This Saudi gentleman allowed me to interview him and ask him questions which can give those not as familiar with Saudi Arabia the perspectives of a Saudi man. However this man is not necessarily a typical Saudi man. As his answers will reveal in more detail, he has spent time outside of the Kingdom and also has diverse interests and talents.
First, thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to interview you!
To begin with, tell us about yourself. Have you always lived in Riyadh? Are you married? Have children?
You are welcome Carol. I was born in Riyadh and lived there my entire life, except approximately 3 years that I spent in North America for my Master degree. I got married when I turned 26 and have one son now who is 2 and half years old.
If you do not mind my asking, how did you meet your wife? Did you have a traditional courtship and arranged marriage?
Both my wife and I are writers. Thus, we have kept coming across each others’ writings wherever they are published without being in direct contact. Gradually, we established our relationship and started discussing many topics in life to find out that we have a lot in common. We fell in love and decided to get married. However, we both know that such marriage won’t be possible unless both family conquer, which won’t happen unless they believed it is a traditional marriage. So, we made it look like that!
As I understand both you and your wife obtained Masters Degree’s at the same time in the United States. Please share your experiences as a Saudi couple in the States. What did you like the most? What did you like the least?
We both believe it was very valuable experience. The US is a very rich country both culturally and intellectually. Exposure to a different culture is not beneficial unless you are analyzing it in comparison with other culture in a daily quest to discover the common roots. It is very hard to conclude any country into one fact, especially a country as vast and diverse as the US. However, from the small portion of the country we lived in, Oregon state, I think I liked how this country’s openness and acceptance of new ideas.
What I didn’t like is the huge dominance of the media over the people. For example, I don’t like the American media to be the only ambassadors of Americans to the world and the only source of information too.
Did you observe any changes in your view of your wife while she was in the States? Do you feel she became more independent? And if so, what were your views?
She was always independent, but she became more sophisticated. My wife is a very avid observer and quick learner in general. She was also determined to get the best out of the American experience and she did.
Did you and your wife alter or change your lifestyle at all when you were in the States? And if so, in what ways?
The new circumstances forced us to do so, not necessarily the culture itself. We were faced by many challenges at the same time: study, parenting, … etc. So, of course our lifestyle had to change in order to cope with these challenges.
Are there any aspects of the American culture or lifestyle that you would like to see incorporated into the Saudi culture or lifestyle?
Yes, I would like to see Saudis more individualistic. I also like the American work ethics and social responsibility and hope to see them incorporated in Saudi.
What do you believe was the most beneficial experience for you as a Saudi male student in the United States? What advise would you give to other Saudi students who are going to the States for continued studies?
The interaction with people in a human level was my most beneficial experience. We made many friends who we enjoyed their company very much. We enjoyed building relationships with different cultures and discover the similarities. That doesn’t mean we mingled with the people just to analyze their culture. In fact, we mingled only with the people we felt we like being with.
My advice for the Saudi students is to step out of their comfort zone and try to live differently for awhile. Not necessarily to change their lifestyle forever, but only to be in the position that allows them to understand others deeply.
Do you believe that you changed at all during your time in the States? Additionally did your time spent as a student in the States change or impact you on your return to the Kingdom?
The more I learn the more I see an impact in my personality. In the US, I have learned a lot; whether in the classroom or from the entire atmosphere. However, I didn’t notice major changes in myself but I feel like my thoughts were sharpened and my judgments became wiser and slower. (Still not wise enough though!)
How easy was it for you to adjust from your typical life in the Kingdom to being a student in the States?
Very easy. It wasn’t my first time to live abroad. I lived in Canada for a few months before. Also, things in the US are pretty straight forward and simple for the first-timers. In addition to that, the whole world is watching the American lifestyle through the media. Thanks to Hollywood, I knew some Saudi teenagers who speak like they have lived in Manhattan their entire life while they actually never been out of Saudi.
Additionally, after having been in the States for several years as a student, was it easy to adjust and adapt back to life in the Kingdom?
Sure. Spending three years in the US can not alter the 26 years I lived in Saudi before. It is never hard to adjust back except for those who have an emotional problem from leaving the US and coming back home. They act like they can not adjust back because they actually don’t want to adjust. I was very convinced that coming back to Saudi is good for my future as much as I was convinced that going to the US for school was. Of course I miss many things in the US, but missing things doesn’t mean to live emotionally disturbed as some Saudi students do when they came back home.
What were your perceptions of Americans before you arrived in the States as a student? And how did those perceptions change, if at all? And why?
Before going to the US for school, I have visited it for a week in 1999. The impression I got after that visit was that Americans are very friendly, especially that I had a short transit in London before that visit, which helped to enforce that impression!
Do you feel you were treated any different being a Saudi student (and couple) in the United States in a post 9/11 world?
Not at all, except the official procedures in the port of entries which is applied on many other nationalities as well and I totally understand their necessity.
Of course I have to ask, as a Saudi male do you believe the women of Saudi Arabia have sufficient rights? And please explain your answer. And if applicable, what additional rights would you like to see Saudi women having?
No, I don’t think they have sufficient rights. However, only small percentage of them believes so. The majority of Saudi women believe that the set of rights they are getting in Saudi is what God allowed them to get and they refuse to accept any additional right that God’s law doesn’t permit them to have. Therefore, they don’t feel the discrimination that the westerners assume. I believe the law in Saudi have adhered to the demands of the majority and ignored the minority of liberal women who demand more rights. This is not fair. The system should allow for every woman to live they way she believe is right. However, there are many political and social obstacles in road of reform but they are being solved very slowly I believe.
In your words, what is a typical Saudi couple? Most expats in Saudi Arabia rarely get the opportunity to meet or get to know a Saudi couple and how they live; what they do for fun; what is a typical evening.
I don’t like the word “typical” when referring to people, races, nationalities, and cultures. Each human being is unique and deserved to be respected for his/her uniqueness. It is true that Saudi couples may have similarities in terms of lifestyle but there is no typical lifestyle that you can generalize, especially in the new generation of Saudis.
On the more personal side, what are you doing now in Saudi Arabia? And where do you hope to see yourself five years from now?
I am managing a company for my grandpa and 5 years from now, I hope to see myself advanced in my career to the extent I achieve the financial and professional stability that provide comfort to my family.
Segueing to expats in the Kingdom, what advise do you give to expats to make the most of their stay in the Kingdom? How can expats get to know Saudis beyond the “work” relationship?
Many Americans come to Saudi while under the impression that they are hated and threatened. Saudi Arabia is the country that sent thousands and thousands of its youth to the US for school since 60 years and still sending more. There are many Saudis who reserve a special place in their hearts for Americans and like to see them in Saudi. However, when American live in restricted compounds where Saudis are not allowed to get in, that leaves the initiative to the Americans to go outside and try to mingle with Saudis in order to know them more.
What are the “safe” topics expats can discuss with Saudis which would not be viewed as culturally offensive or inappropriate?
You can always talk about the weather!
I realize these questions have been coming from all directions. You have had so many interesting experiences and accomplishments it is difficult to capture them all. So in closing, is there a final message you’d like to say to readers of my blog?
Keep visiting this blog! It is awesome J
And again, thank you so very much for allowing me to interview you and ask all of these questions!
Filed under: culture, Interview, relationships, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, Uncategorized
I think I know this guy
Yes…I believe you do, Ahmed!
I think I know him too !
“The majority of Saudi women believe that the set of rights they are getting in Saudi is what God allowed them to get and they refuse to accept any additional right that God’s law doesn’t permit them to have.”
If this is the case, does that mean the Saudi “system” has brainwashed the women into making them believe that this system has been handed down by God?
Just maybe, Mohammed…but of course it will be up to this gentleman whether he chooses to reveal his identity or not!
Ryan — I don’t know if I would agree that the Saudi ‘system’ has brainwashed the women but rather these are cultural and traditional norms that have been in place for a long long time. Therefore they are not going to change overnight.
American Bedu – I think your are destined to interview men who have been studying in Oregon right? ha ha
Ryan – i a personally fought that idea for a while, and it might be true at some level. If that’s the truth, then the same should apply to western women who are brain washed to think that being “liberated” means being free to expose as much as possible of it and be “free” in quotes. Isn’t that right?
means being free to expose as much as possible of their bodies and be “free” in quotes. Isn’t that right?
sorry for the typo
Well I am convinced that Oregon is indeed a popular destination among Saudi students – both male and female! (big smile)
It doesn’t mean that Saudi women have been brain washed. it means just the opposite that they have not been corrupted by all the worldy influences (in the context of this discussion).
All these rights Americans love to brag about and half of them don’t mean diddly squat in the grand scheme of the things.
My good friends right to dress half naked nearly got us kidnapped, raped, and possibly murdered! My right to intermingle in the work force with men and be alone with a co-worker nearly got me kidnapped, raped, and possibly murdered!
The majority of the women I know have the right to have sex with as many men as they desire, don’t know who their baby daddy is, has several sexually transmitted diseases, think that to be loved is when your man beats the crap out of you and you have ‘good make up sex’!
Yes – somebody do please generalize American women. And I don’t think Oregon would be a fair representation. That would be like Buraydah.
How come when the rights of women are mentioned it always always boils down to her right to dress half naked and have all the sex she wants…is that really the only two “rights” women care about gaining? or that Muslim women think western women only care about? Its disgusting to hear other women make such claims against their fellow gender…that all we want is the right to walk around half naked and spread our legs for anyone we choose…shame on you for thinking so lowly of your sisters. Your talking about me…my sister…my mother and my daughters when you make such high handed claims…and none of choose to sleep around or dress down to be eye candy for men…and some of us are Muslim and some of us are just plain old western women that apparently dont have any morals or ambitions to do more then sleep our way to hell…nice!
Ladies, let’s not get over emotional over a healthy discussion, shall we?
Come…let’s form a group hug.
Coolred, I left that comment with another post in mind. It was sort of a response to what saudia said to Carol about basically getting a taste of her own medicine if people generalized American women. Thank you…you poroved the point. You as an American woman find that absoultely absurd when people view American women as loose wanton sex craved and under dressed (hmm I wonder why they think that?) women. You got pissed and defensive, but it’s OK to go around and make sweeping generalizations about other peiople. And the reason the sex and clothes come up in these discussions is because those are the same weak reasons most give that women in Saudi need liberation. They claim the veil and gender segregation are oppressive – so we go the polar opposite. Get it? Got it? Good!
anyone want some ice cream to cool off? I have cookies n cream in my freezer…
Bedu, thanks for this interview with an admirable Saudi male, who is not only well-educated and familiar with the West, but also mature beyond his years, wise beyond his experience, and positioned to make important contributions to Saudi society (both sides of it, male and female!).
Marahm, are you related o him?
Nefertitti, I’m watching by figure..O well I cover it up in this big oppressive black cloak – what the heck…hook me up with a virtual double scoop of mint chocalate chip!
wow…I leave for a few hours and come back to such heated comments! Thanks for cooling it down Nefertiti.
Marahm – glad you enjoyed the interview. I agree that he is a great role model for Saudi Arabia.
This was good; I enjoyed reading this post…thanks!!
Glad you liked, BCIS
What point did I prove….yes Im american but Im also a Muslim that spent much of my life in the middle east…so Ive seen the best and the worst both places have to offer. If there was a point to be made…it would be that since Muslim women dont like to be generalized then why do the same to western women? Shouldnt we be better than that? One would hope.
ummadam…your stereotype about american women is grossly misrepresented (shame on you!!)…maybe it’s just the women you know who dress half naked, and who have had several sexually transmitted diseases, and don’t know who their “baby daddy” is. First off, I don’t have a baby daddy…I’ve NEVER had a sexually transmitted disease, and the women I hang with are college educated, smart women, and when we all hang out and party…we don’t leave with guys. I work in the Aerospace Industry (read male dominated) in IT, I wear mostly suits (skirts) to work, and I show my legs and arms. I’ve NEVER been raped, I’ve NEVER been kidnapped, and I’ve NEVER been sexually harrased. Your stereotype is about as bad as what American women have about Saudi women, and I would have thought since you’re American…you would have had a more diverse experience. Apparently when you were living here…your world was very narrow.
And, the rights we have…do mean a lot. It means a lot that a woman can control here own destiny. It means something to be “trusted” to go to the store without a male supervisor, or to marry who you chose without a group consensus, or to risk death should you not comply with male family members. It’s not all about “dress”; not all women want to get married and pump out babies.
Peace!
your ‘interview’ is a load of bulshit
All this discussion focusing upon the behavior of the American woman does prove something– that the American woman truly is free to dress either half-naked or draped in black, to have sex with multiple partners or to remain celebate, to work safely in a male-dominated workplace, or not to work at all (if her husband has a high enough salary). America is full of women of all sorts.
I think this freedom is what young Saudi women would like to have, not for the purpose of engaging in heathen behavior but for the purpose of developing the self, exploring human possibilities, which are many and varied, even within the behavioral limits set forth by religion.
Our Saudi male interviewee understands this, and we should, too.
Just curious- Did he study at University of Oregon or Oregon State University?
The reason I ask? The two schools are only 50 miles apart, but have very different cultures- just curious.
Thank you Marahm, I was beginning to feel weird looking at my scrubs with exposed neck and arms and having to stand my ground around a male oriented Operating Theater… There is hope and a place for women who -when they work they work; when they play they; when they uncover or cover its not “open season” invitation…
But this interview, like many other experiments in the world, serve to bring out the one thing we an’t come to terms with- Can a Woman be human and live her life the way she choses to- not the way others chose her to live it.
It could be we, though not all, have some issues to work out…or maybe we just have to accept that “perception” is half of the deception in our opinions???
And I’ll have a “rocky road” ice-cream if you don’t have any cherry gellato- I am not worried about the figure.:))
Until coming to Saudi Arabia I have always worked in predominantly male environments and in jobs which the majority were held by men. I’m glad I had those opportunities and experiences for in turn, it made me more independent, confident and assured. Saudi women do not have these kind of opportunities. But….it is not for us who are not Saudi to say they “must” have this…it is for the Saudi women to decide that they would like to have these opportunities.
Lisa – I’m sorry but I’m not exactly sure which University.
Abdullah: “If that’s the truth, then the same should apply to western women who are brain washed to think that being “liberated” means being free to expose as much as possible of it and be “free” in quotes.”
I guess you’d have to use a different word to freedom. Freedom means choice. If you were to go down these lines the best argument would be to say whether freedom is the best system or whether Saudi is the best system.
Ummadam: You sound like you have a lot of grievances and unresolved anger about your previous life in your previous country. If I’m not mistaken you grew up in Chicago amongst the African American community. Not to assume anything but, isn’t that amongst the worst crime affected cities and cultures in the USA?
The other thing is your quote about the Americans bragging about their freedoms not meaning diddly squat in the “grand scheme of things”. This is a religious statement (it has to be if you assume there is some kind of “grand scheme of things”) and doesn’t mean “diddly squat” in discussions about freedom with secular people who don’t believe God will send them to hell for talking to an unrelated male or showing some thigh.
My question wasn’t answered except by Carol’s comment that it’s probably the cultural standards which have made them believe they are right and everyone else is wrong. Just like Americans
But….it is not for us who are not Saudi to say they “must” have this…it is for the Saudi women to decide that they would like to have these opportunities. >>>
totally agree 100% and a point I think many women in the world miss. That Saudi women must define their role, rights, and place in society.. not other societies or groups. They must work for the change they want, not what others feel is right for them.
As Salaam Alaykom:
This interview was refreshing. In America, all we hear about are the horror stories. In spite of my name, I have just reverted to Islam recently. My Parents did not practice, so I know little.
I am interested in Hajj but I do not have a Husband. Is there a way for me to do Hajj with out one?
Ma Salaama
Hala
Welcome Hala and glad you enjoyed the interview.
And yes, you can perform hajj without a husband. Contact and apply through a hajj agency in whichever country you are located.
I live in Oregon and am proud that a few of the people you’ve interviewed have had such a good experience here
! I’m also curious to know what attracted them to Oregon out of all the states to choose from 
.
While I am not sure why Bella, Oregon continues to be a popular destination for Saudi students. I can say that it is very different from Saudi Arabia…perhaps that is part of the appeal as well as having comfortable and good programs in place for Saudi students. Since this interview I probably have met several dozen or more who also attended University in Oregon and they all continue to speak so highly and fondly of their time in Oregon. Matter of fact, two of our very good Saudi friends presently have their -daughters- attending University in Oregon!
Good interview AB , Seems like a very balanced guy. Proves what i always believed, Students/youth are our future and they learn to take the good and apply it. They are also more tolerant in their ways and more open to other cultures. We should probably be encouraging more of them to go on cultural exchange study trips. After all they are our future lawmakers.
Ummadam – It’s great that you changed and moved away from the bad environment you described. see that’s freedom, You had the freedom to change your thoughts and beliefs. freedom to move away from what you thought was bad for you. I think that’s what most people here want for the women in saudi. the freedom to choose good or bad as they percieve it. and as someone else remarked, Change comes from within, If the women in saudi want freedom they they will have to initiate it, just as you have done.
It will happen.
Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence. ~Lin Yutang
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