
American Bedu: ” I had included a card saying Ramadan Mubarak and our villa number so the lady of the house would know where the dessert came from.”
OK, I’m curious… Was it in a disposable container? Because if it was a regular dish, isn’t the custom to send the dish back with something else in it, maybe the next day? You still never meet the woman, lol, but you’d have some sort of “relationship”.
Narrated ‘Aisha: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said “Gabriel continued to recommend me about treating the neighbors kindly and politely so much so that I thought he would order me to make them as my heirs.” [Bukhari]
And “neighbors” is defined broadly; some say up to 40 houses in each direction.
The evil eye is recognized in Islam, and one should say “masha’allah’ tpo acknowledge that everything is from Allah. But some people lean on that concept too much, so that whenever anything – big or little – goes wrong, they blame the evil eye instead of taking responsibility for something that they may have done to cause the situation.
Medical privacy, in this sense, is indeed a question of family reputation, including marriage prospects for siblings and cousins. And the evil eye is alive and well throughout MENA , the Mediterraean, and Latin America.
Both contribute to a lack of care that could be preventive, curative, ameliorating, or palliative. In other words, people get worse for a lack of treatment. But more than that, hiding them away leads to further problems: lack of exercise, anemia, osteoporosis, and socialization difficulties, etc.
The literary critical term of “the mad woman in the attic” is used to describe 19th century English novels with a crazy woman locked in the attic–like Jane Eyre (also the topic of “disability literary criticism”). Imagine my surprise to meet a real one on the rooftop of a family acquaintance in Morocco. She was hanging laundry, and wasn’t obviously “strange” except for her silent disregard of us. She’d been kept out of society for years. A number of people in Morocco, Iran, and Costa Rica have approached me for help with their “crazy person in the attic”, some very successful until they were struck with the evil eye, some already on an antipsychotic.
Medina–nice explanation of the evil eye and reputation
Marianna–this issue of privacy is a difficult one in mixed marriages and doesn’t usually get addressed cross culturally.
American Bedu–the French have similar neighbourhoods (though not compounds) with individual “villas” or homes surrounded by high walls, often stone in the north or stucco in the south, and colourful broken glass sticking up from cement on the top to keep off burglars. Few people mix in those neighbourhoods either.
abusinansayf–nothing to add, just like the new name
The evil eye thing makes me laugh.I’ve always enjoyed having neighbours and always had the most loving in the world from my moms house up until now.It will be so hard for me to not be in contact with my neighbours.But at the end of the day I say thank gooodness for ths blog,I’m always looking forward for all new information.
oops PS re: neighbours: how about the song “Jari Ya Hamouda”? It seems to bring the house down no matter who sings it in concert, including Joan Baez.
A link to lyrics in any language, would be welcome. Thanks.
“She was dressed like she stole her clothes from some drug addicted bum.”
It’s good that you weren’t too quick to judge the family. Sometimes, individuals with a mental condition can refuse to dress properly; become stuborn and throw tantrums if they are aske dto do something they don’t want.
Also, in the case of children, some people like to assume the child is bratty all because of the parent. I’m not denying that parents are responsible for how their children might learn to behave. I’m just saying not all kids are equally easy to raise. I’m sure my parents would admit some of us came out more devious than the others
.
I don’t have a four year old child that’s giving me hell to deal with. I’ve been around them and I think I unerstand their mothers’ frustrations to an extent. As for the other mothers with obedient children, pipe it down, will ya!?-_- wallah. J/k
WAY too far! and recently it’s been just too much for me to handle!!
Sometime last year, i was having a lazy breakfast with my mom when she suddenly says: “oh your cousin X just had a baby boy two days ago, didnt want to disturb you with your exams and all”. Me: “mom, i didnt even know that X was pregnant”. my first cousin who is a year older than i am didnt even tell me she was expecting.
Two months ago, mom says: “Asmaa darling, if you’re free tomorrow can you please pick up a decent gift for your cousin X’s baby, she just had a boy last night (same cousin, btw)”. Me: “Mom, i think i’m having a terrible case of deja-vu, how many children did she have?”
good comments all
@ Radha – People afflicted with cancer continue to be stigmatised in India. I have always seen people discuss the ‘C’ word in hushed tones. I am frankly amazed why.
The ‘evil eye’ syndrome is a big thing here. I have been warned by my colleagues about a certain gentleman who seems to be possess this ‘evil eye’ and they say everything that he admires goes down in smoke literally.. from mobile phones to new cars.
I’ve been a long time reader, first time commenter of this blog and have enjoyed the topics and the amazing ‘breeze of fresh air’ affect it has on the Saudi issues, and we have many, that are discussed here.
I agree with AB about taking it too far in privacy, but I believe it is incredibly hard for a typical Saudi family to just neglect the society and the ‘word of mouth’ results it inflects on the future of the family as a whole. Yes we need to loosen up a little in many aspects, more so in those that relate to illness and health, having said that I know, and I’m sure anyone who lived for sometime in Saudi knows as well, that it is kind of an interwoven or a complex social structure issue in local mentality that when you hear of a family with special needs kids or cancer illness then more than often this becomes the topic of choice for people to talk about and “build up” on till it ends up that some will stay away from this family for fear of ridiculously illogical reasons.
I’ll try to look at it from another point. I’ve heard of, read about, and known personally of men who cheat on their wives and families and bring back STDs, spread it all to the family and yet stay in the ‘victim’ side of the society’s judgmental bias. But when a women has, lets say breast cancer in this case, she will be judged as some form of freak and she will be an outcast to the society. Sad but unfortunately true.
some form of change in this attitude, I feel, is starting to surface. people who are well educated and mature enough have questioned this and sometimes have stood up to it.
As for neighbors, I lived in my parents house till I joined university, the neighbors there were and still are a group of friendly and sweet people, perhaps this is a usual case in my hometown but when I moved to an apartment after marriage, the people in the same building as I was were, lets say not as friendly, most of them any way.
I live in the UK at the moment to finish my studies, I tried my best to know the people in who live in the same apartment block as I do, my wife and I went to them, offered some sweets and introduced ourselves.
only 3 out of 26 flats stayed in contact with us and one of them were an Arabian couple.
Hani
Excellent comments about the realistic social risks of revealing information in a society that is not ready for it, or a particular community where it will stigmatize the whole family, and be gossiped about. It is one of the reasons I applaud the efforts of Drs, health care workers, journalists, and the royal family in Saudi to lead the fight for social education about illnesses (eg. not contagious, not a curse, not incapacitating) in a number of fields, and creating support networks for patients, and families.
The architecture of the “neighbourhood”, along with culture, affects the neighbourliness, and most apartments seem to foster a need for privacy and a type of anomie. After 4 years in one building we came away with one friendship–Italians living next door–inspired by their kitten’s arrival on our balcony, and being unable to find his way back.
The type of neighbourhood with large homes and high walls also discourages easy contact and friendship, complicated by easy of walking outside, whether due to the climate, or social inhibition/prohibition.
Chiara
Thank you for that
I stand by you in recognition of the great efforts that Drs and other society members as well as the government have done in the past few years. I often find myself (and my wife for that matter) drawn into dialogs or debates with people specially outside Saudi about the ‘slow’ pace that these efforts are going in. These debates, if you will, are difficult to result in an understanding from the other party to the delicate situation Saudi society has, no to mention the inevitable question we get in these conversations of “why is it taking this long?” or even “this will not result in any change in your lifetime” in general tone of the chat.
I do acknowledge that we (the Saudis) need more leaders of society that set a high level of tolerance. This tolerance that is unfortunately fought and “intolerable” in some extreme views. Yes we have some that are doing their best to achieve that.
I strongly believe this will take a long time to reach.
I also agree with your opinion that the architectural aspects of some urban design areas lead people to be more leaning towards getting to know their neighbours or not. adding as well to this is the cultural backgrounds and upbringing of the inhabitants.
My 70+ year old next door neighbour told me he was surprised to find that a young Saudi guy and his wife made the effort to know him and visit and chat with him every now and then, keeping him company has made him rethink what ever perceptions he had about our part of the world.
Asmaa, LOL!!!!!
@Aafke – what you did for me while you were in Houston was phenomenal and i’ll never forget!! Big hugs!
@Munaqabah – no…I put the dessert in a glass dish since it also highlighted the beauty of the dessert which was like a truffle with layered fruits.
I’m really enjoying all the comments that have been shared here and a welcome as well to Hani.
One thing my Saudi family members picked up on right away here in Houston is the openness…especially at the medical center. One may be waiting for an appointment and a total but concerned stranger will begin a conversation and naturally ask “Why are you here? What is wrong with X?” Or even when just walking around the area or where we are presently staying, people naturally say ‘hello’ and seem to enjoy engaging in conversation. Unlike Saudi, if eye contact and exchange of greetings is not made, one wonders what’s wrong!
If I may try to speak on behalf of Aafke for once, she also noticed when visiting me the openness and friendliness of Texans.
On Sat, Jul 11, 2009 at 7:53 PM, Carol Fleming wrote: > @Munaqabah – no…I put the dessert in a glass dish since it also > highlighted the beauty of the dessert which was like a truffle with > layered fruits. > > On Fri, Jul 10, 2009 at 9:43 PM,
“I put the dessert in a glass dish since it also highlighted the beauty of the dessert which was like a truffle with layered fruits”
And she didn’t send the dish back?!?
Hani
Those types of debates or dialogues can be frustrating for anyone more familiar with Arab culture and countries, than their interlocutor. I’m not sure who has a harder time breaking down stereotypes or skewed information (valid but only one aspect, or not valid at all): Arab men (“the oppressors”), Arab women (“the oppressed”) or the white (“the deluded”) people who love them. LOL
I think it is hard for others to imagine the intricacies of the culture or the fact that even strict regimes have their opponents (many silent) within, or those working within the system for change, as happens in all societies, or that there is a lot of just normal living that goes on.
Slow, measured evolution usually brings more lasting and deeper changes than rapid brusque revolutions and their attendant backlashes. Or as the Italians say:
Piano, piano, se va lontano.
The individual efforts you and your wife make certainly will help to bring better understanding of “real Saudis”. How nice for your elderly neighbout that you are both so kind. Sometimes the elderly living alone are just generally cautious, as are single women living alone, especially away from home for the first time. A young Chinese student living next door in an apartment buildin used to run into her apartment everytime my husband tried to say hello, even with his best smile!
American Bedu–what a gracious gesture, and what a peculiar response for any culture!
Not to cast aspersions on housemaids, but it sounds like this one “forgot” to deliver both dessert and glass dish to the lady of the house. In these situations I try to comfort myself with the thought that the person needed it more. For example when I lost a gold pen in a psychiatric hospital, I was really upset until I thought that maybe a schizophrenic patient found it , took it home, and either used it with pleasure or talked to it (or both).
Maybe another attempt with the lady of the house but “hand delivered” by yourself would be worth a try!
@munaqabah – ‘fraid not….but who knows…maybe the housemaid never passed on the note. And I was not going to be brazen and go knocking asking for a dish back. That didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to be neighborly and especially during Ramadan.
Even if you’re not worried about the dish, it seems very rude not to send it back…
Bedu, of course you can speak for me!
The friendliness of the Texans was really amazing, especially in the hospitals: as soon as you stop to walk in a meaningful manner one didn’t have the time to take a deep breath before somebody comes up to you really anxious to help you in whatever might be your need!
It was really quite an experience, and I am looking forward to returning to Texas!
First: she didn’t send it back?!
And yeah… I really can’t imagine being so private about something. In my family, eeeeveryone knows everything about, well, everyone. I can’t even think about not telling them if I was sick or something.
I remember my husband’s father retired and his mother didn’t tell him which was a bit weird. In my circle of friends/family it would’ve been shouted from the rooftops (“Woohoo, I’m free!”) but apparently not in Saudi.
It must turn out to be so dangerous for people who may be suffering from illness (like the woman in your post) because in such a society, how is she/he going to know that they need to see even a doctor? I’m assuming symptoms wouldn’t be discussed either which is even worse.
@munaqabah, Ellen – I’m not letting the lack of the dish bother me and still hold out hope that one day I may know some of my Saudi neighbors. In fairness, they may not have English and may be nervous or extremely shy of meeting the sole Westerner in the compound. And of course the high walls around each individual villa do not help for mingling!
@aafke – I have also since found that even away from a hospital setting, Texans remain incredibly hospitable.
American Bedu
Thank you for welcoming me here
Chiara
Indeed the stereotype is hard to break. But I’ve learned from experience that if you keep an open mind and use that brain for good you’ll find that not every stereotype is true, hardly any. A close British friend of mine once asked me if the image I had of Brits before I came here is still the same. I admit that people in Saudi told me so much about typical Englishmen but I don’t see that extent of a perception to be justified, yes there are things that “seem” to have its roots in reality but not to the extreme I was lead to believe. Don’t get me wrong, people are people all over the world, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
It is still amazes when I see the reactions of Saudis after we meet for the first time and I like for my wife to know the family (wife) of the person I’m talking to, especially when I say ” is it ok for Fatima (my wife) to come and visit your wife one day, she likes to make friends from back home”
This mentioning of Fatima’s name either has a reaction of “are you nuts, saying her name, at least say Umm .. something” or the absolute opposite ” yeah sure that would be a great privilege, she can visit any time and get to know X” with X being his wife’s name.
This is just a small test by which anyone can have a rough idea of the level of “privacy” standards we still have as Saudis.
As for the “evil eye”, even if you don’t believe it exists (or in the extreme version of the old wives tale … burning things up or killing people just by looking at them) some people still give you a weird feeling inside when you tell them of something good that happened to you. I guess that is why some prefer to at least delay the announcement of pregnancy, engagement, promotion at work, or even marks and grades at school.
Some might take it too far as a lady who had twins (boy and girl) but only told her friends and neighbours that she had a girl only, I might be ok with not telling all the relatives and extended family, friends and everyone you know about the sex of the baby during pregnancy for several reasons, but after birth … this is just over kill.
AB, I admire your reaction to your neighbour’s action (or lack of), its really nice of you to give her the benefit of the doubt. as you said, it is very possible the the language barrier made her fear of interaction, plus fear of cultural differences that might lead to embarrassment.
Hani–thanks for your comment. I agree with your approach to stereotypes and changing them, and that they are universal in that all cultures have them about someone. You have a nice test of your countrymen, to seek and find sympatico individuals and couples!
The “evil eye” exists even for those who don’t believe in it, because it is determining parts of the culture around them. The story of the twins, announced as only a girl, says alot about the value placed on male infants over female ones. I’ve often thought that it would be best to announce the gender of the fetus along with announcing the pregnancy, if it were known for sure, as a way, especially in more patriarchal cultures, to allow everyone to adjust and be happy with the gender by the time of the birth. In that way the new baby would come into a more welcoming world (hopefully). This must be done, in my view, after the danger of spontaneous abortion in the first trimester has passed, even if the gender is known very early and reliably with one of the newer tests.
However, based on what you say, that might have negative psychological consequences in light of fears about the evil eye. Given that anyone wanting to give someone the evil eye is probably doing other psychologically and socially damaging things to that person, it might increase the negative efforts to have so much advanced knowledge.
Re: Medical privacy – do you think this is why they don’t name the swine flu victims in Saudi? Because of fear of tarnished reputations? Wouldn’t it be better to let their names be known so that all those who came in contact with them could be on the alert about any symptoms they develop after contact?
@riyadh mom — I’d not thought about it from that perspective…but do mean having the families make an announcement? For I don’t think any world public health services are identifying those infected by name.
[...] due to a fear of the results. Additionally there is a high incidence of Saudi women who elect to remain silent about a lump or growth on their breast for fear of isolation from their husband or a sense of shame [...]