My mother-in-law graciously gave me permission to share her story towards providing a glimpse of traditional life and fostering understanding of Saudi culture and customs. She is a gracious and beautiful woman in her 70’s with an open mind and purest of heart. Her father was a career military officer. During a posting in Najran he saw and fell in love with a bedu woman. He quickly married her and soon thereafter she was pregnant. However once his traditional Nejd family learned of his marriage to a bedu, great pressure was exerted and before his child was born, he divorced his wife. The child, (Moudy) was raised by her mother until she was about 7 years of age. Although when she was but 10 days old, her father was allowed to see his daughter. Following Islamic law in the case of divorce, after Moudy turned 7 she was removed from her mother and placed with an Uncle and his family in Mecca. The reason that she went to her Uncle instead of her father is because by this time, her father was posted to Taif but still unmarried. The Uncle had several daughters, one which was also the same age as Moudy and namesake as well. Naturally little Moudy missed her mother and told her Uncle she wanted to either live with her father or go back to her Mother. Her father came routinely from Taif to Mecca so he could see his firstborn whom he cherished. Eventually, when Moudy was 11 years old, her father remarried and finally she was able to live with her father. By this time he was posted to Al Hassa. It should also be noted that before leaving her Uncle’s home, Moudy did make a smooth adjustment and had a happy life while at her Uncle’s home too. Moudy’s life continued to be with her father and from Al Hassa he was posted to Riyadh. She enjoyed a traditional and contented life with her father, stepmother and 
stepbrothers/stepsisters. There was never any dissent or distinction that she was different because she did not have the same mother. She was well loved and cared for and had close relationships with all I the family. Eventually her father retired from the military and moved to Mecca. By this time, Moudy was about 14 years old. During this period in Saudi Moudy was not required yet to wear an abaya. She caught the eye of a young man who in turn approached her father asking permission to marry Moudy. Her father liked the young man and found him to be very respectable and gave his permission. The next thing Moudy knew is she was being taken to various souks and materials were bought and dresses were made. No mention had been made to her of a wedding. With little to no warning, she went from daughter to wife. She was a spirited young girl and was not shy to tell both her new husband and her father “I don’t like this man. I don’t want to be married. Take me back to my father’s house.” Her husband was a kind and patient man. I should mention that he was in his early 20’s and quite handsome as well. With his patience and kindness and with Moudy’s father telling her that her home was now with her new husband, they began to settle in to a routine, get to know one another and develop a strong bond of love and respect for one another. She gave birth to the first of her ten children when she was 15 years old. She shared how each time her new baby girl cried she would hold her and cry too as she had no idea what was expected of her as a mother. Fortunately she had very kind neighbors in Mecca who taught her the basics of motherhood. Nine months after giving birth she found herself pregnant again with her second child but this time she had more confidence and knew what was needed to take care of a young infant. She and her husband had ten children and a marriage which lasted more than 40 years before her beloved husband passed from cancer. Although she was never formally educated, she avidly watched world news, looked at the newspapers and magazines as well conversed with friends and family members on all subjects. She was in her element caring for her family and her home. She instilled strong values in all of her children. Throughout her life she also maintained contact with her birth mother and subsequent half-brothers/sisters from her mother’s remarriage as well.
When speaking of her mother, she advised her mother was a true bedu woman from the desert. Her mother, as a young girl, received the blue tattoos believed to signify beauty among women from that tribal region. She remembers her half sisters getting tattooed when they were around seven or eight years old. While living with her mother and before moving to be with her father, she recalls pleading with her mom and crying to get tattooed like the other women in the tribe. But Moudy’s mom refused to have her tattoed explaining to her even at that young age that she was different from the rest of the tribe because her father was not a bedu. She added that her father would not understand or accept if Moudy were allowed to be tattoed.
Although Moudy is now widowed she continues to maintain an active life. She devotes her life and time to her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She continues to be a wonderful storyteller and teaches everyone in the family about the family history, culture, values and specific family events. As the foreigner in the family, she was the one who took me under her wing and presented me to the family thereby guaranteeing I was readily accepted and welcomed. Moudy has so many stories and experiences as a traditional Saudi woman that one could easily write a thick book! I extend my sincere thanks and appreciation to her for allowing me to share this segment of her story and her life.
*** Note The images are from a collection of pictures of Bedu life in the mid 19th century and are not of my mother in law or her tribe. It is included to provide a visual of the life style of Beduan tribes in those early days.
Filed under: gender, relationships, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs
What a lovely story. I can’t even begin to imagine being married when I was 14 (and considering what I looked like when I was 14 I doubt anyone would have wanted to anyways LOL)
What is the line of reasoning behind removing children from their mother’s and placing them with other relatives btw?
wow. There’s nothing as enthralling as sitting with someone of that generation (or older) and hearing stories. Last time I saw my dad (77) whenever he’d start reminiscing about his childhood on a Hawaii plantation, I’d quietly turn on my digital recorder, so I’d be able to transcribe later. How valuable for you and your family!! Thank you for sharing.
That was such a sweet story. Don’t you love listening to older people?
It seems your MIL had a good life in times when things were not full of the materialistic trappings of today. Reminds me of listening to my grandmother, and how despite 10 children, they all slept in one room when they first immigrated to the U.S.
They tell their stories without complaining about what they didn’t have. Humbling isn’t it?
Please tell her I so enjoyed her story.
Anon – to answer your question, in the cases of divorce, under sharia’h law (islamic law) a Saudi father is entitled to the custody and care of the children. However when children are still babies, they are permitted to stay with the mother until they reach a certain age at which time the courts deem permissible they may be taken to the father.
All – glad everyone has been enjoying. I so agree we should all listen carefully to those who are elder and have so many unique life experiences. We learn and capture pieces of history from them we may never have known otherwise.
Children are given to the father in most cases for fear that the mother will marry again…and paternity is such a huge concern here…we cant have children growing up thinking “Uncle Steve” ( or Ali…lol) is the real daddy.
Doesnt seem to bother many who have little concern for all these mothers that are forced to either give up children just to remrry…or live a long single life yo keep her children….meanwhile daddy can bring a new “mommy” home and thats just fine.
snif snif…i’m in a crying mood lately.
Your MIL was very lucky that her stepmother was so nice and accepting to her. So many times we hear of stories where the father takes the children and it’s the opposite story altogether.
I can’t believe a man who makes the decision to marry a Bedu woman that he loves and has a child with could then backdown, under family pressure, and divorce her. That was the saddest thing of all. Imagine all the years her father spent alone because he couldn’t be with the one woman he truly loved. And how heartbreaking for Moudy’s mother as well, to have a husband who loved her only to lose him later.
Thanks for taking the time to share Moudy’s amazing story of success with us.
That’s very true in many cases a stepmother may not be accepting, again going back to the issue of “blood” and family ties. But I think it is also universal on whether a stepfather or stepmother is accepting and not unique to Saudi Arabia.
What a beautiful story; sad in parts. Your mother-in-law sounds like a truly wonderful woman masha’allah.
I said it in an earlier post and I will keep on saying it, she’s an angel!
Wow! Awesome story.You are so very fortunate.Thankyou for the link.
You’re welcome, Always!
Thanks for sharing. I could picture in my mind’s eye how your mother in law must have been like! :^)
And when she told me her story in her own words, her spirit and determination are evident!
Your mother in law becomes more and more remarcable to me. Also her mother, I was touched as I imagined her concern for her ex-husband who divorced her so quickly and still kept his wished in her mind. I feel very sorry for her, and also wonder if the father remained single for so many years, how sad.
How very weird that the impending marriage is not mentioned? To do it like this must be very traumatic for many girls. And how weird that as society expects nothing from women than to be good mothers, girls do not seem to be prepared for anything? You’d think that stuff like childcare would be basic training?
I think it all very strange.
And your mother in law is a great lady! You are very lucky with her.
Thanks for your comments Aafke. My understanding is that her story is traditional for that time period but does not necessarily apply in all aspects to women today.
Of course Carol, but time doesn’t matter: If you expect somebody to be a ”good wife and mother”, or good at anything, I’d expect you’d think of teaching them something about it.
But then it makes it only more remarkable when people do manage to be ‘good wifes and mothers” as your remarkable MIL did!
Mosh’Allah, Thank you Carol and please thank your MIL for sharing this with us! I’d love to hear more about her if she didn’t mind.
Carol: Regarding the child custody, we also use Sharia’ah Law here, and the mother has the right to custody as long as she does not remarry.
coolred: Isn’t it the same in Bahrain?
The father can petition for custody, but most likely won’t win if the mother remains single. Also, Islamically the father is way down the list. The maternal grandmother has rights over the father to custody.
You raise a good point Aafke in that the societal expectation is that a woman should naturally be a good wife and mother but as we know, that’s not always the case. Nor do they always naturally receive training. I’m not disagreeing with your comment at all but agreeing and given to verbose speculation here…
Tina, Glad you are enjoying stories about our matriarchal angel! I will have to ask her permission at a future time whether she would be willing to share other stories.
Viking Daughter – If you (or anyone reading) can shed more light on the rulings of Sharia’h law and child custody, that would be very helpful. I’m not positive but my impression has been in regards to KSA, if the father wants custody and the children are beyond a certain age, then that is his right. At least I’ve not heard that a Saudi woman has the right to custody as long as she does not remarry.
Thank you very much for sharing the story! My grandma had the same thing happen to her when she was about 12-13. She went from playing with toys one day, to being a wife the next. She made me laugh when she told me she was scared of her husband at the beginning, and used to hide from him under the covers in the bed.. lol… I LOVE hearing those old stories… my father-in-law is always telling me stories of the old days, and at times I wish we could go back to those simple days…
In many ways those days certainly were much more simple. At the same time, I think this generation of women had to be very strong and perhaps stronger than some of the Saudi women in today’s generation for they did not have all the modernalities and technology to make things easier for them. To me as an individual, it would be hard to fathom myself having had 6 ,7 children before I was 18 years of age! Yet, these women did and managed to raise them beautifully and persevere!
What a lovely story and a wonderful woman. Bless her and your family.
Thank you Jewaira!
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Wow! amazing story and they are very lucky to have someone like you in their family. You sound like a lovely lady kathy
@Kathy – thank you! She is indeed such a very special woman. And I always learn something new each time I spend time with her.
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Carol
You are fortunate to have such a wonderful mother-in-law!
But I thought samosas were South Asian! Perhaps Saudi Arabia got them from here – they always had very good cultural and intellectual interactions with us before the “oil era” changed everything. The ancient Indian decimal system was transmitted by the Arabs to Europe.
Oh Daisy, she is such a gem and I am indeed lucky!
I know that samosas are also equally popular in South Asia. What I found is that the ones in South Asia would often be filled with potatoes and peas or cheese. In Saudi it is popular to fill them either with spinach, cheese or meat with pine nuts.
Yes, the filling would differ according to the ecology and food preferences of the population. Thanks for this information.
My pleasure Daisy
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