My Saudi mother-in-law is a traditional woman in her 70’s. She was educated formally in school until circa age 10 and by the time she was 15 had given birth to the first of her ten children. She remains a dedicated, compassionate and most beautiful mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. Although her formal education finished when she was still but a young girl, she is in fact an open minded individual and keeps herself apprised of news and world events. She is the matriarch of the family as well as the rock of the family. She is the glue keeping everything and everyone together in spite nowadays she is a widow. And during my hospital stay (and beyond) she was my angel. In spite of her age and some lack of mobility problems she insisted in no uncertain terms to the rest of the family she would be my sitter while I was in the hospital recovering from my surgery.
That first night following the surgery while I was in pain and disoriented I remember sensing a soothing and calming presence who kept my brow cool and squeezed my hand reassuringly. When the nurse wanted to raise my body to adjust some bandages and I was unable at that time to move, it was my precious mother-in-law who was on the other side of the bed assisting the nurse. She also kept me free from those who were curious about having a westerner amongst the all-Saudi midst.
She also made it a point to become acquainted with the other patients, their families and the nursing staff. She quickly became known as the mothering angel of the ward with a kind word for everyone.
My mother-in-law and I have thankfully always had a close and warm relationship but my recent hospital stay bonded us even closer together. I should also point out that she does not speak a word of English but we managed to find our way and make ourselves understood. I do remember to daily count among my many blessings that I have such a beautiful mother-in-law.
Filed under: gender, Health, relationships, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs
Ok..its official…Im jealous. I did not have a warm and fuzzy relationship with my mother in law…in fact she blamed me for everything from our financial situation to the weather…no lie….and she was a large part of why my children feel a certain amount of shame for having a non Arab for a mother.
The numerous times I was in hosp over the years…from either surgeries or deliveries etc…I was not visited by her or any member of his immediate family(only once actually…was sooooo shocked nearly suffered a set back in my recovery…no lie)…and since our divorce nearly two years ago…not one member of his family has kept in touch with my children(not a phone call…not a visit)…not even their own grandmother.
Cool Red, I know it is probably no consolation to hear that you are not alone in your experiences. Sadly I know of a number of foreigners married to Arabs who do not have cordial relationships with the in-laws at all. That is also why I realize how very fortunate I am in having such a bond with my mother-in-law. I know if she had shown the slightest hint of disapproval my welcome into the family could have been very different.
Carol, your MIL reminds me of my elderly aunt. They are both true angels.
Thanks Saudi in US. And I would like to let you and other readers know to stay tuned. My MIL shared some very interesting aspects of her life with me and also gave me permission to share these stories with readers of my blog in the hope of fostering understanding. This will be forthcoming in early August.
Wishing you a speedy recovery, Carol.
Thank you very much Raju!
What a blessing!My mil was wonderful too,considering I was a “yankee”She and my sisters-in-law even presented me with a birthday cake the year before she passed.The candles were turned around,they said 83 instead of 38!Never had a bad word to say about anyone.
Dear Carol,
I regularly read your blog and admire the content and the gentle informative tone.
How are you feeling now? A person like you must have a long, healthy and happy life. I have been praying for you every night.
I want to know more about your kind mother-in-law. How was her childhood? Where did she live, as a child? What food did her mother cook routinely? How was their kitchen? Did she play any games? What sort of dolls did she have? What games did her brothers play?
What was the menu for her wedding feast? What is the typical Saudi festive food?
What songs did she sing to your husband when he was a baby? What stories did she tell him when he was a child? Did she use any traditional herbal medicines for her family?
Sorry, I have bombarded you with questions. There is no hurry. You can answer them whenever you feel like it.
Maasha Allaah she sounds so very sweet! May Allaah increase the bond of love between you two aameen! I wish you a speedy recovery inshaa Allaah!
I can just imagine your mother in law all formiddable in the hospital warding off curious on-lookers. God bless her! :^)
old people=blessing
What a lovely post! You are very blessed to have such a wonderful Mother in Law!
I’m sure she had everything under control in the ward.
Thank you everyone for the lovely comments and warm welcome to Ujjwala and Umm Ibraheem to the blog.
Ujjwala, I know you will enjoy a post that I’ll forthcoming the first week of August which my MIL shares some of her life and stories. You will find many of your questions answered there!
She returned last night to Makkah after having been with me for the past 5 weeks. (she came to Riyadh as soon as she heard my initial diagnosis). We miss her so much already and looking forward to Ramadan when we’ll see her next in Makkah.
You are very lucky to be surrounded by so much love and care! Very rare to find decent and compassionate MIL’s. I am lucky to have a wonderful MIL that I love very much! Too bad she doesn’t live in the same state as we do!
But she will be coming here in October! Can’t wait!:)
Your MIL sounds like a very special lady. You both are lucky to have each other.
Glad to hear you are doing better. Hamdilla 3la alf salamah!
Best wishes always………….
You’re very lucky, Carol. I envy that relationship.
I’m in the same pool as coolred.
Thank you Manal. I’d love to hear your impressions and experiences as a Saudi woman with a Western mother-in-law.
Abu Dhabi – sorry to hear that you also have MIL difficulties.
MIL relationships can be so tricky the world over. Most mothers I think will naturally feel that no woman or man is ever good enough for their son or daughter.
Mashallah, you’re very lucky to have this MIL. Even in the West, we always hear of the MIL problems, in fact it’s a pastime to joke about it seems.
Coolred, am so sorry to hear of your MIL. It’s hard enough for us to live on this side of the world without a lack of acceptance.
I can honestly say, I’ve never once had an arguement with any former in law. Trust me, I’m proud to say this, since it’s common here. They all accepted me, though I did have to ”prove” myself.
Manal, I would love to hear what a western MIL is like, I’ve never had one! That should be interesting.
For myself, it was harder for my family to accept, and left us pretty much estranged.
Can’t wait for the MIL update Carol, they always have interesting stories!
Traditional Saudi woman? What does that mean? Did she get beaten every day? Oh no, that is the indentured servants…How many children did her husband have, with other women, including her? Please, I just can’t be kind at this moment. Enjoy and maybe her children will not die in the future wars over oil.
Well I can honestly say from my side that I never argued with her or any of them…never raised my voice or said an unkind thing…as God is my witness. I never asked for them to like me…but when I realized they didnt like me for whatever reasons….I just wanted them to leave me alone. I asked my exhusband many many times to ask them to just leave me be…he couldnt even do that for me…always said I should be the better person…the better Muslim and try and keep the peace…sigh!
nearlynormalized…wake up on the wrong side of the bed or what…clearly not quite normal yet….sheesh! Only wars going on around here for oil are Bush made…maybe you should drop him an email or something.
If we had more families like yours (mixed nationalities), the world would be a better place.
I am also equally lucky with my Middle-Eastern mother-in-law (different country than Saudi). She welcomed me in to the family 17 years ago, and treated me better than my own mother ever did! She has been a wonderful mother-in-law, considerate, and never interfering.
In my country there are also many stories of people who don’t get along with their mothers-in-law, but this is not just happening to expats. It happens equally with Middle-Eastern women. Mothers-in-law have the same reputation the world over!
Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas (in the Middle East)
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com
coolred38,
Forgive nearlynormalized it is one of those days without meds. Just forgot to switch nicks to angrilyobtuse to match the mood..
Yes, it does seem in many cases that the Westerners are always expected to be more tolerant, forgiving and understanding to those who do not see eye-to-eye with them. I haven’t figured that out yet.
Coolred, oh I’ve seen women like you as well, they try so hard and are just not accepted. I’ve also done the majority of the peacekeeping over here.
I’ve been the one to ignore comments, and bickerings and getting involved. I also made a stand long ago that it is not required of me to attend all family functions except for weddings.
You really have to maintain some bounderies to keep sane.
For those who complain I don’t mingle with them, let them ask themselves why.
You have the right to your rules in your own home, you stand firm or get eaten alive. Took me a good 10 years to get really hard on this matter!
nearlynormalized: not quite yet. and as coolred noted, the oil wars are not about the saudis. google: Bush, NWO and PNAC. The topic was clearly about mother in laws!
Oh, my new rules are: When in Rome, do as the Romans.
When in my home, all good hospitality aside, you respect my rules, my children, my now 4 cats, my servants, and my right to not have company.
Ignore all this, you get the non aggressive iggy button. I don’t bother with fighting.
AA Carol,
Mosh’Allah! How wonderful for you and your MIL.
Thank you Tina.
You are lucky to have such a wonderful person in your life!
Thanks and welcome Basbousa. You are so right!
Masha’Allah; I’m all teary-eyed after reading this post! She sounds really wonderful – have a speedy recovery.
She is a dear and I’ve no doubt you’ll enjoy August’s post where she shared some of her life with me.
Very happy for you – obviously for the loving family surrounding you and the exotic life you life. With your permission, I’ve added you to my favorite blogs and would like to come back and read you again often.
Thank you Isodora. I hope you continue to enjoy my blog.
Camels to jets: Culture of the nomads with oil: Behind the veils are the bombs of fear. Get ready, Iran is talking crap about Israel but honey they want what the Saudis have–do you think the Saudis can defend themselves? Phuque this crap about love and understanding, one has to leave the continent to get along with others, so where do you go from there? Bush is dumb, who believes in dummies? The Prince and the President holding hands in Texas, do you think they can let go of eachother? Whose fault is it?
Carol, Aren’t you fluent in Arabic?
A2S – not yet! )-:
At least I have the medication to take and not have to hide under veil of secrecy–Yeah, there is going to be a WAR and back on the camels.
Take some more nearlynormalised…
angrilyobtuse I think your current meds are failing. Switch to the suppositories. They work faster.
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