First of all, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to interview you. I think the way we can share our information and perspectives about Saudi Arabia help all of us better understand what life in the Kingdom is all about!
So to begin with, let’s start with a little bit about you….
What is your nationality?
I am American, born and raised J
I understand you are also married to a Saudi. How did the two of you meet? How did your respective families react when they learned of your intent to marry each other?
Yes, I am married to a Saudi. We were introduced thru mutual friends while he was in the USA studying. Our families were both accepting, yet cautious of our relationship at first, but Alhamdulillah they are both incredibly supportive now.
How long have you been in the Kingdom?
We arrived in November of 2007, so about 10 months.
How has your experience been thus far in the Kingdom?
My experience so far has been positive. My in-laws have been very welcoming and hospitable, as well as other people I have met since arriving here. There of course have been cultural differences to get used to here, but they have been minor. The most difficult aspect of living here is the loneliness. It was difficult for me to be away from my parents and family, as we have always been so close.
How do you feel you have adapted to Saudi life and being part of a Saudi family now?
I think I have adapted well, but I still have a long way to go. I feel comfortable with my husband’s immediate family, and in fact sometimes I forget that I’m “different”. I do tend to become shy and nervous at large gatherings of Saudis, or Arabs in general, and I’m always unsure of what to do. I think this is mostly due to the language barrier, but also with some of the customs here.
How prepared and knowledgeable do you consider yourself about Saudi Arabia? How much advanced research and/or exposure did you have to the Kingdom and its life and culture before arriving in KSA?
Before arriving in the Kingdom, I did as much research as possible. It is difficult to rely on most reports given by the media. I was even put off by the US State Department’s website! The most valuable information I received was thanks to the women on the Saudi Wives Yahoo group. The women there are very knowledgeable and give information, and more importantly, personal experiences. This is what prepared me the most for my arrival in the Kingdom.
Now that I’ve been here for a while, I would consider myself knowledgeable about life here, although there will always be more to learn and experience.
As a Western woman in your home country were you able to make any Saudi friends?
Unfortunately, no. The opportunity never really presented itself.
What advise would you give to other expat women to better prepare them for a move to the Kingdom?
The best advice I could give to anyone considering a move to the Kingdom is to be open minded. Remember that not all cultures operate in the same way, and that is a beautiful thing, not something to be feared.
And what advise would you give to other foreign women who are marrying a Saudi AND will be coming to live in KSA?
I would say do your homework, and know the man you are marrying. You should know that in general, life here is pretty normal, but it is likely that some things will change when you get here. You do not have the same rights here as you do in the USA. This is not to scare anyone, but it’s the truth, and you should be making and educated decision. Also, it is so important to discuss the situation thoroughly with your spouse, and ask as many questions as you can think of. Not just about KSA, but what will your life be like here? Will you be able to work? Go out with friends? Is his family supportive?
Finally, get in touch with women in your situation. You will need a good support group when you get here, as life can be pretty lonely at first.
What have you been enjoying most in regards to living in Saudi Arabia?
Shopping!!! No, seriously, before we came to Saudi, my daughter and I were apart from my husband for nearly 3 years, so having my family in one place is the best thing about living here. In addition, I have enjoyed the relationships that I have developed with my husband’s family. They have treated me so well, and like one of their own.
And finally, as a Muslim, I enjoy practicing Islam freely here without fear of being harassed or judged because of it, and I love hearing the call to prayer every day.
There are so many stories either in the media, blogs, tv, books or even word of mouth about life in Saudi Arabia. What was the initial reaction of your family and friends when they learned that you were locating to the Kingdom? How do you allay any fears or concerns they may have about you being here?
I had a mix of reactions from family and friends. Some were supportive, some thought I was crazy, but the most important opinions to me were those of my parents. They knew that it was always a possibility, but they were not expecting it. They were supportive, but worried. I called it the “Not Without My Daughter” syndrome.
Their fears were calmed after my mother visited last spring, and I visited the USA this summer. Knowing that this really is a pretty normal place to be, and most importantly, that we were happy, helped them to feel a little more at east.
How can other expat women in the West meet and make friends with Saudi women?
For women living both in the West and here in Saudi, the best way in my opinion is via the internet. There are endless websites and groups available, and it’s a good idea to check them out. Word of mouth is the other option. It truly is a small world, and meeting thru mutual friends is a great way to go. It can be difficult since this society tends to be a closed one, but it is not impossible.
Besides my blog (grin) what other resources do you recommend readers investigate to continue to learn about Saudi Arabia?
Your blog is fantastic, and there are tons more blogs out there that are worth a look. I think the best way to learn about Saudi Arabia is from the people who actually live here. So, don’t be shy…visit some blogs, make some friends, do some networking.
Be careful about what you hear or see in the news. Most of it is sensationalized and not to mention biased, so it’s best to get your information other ways.
In closing, is there anything else you’d like to share about yourself and your experiences and thoughts about Saudi Arabia?
I would like to say that I am a normal girl from the Midwest who values her faith, family, and friendships. Contrary to what some people may think, you don’t have to be crazy to consider a move to Saudi ArabiaJ There is a HUGE population of Westerners here, and we can’t all be crazy, now can we?
Thank you very much for your willingness to share and for frequenting my blog.
Thank you, Carol for this opportunity. It’s great of you to give a voice to the thousands of Western women who live here and lead normal lives. I hope that this interview opens the eyes of your readers a bit more as to how life can be in Saudi Arabia.
Filed under: Interview, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Women Issues
Great interview. Thanks Carol.
Nice interview. Thanks Carol, and thanks to the interviewed lady for sharing her experience with us. I hope and pray that her experience remains a positive one.
Abu Azooz, Nader,
You are both very welcome and I’m glad you enjoyed!
So guys….either of you going to let me interview you so we have equality here? (smile)
ohh… I’m a boring person! Try Abu Azoz, he seems to be so much fun!
and I think our avatars say it all, eh?!
It actually bothers me a great deal when I hear positive stories about foreigners who managed to do ok once they got here to the middle east and mixed it up with the husbands family. Ive not had anything close to that type of experience. The one thing all these people should be telling you is that his familys acceptance of you is paramount to how welcoming and eventually accepting you are of this new culture and country. It makes all the difference in the world considering Arab families are generally tight nit and its not easy to keep yourself apart from them once you realize they dont want or accept you. I rarely see that in interviews etc…which means most of them are either glossing over the truth or the unhappy wives are waiting in wings wondering if they should write the next bestselling Arab/Muslim bashing book that will be part of Oprahs book club eventually.
Those are the ladies that need to be heard from more…we dont want to hear how wonderful a country can be…because thats the best case scenario…we want to hear just how bad it can be…cause thats my life..and other ladies lives here too…and thats what people need to hear more and more. Maybe its scare tactics and not fair to brand a country by some failed marriages and miserable experiences…but the reality is…the middle east is a tough place to live for the women that are born here…much less those that are brought to it through marriage or who come for work etc…much much research is needed….but start with his family. If your good with them you have a good chance…if your not…good luck to ya.
Abu Abooz – Excellent.
Coolred – If you search through the older posts on my blog you will find that I have covered pretty much the whole gamut. Some posts may not have been interviews but do identify real scenarios of women who have encountered problems with advise on how to help if one is in such scenarios as described.
I have written a post on abusive relationships and what can one do in KSA. I’ve also had several interviews with women who through no choice or desire of their own found themselves in polygamy.
It sounds like you are having a tough time and have had a really rough time when you are married. I’m really sorry you’ve had to go through such an experience. But at the same time we should be greatful that not everyone has had a bad time and has been able to adapt as well as made welcomed. That is how it -should- be.
Hugs,
Carol
Dear Carol,
Assalamo Alaikom,
Looong time, eh?
I’d like to share something with you Carol 
. this after noon I was in a class. I heard nothing from the 80-min-talk the prof gave. I was dissolved on my own thoughts; my mind was occupied with many things. Anyway all of a sudden, I heard the prof saying “Carol said…” voila your Blog came to mind 
Your name was the only thing I heard in this lecture 
Don’t ask me who is Carol the prof mentioned or what the topic was about 
I don’t remember anything. I thought to stop by hence 
. My parents visited me this summer for a month then directly classes began — I reckon, I need a month nonstop reading to read all the article I missed 
.. You are amazing, you can write your own book just about this Blog 
Yeah, BTW, 2 months ago I went to the dentist. When she knew that I’m from KSA, she told me her story that twice she was suppose to go to KSA , but each time something happens. She believes the 3rd call is going to work and she’ll be in KSA. I told her about your Blog to check it. I have an appointment after 3 weeks, I’ll update you with what happened with her 
Cheers
Khalid
Welcome back Khalid and I’m so happy to hear from you! Gosh, your comment is so sweet and brought a big smile to my face!!
Oops, Sorry, I realized that the comment was not related to the post
I wrote it without reading the article 
I guess I was in a hurry 
.. Anyway here is my two cents I guess the secret thing for a successful marriage in the ME and specially in the gulf is to have a good relationship with the husband’s family. Naturally the newcomer(the wife) will feel lonely; a welcoming family is always an advantage. A family that have members speaking English is a plus too . Also, I believe, for a Saudi wife, it’s important to have a good relationship with her husband’s family specially the mother . I remember that my sis’s friend, her husband wanted to marry a 2nd, she told her MIL about it , and the mother stopped her son from his craziness. Now several years passed and he is still married to one. the guy had to choose between a 2nd wife or his mother will be angry from him forever (till her death) naturally he chose his mother . I hope every wife will have such mother . I think though that such thing is nice this incident will affect the wife — at least she’ll no longer have trust in the husband even if hequit the idea of 2nd.
Salaam
LOL, not at all. I’m glad
what if he said “Bedu” I guess I’ll jump from my seat 
All the Best
yes…once one has married a Saudi the next most important relationship after the spouse is the Saudi mother-in-law. She can make life the difference between heaven and hell!
And that would have been funny if he had said ‘bedu’ and to hear about your explanation to your Professor on why you fell out of your chair! (LOL)
Why not do more interviews of expats who just moved to Saudi Arabia (if possible) and create a new page so that anyone who wished to read your interviews will be able to read them?
Those who wish to know more about Saudi Arabia through the eyes of recently arrived expats can read through all of them in one page. You can call it “Carol’s Interview” or something.
Of course, the title itself sounds so uninspiring since my mind is full of pictures I took just now.
A few comments…
As the wife of a Saudi, I have been very lucky to have an excellent relationship with my inlaws in general, and especially my mother in law. Although we do not speak the same language, she is always on my side, and I respect and admire her a ton. And believe me, the way I was introduced into this family was far from traditional or normal!
I dont’ want people reading these comments thinking that all arab mothers in law are like some kind of obsticle course you have to beat in order for your marriage to work. Of course, living away from my family, a bad relationship with my inlaws would make my marriage more challenging, but I think that as long as my relationship with my husband is strong, then I’m in the safe zone. That’s my situation…I understand that others may have had different experiences, but its not fair to paint all Arabs, or marriages to them, or living in the ME in general, with a broad brush of negativity.
And to Coolred…I have to politely disagree with your oppinion that we need to hear more negative stories about failed or abusive marriages here. The reality is, we hear enough about those in the media. What we don’t hear, however, is that plenty of people move to the ME and live perfectly normal, healthy, happy lives here.
UmSumayah
Not enough to make a difference….I currently personally know of 6 foreign women that are trapped in abusive marriages to Bahrainis…in order to obtain a divorce they must give up one of two things…their children or their right to live here…or both. Please make sure women who marry Arabs and come to their countries are quite clear on the disaster a potential divorce can bring to their roles as mothers. Traditionally Arab…disguised as Islamic courts…do not have much sympathy for its own national women that come to it seeking justice…much less foreign women.
When considering marriage to an Arab think first and foremost…not of the hopeful happy ever after we all wish for ….but life possibly without your children if it comes to divorce…
the only way I was able to divorce my husband…the only way after many attempts despite his abusive ways…was to have to discover belatedly that he was a pedophile…and even then…everyone wanted to hush it up and just pretend it didnt happen. The courts dont want to hear crap about their Arab men…ask these 6 women who still suffer because of the mistaken belief the man they loved loved them back and divorce would never even be something to consider. Buyer beware!
Now excuse me while I go cough up my bitter pill…its lodged quite deep.
Firdaus – what a lovely idea…I need to think about this!
Umm Sumayah – I’m so happy to hear that you also have a positive relationship with your mother-in-law. And although my MIL and I have a language barrier as well I am so blessed she is my MIL as she really is an angel.
Coolred – I do not recall the exact name of the posts but I have written several posts on things a woman should know before marrying a Saudi to include what happens if a divorce occurs. But another thing I have found is if a young woman is starry eyed and in love you can do little to convince her that divorce or abuse will “ever happen to her.”
I am sorry that coolred and others have had such terrible experiences, but I must agree with UmSumayah in that we need to hear more positive stories on this subject. The media clamps down on nasty experiences, and shakes every drop of sensation out of them.
I was married to an Egyptian, but my friends were married to Saudis, and most of those marriages were fine. No one has done a statisitcal study, but it would be interesting to know how many of these marriages last, and for how long, and whether the wives are happy or not.
UmSumayah also said that, “…as long as my relationship with my husband is strong, then I’m in the safe zone.” With all due respect, I do not believe that any relationship is in the “safe zone” when the wife is the only member of the family who does not speak Arabic.
I address this issue briefly in my recent post: http://marahm.wordpress.com/2008/10/11/multi-lingual-family-life/#comments
I too would love to see the statistics on these marriages.
I couldn’t help but feel as Coolred probably did when she read the interview. I cringed a bit and thought, I sincerely hope she will still feel that way in 5 or 10 years! Hopefully being able to wear hijab comfortably and hearing the call to prayer every day will keep her comforted if, God forbid, the worst case scenario happens.
I don’t think that anyone should be encouraged to put themselves in this situation without a safety net which includes a personal bank account which would to enable her to travel back home as well as some kind of assurance that her children would never be separated from her. If that couldn’t happen (which I am pretty sure couldn’t) then I would have to discourage anyone from even considering marriage to someone with even ties to KSA. No one has even brought up the education of the children and all the complications there. Didn’t Nzingha have to move to Bahrain for her children’s sake? All these risks just don’t seem worth it for hijab and call to prayer which can also be managed in a safer environment. But, that’s just my very conservative opinion. To each his own and good luck to ya! But just reading this interview gave me a mild panic attack!
Marahm, Lynn,
I don’t know myself what the statistics are of marriages which have failed and marriages which have lasted. I guess each country would have to keep their own statistics as I doubt such data is being maintained in any of the Saudi ministries.
Yes, marriage to a Saudi does indeed come with higher risks than any other marriage as it is the woman who will be expected to adapt and forfeit. She should know her husband and his extended family as much as possible before either marriage or coming to KSA.
I think one friend of mine did it so right. When she and her Saudi started to build a relationship she accepted a job in the Kingdom. This not only brought her to his homeland in a manner which continued to give her independence but allowed her to get to know his family in advance of marriage as well as life and traditions of the Kingdom. They have a beautiful loving marriage.
I can also say that I am fortunate to know a number of women here who have been married to their Saudi husbands for more than 20 years and who have made the transition well.
Most women married to Saudis at least do look out for each other and offer each other support and tips on adapting and adjusting.
And personally I think marriage is always a calculated risk. Hopefully one enters into such a relationship always with the best of intentions but sometimes regardless of location or nationality or religion, values and interests may change. Instead of coming together they drift apart. And…it always takes two to make a marriage successful.
Just a tidbit…there is a new law that took effect in Feb. ’08 that says a Saudi man marrying a foreign woman must sign a paper giving her full rights to leave the country and take her (and his) children without permission, even if those children are Saudis. Unfortunately, the law is not retroactive so it wouldn’t protect people like me who got here before it took effect. I’m sure the divorce laws still haven’t changed, but at least the “new” Saudi wives have an eject button if things do go wrong.
Lynn, I agree with you that a foreign wife (in any country) should have some sort of safety net and backup plan. It’s never good to go into these situations completely helpless and without any resources.
Although I do consider myself in the “safe zone” inshallah…meaning I don’t think my husband would ever use our children as a weapon against me, I did think about the worst case scenarios, and what I would do in such cases before I agreed to come.
Like the interview said…if you are considering marrying a Saudi or moving to KSA, do your homework and realize your rights and lack of them.
The new law of Feb. 08 will not carry any meaning at all until it is tested.
Accepting a job in the Kingdom is an ideal way to become acquainted with the area while maintaining one’s ultimate independence. Unfortunately, jobs for Western women are few and far between. Unless things have changed since I left, the only fields open to Western women are medicine and teaching English. Correct me if I am wrong.
Thats like the law in Bahrain that states no employer can withhold the passport of any of its employees…its a clearly written law…and yet there are thousands of unskilled labor here that traditionally have their passports taken by their sponsor/employer (sponsorship…another illegal concept that has laws against it yet still flourishes in plain sight)…having a law in place in no way ensures the injured gets justice.
UmmSumayah,
That is wonderful news about that law if it is indeed true. I wonder if it would be valid if that Saudi married the foreign woman while away in a foreign country and then moved back home years later? I also wonder why it couldn’t be retroactive. If my hypothetical Saudi husband would have any problem signing that agreement I would have some serious concerns. If the govt. thinks it’s important enough to enact a law for the protection of new wives why would they not think it is important to protect the other wives?
I’m curious UmmSumayah, you say you thought about the worse case scenario. What did you figure you’d do if confronted with the worst case scenario?
The law is indeed true. It was sent to me and many others via a warden message from the US Embassy here. I’m not sure why it isn’t retroactive, but it would make travelling much less of a hassle if my husband didn’t have to “sign” me out every time I leave.
If a Saudi man married a woman, lets say, 5 years ago in a foreign country and then was seeking permission today from the gov. to recognize the marriage (like we had to) and to bring her to Saudi Arabia, then yes, from my understanding the law would apply.
As pointed out what will be key is whether the new law or shall we say agreement between KSA and USA will stand the test of time or somehow there will be a loophole where shariah law will rule (in Saudi Arabia). I don’t want to rain on anyones parade but I am skeptical of the enforcement of such an agreement…and it was not only cited in an embassy warden message but can be found on the US State dept website as well. Countries will make agreements but we all know that at times they are not enforced. I find it difficult to envision a Saudi father allowing his divorced wife to leave the Kingdom with children without putting up a fight.
I have to ask what do you think your experience would be like if you hadn’t converted to Islam? Would his family still be accepting? If I am a Christian can I still practice over there? You see, I met a guy from Saudi and I don think he is being truthful to me. Is it best to not get involved if I am not willing to convert to his religion. That option is off the table.He says it won’t matter?
Thanks
Thanks for sharing the interview. I’ve enjoyed the comments as well. Very interesting!
Nice interview. It’s good to read different views of life and marriage in the kingdom.
I would never suppose you could not be happy in KSA, I do think you’d need a suitable mindset.
I enjoy to read about people who are happy and content.
Dont get me wrong…I do realize there are happy marriages out there…but I view them much the same as the Unicorn…amazing to behold but hard to spot.
All I can comment on is my own personal experience and the experience of ladies that I come into contact with everyday…most would consider Bahrain a far more lenient country than Saudi in many regards…and considering the Sharia courts here are quite anti woman at the best of times…one can only imagine what the courts in Saudi are like…with or without some sort of law preventing such injustice. Like I said…buyer beware!
coolred– as a hopefully soon to be living in KSA american, married to a saudi. I must tell you, no matter how many stories you and the media tell me, i am not going to just give up and dont move. The real reality is that, yes we (the girls who are getting married and moving)might be young and dumb, but we have that new relationship dedication still. Something that, being completely honest, i am sure it will fade to some degree, but for now it is strong.
One of my aunts married a saudi, moved to KSA, and we havent heard from her in 27 years now. Her family assumes she is dead probably somewhere because the last time they heard from her, she was being abused and she hung up quickly because her husband had come home and she didnt want to get in trouble. Dispite this, i STILL want to move to KSA.
Yvonne,
A Saudi man may marry a muslim, Christian or Jew. So therefore a woman does not need to be a muslim to marry a Saudi (or muslim from elsewhere). A woman should not be pressured to change faith if she is not muslim although frankly speaking from the Saudi perspective, non-muslim women married to Saudi will likely receive a lot of encouragement to convert from the extended Saudi family and others.
In my case, I was muslim before ever marrying my husband but I don’t think it would have made a difference to my husband as he married me as an individual and not by the religion which I practiced.
Miss Carol this was a really wonderful interview.
I have one advice regarding marriage to an Arab man be it whether he is from Saudi, UAE, Bahrain, Egypt, wherever…
You must remember that most Arab men love their mother more than anything in the world. He will always love her more than you. (There is a hadith about loving your mother three times more than loving your father). If you get along with his mother than that is the one secret ingredient in making your marriage work. This said, my advice is that when you meet your MIL do not let the language barrier get between you two. If you will be living in the family house, sit and attend to her and make her feel special, make her her tea, let her see you helping out in the kitchen and picking up or cleaning around the house. Even if they do have a housemaid. Do special things for her. Honestly make an effort to really like/love her. Always be respectful of her (even when she is telling you how to raise her grandchildren/your children). Do not isolate yourself from her and the rest of his family.
Also, just as important, learn as much as you can about the culture, religion, history, etc of your husband’s country. Even if you are not a Muslim respect the religion and dress modestly.
When my husband and I got married I was 17 yo. I was a “surprise bride” when my husband brought me home to the UAE. No one in my husband’s family knew he was married. My FIL (Allah yarhama) accepted me and was patient with me. My MIL (Allah yarhama) did not want anything to do with me. For 14 years I did not have a good relationship with my MIL. There was so much resentment. I took her son away to live in the States plus other things. Finally, on our last and final (inshaallah) move to the UAE, I made an effort to take care of her and sit with her and just listen to her. Our relationship totally changed. Alhamdulilah.
I have been married for 23 years now.
Mary Ann,
Thanks for sharing your experience and wise advise.
I have a question about Saudi men marrying western women. Do western women suddenly find themselves unable to socialise with other men once they are in a relationship with one? Are they intensely jealous of everything?
2 reasons why I ask this:
1 – Our client in the UAE holds a session during company induction called “Cultural Awareness” presented by an Emirati. He told us never to ask a local man about his wife if you are a man or comment on how “you have a beautiful wife”, and vice versa for women. The local man will immediately think “Why are you thinking about my wife?” Then probably question her when he got home and suspect them of having some kind of sexual affair.
2 – I was at my friends birthday party and sitting next to me at the table was a young western girl. We were all drinking and eating pork so her fiance (Emirati) wasn’t there. When someone across the table went to take her photo, she told the lady not to include me in the photo. She turned to me and said “No offense, but if my fiance saw that I was sitting next to a man, he would be really pissed”.
I shrug it off as I realise how closed most of these Arabic cultures are but how jealous are these men??
Ryan,
It really depends on the man. For example, my spouse is very open and understands that in the business context I may have meetings with men. Additionally I do have some male friends and have never encountered any resistance on the part of my spouse. But this is not always the case for everyone.
Regarding when as a male and you meet with clients, the polite and culturally acceptable greeting is “How is your family?” One should not specifically query about the wife. Or it is also acceptable to tell a man “He has a lovely family.”
Pictures are another matter and many Arab women will not want their picture taken where they are seen with another man who is not their husband. Such photos if viewed can be grossly misinterpreted.
I’m not sure if I would say that Arab men are aggressively jealous per se but that the society in general is more closed and conservative. So perhaps rather than jealousy it is more to do with face-saving and cultural traditions.
I have also heard an anecdote from a friend back in Australia who had neighbours that moved over from Iraq. They seemed to be very strict with their religion/culture(?) and the wife would complain to my friends wife about her lack of freedom. Gradually after moving however this changed and she was able to do basically whatever she wanted.
A friend of my mothers married a Jordanian man and she is not allowed to be seen when he has male guests over. They live in Jordan.
Do the western women engaging in relationships with these types of Arabic men, find them to be more intent on “saving face” or maintaining culture in their own country, yet if they were to relocate to her country, they allow the woman more freedoms to talk to and socialise with whoever she chooses, man or woman?
Again, Ryan, it depends…. some women may have more freedom when the husband is confident they will not be viewed by any family members or anyone else known to the family so as “not to bring shame” or lose face of the family. Yet in other cases, either the women will not have more freedoms or the women may not want to have more freedoms in spite of being in a less conservative environment.
Although in most cases the Saudi woman is less likely to engage in conversations or friendships with unrelated men given that they were born and raise in a culture where there is prohibited, even if given a chance to do so.
Yvonne,
My brother in law (saudi) married a non muslim lady and they have been living here together for many years. they have 2 teenage sons together. my inlaws treat her just as well as anyone else, though i have to say she isolates herself. maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable around the family. All in all, I think it depends on the family.
MaryAnn
Great advice, and very true. I actually don’t know a woman married to an arab who has not been told “if it comes down to you or my mother, I’ll choose my mother.”
It’s not meant in any disrespect to the wife, but that is how they are raised from day one.
Your’s sounds like an interesting story:) I think I’ll visit your blog!
Umm Sumayah,
Thanks for sharing and offering more insights from the Saudi perspective!!
OMG prince’s girl.. isn’t your aunt ENOUGH of a reason to reconsider? holy cow. You could live in Bahrain or Jordan or somewhere you’re less under the control of someone else.. why here?
Who was it said that doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity?
I understand coolred’s perspective (even not being married – Thank God) simply because even if I were in the US getting married there is no way I’m going to conform to the family of the man I’m marrying, or even to him. I I would view most marriages as hell on earth here, even if it’s perfectly unabusive by Saudi standards. You’re an individual, entitled (yes, entitled) to live YOUR life the best way you can. Having a man, and then his mommy tell me who and how I’m allowed to be? no way. And if you add to this that we’re in KSA.. a country like NO other in this respect. It’s like taking a perfectly normal thing and dumping it in the twilight zone. I think people need to hear the good AND the horrible stories, or they’re just fooling themselves.
Anonymous, that was Albert Einstein.
We read the horrible stories too. It is not a given that things will fare badly for the prince’s girl. And I suppose she is fully aware of what lies ahead of her and will be prepared to what may happen. On this blog alone we have been reading many of the precautions women in KSA should take, however rosy their married life seems at the moment.
Reuters chose to pick up and carry this post:
http://www.reuters.com/article/blogBurst/technology?bbPostId=B6kcqoGH9Pf8Bzn7nRZ5sNNoB3aLVSh89lb5BDUDAuD9TcI0
A Saudi (or any other Muslim for that matter) may marry a Christian or Jew, but the children are supposed to be raised Muslim.
So how would this Christian wife, married to a Muslim Saudi, practice her religion in KSA?
Are there churches in KSA for these wives to attend and find community in?
Coolred: my dear sister. I am so sorry for your situation. It’s not much, but a hug to you, girl.
correction: I meant to say “Muslim MAN for that matter”
Safiyyah, I suggest you do a search with the word church for earlier posts I wrote on this very same subject in detail.
How a non-muslim practices religion, whether a wife or not, depends on them. There are no churches in Saudi Arabia so any worshiping of faiths that are not Islam are done privately and inside private residences.
Regards,
Carol
Here is the link I was referring to Safiyyah:
http://americanbedu.com/2008/08/20/im-not-muslim-can-i-practice-my-faith-in-saudi-arabia/
So what if that happened to my aunt? She didnt marry the same man i did. That goes back to what i am saying. No matter how many horror stories you throw at me, and any other woman who is planning to move, it probably isnt going to change her mind. There is always “But my man isnt that way! or he loves me, he wouldnt do anything to me.” I firmly trust and love my husband, and i think 99% of the women who are thinking about moving to saudi probably say the same thing.
“Who was it said that doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity?”
Ah, but changing variables will change the outcome!!!!
TPG – you are very right – everyone says there man is different and would “never do that.” I pray that is true as unfortunately the odds are against Saudi-expat western marriages surviving (in the Kingdom). Therefore with this blog, I try to portray all points of view – the positive and negative as well as tips and advise on settling it in and making it work!
I’m an expat taking a position in Riyadh next month and will be staying at the ROC Compound. I’ve been doing lots of research about the culture and traditions; however, I haven’t been very successful on meeting some expat women who are currently residing in Riyadh.
Can someone forward some contacts?
Thanks,
Shirley
Shirley,
You must ask to join the yahoo newsgroup expatsinsaudiarabia@yahoogroups.com and you will find it easy to make many contacts!