There are few places in Saudi Arabia where one can rent a furnished and equipped apartment on a day-to-day or month-to-month basis. The Boudl Suites located throughout Saudi Arabia are one such place. They are an ideal and affordable option for the business traveler or for the couple who need a place to stay until they find their permanent residence. Boudl suites in the Al Fayhaa hotel in Riyadh for example are described as “very sophisticated and makes your stay in the city all the more comfortable. All the rooms of the hotel are well appointed and decorated with stylish furniture. The rooms are airy and spacious. The lighting arrangement is very soothing and makes you feel relaxed.
The Room Facilities at Boudl Al Fayhaa Hotel in Riyadh includes a wide variety of updated amenities. The rooms are categorized as standard rooms, double rooms, twin rooms and suites. The suites are a bit costly than the other rooms. The amenities in the room include air conditioners, direct dial telephone, mini bar, color television with satellite connection, and wonderful power supply. The rooms and suites are suitable for both the business and leisure guests. The amenities meet the requirements of both categories of travelers.
The rooms of the hotel give a spectacular view of the city’s skyline. This is possible due to the excellent Location of Boudl Al Fayhaa Hotel in Riyadh. The guests can marvel at the lovely landscape of the sitting while cocooned in the luxurious rooms.
All the rooms of the Boudl Al Fayhaa Hotel in Riyadh have a separate kitchenette area. The guests can cook their own food if they are willing to do so. The suites of the hotel are wonderful. They have different bed rooms and sitting area. The bathrooms of all the rooms are very well designed to provide the guests with superb comfort. The suits have special ceramic bathtubs and branded toiletries.
The twenty four hours operational room service is very efficient. The hospitality staff is very congenial. Their cordial behavior makes you feel at home. The guests residing here are kept entertained by the wonderful recreational amenities included in the Hotel Amenities and Services at Boudl Al Fayhaa Hotel in Riyadh.
The Room facilities at the Boudl Al Fayhaa Hotel in Riyadh are very much popular with the travelers residing here. Infact it’s the fantastic accommodation facilities that has make this one of the best Hotels in Riyadh in Saudi Arabia. Enjoy being at this luxurious accommodation with your friends and family in the next vacation.”
Now in addition to the business traveler or couple in transit, Boudl suites have also become a haven for those who have engaged in misyaar marriages as well. I have written previously on what a misyaar marriage is and who would want it and with this post, I will focus on misyaar marriages and the attraction of Boudl Suites. In most cases this will be a misyaar marriage between a Saudi man and either a Saudi woman or perhaps a woman of Arabic heritage. When a Saudi man and Saudi woman engaged in a misyaar marriage use the Boudl Suites where they can be together as husband and wife it could be for several reasons. The Saudi man may already have another wife and this is how he can be together and intimate with his other wife without the first wife’s knowledge. The Saudi man may travel frequently and engaged in a misyaar marriage with a Saudi woman or other woman and use the Boudl Suites as a venue where he can spend private time alone with her. The Saudi man may have married a Saudi divorcee with children from her previous marriage. She may be the one wishing for the misyaar marriage to be kept discreet and secret for if the children’s father becomes aware of her relationship with another man he may take the children away from her. Last but not least there are some enterprising women who readily market themselves as willing to enter into a misyaar marriage. With each marriage they do receive a dowry consisting of money, gold and jewels. They enter into a misyaar marriage for a specified term at which time the couple divorce which allows the woman to enter into another misyaar marriage. This becomes a profitable venture for the woman. And for all of these reasons, the Boudl Suites have become a rendevous point of choice for its conveniences, affordable prices and discretion.
Filed under: culture, gender, islam, relationships, religion, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, Uncategorized, Women Issues
High priced hookers in a fine sweet. Nice.
That may have been a Freudian slip! LOL
“suite”
Im very curious, will the check-in officer ask for the marriage letter, or any letter of its kind? looooool……….
I believe if one is in doubt of the relationship between the man and woman, documentation can be requested. This does not only apply to checking in to a hotel but for example, one time my spouse and I were guests at a western only compound. The security, seeing a Saudi man and western woman together asked for proof of our relationship! That’s just a part of life in Saudi Arabia!
misyaar marriages are not supposed to have specifed terms. that is a mutaa marriage and those are haram.
Trust me – no one has to be in doubt about your relationship in order to ask you for proof of marriage!
My husband and I went to Madinah during the summer and when we were checking in at the Intercontinental hotel we were asked for proof that we were married. We stared at the guy at the front desk pretty incredulously – because at the time I was carrying my 8-month old baby in my arms and our toddler was holding on to my husband’s hand.
How much more obvious does it get! LOL.
Well, at least it has never happened to us before in all our years in the Kingdom. So we just shrugged the whole thing off.
That’s what prostitution is all about isn’t it? Providing sexual acces in return for payment.
Misyaar is nothing but modified mutah, made palatable for sunnies.
With maybe a few exceptions it is nothing but prostitution and/or taking advantage of the low status and particular problems facing women.
As if a proper islamic marriage isn’t detrimental enough to women. (men can divorce by saying so three times, women can go to court but usually won’t get a divorce and have to pay their dowries back, men can secretly marry other wifes, etc.)
Nooo, they had to invent something that gives even less rights to women. Organised fake halal misuse of women with no prospects. And I don’t care if the occasional exception occurs wher the woman uses it to get something out of it too.
OMG..
I’m with you Aafke and do not agree with misyaar, mutah or men taking more than one wife!
Attention Saudi Women: You will never be able to please those who do not live their lives to please Allah…NEVER! Your Lord has informed you of this in His Book:
The Noble Qur’an 2:120 – Never will the Jews nor the Christians be pleased with you till you follow their religion.
The Noble Qur’an 68:9- They wish that you should compromise (in religion out of courtesy) with them, so they (too) would compromise with you.
Stop trying to please them. Stop trying to meet them half way. Stop imitating them. They will only lead you further and further away from the your Lord. First they claim that they want to liberate the poor oppressed Saudi woman. They want her to make her own choices and have freedom. Then when the Saudi woman chooses on her own accord to have a marriage where she makes certain conditions (misyar) and has more freedom in her life than a traditional marriage – they call you a HO! This is not a double standard. This is not hypocrisy. This is exactly what Allah warned us of. Oh and don’t think for a minute that you can be like them and date and sleep around and please them. No, when you do that they talk about you – WORSE! They talk about how you are conformist and hypocrites and how you really hate the Islamic lifestyle and proof of it is how buck wild you get when away from your culture. So imitating them will not please them either. No they will not be pleased until you totally denounce your way of life. Not until you declare yourself a Non-Muslim will you please them. And then they will ignore you…job done!
The truth is, the system of the disbelievers accepts fornication as a way of life. There is no stigma in one night stands (meeting a complete stranger and having sex with them), dating or shacking up (living together without being married). The truth is that misyaar marriage gives you an halal alternative to dating. It is hardly comparable to prostitution. If this is what you want and it is not haram and you have the consent of your wali than do it. Prostitutes get paid for their services. One of the most attractive feature of the misyaar marriage for the man is that in most cases the wife relieves him of the responsibility of maintenance. See the disbelieving woman doesn’t believe its the man’s responsibility to support, because remember they are all “equal’. so, the disbelieveing woman doesn’t expect maintaince. A misyaar marriage is financially no different than most disbelieving marriages. The difference is that in most misyar marriages the couple is not exclusive (which is ok in Islam)and the woman has also given up her right to equal division of time. This does not sound like prostitution nor does it sound like a mistress, because in both of those cases there is a financial gain for the exploited woman. Since righteous living is not the norm in the disbelievers culture than the first thing that comes to mind when told that a Muslim woman is in a non-traditional marriage – is filth. That is because that is their acceptable standard of living and halal alternatives never crossed their mind.
Is there a stigma against women who are involved in misyaar marriages?
Misyar – They are just playing games with God’s rules!
Although maybe that’s why some people here want to make “hijrah” to Saudi!
Carol, you should edit this statement, it is false and misleading. What you have described is a mutaa marriage which is haram.
” Last but not least there are some enterprising women who readily market themselves as willing to enter into a misyaar marriage. With each marriage they do receive a dowry consisting of money, gold and jewels. They enter into a misyaar marriage for a specified term at which time the couple divorce which allows the woman to enter into another misyaar marriage. This becomes a profitable venture for the woman. And for all of these reasons, the Boudl Suites have become a rendevous point of choice for its conveniences, affordable prices and discretion.”
It’s not good to mix truth with falsehood.
Mezaba, nobody has to make hijrah to Saudi to do this! Many of the Western marriages are like this sans the title. I know many women in the West desparate enough to get married (or shack up)to not only give up their rights of support but to take care of the man too. It’s the American way!
I would say that sounds an awful lot like prostitution.
Lots of money and jewels for a set period of time and then moving on to the next one.
Molly, this is why I asked Carol to edit her post, she is confusing two diferent types of marriages. The muta marriage is the one that gives you all the impression that the women are like prostitutes. This type of marriage is not permitted in islam because of the intentions. When you enter marriage your intentions should not be for a specified time. Most women in misyaar marriages do not get money, gold, or jewels as Carol has erroneously stated. The hallmark of misyaar marriage is that it is easier and more affordable on the man. These women usually request a simple dowry so not to over burden the man.
not to mention these are usually the ‘less desirable’ women who could not marry and divource and recieve such grand benefits as Carol stated.
She messed up on this one.
The definition of prostitution is the exchange of sex for monetary goods.
Misyaar marriage is by definition prostitution, no matter what your sentiments are, and no matter if it’s ordained or not.
Sounds like prostitution to me…men taking advantage of women who are in a desperate position. Some women choose to be prostitutes, but the overwhelming majority of women in this position are damaged (sexually abused as children), are impoverished, and desperate. “Stuff” in exchange for sex.
People verify your information before passing Judgement. What Carol posted is not true. Misyaar is not an exchange for sex for monetary goods! If anything the misyaar marriage is less sex and no monetary goods! The only difference between a miyaar marriage and a regular marriage is that in the marriage contract the woman usually states that the husband does not have to provide for her. How is this prostitution? How is this any different from your typical American marriage? Do American women expect to be taken care of? No. In Islam and in Saudi culture it is expected that the husband will be the provider,maintainer, and sustain er. In a misyaar marriage the woman is saying, “that’s OK”. Most women who choose this option may have the means to take care of themselves. Misyaar is the opposite of what Carol has stated.
I am not promoting misyaar, but I am saying get your facts straight.
Look Carol is relatively new to Islam and Saudi. She is not an expert. Most of the information on this blog is highly sensationalized and should be taken the same as you would anything read in a tabloid. I think some of you just want to believe the hype.
Umm Adam – I can speak for myself and do not appreciate your innuendos questioning my experiences. There is a fine line between misyaar and mutah and some misyaar marriages do indeed have conditions which include duration. You may say all you want about the legality but I am stating the realities of what I know of happening.
In regards to the query asked whether there is a stigma associated with a misyaar marriage, while they are legalized and happening, if you have the opportunity to engage in discussions with Saudis, the majority I’ve encountered will tell you that while they are legal, allowable and referred to as halal, I’ve yet to hear someone say they would agree to one themself or for their daughter or their sister, etc.
‘Not until you declare yourself a Non-Muslim will you please them. And then they will ignore you…job done!’
Sorry Ummadam, you are dead wrong there. We will NOT ignore them rather we’ll take them out clubbing until they are good and drunk and then they can get properly laid!
Sorry Carol. I couldn’t resist!
The most frequent reference I’ve come across regarding misyar marriages is when men go on vacation and want to get laid without feeling guilty about going to hell so they get married to a local girl for the extent of their vacation and then divorce her when they go back home. And the other context I’ve read about with regards to it is where people use it as sort of a “halal booty call” for lack of a better description.
I consider it to be a remedy for people who are pathetically lacking in self control
And the fact that no self respecting family would most likely ever knowingly allow their daughter to be married in this fashion really says it all in my book
Lynn, I guess we know which category of the typical American woman you fall under.
Carol, I never spoke for you or questioned your experiences. I corrected you. You are wrong on this. A misyar marriage is a valid contract. If the contract states a duration for the marriage, i.e one year and it’s over, then that invalidates the contract. If you know people who have such contracts than they are not valid. The only reality is that people will change things to suit their needs.
I’ll agree with Umm Adam that misyar marriages do not have a stated time of ending. It is one of two things that are different between misyar and muta’a. Misyar no stated end, that is haram among all sunnis and makes the marriage contract void. Muta’a has a stated end, can be one day to 15 years. Misyar requires a witness muta’a doesn’t.
Having said that I have read that there is growing trend amog some women entering numerous misyar contracts with the full intention of it being temporary. They will end it either w/ the knowledge of the man going into the contract, however it won’t be stated or given a definate end within the contract. Or they will end it by force after they get all they can from the man. In this form it is very much like prostitution. from one article I read in Arab News the woman was scorned and held the attitude “men have been taking advantage all my life now it is my turn”.
The intention of misyar is not prostitution in fact most women get no monetary benefit besides a small dowry. (dowry is a msut for the contract but it is not within the custom of dowry in a regular marriage). It as intended for women who have no means of a regular marriage to get married, of course the male benefit is clear.
Most women who go into the marriage are divorced or widowed and older. They either have the means to support themselves or in fear of loosing their children don’t remarry publicly. Misyar is a non publisized marriage, which is where I have problems with it personally (I am of the view a woman can forgo any monetary maintenance of a husband to be if that is her choice…how much choice do these women have in such situations is a whole other debate).
great hot topic choice there bedu
Per umm adam’s statements misyaar is a marriage where the man does not have to support, nor live with the wife, while he does have to offer a form of mahr.
It’s obvious that these marriages are for sex (not supporting the wife, but seeking sexual intercourse “halal”).
Upon the inception of the marriage, there is an exchange of goods.
“I will marry you and you give me this for it. I will not seek support in any form, but sexual advances will be accepted and expected. Give me the money, and you get the sex.”
That’s prostitution.
I consider it to be a remedy for people who are pathetically lacking in self control – Tulip
Can I give you another image of the most common instances of misyar here in the Kingdom?
A divorced woman who stands to loose her children if her ex finds out she remarried. Or even a widow can loose her children to her inlaws if she marries another man.
A woman alone all of her life, reaching an age where she is lead to believe she’ll never marry, never know a man, never experience what adult women desire. She may not need a man for finances so would rather have a man sometimes than not at all.
an independent woman who doesn’t want a man dictating her life to her (remember the control men have over their wives in saudi) she is financially sound, could have her own home, could be divorced or widowed with grown children and seeks a halal means to have the company of a man on her own terms and with self respect
i can give other examples none of which have to do with pathetic people lacking self control
Nikkah is half your deen.
What happened to that?
I shall concede to your points Nzingha
I think Carol did mention the case of the women with child custody issues which I can actually understand (and perhaps Saudi should reconsider their custody laws if women have to actually resort to this in order to get married, but whatever)
Tulip, I don’t think those marriages are misyaar marriages either. Those are women being duped into marrying a man with bad intentions. Sure there are people who will pimp out their daughters but that will happen under any circumstance. I will repeat misyaar marriage is the exact same thing as a regular marriage, any marriage can put certain stipulations in their contracts. The misyaar marriage usually stipulates that the husband does not have to provide for her and is not expected to be a ‘full time’ husband.
I know several respected families that would not mind for their daughters to be in misyaar. of course that is not their first choice. I will give examples:
1. The daughter does not want to wait years for her potential husband to finish his education and find a job in his field. The parents have stated that they will support the couple, so that neither are tempted to do anything haram with each other or anyone else.
2. A 40 year old woman has never been married. She has a really good job,, but the person she is interested in can not afford to marry her and maintain the lifestlye she is accustomed to. She has said no problem because she has her own home. She has also said that she has very expensive taste and she understands that he can not afford to buy her all the things that she is use to. She also said that she MUST travel at least once a year out of the country. he said that he can not afford that and she said that as long as he comes with her she’ll pay for it. She is not willing to give up her lifestlye to marry a broke brother and be a housewife.
3. A divourced woman with children who doesn’t want a man around her children nor does she want the responsility of a ‘full time’ wife, but has the desire for the companionship of a man. It appears like dating but it is marriage. Why? Because the contract was drawn for the sake of Allah. Sure she could date but she is Muslim and fears her Lord.
Again, I am not promoting misyaar marriage. I just want it to be seen correctly. People will abuse just about everything, there is no need to give misyaar a bad rap no more than you would regular marriage.
I guess I was typing the same time you were Nzingha! My son peed in the bed, so I had to give him a bath, change the sheets – of course that woke the baby up so I nursed him back to sleep.. Then finished the post, submitted it and then saw that we both gave examples..lol!
maya- i think the million or so unmarried women in saudi are asking that question. the numbers give some 2.5% as ‘spinsters’ 30 and unmarried going down hill fast (hate that term) and another 2.4 % divorced.. and lets count the widows. I don’t agree misyar is the answer.. but if it is their only halal option.. than can we really judge that??
tulip- totally agree
but that is a whole rant for me Ive gone into time and time again on my own blog and i have to remember that this is bedus blog lol
ummadam- i think we can all come up with some examples of why some women choose this as a halal options.
and I do hope your finally giving that baby some food
Tulip, it is actually Islamic Law that states that a woman has more right to the custody of her children UNLESS she remarries. If we think with our emotions (myself included) then it seems unfair. However, I have seen the hikmah in this:
1. I know many cases of women (not just Muslim) who can’t find husbands because they have children. Ideally, the father could have physical custody of them. Ideally, he would not use this against mother.
2. I also know of MANY cases (not just Muslim) where the step father has molested the children.
Why is it ideal that the father should have custody of children, ummadam?
Molestation isn’t just committed by stepfathers, it’s committed by pedophiles. Big difference.
And by stating misyaar is the same thing as marriage but without the “full time husband,” but is still saying it’s prostitution. It’s a contract for sex wherein the initiation of that contract includes an exchange of goods.
Miya, I thnk you misunderstood me. I only meant ‘ideally’ in the case of the woman who wants to get married but nobody will marry her because she has children. Trust me, I know many women who are struggling to raise their children alone and couldn’t pay their ex to keep them. The ideal situation would be joint custody in my opinion. Where the woman doesn’t have to fear losing her children. Islam gives her ‘more right’ to custody if she is not married, howeverm that does not mean that the father has to take them. It just means that she looses the right to be the parent who automactically gets full custody of the child.
You are saying that misyaar is a contract for sex. Is that all marriage is to you? Nobody said that it is a sex contract, where are you getting this from? if you are saying that it is obvious that that is why the man does it, than I would say that is the case for regular marriage too. My husband sure ddn’t marry me for my cooking.lol
- Lynn, I guess we know which category of the typical American woman you fall under.
Just as we know what kind of typical Muslim you are Ummadam.
Cracks me up! But then, no.
Misyaar and Urfi marriages both meet the requirements set by shariah for a marriage contract. Urfi marriage is more common in Egypt and it is popular among university students, usually the couple’s close friends are the only ones who know that they are married. This sort of marriage has created many social problems such as abortion, men denying the marriage took place and thus leaving illegitimate children behind. Misyaar sounds like sex with no strings attached for both partners, the obstacles faced by women looking to be in traditional marriages need to be tackled.
That’s right Lynn, you got me all figured out, I’m the type that tries to adhere to he Quran and Sunnah:
“O you who believe! Take not for Auliyâ’ (protectors or helpers or friends) disbelievers instead of believers. Do you wish to offer Allâh a manifest proof against yourselves?” [The Noble Qur'an 4:144]
“Give tidings to the hypocrites that there is for them a painful punishment. Those who take disbelievers as allies instead of the believers. Do they seek with them honor [through power]? But indeed, honor belongs to Allaah entirely (i.e. He grants it to whom He wills)” [An-Nisaa’: 138-139].
“…And whoever is an ally to them among you — then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allaah guides not the wrongdoing people.” [Al-Maa’idah: 51]
ummadam In regular marriage the woman is supported by the man.
In misyaar the marriage is solely for sex.
There is a big difference. When you live together and love eachother it’s quite different from a halal booty call.
Maya, again you are claiming to know ones intentions. Who said it is solely for sex? And even if it is solely for sex and as you say a ‘halal booty call’, I think that is better than unlawful sexual intercourse.
[And do not come near to the unlawful sexual intercourse.] (Al-Israa’ 17:32)
Nobody is saying that misyaar is for everybody, so so what if it is a halal booty call? Would you rather they just skip the technicalities and fornicate? At least they have this option to protect themselves from unlawful sexual intercourse.
Bedu- I wonder what the wife of man who enters into these types of arrangements feels if she ever finds out?
And what is the litmus test for “intentions” on someone entering these types of arrangements? No one knows the deep down intention of anyone entering this- so how could we “earthly humans” know for a fact those intentions were nothing more than a way to get halal sex- a wife that doesn’t have her husband nor can publicly claim him as her husband in a society that depends on guardianship of women seems contradictory to me- others may not see it as I- which is just another opinion like my own.
But if the intentions were not “pure” I wonder what the roll call will be on the Day Allah judges everone…
But there is something deeper here and Saudi society may just be glossing it over looking for alternatives…
And women of any society north, south, east or west will always want a companion to share their world with- we are social beings… And there are tons of women who DO want to be taken care; and Tons that would rather eat craw than take care of a man; and just as many who would never play second in any symphony…
Second “fiddle” that is…
The word Nikah actually has a sexual meaning…i do believe reading where it means something like…the husband having exclusive rights to his wives vagina…that is basically what a nikah contract is…sexual rights. So misyar…mutaa..whatever are all basically the same thing…sexual rights over a female…exclusive to anyone else.
By the way- how do these people who enter these arrangements meet? I mean how does guy X find out that woman Y is agreeable to arrangement Z? Who does the introducing, who does the checking, who assures either party that they are “clean” healthwise? In a society so segregated how does someone get hitched on that bandwagon? Family, a matchmaker, friends, facebook, e-harmony?? What? Whom?
And how does a woman explain her “absent husband”?
ummadam.
which makes it prostitution.
bingo.
>>”And even if it is solely for sex and as you say a ‘halal booty
>>call’, I think that is better than unlawful sexual intercourse.
>>
>> …
>>At least they have this option to protect themselves from unlawful sexual intercourse.
and
>>It appears like dating but it is marriage. Why? Because
>>the contract was drawn for the sake of Allah.
@Ummadam
then what is the difference between Muta and Misyaar?
Both are “for the sake of Allah” and both are in theory better than unlawful sexual intercourse.
Inal – not surprisingly as in most cases when a man takes another wife and a first wife finds out, there is usually devastation and anger. And, it is not unusual to hear that a first wife (and others) will view the woman in the misyaar marriage with little to no respect.
In regards to meeting, well, where there is a will there is a way. Individuals seeking misyaar marriage have connected online (there are web sites) and even men/women seeking misyaar marriage have posted ads on arabic tv channels too! While I am sure a man/woman seeking misyaar could meet in the traditional manner as in being arranged through a family, I am not personally aware of such a marriage happening this way.
I was a little confused on the question of explaining the absent husband. The misyaar wife in many cases has a secret marriage and therefore strives to not reveal she has a husband. The wife in the traditional marriage may not know the husband engaged in a misyaar marriage and may assume her husband has business trips or perhaps family obligations with his extended family which take him away.
maya- what about a woman who chooses to marry a man with a disability knowing he won’t be able to financially provide for her?
what about a woman who marries a student who won’t be able to provide for her for a few years at least?
what about a woman who is financially able and chooses a man not financially able?
what about a woman who marries a man in a poverty striken area?
What about in a regular marriage where a man continues to support a woman and she gives him sex?
all prostitutes? I think your over simplification does nothing but degrade women who exerts her choice. While it is an obligation that the man support his wife out of his means it is a womans choice to forgo such demand. Just as it is an obligation for a man to give mahr it is her right to choose to share it with him. Women hold my right in choice in this issue it doesn’t make them a prostitute.
bedu- I’ve heard that local matchakers have the low down on who is open to such a marriage as well.
@Abid, the difference being that muta does not require a marriage contract. The contract is an Islamic requirement and cannot be bypassed. Muta is done with no witmesses and without the consent of a wali and can be done for any amount of time (enough time for a 10 minute quickie or longer). With misyaar marriage it is like any other marriage where you are subject to divource or to death do you part. However, marrying with the intent to divorce is haram. It is the right of the woman to make stipulations at the writing of the marriage contract as she wishes and if these stipulations do not contradict Islamic law then it is permitted. Misyaar is a stipulation, people do it all the time. It’s the lable that is creating all the commotion. Most importantly temporary marriage (muta) was abrogated during the lifetime of the Prophet (peace be upon him), so there is no doubt in the matter and Allah Knows Best. This kind of marriage was permitted during the year of the Conquest of Makkah for three days, then it was disallowed and prohibited until the Day of Resurrection. This was reported by Muslim (1406).
@Inal,
1. Allah Knows what is in the heart and he knows our intentions. If people want to play games in this life they can not fool Allah and will answer for it on the day of judgement.
2.They meet in as many ways as any other couple meets.
3. You said, “a wife that doesn’t have her husband nor can publicly claim him as her husband in a society that depends on guardianship of women seems contradictory to me”
That is not a misyaar marriage, that is a urfi marriage.
With regard to “ ‘urfi marriage” – there are two types of this:
1 – Where the woman is married in secret, without the agreement of her wali (guardian). If that is the case then it is a haraam marriage contract which is not valid, because the agreement of the wali is one of the conditions of the marriage contract being valid.
…
2 – Marriage with the agreement of the woman and her wali, but without announcing the marriage publicly, or registering it in the shar’i or civil courts, but there are witnesses. If this is the case, then it is a valid marriage from the point of view of having met the necessary conditions, but it goes against the Islamic command to publicize the marriage. Not having the marriage officially documented may lead to the wife losing out on her rights with regard to the dowry and inheritance, and if the marriage leads to children, how will this child be recorded in official documents? How will the woman defend her honour before people?
It should also be noted that some of the fuqaha’ say that publicizing the marriage is one of the conditions of it being valid, which is not far from the truth. They gave as the reason for that the fact that publicizing the marriage demonstrates the difference between marriage and immoral relationships. This is supported by the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The difference between what is halaal and what is haraam is beating the daff and raising the voice at weddings.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1088; al-Nasaa’i, 3369; Ibn Maajah, 1896. Classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1994
- Islam-qa.com
This is proof enough for me that Temporary (Muta) Marriage is Haram.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3979; Muslim, 1407.
It was narrated from al-Rabee’ ibn Sabrah al-Juhani that his father told him that he was with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said, “O people, I used to allow you to engage in mut’ah marriages, but now Allaah has forbidden that until the Day of Resurrection, so whoever has any wives in a mut’ah marriage, he should let her go and do not take anything of the (money) you have given them.”
Nzingha,
You’re making the inaccurate assumption that women cannot support themselves. Men and women enter into marriage upon agreed terms (who makes the money,etc). Both can be students and still run a home. If you are unable to provide for a family you should not marry.
They are still prostitutes. This marriage is performed for sex solely, as it does not include the emotional and physical support and companionship of a true marriage-nikkah. When you have sex (no matter how it’s condoned), and you exchange goods upon the inception of that contract (which it is), it IS prostitution, not matter what their reasons for it are.
You can paint it any color you want, but it doesn’t change what it is. Just because you don’t like the terminology doesn’t mean it doesn’t still apply.
“maya- what about a woman who chooses to marry a man with a disability knowing he won’t be able to financially provide for her?
what about a woman who marries a student who won’t be able to provide for her for a few years at least?
what about a woman who is financially able and chooses a man not financially able?
what about a woman who marries a man in a poverty striken area?”
Although the above are cited as reasons for a misyaar marriage, my personal view is that these should not be obstructions for one to have a “traditional islamic marriage.” In the West as in I believe most places around the world, marriage is usually meant “till death due us part as well as for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer.” Those are the vows I took and stand by.
AB-Those Western values are Christian-based values. Some marriages may be best til death, but not all, which is why divorce is permissible–unlike how it was in Christianity, which keeps “progressing.” Would you stand by the vows if your husband entered into a misyar marriage-or two or three-would you stand by those vows? I probably wouldn’t, Allhualaim, but alhumdiallah I have lots options-or at least so I like to believe
Love and Peace
Carol, I think this is an example of labeling gone wrong. I don’t think people should have ever start calling it misyaar. It’s a marriage with certain stipulations. Just as a man may stipulate that he wants his wife not to work. Or a woman who stipulates that she doesn’t want her husband to take another wife or that they agree to postpone having children until she completes her studies. These are all regular marriage contracts with stipulations.
I know a sister who wanted to marry a brother with a family. When they first had their sit down he was embarrassed because she had very high standards she stated that she would not lower her standards. Her family has high doweries, fancy weddings, honeymoons and the whole 9 yards. After each thing she mentioned the brother would inform the family that he can not afford that. the family eventually waived just about everything. Sauds are notorious for negotiating everything including wedding contracts. I spoke with the woman about this and she did not have a problem with keeping her job, she is having her own Villa built and does not ned a husband to provide housing. On top of her working she is extremely active and has other things to keep her busy, so she stipulated that once married she is allowed to maintain her active lifestyle. Being a 2nd wife suits her because she is older and set in her ways. However, she did not call her arrangement misyaar. Nobody did. It was simply a marriage with conditiiions set. There really is no reason to call it misyaar.
Brooke – while they may be viewed as “western” values I sure don’t see anything wrong with them and endorse them as ‘international’ values. Although in regards to the “death till us do part” while that is what I believe every couple should strive for, it does not always work that way for various reasons.
Umm Adam – the simple word misyaar strikes controversy. Now if one did say they were having an islamic marriage with many conditions which include the wife agreeing to not rely on the husband for support, then I’m sure there would be less disfavor or stigma.
Very Interesting!.. Inshallah I’ll soon post my personal experience on this – There is a strong, yes I mean STRONG, opposition by Bin Baaz himself regarding this – I’ve researched a lot regarding differences between Nikah e Muttah, Nikah e Urfi & Nikah e Misyar – for the time being
Ummadam:Misyar is a “contract carried out via the normal contractual procedure, with the specificity that the wife gives up several of her rights by her own free will, such as living with the husband, equal division of nights between wives in cases of polygamy, rights to housing, and maintenance money (“nafaqa”).” as in the words of
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503544160
Bin Baaz himself has very STRONG commentary about the social-evil aspect of Misyaar.
Masslam
I guess then, these are marriages of “convenience”…convenient to the man, the woman, the families, or society to state they have found a loophole to the “traditional”.
And like Bedu, I find the “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part” a viable international premise for marriage- the Chinese and Japanese in the Far East don’t seem to have a problem with it-
Or maybe this all about defending an ability to divorce and remarry rather than being committed to one person “at a time” publicly…
Sorry its a confusing view of mating…as though comittment is not a priority…
Maybe I am just naïve about the meaning of marriage in that region of the world.
It does seem that with marriages being predominantly arranged in this part of the world that it’s easy to view a marriage similar to a business partnership than the same level of commitment in other places. For example, the wife continues to rely on her family and the husband continues to rely on his family…although in many cases they actually are one and the same since many marriages do involve cousins. It is quite confusing!
My own feeling is that if the parties to a misyar marriage are getting what they want/expect from the union, and it is legal in the society in which they live, it is not for me to judge or criticize them.
Would I myself enter into such a partnership? Um no. It would be a cold day etc. However, I am a Western woman with the benefits of an excellent education. I can support myself and my husband and family too should the need arise.
Many years ago, I read somewhere that in everyone’s life there are three kinds of marriages – the marriage for passion (fond memories of that one), the marriage for children (never knew how ferocious I was until after I became a mother), and the marriage for companionship (the contentment of a wonderful and respectful friendship and partnership). If one is extraordinarily lucky, one can have all three kinds of marriage with the same partner. If one is unlucky, then I think one shouldn’t be denied the opportunity to have the experience.
Thanks for sharing your views, Irish.
‘If one is extraordinarily lucky, one can have all three kinds of marriage with the same partner.’
Extraordinarily lucky? I don’t think that luck has anything to do with it. I do think that dating might have a bit to do with it though. I did a lot of dating and with each person I dated I learned more about myself and what I wanted, and probably more importantly what I didn’t want in my life mate. 20 years later and we are still passionate best friends and companions who comisserate over those darned kids of ours!.
As you say Lynn, understanding ones self as well as knowing how to communicate and keeping the communication open has a lot to do with success of a relationship…and of course, both parties involved must WANT and be willing to work towards that success as well.
@Lynn
Yes, it takes work and commitment and an understanding of oneself and one’s partner. But we are not complete masters of our destiny. Sometimes things happen beyond our control. One of the parties may pass away unexpectedly. There may be stressors on the marriage that have nothing to do with the couple themselves but that end up pulling that couple apart.
I consider myself fortunate to be married to my husband and I know he feels the same way about me. We are together for more than a quarter of a century – still cheering each other on. We are the doting parents of a young man with autism. Four out of five marriages fail where there is a child with autism. So I feel lucky that we beat the odds. Five years ago, my husband had a life threatening illness and survived. Again, I feel lucky – grateful beyond all measure to the doctors and nurses who provided his care but aware that even with the best of care, his chances were fifty/fifty.
Maya- actually what I’m saying is that a woman can support herself and may not need, require, nor demand her husband support her. If support of a husband is a must in your definition of marriage that it makes millions of women prostitutes. I find that utterly wrong on so many levels.
As you said, marriage is about companionship not just sex. Women in some of the instances I pointed out want the companionship, sex is part of it, one wants to be close to someone, to feel loved, to have that connection. These women seek a husband in circustances that perhaps limit their choices.
My SIL for example, a widow, stands to loose her children if she every marries again. She is only a few years older than me. And if Mr. Man died I would at one point want another man in my life. I wouldn’t want to be alone the rest of my life. Who am I to deny wome like my SIL from the same option I have because of my nationality? And than lable her a prostitute?
This is what it boils down to after all. The limited options of women within this culture. Women who in their desire to not be alone, to have a partner, to be loved, to have the intamacy of a man in their life (and yes sex is a part of it) make a choice that may not be their first but what options do they really have?
Your classification of prostitutes puts every single marriage that I listed above in where a woman chooses a traditional marriage in situations where a man can not provide for her. And that I find just as wrong.
bedu “Although the above are cited as reasons for a misyaar marriage, my personal view is that these should not be obstructions for one to have a “traditional islamic marriage.”
No I didn’t list those examples of Misyar marriage but of a traditional marriage. If we were to examine every single traditional marriage by the definition in which Maya puts forth (ie one where a man MUST support a wife and family) than we are labeling millions of women prostitutes.
Again my point is that a woman can choose to forgo the right she has over her husband supporting her. Muhammad pbuh himself married a couple who were so poverty striken the only thing the man had to offer were some verses of Qur’an as mahr. He himself married a woman who was financially secure we all know the story.
A woman has a choice, the lovely part of it all, and for her to choose to forgo financial support for herself does not reduce her to a prostitute.
sorry if I was unclear the first time
‘There may be stressors on the marriage that have nothing to do with the couple themselves but that end up pulling that couple apart.’
Again, not luck. See Carol’s post above yours.
Regarding your husband’s illness. You must feel so very grateful. I too would feel very lucky in that instance. But again, your choices, doctors, hospitals etc played a big part.
Don’t get me wrong. We do feel very fortunate to have found each other but it isn’t luck that made us marry or that keeps us together.
(psst. Wanna know my secret? I told my husband that if we were to ever get divorced he had to take the kids and he was not willing to call my bluff)
@Darvish, eh playing the Shaykh Bin Baz (r) card! Really, I know what the Ulema say regarding this. I said several times that I was not promoting misyaar. My main point was to not confuse it with muta or to label those who opt to marry this way as prostitutes.
@Nzinga, I don’t think this is a Saudi culture phenomenon. In the States I know man black and white converts that have these arrangements, only they didn’t know there was a name for it. There are so many converts that come into Islam with children and they want a Muslim husband. Often times the woman will say just marry me and I will take care of the bills for me and my kids. I know man married to immigrant students and cab drivers who can not afford to marry unless the wife supports the family. So it does happen in the states and I see abuses of that there as well.
You have brothers who prey on sisters with section 8 and food stamps! They have a revolving door of wwives and usually no job themself. I don’t agree with the women who let the men take advantage of them like this and that he should be made to contribute something even if just a little. However, even in America some women do not have many options. It may not be something I choose for myself or my daughters, but I won’t condemn those who do (not that you did).
ummadam- but the difference in the states is that these couples enter a traditional marriage as compared to misyar. I’ve known women that marry men with disabilities that can’t support them but it is a traditional marriage. It is accepted that dude can’t support me financially but I still want to him as a husband.
Also these marriages aren’t secret, they are done within the community. Which is in contrast to misyar here in Saudi.
Many couples in the states enter a marriage knowing that the man won’t be the soul provider that it will take both his and her income to keep the family afloat. which is much different here in Saudi. having the man be the main provider isn’t a deal braker for most in the US. look at me, Mr. Man was dirt poor when I married him and I knew that.
Again I’m of the view women retain a choice in the areas of financial ability of a man. she can freely choose to marry a man who is poor and can’t support her. She shouldn’t be forced into that situation it should be a choice. However my issue with misyar is the secrecy. A marriage is to be made public, and that includes not hiding it from your first wife and family. This to me is what seperates misyar from a traditional marriage, not the finances.
I like your comment Nzingha and endorse that a big issue with misyaar is how they are kept secret which to me infers and promotes the “shameful stigma” associated with them.
Agreed!
I havent been blogging much but my wife told me about this one and I had to comment.
One could come up with good reasons for such a marriage, like Nzingha has, but the fact is these are not the reasons 99% of people engage in this type of marriage.
I agree with the poster who said this marriage is nothing more than a Sunni version of the Shi’a practice. Of course no time limit is stated in the contract, that would make it illegal, but many if not most of the time, a time limit is clearly understood by both parties BEFORE the marriage happens.
Things like this make a mockery of Islam. Islam is a religion with real guidlines and requirements of modesty, but this cultural practice that some try to pass of Islam makes a mockery of it.
The fact is that this marriage was instituted to provide a band-aid for many issues in Saudi. One of the most important being the idea that divorced or widowed Saudi women are used baggage that no one would want.
If Saudi women, divorced and widowed, could have easy access to decent guys willing to marry them on full terms, this type of marriage would disappear. The culture at the time makes this almost impossible.
There are tens of thousands of such Saudi women who will never get married again because of a backwards cultural pratice. Sad to say, in this case Islam has been bent, to the breaking point, by those who value culture over their religion.
As to decent women getting married under such terms, it is pretty safe to say that almost no decent religious family would let or accept their virgin girl getting married in such a manner. Even more so, the culture is such that if it is common knowledge that a woman has had such a marriage, God forbid more than one, or as a first marriage, then her changes of getting a regular marriage to a guy from a decent family is greatly damaged.
When Saudi gets over the non Islamic, low self esteem practice of guys viewing divorced or widowed women as used and dirty, this practice will disappear.
If Saudis are really interested in the Sunnah of the Prophet they’d follow his example of marrying widows and divorcees instead of running to Morroco and spending a couple of thousand dollars to get that poor virgin girl from her father who needs the money to support his 10 other children.
This practice is hypocrisy and makes a mockery of Islam.
Welcome back Abu Sinan and thanks for your comment!
Reuters decided to carry this post:
http://www.reuters.com/article/blogBurst/entertainment?bbPostId=B6kcqoGH9Pf8Bzn7nRZ5sNNoBB5SCpvXT9XqB2Ca4ExUq35u
I have a difficult time differentiating between a Misyar marriage and prostitution. But then maybe that is just moi;-)
No, Gloria, because that’s just what it is. Although there will be a small percentage for whom it will be a suitable alternative to have a western style relationship in Sunni acceptable form, for the most it is another way of demeaning women, making them dependable and deny them even more rights.
And of course making it even more easy for men to fuck more women.
And I meant the F-word to be read in all its different meanings.
I agree.
It is prostitution made legal. It is gross how they use religion to justify it:-)
idk, the first time I saw this word “Boudl” I didn’t know if it was an “I” or and “L” … but either way it seems applicable to the subject at hand.
LOL Susan!