Note from American Bedu: Not all women who marry a Saudi necessarily know if the man has another wife or wives. Yet in some cases, there are some individuals within Saudi Arabia who suggest the idea as early as a young woman may be in high school and college that the way to go is with a married man. The girls are impatient to help their husbands build a life for them they want to jump to the front of the line rather than marry a man who is not yet as established even though he may be closer to her in age and maturity. There are many men who are willing to let a first family suffer in order to titillate and flatter a girl who is young enough to be their own daughter. Many times these consecutive marriages don’t last long but the girl usually gets an apartment or villa if she bags the right fogie and a car and not too shabby jewelry to go with it. In the case that she gets pregnant she has more longevity but not exclusiveness. The very wealthy marry and divorce frequently so they might have two and a spare with little difficulty.
Some Saudi men will argue that at least a woman in Saudi comes out of these relationships with some jewelry and possibly a house whereas in the States a woman might sleep with anyone she meets in the bar with nothing to show for it when the sun comes up. No one seems to be marrying for something as quaint as love anymore it’s all about dollars and riyals. Even the poorest brokedy broke ass pitiful example of a husband will marry first and worry how to support his family later if given the chance. Just a note for some would-be second, third or fourth wives, sometimes they just look rich many times they aren’t. Not everyone in a ghutra has his own oil well.
Without further ado, the following are the candid words of a Saudi daughter of a First Wife…
Stay Away from Married Saudi Men
If you are single and thinking you are in love with a married Saudi man, let me assure you, you are not with a great man.
Don’t fool yourself.
And, let’s be clear… he is not with you because his wife is a horrible, uncaring person who doesn’t understand him.
He is with you because he is not a great man!
If he were, he would invest the time he is spending with you on his family, get some counseling, do what he could to save the relationship, and after every possible hope disappeared, and remember that the hurt he causes the mother of his children is felt by his children.
And one more thing, you are not more interesting, attractive, or fabulous than his wife. While it may give you a little thrill to think you are so much better than his wife, and he is so much more in love with you than the women to whom he is married, he is not with you because you are so great. He is with you because he doesn’t want to invest in his marriage. He likes the sexual variety, or just wants some diversion.
You are just a distraction, something different, and someone to boost his ego and placate his wandering lust.
I know, I know… he tells you he loves you, that his wife is frumpy, dowdy, or not what she once was. Well, she probably has been taking care of children and trying to create a home while he is out romancing you on the side.
I know he says that he wants to be with you but he can’t hurt the children, or it is not the right time, or he is just waiting to divorce, it’s so allowed in his religion, or whatever.
The excuses are many and are routine, rote, and common. Nothing new, nothing original, and nothing of his true reasons.
How many women had gotten involved with married Saudi men and ended up happily married to them? Hard to say. I’ve never met one. Maybe it has happened a few times over the expanse of human history but chances are virtually nil that it will happen to you.
Why not step back, be honest with yourself, reflect on what you are doing to a family, to children, and to another woman who has invested years in her marriage. And, why not take an honest look at yourself and see why it is you are letting yourself be used by a man who would risk his marriage and his children’s happiness. Does his happiness not count? Yes, it does, but not more so than that of his children’s.
Are you so desperate that you don’t think you could find a good single man? Or a single Saudi man if that is what you want? Do you really think this guy is going to all of a sudden become great once he marries you and breaks her heart? You didn’t know he was married until you were hopelessly in love? Well then, what does that say for his character? Not only did he lie to her, but he lied to you! So, what is it you love about this liar? Do you feel good about yourself when you think about the hurt you are going to cause to his innocent children? Can you release selfishness and find it in your heart to live in the highest good? Even if it is his right by Allah, it is also your right to decline. Especially, if the first wife does not welcome sharing her husband with you. Can you stop fooling yourself enough to realize that this is not the way to find a great man or start a healthy and happy relationship?
Does it feel good to be deceptive if the wife doesn’t know, or to take part in it? To lie? To damage a family? Do you think this man who would betray his wife, or risk destroying his family, and crush his children is really even remotely decent or has any sense of integrity or morality? Do you not care that he is not trustworthy, honest, respectful, or caring of anyone more than himself?
If you are single and with a married man, open your eyes, move on, and find a truly great man.
Daughter of the First Wife
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