While we are presently in the States my husband and I have been watching some television programs that we have not had the opportunity to routinely view while in Saudi Arabia. One such program that we found entertaining and amusing is called “Wife Swap.” Wife Swap first premiered in the UK in 2003 and was an instant hit as a reality show. This program now airs weekly on ABC and features two (American) wives and their two families. The wives swap families for a two week period. During the first week of the swap the wives must follow the rules and regulations of the household in which they find themselves. However in week two the wives are allowed to change the rules and regulations to what they believe is better or needed for the household. The program is very good at placing wives in an environment that is pretty much opposite to their own and the way they live. It is very interesting to see how everyone adapts (or not) to one another. At the end of the swap, the wives finally meet each face-to-face along with the husbands and discuss the experience. The show will conclude with last visits to each of the families after the swap has taken place to see what if anything they changed in regards to their interactions and routines with their families.
Naturally while watching and enjoying this show, my Saudi family and I remarked how while entertaining it could not be implemented in Saudi Arabia. Such a show just would not work with the culture and customs mandated by many families practicing segregation and particularly for those where the woman is not to be exposed to men who are not sanctioned mahrems (guardians) such as grandfather, husband, father, son, brother and Uncle. We decided that for a similar kind of show to be launched in Saudi Arabia, there must be a compromise which does not conflict with the culture and traditions. Therefore, we propose “MAIDSWAP.”
Most Saudi families do have housemaids and housemaids are a common topic of conversation among Saudis. Somehow I have a feeling that Saudi families are probably a high topic of discussion among housemaids too! So can you imagine a family believing they have either the best or the worst housemaid and learning how to adapt to one who has been trained by another family for two weeks? Think of a housemaid who works for a family with a few children having to face working for a family with 8 or more children? What lessons would each respective housemaid learn from an experience? What lessons would a family take away as well? (I know…that might be stretching it a bit but it is fun to speculate.)
Filed under: America, culture, Entertainment, gender, Just for fun, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi Living, Women Issues Tagged: | America, culture, culture shock, customs, gender, gender issues, KSA, places, Saudi, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, women
loooool…well I object since if you swap the maids, there is the possibility that she might start something with the MAN of the house! ROFL… Then you will have to re-name the show.
Then you’ll never get your own maid back & you end up making the first wife very angry. Of course there is a way to prevent this & lets say you only allow maids above 80 to participate;-)
I suggest a more appropriate name, “How to get your maid misyared!” Or Nikahed?
I won’t get hurt if you don’t like my idea
For some reason, I find that many people think having a maid &/or a driver implies that the parents are distant from their children. I know that many families in the KSA take maids and drivers as a status symbol. I would say many Saudis have maids but, the practice of giving birth to children and throwing them at the maid like she’s some sort of professional juggler is highly shunned amongst moms of the older generation, however, this practice has increased in popularity in recent years amongst the new generation of moms. (Note: this practice will get your BILs’ wives talking about you behind your back, & your MIL will most likely look down on you.)
Another thing to take to account is how kids treat a maid. It says a lot about their upbringing.
To assess what would happen on Maid Swap the all new reality TV show: we have to factor in the maid’s personality, and type (new by-the-hour maids are gaining popularity mostly, hired by newlyweds due to the lack of trust women have in other women
). The family, are they religious? Do they have plenty of kids? What ages are the family members? What kind of things do they expect a maid to do?
I agree that having household help, live in or live out, does not necessarily mean neglect of the children but can actually free the parents time to be with the children.
Maid Swap–how about swapping between a Saudi home and an expat home? Would there be cultural differences in treatment of maids, expectations, etc?
Certainly in Hong Kong the preference was Western Expat over local Chinese–westerners generally were less demanding, kinder, and provided better accomodation. At least that was the word among the Filipina maids.
[...] Original post by American Bedu [...]
It’s a sad reality that maids and other, low paid workers, are treated more like commodities than as human beings. It’s not very unusual to see classified ads in newspapers about people who want to “swap” their maid for a used car or any other such item!
It is a very droll premise, with many amusing possibilities.
Rich comic potential.
So is their no gender segregation issue with maids as there is with wives?
@Saudi Jawa – now that is pitiful! Are these ads in arabic mainly? I
have not seen one like that in any of the English newspapers
thankfully.
@Karen,
No. Sadly, kind of like the driver who can be viewed as “invisible”
the housemaid can be seen in the same context. I welcome you to read
my earlier posts on housemaids. All you would need to do is a search
using the word housemaid and many earlier posts will come up.
i find this post disturbing. It sound like the “house help” is treated like objects even in a hypothetical sense / context of a tv reality show.
All I can say… “domestic workers” are dignified. Its just bad enough that they get abused / mistreated by the same families they work for.
The GCC should know, as most abuse cases against domestic help recorded are from GCC employed domestic workers employed by arab families.
Simon, I would love to know where you got that stat. Last I heard someone else was guilty of being that… I do not wish to point out who or turn in thisinto a blame game. I realise there are many who aren’t treated well, which is a problem that needs solving. I wouldn’t, however, go as far as to say that they are treatde liek objects. On the post, I did at 1st felt wrong about it but when I came to understand that what Carol means is that they are the moms of the house.. and the moms are a bit of a joke, perhaps. (of course not all of them as you can see I adressed this issue up there ^^^somewhere) . So, the post isn’t meant to demean anyone, instead it goes far to see how they’d change around different people. Objects, don’t change like people when they are surrounded by a different environment, and new people.
@simon – thanks for your perspective which I appreciate. And you know
what, if this post helps reinforce how household help in Saudi are
viewed and maybe makes some folks think…. “whoa…this is not right”
then that is good.
Simon–just to contextualize these “reality shows”, the persons volunteer and are explained the rules, so in a hypothetical maid swap, the 2 maids would agree to change places with each other, and the families would agree to it. This is more in the spirit of learning about your self, and your own work conditions, sort of like “You think you’ve got it bad…you should work for my employer…”
I agree domestic help should be treated with dignity, and unfortunately abuse is widespread. A Canadian Member of Parliament, Ruby Dallah, is currently in the news being sued by 2 women she hired illegally and then had breaking every regulation on “live in caregivers” ie nannies, doing “slave labour”.
Carol…you brought back a memory for me…my kids and I loved watching Wife Swap as it seemed like a wonderful opportunity to see how other people lived. It showed the similarities and the differences between people and how they either live with it or get totally frustrated. We use to love that show…until….
Hubby went on a rant and pulled the wires out of the tv claiming I was encouraging the children to watch “haram” tv cause no self respecting woman would go live in a strangers house…its not Islamic or halal. (I might add that we watched this show for several years before he deemed in unIslamic…whatever).
No need to point out the irony of his statement considering what he had been up to all that time…just one more moment of hypocrisy from him…sigh!!!
@coolred – I’m glad my post brought a (bittersweet) memory for you.
It is interesting though to see how many western reality shows have
been modified for the arab world (Arabian Idol, Biggest Loser) and
come to think of it, I recall seeing an Arabic version of Wife Swap
too. I only saw it twice when visiting with extended Saudi family and
the lady of the house enjoyed watching the show. It was all in Arabic
and I’m only guessing here, but think it may have been aired from
Beirut. I also think rather than staying over in an unknown home, the
wives stayed in a hotel or something.
@ mimi ameer
hi mimi thanks for your response. I could site many links such as this – http://www.unhcr.org/refworld/topic,4565c22529,4565c25f32f,49a3a7d81e,0.html
or this http://www.du.edu/korbel/hrhw/digest/slavery/fmd.pdf
as well as a number of news items but that would be taking up too much space and might divert to other off topic. But truth of the matter is we see/read/hear of domestic help abuse often and its sad to hear such things. Even the sponsorship system for expatriate workers are a sad thing. Its like modern day slavery but thats another topic.
Its just my opinion that i find the context of maid swap as disturbing.
as for the reality show context, voluntary or otherwise still is not in good taste with my perception of domestic help. But in the chorus of fun, the learning experience that the domestic helpers could learn could be valuable or not. but what difference does it make if they are swapped between families, their practice wont change dramatically as most domestic help relies on the patterns set by their employers: i.e. how to arrange things, how to cook the meal etc.
@ chiara – thats appalling, slavery has no place in todays world.
@ carol – as always your posts keeps me reading your blog on a daily basis.
p.s. In no way i intend to generalize arab families, as there are families who are great with their domestic help and i personally know really great families that are great with their domestic help. Rule of the thumb, if you want your domestic help to stay, treat them well and keep communication lines open to avoid misunderstandings and treat them as equal, thats why they are called domestic help, they help with the domestic life of a family and not property.
@simon — I think it was Chiara who had a very interesting
suggestion… of course speaking hypothetically if such a show were to
be instituted, having domestics from expat families switch with Saudi
families….all I can say is I’m sure there would be big distinctions.
I’d also like to add in general that while here at a medical facility
in Houston I was chatting last night with a nursing assistant who is
of Filipina background. She actually had worked for a number of years
as a housemaid in Saudi before departing and then training as a
nursing assistant. I am happy to say that she spoke very positively
of her experiences in Saudi. She worked for a Saudi family who were
very considerate and treated her quite well. Her work in Saudi also
allowed her to pursue her nursing training of today.
On Thu, May 7, 2009 at 2:19 AM, Carol Fleming wrote:
> @simon — I think it was Chiara who had a very interesting
> suggestion… of course speaking hypothetically if such a show were to
> be instituted, having domestics from expat families switch with Saudi
> families….all I can say is I’m sure there would be big distinctions.
>
WOW! If she would take her MCAT she could apply to medical school & become a doctor! And just imagine one day her ex-Saudi employers would come to the US hospital where she works & ask her where the ladies room is, she’d be able to help them & respond in Arabic! …
I know I stole Carol’s story
Maids are already swapped, and borrowed and lended out. I’ve ‘borrowed’ a maid.. for lack of a better term. She helped me out when I was moving I paid her but she also lived much differently in my household than a typical saudi one. She liked my house better
But many bring their maids along to parties, maids of an elderly mother travel with her from one siblings house to another. Some bring their maids on extended visits not wanting to leave them home alone. Athoers who travel for the summer are let with the question what to do with them for that time so they are sent to live with another family of the employers choosing.
I saw this program, which is a very interesting
I think even if we swap the maids, would not be a big difference because we are convergence in customs
I think if the American person live in our house I am sure he /she will be mad.
(*,^)
@Saudi Jawa
it is sad that you do not know the laws in your country
no right to any citizen to swap the “maid” only after her approval and i never heard about swap whit car people here not bad like that
I do not believe that you dont know about that law
there is no “maid” in your home??? Im sure the answer is no we have if you are really saudi
no saudi house without maid at least one
it so bad custom in our life >>The right word
We are lazy and love Features
I hope to leave this very bad habits
Nzingha– I have also experienced the phenomenon your describe, when the house guests include their maids who help with the household chores, wedding cooking, etc. In some ways it is nicer for everyone–the maids who get to travel, and to meet other maids their same age (often pre-pubertal in Morocco), the hosts and their maids who get extra help, and the guests who have someone familiar with their likes and dislikes–all conditional on treating them well of course.
In Hong Kong the British expats swap their maids around because they don’t want to pay them to just mind the house when the family is away (~1 month on vacation).
@Nzingha – very good point. And during special gatherings such as the
respective Eid holidays it is so common for families to bring their
maids to help out.