You know the old saying you can bring a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink? That statement is so applicable to Saudi Arabia. For this post I’m going to focus on young unmarried Saudi women (age range 17 – 25). They will claim they wish to learn how to set a proper table; how to run a house; how to train a housemaid; how to take better care of themselves in regards to health and nutrition. But….those words are simply a façade. It is so typical of them to parrot what they believe are the appropriate words with no substance or sincerity behind them.
I blame this attitude and careless disregard on the parents and society in which they grow up. Proper nutrition and biology is simply not openly discussed so young woman have no clue on the need to get physical activity or be exposed to sunlight. Instead they eat when and what they please and live a life predominantly in the darkness – both in outlook and in their chosen lifestyle. Then they do not understand why they are severely anemic, bruise easily, tire out easily or have such intense painful monthly menstrual periods.
They may make an offer to help you out when fixing a meal and ask to set the table. If you are lucky you will get a table with bowls all around and large spoons. Perhaps after more intense training you might get them to remember a plate and fork and napkins are also nice. This may be in spite of either showing them how to set a proper and attractive table and after numerous meals at a properly set table they will continue to claim they either do not know how or do not remember how to set a table properly.
For some of these young girls their version of running the house is engage a live-in housemaid who will become the slave. She will be the one to do the cooking, the cleaning and the ever ongoing cleaning up and picking up empty water bottles and dirty tissues off the floor or wherever they have happened to be left around.
Now how can these issues be resolved? How can these young women become productive and contributing members of society rather than mirroring an exquisitely dressed Falla doll? Discipline and values not only need to be instilled by the parents but I believe the school has a responsibility too. In regards to the school there should be outreach with the Ministry of Health and required programs on nutrition and health and pro-active health care.
Filed under: culture, gender, Health, relationships, Saudi Arabia, Saudi customs, Saudi education, Women Issues
True Carol, well said… I’d like to add that also men don’t pay attention to their nutrition and health. Laziness is a common issue in both genders I think, and as you said the luxury of having maids is part of the reason.
Many times people made fun of me because I don’t eat white bread and I always order whole wheat bread
they say “Are you trying to be healthy! poor you, we eat what we want’ LOL indeed I like brown &dislike white bread no matter what hear 
.
Another example: (this one is from females)
if someone looks slim and s/he don’t eat fried food and rather eats grill food, the common reply from women is going to be, “you look slim, why are you on diet ” Funny, being healthy is equated with being on diet.
To everyone: be aware, eat healthy food in KSA only when no one is watching you
“you can bring a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink” This applies to men who smoke too. They wish and wish, but they never take a step . Also it applies to many people whom I know who always say I want to quit drinking Pepsi /cola and they never did. The only achievement such people accomplish is drinking diet Pepsi
A life with no soft drinks to all
Thanks for your comment Khalid. So is the issue a matter of lack of discipline and mindset?
What’s really scary, is that these women will inevitably get married and produce more children who grow up with no rules, boundaries, or common manners. Let alone the problem of gluttony. I see it every day in my classroom. The tide will turn someday, I’m sure, but unfortunately I don’t think it will be any time soon. In this place, it is way to easy to be rude and lazy and get away with it.
Painful periods or no periods. There are two extremes, obesity and anarexia usually the girls fit into either of those two catagories. I had an anarexic in my house over the holidays and I told her she was destroying her body, she didn’t care.
My 9 1/2 year old daughter knows how to set a table better than 15-18 year old girls. My 3 1/2 year old clears her own plate from the table, can’t get that from grown women. And this holds true for boys as well who do NOTHING when it comes to the house. Sit and wait to be waited on by other females in the house.
I think it is important for all of my children, girls and boys, to do things around the house. They complain “You always make ME do something”. I had company over the holidays I thought they were going to faint when I made the girls clear the table one day and the boys the next. They were at a loss.
Don’t get me started!! LOL I’m enraged about how lazy this society is overall. Not just in the home but outside the home. They carry the same attitudes to the work place. You can’t expect teachers to teach girls to do this when they themselves don’t. They have the African girl workers in the school to clean up after their messes. BLAAHH
Umm Sumayah, Nzingha,
I understand and relate to your comments. And we should know as we are not just the foreign expat who comes here to work but you, Umm S are a Saudi and you, Nzingha are married into a Saudi family like me. The sad thing is we may be able to vent but it is unlikely any of us will see any changes anytime soon.
I try to keep positive and upbeat but this is one of the aspect’s of Saudi life and culture that I strongly dislike.
I have to say that this post offers more important things than mannerisms.
I have to emphasize on the health issues with Saudi girls, I have noticed that all if the young girls around me are having health issues. They lack calcium, Vitamin D (you need to be exposed to the sun to get it.) has completely fled their system.
I think its very very important for schools to act and educate the parents.. because the young Saudi women are not having proper nutrition, exposure to the sun and lack Stamina and dexterity with their bodies.
DW – you are so correct. The lack of proper nutrition, exercise and exposure to natural sunlight is endemic among women in the Kingdom. There should be campaigns in both English and Arabic on this critical issue.
it’s kind of crazy to think that people living in the middle of a desert are actually lacking exposure to sunlight. Who would have thought
Is there any particular reason why nutrition and PE courses for girls are not already being offered in schools? If schools are completely segregated and entirely enclosed indoors I can’t imagine why it would even be an issue.
Actually, I’d call it carelessness. Most guys/gals in KSA know the hazards of health negligent , and yet they keep doing it. For some people, unfortunately , eating is the only fun activity they can practice. people want miracles to happen while they are sitting on their comfortable sofa munching chocolate/potato crisp, and drinking poison(Pepsi 7up…) Many people know (men and women) pay a year subscription for gyms which they go to only for the first week of the year — the rest of the year they spend it watching TV and laying down on the sofa enjoying chips and other junks …
The worse thing is when someone invites you to have some high fat/cholesterol food, and you don’t eat — you are not polite. Gimme a break, God asked us to invest in our body the same as our mind. “A sound mind in a sound body” don’t they know this before.
THough I should say that recently people are more aware of their health compare to some years back…
Tulip, as I understand some schools do have PE classes for females but not all.
Khalid – tell me about it… when I first came to KSA I would accept sweets I did not want due to the pressure applied and being told like you said, it was not polite to refuse. Now that I’ve been here awhile, depending on who offers, I either firmly refuse or take the sweet but do not eat it. I’m not going to sacrifice my health and well-being just to appear “polite” in someone else’s eyes!
This post reminds me of my early days while working in Riyadh. We had a handful of Saudi and other Arab young professionals working with us. They were fresh out of college, and our job was to train them in the practical aspects of the job.
They were impressive in their academic knowledge, but they did not understand the need to come to work promptly at 7AM every day. This was the hardest thing to teach them.
Eventually they learned, and became very good at their jobs. I think we simply had to keep pounding in the message: You have to make a commitment, and stick to it, in order to achieve your goal.
There are certainly exceptions to the masses like you mentioned Marahm but sadly they seem to be in the minority.
OK, I think I have the answer about this. Years ago, in Australia, an Australian commented to me, “Life in Australia is about being outdoors.” I have reflected for years on what life in America is about and have come to the conclusion it is primarlily about “working,” and secondarily about “consuming.” So these last few years, living in Morocco, I have pondered at length what life in Middle Eastern society is about (having lived here now 16 years). I conclude it is mostly about “getting out of doing any work,” and “getting others to do everything for you, so that you never have to lift a finger.” Furthermore, as was explained just last week to me by some Moroccan men, if a man even lifts a finger in the house or toward taking care of his own needs around the house, it’s considered that “he’s a woman, he’s lost his masculinity.”
Madame Monet
Writing, Painting, Music, and Wine (in Marrakesh, Morocco)
winewriter.wordpress.com
Madame Monet – thanks very much for your comment and reflections!
Of all the things that the West has been accused of giving the ME the “Puritan Work Ethic” has certainly not been one of them…a shame…the people of the ME would see their girls doing the laundry by age 14; the boys ironing their own clothes and taking out the grabage by the same time; everyone learning to do the dishes early; setting the table…picking up their rooms…cleaning after themselves… being productive highschoolers in their summer or part/time jobs…you know the basic “make yourself useful” kind of things that keep you from being lazy…heavens! the very thought of it!
Inal, how I wish that aspect of the Western culture had been adapted here!!!
AA Carol,
AAAaaahhh!!! What a great banner! Too cute! I see I’m missing out on some great posts. Insh’Allah I’ll catch up this weekend. ; )
This is a really interesting subject. When I got back from the US this summer, my sisters-in-law were appalled when I told them that I had done yardwork and painted the rooms in my house. “This is not for women to do!” they said. They just couldn’t understand when I told them I enjoyed doing it, even though it was exhausting.
When I see people here call for the maid just to bring them a glass of water, I cringe.
Great post, Bedu!
Tina – Glad to see you popping in and I expect to get all your comments soon! (smile)
Susie – Thanks! I agree that some of the taskings asked of a maid are so ludicrious and these women are missing out on valuable experiences. I’m like you – I take pride and pleasure in painting my own home or planting my own flowers!
I could never get use to the “let someone else do it” policy…when most of the time that results in that someone else not doing it the way you wanted anyhow…might as well do it yourself.
I love painting my own house and rearranging the furniture…my Bahraini husband and his family (all females) could never understand my willingness to exert myself.
His sister spoiled her 3 daughters to such an extent that when the 22 year old got married…the mother went to her house for a month everyday to cook lunch and generally housekeep…teaching her daughter after marriage what she needed to know before….sigh.
There’s no doubt that we American women do have a completely different mindset than the Saudi woman when it comes to maintaining a house and taking care of the home. It gives me great pride to know that I’m the one who has taken care of my home and given it the special touches. And when I have guests, while I will indeed have my housemaid assist, I like to personally oversee to my guests comfort.
Coolred-My son calls it the Someone Else Syndrome…he has seen it all over the ME especially among the men from various walks of life…”Mom, could someone please tell me who else is down at the bottom of the totem pole when the garbage picker is expecting someone else to do it??!!!”
I certainly get immense pleasure and a proud sense of accomplishment when I can present my home at its best because -moi- did it. My in-laws no longer wonder (she’s an American what can you expect?!); but they do scramble to put their two cents in when company comes over…but have yet to learn the lesson.
You know ladies…we better be careful with all our comments. All the Saudi guys might want American wives since it is becoming very obvious how independent and self-reliant we are and proud to be that way! (LOL)
Carol…you took the words right out of my post…lol….the one I was about to do…..lets tone it down a bit before Saudi women start complaining…ha ha!!
Great minds think alike, coolred!
Well then that explains why two of my brother-in-laws are requesting american wives…we get more done in less time-not to mention we come from other gene pools!
Its nice to be waited on…but I don’t like to impose…maybe that’s the difference…the imposition it means when you ask someone to do things for you…but then my grandmother who did have maids would’ve said “you can only direct people to do the things you have done yourself- you’re trainer; the quality of the trainee is a reflection of you”…
Work never harmed anyone is what I say.
My family has always had household help but thankfully I never saw anyone either take advantage of or treat the housemaid like a non-person. And like you Inal, we never had someone else do something we could not do. Even with a housemaid it is also good to know you can be self-sufficient.
You know ladies…we better be careful with all our comments. All the Saudi guys might want American wives since it is becoming very obvious how independent and self-reliant we are and proud to be that way! (LOL)
its funny you say this. Its not like i didn’t fall in love while i was there with a woman while i was studying. but i didn’t want to be in such a commitment this early in my life. I still think about her every now and then and what could have been, but life goes on.
I am a big supporter of do it yourself culture. i build my own computer, change my own car oils, clean my house extension (an apartment inside of my parents property) since i am not allowed in this culture to have my own place until i get married. i try to be as Independent as possible. I make my own car payments. i pay for some of my food, and i try to cook for myself. bought some of my furniture too. II try to minimize my usage of plastic bags, and use a cloth bag that i own. When my friends see what i am doing, they really dont get what i am doing. Why, they ask.
thats also part of the reason i refuse to get traditionally married. i am considered weird in this culture. I want a woman who is as independent. I also would like a house hold where we do all the house work, and wont need to financially slave a worker. I would also like her to be able to drive and not let her be with a shady driver who god knows what his history was. a partner with a higher consciousness about this world . sometimes it feels i will be searching forever.
and now enough about me.. now about what you are talking about..
all of this still comes back to education.
our own education system is so bad. Americans make fun of their own system, and call for a huge improvements. Our program is way far behind, and we are not even taking drastic measures to reform it. well, maybe we are, but i have been out of school for a while.
I have heard fro many that teaching islam is enough to instill manners and culture into people, but i think that approach is failing. any thoughts on that?
Welcome Abdullah Hamad and my goodness…from what you posted I have no doubt you may have many eligible ladies saying they want to marry a Saudi like you! (smile) It is so nice to hear a perspective from a Saudi male. How do you feel about the young women who just do not seem to understand or want to either learn to maintain a home or have a higher sense of independence and self-reliance?
Yes; I agree that education plays a large portion but it also requires cultural changes starting with the parents and how they bring up their children too.
well, those type of woman are not only around here in saudi. I have noticed alot of the ladies in the United States get to college just so they could get the MRS degree.
I am a unique case i think, my perspective is NOT the dominant . I know a lot of guys who would love for there wives to do nothing but service them in bed. that state of mind might be the dominant, i am not sure.
those girls you mentioned don’t interest me. its sad how its becoming “popular” to be that. I dont know if it makes sense to anyone, but i find a lot of resemblance in society in saudi to 1950s USA. electrical appliances are getting popular (maids), women have nothing to do anymore and work for ladies is still not considered appropriate so they start smoking and drinking wine ( smoking and eating what they want and some do drink wine if its available ) men over work and mass consumerism and advertisement dominates society (same). also social rebelliousness start appearing and the young start listening to Elvis ( insert TV pop icon here ). be prepared for a revolution soon, the sixties are coming. will there be a backlash to all of this?
I just find the DIYS culture very sexy. education and brains is also an exciting trait in a woman. the drive to learn is the most attractive. passion and educated social rebelliousness is also something i look for.
its funny how i am called a weak man when i mention that i want an independent woman to my peers. to them, someone has to dominate, and it has to be the man. i hate that type of hyper masculinity.
always glad to share my perspective, its always interesting to hear everyone else’s. maybe your next interview should be with me
ha ha
I need to start blogging in a non technical blog. have it as a social blog. But i am also afraid that the type of subjects i would discus could affect my family somehow.
Abdullah Hamed,
We seem to be on the same sheet of music as again, in an earlier post I compared Saudi Arabia to the 1950′s era of the United States in the way that the role of the Saudi woman is perceived.
You’re right..I think I do need to interview you. If you are willing then please email me directly at admin(at symbol) americanbedu.com so I can forward you some questions!
sent
merci!
Reuters picked up this post:
http://www.reuters.com/article/blogBurst/entertainment?bbPostId=B6kcqoGH9Pf8Bzn7nRZ5sNNoBAN4IahLrnHVBEso2qfVQeeI
Sigh…I wish there were more like-minded men like Abdullah Hamed in the UAE for my daughters…Inshallah
Not only in UAE! (smile)