As I have said ever since starting this blog Saudi Arabia is full of contrasts and contradictions. One such example is the issue of the mahrem and drivers. If new to my blog and not aware, Saudi woman require a mahrem which is usually a male relative such as a father, brother or spouse and who acts as a male guardian. This mahrem determines whether a woman can work, attend university, who she marries, whether she can have her own business and so on. Concurrently it is also important to note that in addition to the need for a mahrem, a Saudi woman is not allowed to be unaccompanied with any unrelated male. The male relatives with whom a woman is allowed to be with unaccompanied include father, brother, son, grandfather and uncle.
Yet a blatant exception to this rule is the Saudi woman and her driver. Women can indeed own a car but cannot drive in Saudi Arabia so a driver is essential. If the driver is not a “sanctioned” relative then a private driver is employed or public transport is utilized even though this contradicts the law of a Saudi woman being alone with an unsanctioned male. Why is this allowed to happen and not viewed as a conflict?
I’ve spoken to both Saudi women and Saudi men on this disparity and the most frequent response given is “Oh, a driver is not a real man.”
Naturally I ask “What do you mean he is not a real man? I don’t think he’s a robot.”
It’s explained to me that because drivers are generally guest workers from countries such as Phillipines, Indonesian, Pakistan, India, Sudan and not Saudis, they are not viewed as men who pose a threat to the reputation of the woman. In the eyes of many Saudi women (and Saudi men) the driver is in essence viewed as “invisible.” However I was also told that a Saudi woman would unlikely enter a vehicle with an unrelated Saudi or Yemeni driver due to cultural prohibitions. Yemen is close enough to Saudi Arabia in culture and tribal relations that most (not all) Saudi women would not ride alone with a Yemeni.
I have mixed feelings on this aspect of the culture and its contradictions. Naturally I have to use a driver since it’s not only Saudi women who are prohibited from driving in the Kingdom. And I can say that in spite of keeping distance some form of a relationship will develop between a woman and her driver. The driver will become attuned and accustomed to her moods.
In some cases a driver has become a confidant of women. He may take her places where a “sanctioned” relative may not want to take her or get her things that a “sanctioned” relative may not want her to have or be able to get her.
Drivers in the Kingdom are very resourceful and most quickly learned the lesson of discretion. If one needs something done or wants to find something, ask a driver. If they have been in the Kingdom for any amount of time they usually know. For example if one is seeking a housemaid, ask a driver. He’ll usually know of whose available (legal or not).
So I guess this post could be summed up as saying a Saudi woman may view her driver as invisible yet essential.
Filed under: Freedoms, Saudi culture, gender, women driving
Not a real man eh? Sorry to let these guys down, but it is a well known fact that Saudi women DO get up to no good with their drivers.
This happens from lower class Saudi families and with families at the very heart of the Saudi system. My wife and I both know of a lady from a very well known and connected Saudi family who had a relationship with her Pakistani driver over the space of 15 years and is still in love with him to this day and visits him when she visits her family in Saudi.
15 years and no one from the family knew. It might make Saudi men feel better that they think their drivers are no threat, but it is just that, a feeling and NOT reality.
This is just another case of appearance trumping substance in Saudi culture. It is nothing more than hypocrisy which allows such a nonsense practice to take place. Nevermind the racism at the base of the assumption that a Saudi lady would never be interested in a non Saudi.
It’s true in certain places (and social classes!) in the Kingdom, especially in Riyadh where you live, but as a Saudi girl who has no foreign driver, I find your generalization unfair and misleading.
The fact that women are not allowed to drive is it self a large contrary in regard that this forbidding has no religion bases whatsoever! And thus most subsequent acts may be somehow wrong or hold a lot of contradictions in between.
BTW, personally, when being in a need to go somewhere while non of my brothers are around to drive me where I want, I feel more safe and relaxed to catch a taxi with a Saudi than any other nationality.
And another note, in Islam, the company of mahram is not addressed in side cities or residential arias, it’s only required when traveling for a distance which takes more than 3 days period of time.
To me this speaks to the same phenomen as exists in colonialism where the dominant power dehumanizes the dominated to the point of failing to recognize the inherent risk in doing so. Native servants are non-people with no real desires, feelings, lives. In Saudi it seems as though the colonialism is practiced within the territory, in respect to a certain underclass of service people.
But perhaps rather than colonialism, racism, and desexing one should be thinking more about tribalism and the question of honour among the people who count for one’s reputation. Honour to me, based on studies of the classical Spanish concepts, eg. in the play Don Juan, and experience of Arab cultures,
is more about men upholding their honour in the eyes of other men, with women’s behaviour, or reputation as more the subject of (excuse for) why they need to need to uphold their honour. And religion,culture and tribalism (family) as the context, and rationale for it.
For example in this article:
Iraqi father who murdered daughter for befriending a UK soldier said it ‘was the least she deserved’
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-565681/Iraqi-father-murdered-daughter-befriending-UK-soldier-said-deserved.html
“I have no regrets, and I had the support of all my friends who are fathers like me, and who know that what she did was unacceptable to any Muslim that honours their religion. [...] “I know God [Allah] is blessing me for what I did. My sons were by my side and were men enough to help me end the life of someone who had just brought shame to our lives.”
What would happen if a colleague wanted to give a Saudi woman a lift–impossible right? In Teheran I was given a lift by an Iranian Dr from the conference I was attending, in order for me to be able to carry out an errand. He graciously indicated to me I would have to sit in the back seat, and simultaneously apologized, but at least he could drive me–he was nervous though and I was properly covered.
I agree a relationship between driver and driven does develop, even tacitly, as with such regular contact moods are known, as are life activities, and probably alot of info (overheard phone conversations).
This definitely is one of the more puzzling contradictions in Saudi life.
This is just another case of appearance trumping substance in Saudi culture. It is nothing more than hypocrisy which allows such a nonsense practice to take place. Nevermind the racism at the base of the assumption that a Saudi lady would never be interested in a non Saudi.
Perfectly stated.
As if these men aren’t real men…they’re probably even more of a man…since they go to a foreign, oppressive land, leave their families to make very little money, to send back to their families; this takes real cojones.
Contradictions galore seem to be the order of the day in such societies, driven by a feudal structure. To think of support staff as slaves and thereby unworthy of an ‘identify’ is also seen, especially with maids.
I’ve employed a couple of saudi drivers and tend to prefer them over non saudis, even with the disaster of my last saudi driver. And my relatives refused to use the car and driver while they visited if it was a saudi. On the other side a nephew used to drive a taxi and he refused to pick up saudi women as fairs. Figure that out.
There are no secrets from a driver i wrote about this a few years back http://nzinghas.blogspot.com/2005/05/drivers-and-driving.html
Interesting post, American Bedu. “Not a real man”. Wow, just shows the utter contempt some people have towards certain nationalities. These poor chaps from the so-called “Third World” are also humans – they leave behind their families and have come here just to save some money, not out of love for the country. Yet, the reality is that we do have cases where salaries are not paid on time, sometimes months together, mandatory insurance not being paid for by the sponsors and very bad treatment being meted out to them. About house maids, oh better not to even talk about them!
The concept of man is really something we should discuss also.. what do Saudis consider as a man?
Is it viewing a person less than a Man in general?
Or is it his stature in society and how can he influence it? I think Saudi women have something against driving with a Saudi driver that they view the Non-Saudi as less of a threat.
Social reputation is very important, the driver shares a lot of time and there bound to be some secrets to be spilled out in a phone call or a girl chatter in the Seats behind. A Saudi is probably going to be more critically judgmental than a non-Saudi driver and more of a threat socially in the way most view. I present my gratitude for the doomsday cheer leading squad that think the world will come to an end if the religious police was ever convicted of doing the Saudis wrong.
From my background there is a huge emphasis on the word “rjal” it’s not a word to use to describe every male related to the Saudi.. The word “rjal”at the door can create chaos in a Saudi household.. everybody will be running around.. The women would be making the standard guest coffee and dates.. while the greeting men will be assessing either to have the “man” for coffee or prepare for a dinner. I gather from this that we can put male and man in different categories in Saudi view.
What differs a Saudi man than a non-Saudi man? it’s probably the social structure of a collective community.. while a Saudi goes full gear to accommodate any guest..its really how that guest impression of the host is critical to the Saudi hosting him value. This could equate to the Saudi driver as well as he is pretty connected to the society..
Try asking a Saudi man the name of his mother.. it could get nasty depending on who you ask, especially if you are a Saudi man who not an intimate friend of his.. Saudi women and Non-Saudi driver are like a choice of jumping from a sinking ship into a burning life boat.
[...] January 7, 2009 at 11:20 am (Uncategorized) Tags: Saudi women http://americanbedu.com/2009/01/07/saudi-women-and-their-drivers/ [...]
I propose the Saudi govt send home all these non men drivers…then all Saudi women would depend solely on their male family members to take them around…a few days of being at the beck and call of their females will get Saudi men to thinking that ….its not such a bad thing to let women drive now is it?
Hypocrisy such as what passes for Islam and Islamic practice in Saudi…the confusion that keeps people scratching their heads…Muslims no less…the absolute nonsense that is supposed to be “Gods Law” and yet leaves people “laughing behind their hands…is the reason Islam is not seen as a bonafied religion that is taken seriously by its followers…because of all this ridiculous controversy that makes absolutely no sense.
It would seem that Saudi men are the “law makers” when it comes to presenting Islam to the world…whatever they do is seen as God sanctioned…so until the ability to “make laws” (whether based on traditions or culture) is removed from Saudi men…the rest of the Muslims of the world have a lot to answer for…sigh.
coolred, I don’t expect Saudi to change in an average person lifetime to an ideal civil rights nation.. especially since its a monarchy that established tribal loyalty by marrying the major political and religious factions at their time.
It takes a long period of time for a society to change its ways.. while people condemn Saudis for not letting their women drive.. you have to understand that they come from a history of tribal battles where men fight them for their families… the same protectionism is around. keeping those women trapped between the necessities of today and the values of their fathers.
I do agree with your solution though.. at least we will have less crowded streets for a while.. hope they get the balls to do that!
Such interesting comments by all!
I used to think I would be less bothered by not being allowed to drive than some because I don’t particularly like driving and I am a happy pedestrian, cyclist, public transport user. I also don’t back seat drive much. However, the “not driving” in Saudi sounds incredibly complicated. Since I drive for convenience and independance I probably would be more annoyed than I think.
Muna and DW–Thank you for the nuance and information you provided from the Saudi perspective. DW could you translate “rjal”– although the contextual meaning was clear (and familiar) I would appreciate an English approximation.
Nzingha–I read the linked post. Wow can you stand on a soapbox!
Very informative and memorable.
Abu Sinan, BCIS, and coolred–excellent comments on the humanity, “cojones” and value of these non-Saudi drivers.
For another view of being dependant on a driver, and on a mahrem I suggest the no longer active but excellent diary-blog “Baghdad burning”, by a Baghdadi woman in her twenties chronicling her day- to- day life during the Iraq war, pseudonym “Riverbend” :
http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/
It contains interesting posts about how her life changed from professional career woman to unemployed, housebound, and dependant on her brothers to accompany her/drive her (for safety from bombs and the newly empowered religious “police”). .
Anyone who would like to read an excellent short novel on similar dynamics of the non-man, should read “Une vie de boy” ie “Houseboy” by Cameroonian auther Ferdinand Oyono.
Oppression, and hypocrisy, and misogyny, Oh boy!
It’s amusing that Saudi men view non-Saudis as “not real men.” As if women could ONLY be attracted to Saudis….hahahahahahahahahahahah. I just find that hilarious! Those arrogant Saudis (the ones who believe this way) are really full of themselves, huh?
Oooooo, what prizes! No doubt, God’s gifts to women!
Coolred, I am trying to remember that Saudi does not correctly represent Islam, but I think you are right that many (including myself in the past) think, “Oh, this is the place of Mecca and Medina so this is what true Islam is like.” And now I see we are wrong concerning that. I have purposely blurked on Muslim blogs & found that most Muslims are quite pleasant and *gasp* normal! Some are really really funny (e.g. Captain Chaos.)
Btw, the “cutest” post I have seen lately was an ad for a white American muslimah for an Egyptian brother. I thought I was on one of those matching-making websites for a moment.
It is sad reality that some people think like that… it truly is.. especially seeing that we follow a religion that teaches us that we are all equal.. Allah yahdeena!
As for the Saudi driver issue.. I know my husband does not like us taking a Saudi taxi driver (we have needed to take taxis home from the airport a few times). The last time we ended up with a Saudi Taxi driver.. and he was all questions.. asking what family we were from… then on to going all the way to the tribe and what not. He was asking details about the family (he ended up kinda knowing about my father-in-law (not personally but by name). He went on asking and talking. My husband was trying to answer all the old mans questions with as few words as possible.. he did not want to be rude to the man. When we got home, he wanted to enter our home.. but my husband would not allow him to pass the front gate (making up polite excuses), and made the driver and the maids get our luggage from outside the main gate. He then gave me the look of… now you see why i feel more comfortable with NON SAUDIS.. lol
So I kinda understand why some people (Saudis) may not want to get into the taxi with a Saudi driver.
Great topic as always!
Another interesting topic although I happened to mention that contradiction in an earlier comment and did not get mentioned in this post
There are several problems for this issue although the biggest issue now is the attack on our breathren in Gaza. Let me try to point out both sides:
Arab women in general will prefer to have a submissive and non-threatening Arab in Saudi drive them around. There are several reasons for that and many are mentioned in other people’s comments above. An example is my uncle’s wife who told me she would rather wait in the street whilst shopping during the day for one hour rather than take a taxi with a Saudi driver.
This is a common case. Well, it is unfair to the following: Saudi drivers from modest backgrounds who want to earn a living. However, since this attitude seems to be prevalent, then we must question why is that? Well, it is the attitude of superiority and “above-the-law” general attitude adapted by Saudis. We also encourage it indirectly by inferring that Saudi females would not be threatened or fall in love with non-Saudis. It is an extremely closed mind-set that truly believes that. My o my, American Bedu you have opened up a can of worms.
Chiara – DW was referring to rjal or rejal which means “man” in Arabic.
I am really appreciating and enjoying all the comments.
Thank you American bedu. I now recognize this as rajli in Moroccan — sounds suspiciously like the Sanskrit raj (king)!
When I visited Oman which is right there on the same peninsula I saw women drivers with hijbab (faces uncovered) and they weren’t worse for wear.
This practice Saudi has of not allowing women to drive is just another example of male dominance over their women. Sorry but it is. I have seen Islam practiced in Oman and don’t see the blatant opression of women as I read, hear and see from other Saudi women.
Another post with so many different and interesting viewpoints!
DW, I think you had a valid point there which should be taken into account; as person from another country, and socialising in a different sphere, ther would be less chance, or it will be percieved as such, of ‘’stories” getting about and gossipping.
However, as in the ”upstairs” ”downstairs” worlds of Victorian England, nothing stops people from gossipping!
Coolred38, another excellent suggestion! i’m sure it will not be implemented, but I can só see the results into my minds eye….
And women would be allowed to drive by the end of next week !!!!
Nzinga, I read your link, what a shocking story at the end! How horrible!
I’m silenced too, in the light of your post there’s nothing more to say….
I enjoyed the picture on this post, but my first thought was would this woman or her relatives be upset that you used the picture? Knowing you, I’m sure you got permission before using it, but I can imagine those who will be critical.
Expat 21
“Expat Abroad” in the Middle East
expat21.wordpress.com
Expat – it is a publicly available photo actually.
Ah, the “to drive or not to drive” issue – that is the question. As an American woman who drove safely for 40 years before moving to Saudi, being denied the opportunity to drive here is pretty insulting, especially when I see some pubescent males driving who can barely see over the steering wheel and who have almost run me over on occasion. That aside, having to depend on my husband to drive me everywhere since I have no driver is truly the pits. I do tutor for a family and they send one of their drivers for me. Their drivers are Pakistani and Bangladeshi – both very affable fellows. I’ve heard the woman of the house and her daughters that I tutor speak to the drivers (on the phone) as if they are barking at a dog. It’s really not pleasant to listen to. Even the 12 year old speaks to them like they are somewhat sub-human.
One of my pet peeves is woman who will go to a function for HOURS and forget about the driver but expect him to just wait patiently for hours without food or drink!
Just a thought… my theory is that many arabs from Saudi, UAE, Oman etc have no concept of the word “racism” or understand its implications. They have no reservations about holding prejudices against certain nationalities who they see as “below” them.
I agree…. and wonder if in part is that until the 1960’s, slavery was still allowed in KSA so that also impacts on some Saudis view of domestic help.
[...] Bedu talks about one of the cultural contradictions in the Saudi society. She takes the relationship between Saudi women and their drivers as an example. Posted by Lasto Adri Print version Share [...]
The slavery/racism theory would work especially since slavery is based on economics and power not race except in the US where it was racially based and known as the “peculiar insitution” for that reason.
where can i get one of these jobs? sounds intriguing.
Ah tell me about it if I a taxi is drove by a Saudi my husband will not allow us to get in.
With my husband it is 50/50 depending on the drivers appearance and how he talks.
I have only been here a few weeks and already going stir crazy sitting in the house with 2 kids. Can anyone suggest an agency for a limo driver?
Good argument and this is actually one of that social problems that we should face and work against it. It is the essence of many problems in Saudi society.
The word “Rajal” DW, in saudi society means that He is the male who is very judgmental and stuck and adhered to the traditional social norms.
so, the question is why Saudi women say non Saudis are not Rejal, because non Saudis have no idea about the social norms to judge Saudi women against it. so she is safe when she breaks these social norms infront of non saudis and her reputation is in the safe side.
on the other hand, if a Saudi “Rejal” was the driver of a saudi woman, then she will not be comfortable because he is judgmental to her behaviors. and if she does something against the social norms, then, HE will think that she is not “Mazbutah” it means she open access to him to flirt her. hence, two things will happen, first, he may take advantage of this access and harass her sexually if he is not “Mazbuot” or he will tell her story to his friends, especially if she belong to a tribe. this will complicate the situation and then it will be a tribal talks. so Saudi women do not want to go into all these troubles, so they prefer the non “rejal” to be in the safe side.
so, as I always say, WE need to redefine the social norms to solve our social problems.
Salam.
So in other words…a non saudi will just drive the car to the destination ordered regardless of who his customers are and how they are acting…where as a saudi driver will be thinking whether his customers are up for a little “sport” depending on who they are and how they are acting?
So one minds his own business while the other minds YOUR business?
@Krys – I’m not in Saudi at the moment but I believe if you search my blog using the words “private taxi” you should find some recommendations I gave a while ago.
Regards, Carol