Any women marrying a Saudi should be as informed in advance as possible. This should also include a basic knowledge of the marriage contract and specifically how a marriage contract may be drawn up in the Kingdom.
I do not know a lot about the marriage contract myself even though I married a Saudi. Like many women before me, I entered into the marriage with my Western perspectives which basically focused on love, honor, take care of each other in sickness and health and till death do us part. A contract was of little importance to me. Now over time and especially with my experiences in the Kingdom, I’d have done that aspect differently. The marriage contract can be viewed in one sense as an insurance policy for the woman – something that is strongly recommended for marriages here.
Because of my own shortcomings in regards to specifics on the marriage contract, I asked a trusted Saudi and here is his response and information:
I am not an expert, but i know a few things about this that may get you started. First just for clarification, Hijaz has 2 types of populations and they have different marriage practices.
1) Hadar: Those are ethnic groups from all over the world. Some have old roots and some are new immigrants.
2) Bedu: Which in Hijaz typically refers to tribal Saudis.
Interestingly there are very small percentage of intermarriages between these 2 groups. With the bedu looking at the hadar as being not having the right tribal pedigree and hadar looking at tribal people as less civilized. Even the terms hadar and bedu can be used as derogatory terms in Hijaz under certain citations.
Sorry for the long introduction about the 2 groups, but it is necessary to explain the difference as hadars usually have different attitude towards things like polygamy, where it is not accepted by most. They have more awareness of issues relating protecting women in marriage. Also, you will find that hadar usually ask for lower dowries as a high one is viewed as putting your daughter up for sale. In hadar society the entire marriage contract need arises as a need to fill the gaps that disadvantage women in cases where the marriage does not work.
Here are some basics about contracts:
- They cannot prohibit anything allowed by the religion or allow something forbidden. Example they cannot stipulate that a man cannot take a second wife, but they can offer a remedy to it.
- A common term can be that a husband has to receive approval from his wife before taking another wife. If he violates that term she receives a divorce on request with full privlages.
- A wife can stipulate a term that will give her the right to ask for a divorce. Even the terms of what portion of the dowry must be returned in such case can be included.
- The wife can stipulate a financial penalty for divorce initiated by the husband. In some cases these amounts can be high and do act as a good deterrent against men divorcing.
- A wife can stipulate monetary support for wrongful divorce.
- Women can stipulate that her husband will allow her to complete college and/or have a working career.
- There are many financial requirements that can be included as part of such contract. These can include things like providing a house of certain size to providing servants and anything in between. However, these types of terms are not common and are looked at as excessive greed that does not fit the spirit of why these contracts are needed.
After reading what my friend provided, it is worth pointing out that unless otherwise stipulated, in most cases in the event of a divorce, the woman would be expected to return the dowry provided. I guess it is debatable on whether the marriage favors the rights of the man more and without a solid marriage contract, the woman’s rights and needs may be overlooked? Just a thought for consideration…
I also did some web searches to see what other information was found advising about the marriage contract. The site, Sound Vision, has examples of an Islamic marriage contract which parts are also geared to muslims who marry in the US: http://www.soundvision.com/Info/weddings/prenuptial.asp
Here are some of the pertinent parts from the Soundvision site:
Some clauses that Muslims have put in their contracts
A prenuptial agreement seems to give more strength to the Islamic marriage contract and the conditions placed therein. Muslim men and women are allowed to put conditions in the marriage contract, provided that they do not contradict Islamic law.
Below are some things Muslims have or may put in writing in their marriage contracts include.
Disclaimer: Many of the items below are not in agreement with others. Nor are the conditions below recommendations from Sound Vision.
We strongly urge anyone who is considering putting conditions or any of the following clauses in their marriage contract or working out a prenuptial agreement with their spouse-to-be to consult a qualified Islamic scholar as well as a Muslim lawyer well grounded in marriage and divorce law of the land.
- both husband and wife agree to discuss all issues that arise in their marriage and arrive at mutually agreeable conclusions. Differences of opinion concerning a point of Islamic practice will be referred to the Quran and Hadith. Both will admit if they are simply expressing personal opinions, which will not be binding.
- none of them will have a right to physically hurt each other.
- the husband must learn to speak and read Arabic fluently.
- that the husband will not require the wife to move out of her home town.
- the wife will bring all twenty of her cats to live in her husband’s house.
- husband and wife both will share responsibilities of cooking, cleaning and other homemaking tasks.
- income of husband and wife both will be pooled together in one account operable by each one individually with mutual consent.
- husband will not exercise his option of another wife
- husband is the leader of the family who will run the family in consultation with the wife.
- wife will not be required to work outside the home. If she chooses to work, she will be not be stopped from it and she will not be required to share that income for the family needs.
- wife will not work to earn money without the consent of husband.
- wife will be solely responsible for homemaking.
- children will be raised as Muslims in home and through Islamic education.
- home will be run Islamically as described in the Quran and Hadith
- Children will not be taken to church.
- A court granted divorce will be considered, Islamically, a first level of Talaq (divorce), which has a room for remarrying the same person without any condition.
- husband or wife will facilitate each other’s Islamic work and will not stop each other from it.
- in case of a dispute, husband and wife will appoint one person each to arbitrate between them
- if either husband or a wife suggests marriage counseling, the other party must agree to it.
- husband will not ask wife to stop her Islamic practices like Hijab
- if anyone indulges in Haram (what is forbidden), it will be an acceptable ground for divorce.
- in case of divorce, children will be with Muslim spouse and will be raised Muslims.
- in case of any spouse’s death, the surviving spouse will be responsible for the distribution of inheritance according to the Islamic law.
- family will not move out to another country without mutual agreement.
Filed under: culture, gender, islam, relationships, religion, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, travel, Uncategorized
Wow, I just found your great blog today through the WordPress tag surfer! I signed up for your feed immediately (and put you on my blogroll, as well)!
I think this is such an important issue you have written about here, and one that both Middle Eastern AND foreign women need to be informed about. In my Middle Eastern country, there are magazines in French talking about some of these issues, but nothing in English. Thanks for tackling them!
Best regards,
Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas (in the Middle East)
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com
Thank you Eileen and welcome to my blog. I hope to see you commenting on other posts as well.
Its common for Muslim men that travel abroad and get married to non Muslim women that they will not even bother to inform that woman that a maher or dowery is required for the marriage to be deemed valid. They will not tell them that a marriage contract should be considered and that most Muslim women will have one. Basically they will not bother to inform the non Muslim wife to be of all the rights she is entitled to as a wife to a Muslim man. Most of these things she learns about later…when its too late for the most part. Of course, its a womans responsibility to learn all she can about her spouse…expecially if he is from another culture and religion…but as you said…Western women enter into marriages with our Western mindset…love, honour, death til you part and all that.
So are you sure this one:
*the wife will bring all twenty of her cats to live in her husband’s house.*
wasn’t in your contract?
One of mine would be:
*the wife will spend a considerable amount of time with her horse and husband is not allowed to complain*
lol Aafke.
Mine would be, “the wife will be allowed to laze about and complain without being chastised or silenced”
Differences of opinion concerning a point of Islamic practice will be referred to the Quran and Hadith.
This can be bit generic and tricky
For example, about taking a second wife, true that the first wife cannot put limitations on it, but some for example argue that the great grand daughter of the Prophet SAWS, exactly put it on the contract as condition
And as far as I know we Sunni believe that the husband has no obligation to inform the first wife about a possible second
It comes by itself, being Islam a religion of mercy, to say that the husband must inform her, given also that after the second marriage everything must be divided in two : time, expenses, gifts But there’s no Quranic evidence nor in the hadeeth, showing obligations to communicate the event to the cowives
Moreover if the contract is in a country like US [non Muslim governed], it must be clear that it cannot contradict the law of land
Considering acting with justice towards ones self…towards each other is paramount in Islam…informing a first wife that a potential second wife is being considered seems the only just thing to do. To spring it on her or to not even tell her til after the fact is unjust to the extreme…especially when time and assets must be divided. Is she to assume he is out cheating on her when his time is suddenly cut in half…or when money suddenly gets spent on things she has no idea about…but she notices the money is getting spent…what should she assume. And the fact that some day one of daddys little second wife children might show up at the door and demand his inheritence etc…all of this is unjust to the first wife…and the allowance of more than one wife is for the benefit of women ….not men….so keeping secrets should never even be considered part of the deal and most assuredly not a part of the Islamic creed. Despite what Sunnis believe and practice…which we know is unjust to women in many areas…doesnt mean its accepted behavoir from God.
Do not expose your secrets etc has nothing to do with keeping second or third wives secret etc…marriages arent meant to be kept secret….secret marriages only lead to hurt, shame, embarrasment, and accusations and possibly slander…how can that be either just or Islamic practice?
Am not saying woman must not be informed, you might try to re-read my post and understand better
But is easy to play tricks when you put on contract “everything must be based on Quran and hadeeth”
On the same issue, there can be tons of opinions
The contract should be on practical issues, like where they must leave or allowing her to continue her studies
The religious part must be fixed through education and respect and during the meetings with families prior to marriage
Sunni do not believe and practice anything bad , God will judge in the end
Is none of your concern to judge Muslims or sects
“Sunni do not believe and practice anything bad…”…Im sorry but did you actually type that with a straight face? You have got to be kidding me…just take a look at the news…at Muslim womens status around the world…just look my friend…and then tell you me you actually meant that statement.
” God will judge in the end…”…very true.
Is none of your concern to judge Muslims or sects…” As a Muslim I can have my opinion just like anyone else…and to remain quiet in the face of injustice goes against my islamic learning….but thanks for the advice.
Islam aside… I can tell you from personal experience what you need to know about ANY marriage contract… DON’T DO IT! RUN LIKE HELL WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!
[...] Islamic Marriage Contracts: What Should YOU Know?I do not know a lot about the marriage contract myself even though I married a Saudi. Like many women before me, I entered into the marriage with my Western perspectives which basically focused on love, honor, take care of each other in … [...]
coolred
that’s exactly what i was saying
Based only on hadeeth, one would say is not a must to inform the cowives, but we as Sunni follow the teachings of the Prophet, so any scholar will suggest to inform them both in the best of manners
Am not sure you’re Muslim, but if you are , then you know that judging the religion or the sect only by the followers who practice it in a incorrect way, is wrong
Of course you’re entitled to your opinion, same as for example i can’t escape from having mine on Shia, but at least I try not to disclose it in public and I pray God to help me to be more tolerant also in private, because I know that the bad opinions I have, are against Islamic ethics
May Allah guide us all on the right path
While I wrote this post specifically to Islamic marriage contracts, do you think it is important in general to have a marriage contract in place regardless of ones faith?
Why do you think Islam stands out as the religion having detailed marriage contracts?
Marriage contract is important because in Islam religion and state are one body . Nothing special in it .
Marriage per se is the expression of our love for God, not merely of the love for another person [which is why women are not allowed to marry non Muslims and men can marry chaste women from the people of the Books, on the basis that later when kids come, they will convert and raise children to Islam], but there are practical aspects which need to be set up through a contract
Problem is that in the end women are not aware of all their rights in the societies in which they’re living, most of times because the culture and traditions of the place prevail on religion
The lines your friends wrote about marriages between tribes and different approaches are an example : here in Oman [probably this is Ibadhi rule, since they're the majority according to latest census] people are not allowed to marry out of tribe . If your wali [father or brother] doesn’t give permission [Muslim marriage is valid only with wali and testimonies, opposite to what some in favour of temporary marriage, in places like Egypt believe], you can go to court, explain your reasons and get married with the ok of the Sheikh.
But here family legacies are very important : how many girls from Dhofar who wish to marry a guy from Muscat, will do that ?
Very few because getting married to the guy you love and stay in a never ending war with your family, is not an ideal situation .
Nothing of this is Islamic, but is the culture and will probably never change .
In secular societies, the issue of having a marriage contract [there are prenups but those are for financial deals] has no meaning .
You get married in Church and if things don’t go smoothly there can be the annullment [tough to have and with strict conditions, yet the option is there] at the ecclesiastical tribunal on one side, and devorce at the civil court .
“Am not sure you’re Muslim,…” ….I could say the same about you…but I wont because that would be takfir…which is haram in Islam….right?
Im not judging Islam by its followers….Im judging its followers by Islam…there is a difference friend…and we all know the worst way to learn about a religion is from its followers.
I disagree with you about not disclosing your opinions to the public…this seemingly “Islamic” philosphy about keeping mum about things in the Ummah we dont like outsiders to know about only harms us….problems need to be aired and corrected…not covered over and ignored.
No hard feelings just because we express our opinions here….differences are a blessing to the Ummah. have a nice day.
Again you are misunderstanding or deliberately twisting my words
That’s not Islamic philosophy, is part of the confusion which happens when culture and religion are mixed
Hiding faults and defects is part of Arab culture
What is written in the Quran or in the sayings of the Prophet [that we should not disclose in public bad things about our brothers and sisters], might sound similar but is a totally different concept because as in the hadeeth is stated, we for one must help other believers to correct their mistakes and to prevent them from doing unjustice
And honestly that’s not what you’re doing, you’re just pointing fingers which is why I asked if you’re Muslim
I didn’t mean to offend, just your words sound strange for a Muslim
No my dear, observing its followers is part of learning about the religion : in case you missed last years events, is what the whole world is doing since 2001
The part of us who believes in the essence of Islam as loving and peaceful religion, must be the example to look at
This is the test the God gave us in this troubled era
Am not hiding anything Am just saying that is not up to us to say “shias are not Muslims” or “Sunnis are doing bad to the religion”
That is wrong and no where in the Quran or in the hadeeth is written that we should act that way but we must follow the Prophet example, by
helping to understand where the mistake is and how to correct it
I’m sure this was the deal breaker for most:
the wife will bring all twenty of her cats to live in her husband’s house.
What exactly is it about my words that sound strange coming from a Muslim? Im not being nitpicky here…I really want to know. I, for one, do realize there is a huge difference between Islam based on the Quran and Sunnah and Islam based on culture and mans ego..all my negative opinions…or different opinions depending on the subject…are usually pointed at man made Islam…never God made Islam…or the prophets practice. Ive never said anyone “is not” Muslim…but for sure I will point out the difference between Islamic practice and cultural practice…thats all.
Im not sure we are disagreeing with each other…just explaining ourselves in different ways. No offense given and none taken I hope.
Good choice of words — mad made Islam and God made Islam — one could write a thick book on that topic!
Welcome to the blog, Habiba! At least in my case, my Saudi husband had to adapt to only 4 cats at the time of our marriage! (smile) But how I wish I had the means to open a cat sanctuary here in Riyadh as there are so many stray cats on the loose!
coolred
you said Sunnis treat women in a bad way [I might have misunderstood but seems you meant it in general]
If you meant only part of those who pretend to practice the Sunna of the Prophet, then fine, my apologies
”Like many women before me, I entered into the marriage with my Western perspectives which basically focused on love, honor, take care of each other in sickness and health and till death do us part….”
Good point Carol. The point here is, if you marry in the U.S. under “Western” laws, you are protected automatically by U.S. laws with some states better for women than others. Why would we consider a contract?
Also, the love, honour, cherish till death do us part is a Christian vow that those of us who married with this ceremony take very seriously. I went into my marriage totally committed to this. There is a trust assumed until this trust is broken.
Under these laws annulment for ”reasons to divorce” are granted, if not you must choose the state laws and face the Church if they don’t accept it.
With that said, many Muslim men do not inform the Western woman of her ”dowry” rights etc, and it’s too late by then. My advice for any non Muslim woman is to not marry a Muslim man unless she studies Islam thoughly and converts prior to marriage.
Personally, I can’t see marrying a man with a contract in my own country, but I can definitely see why it’s needed in the Middle East.
You said, “in most cases in the event of a divorce, the woman would be expected to return the dowry provided.” I just want to clarify that in (perhaps) most cases where the woman asks for a divorce, the dowry is returned, but if the man divorces the woman, she should keep it. That is my understanding of Islamic law. Hopefully that is what happens in Saudi Arabia too.
For sure when I mention Sunnis or Shias or Muslims in general…I mean some Sunnis…some Shias…some Muslims….I thought that was understood….sorry if I didnt make myself clear on that. No hard feelings from my side.
The issues of dowries and whether it is returned on divorce or not can vary from case to case. I hear at least that for some individuals in Saudi the divorce clauses whether it is return of a dowry or the penalty that must be paid, due to a divorce, keep some very unhappy couples together because they can’t afford to go through with the divorce. I can accept doing all possible to keep a marriage together but is it correct to make a divorce just about impossible due to clauses that may have been placed in the marriage contract? Sometimes it can certainly be a double-edged sword here.
another point I’d like to raise too, is that there does remain (in some circles) a stigma with divorce in that where children of marriagable age are involved, finding a good match for the child can also be impacted on the marital status of the parents. If a marriagable age daughter for example has a divorced mother, this could impact on some families or the young man viewing the daughter as bad wife material. It is not right but it has been known to happen here.
“You said, “in most cases in the event of a divorce, the woman would be expected to return the dowry provided.” I just want to clarify that in (perhaps) most cases where the woman asks for a divorce, the dowry is returned, but if the man divorces the woman, she should keep it. That is my understanding of Islamic law. Hopefully that is what happens in Saudi Arabia too.” (4 posts up)
So… if a woman discovers that her husband married another woman and wants a divorce, she will even have to pay her dowry back? That sucks.
What if in the contract the husband promises not to have more wives, but he marries more than one, will the first wife be treated according to the law, or do the men escape out of the situation with the new wife wife and the dowry from the first wife? How does it really look?
I thought that as you can put in your contract that you get a divorce when hubby turns out a liar and takes on a second wife after all, you can also stipulate that, if such is the case, you can keep your dowry.
I’d put in the same in case your husband starts beating you.
Salam aleikum, plz i need some information, if possible, based on more detailed arguments.
Is an islamic right that u can stipulate in the marriage contract that he cannot take a second wife or , if he takes, the woman gets the divorce automatically, with full rights? If it is islamic, which are the proofs in sharia…or sunnah? Somebody mentioned here that the great grand daughter of the Prophet saas stipulated this in her marriage contract. Could u tell me the name and whole story , plz? I am a converted muslim and i am really interested in clearing up some pooiints about it as i hear many opinions. Thank u very much, looking forward for ur answer.
Reuters chose to pick up this post:
http://www.reuters.com/article/blogBurst/domestic?type=domesticNews&w1=B7ovpm21IaDoL40ZFnNfGe&w2=B9IYAiV6g03xWUXstkq1JR&src=blogBurst_domesticNews&bbPostId=CzCso0daZ4bnXBEZgr4vZTMqJB6eov7QoulBbCz3KJkrXiUDvL&bbParentWidgetId=B9IYAiV6g03xWUXstkq1JR
I want to thank you for this blog, It is very helpful.;-]
Wow have I been commenting on this blog since at least June of last year? Where has the time gone?
I sounded pretty level headed back then…lol. Not so much these days…Ive gone wild….lol.
Thank you Gloria and welcome!
coolred – I’m thrilled to have you hear and for what it’s worth, I’ve also seen my own growth and changes in attitude to KSA via my blog when I’ve gone back in time (old posts).
Hi American Bedu,
As I mentioned before I have learned a lot by reading your blog. It is an excellent source of information for anyone playing with idea of marrying a saudi and eventually living in the Kingdom.
However, there is still one thing that I am not sure about. Maybe you have touched the area but I have not come across it as of yet. Please clarify the following if you can: I read that if a Saudi man took the step of actually marrying a non-Saudi without taking official permission, he should then calculate with the following measures:
* Disciplinary action against the Saudi;
* Not allowing the marriage to be registered as legal in the Kingdom;
* Not granting an entrance visa to the foreigner.
http://xrdarabia.org/2006/11/30/saudi-marriage-laws/
If that is true please tell me what is the proper/legal way/ procedure to marry a saudi man if this marriage is to take place outside of KSA. Should the couple ask for the government permission before signing the marriage contract? And hence if the permission is asked after any marriage contract is signed then the woman has no chance of ever entering Saudi as the legal spouse of the saudi man?
Thank you:)
Gloria
Gloria,
What you have learned is indeed true. There are so many Saudis who have married without permission and many of the foreign spouses are still in their home country while their spouse is back in Saudi.
Yes; I did write a post on the step-by-step requirements and approval process for marriage to a Saudi. Here’s the catch… the government cannot prevent a Saudi from marrying whom he chooses but the government can prevent giving approval/recognition of the marriage which then prevents the couple from living in Saudi Arabia as man and wife.
It is encouraged for all approvals to be in place before entering into marriage. While I can’t say approval will never be granted after a marriage it can take a long time. For example in my own case it ultimately took 6 years for my husband and I to get the requisite approvals. Each case is very different and depends on the circumstances.
I will try to find my post with the step by step process.
You should read this post Gloria:
http://americanbedu.com/2007/12/23/saudi-marriage-restrictions-to-foreigners/
Dear American Bedu,
I really do not know how to thank you.:)
That is such a difficult procedure and I am really glad to be aware of it before I move on any further in the relationship. I see now that if I want to marry my Saudi guy, I would want the permission before we procede with marriage- regardless of how long it would take. I could not bear the thought of being Islamically married but still not to be able to live with him in the same country. I guess some women might manage it with difficulty but I know me and I won’t survive it.
I want to thank you again. I will keep on reading your blog. You are really amazing.:)
Gloria
Really excellent blog. So much info….!
I had heard of the bedu and hader,,,but not of these clauses. I guess any woman wanting to marry a muslim, whether saudi or not, should be informed.
thanks ya’ll and glad my info is helpful to you.
So is it really possible to write in the contract that the “husband will not exercise his option of another wife”? Is that Islamically acceptable?:-)
Thanks
@Gloria – what I understand is some women will have the marriage contract say that they have the right to a divorce if he takes another wife.
Gloria, this article is helpful: http://islamic-answers.com/can_a_muslim_woman_be_forced_into_polygamy__
In general, if the man divorces the woman, she keeps her mahr; if the woman asks for the divorce, she gives it back.
But in the situation where the marriage contract states that if he marries another wife, their marriage is annulled, it’s not the same as her asking for a divorce, and she should keep the mahr. (It’s like he invalidated the contract.)
You should make sure that having this condition in the marriage contract is considered valid in Saudi, though. I would think so, because it’s allowed by Ibn Taymiyyah, a 13th century Hanbali scholar who is much revered by Salafis. (And Saudi follows the Hanbali school of law, I think?)
Gloria, and I would make certain that it would state divorce while keeping your full mahr, and you could also put in a penalty sum to be paid if he does decide to go back on his word and does not honour his own solemn vows to you.
As they so often do.
Of course I doubt seriously if any contract in favour of the wife would ever be honoured by a saudi court. And you would need to be prepared with a substantial amount of bribe-money in advance.
Munaqaba, as the granddaughter of the prophet had this stipulation in her marriage contract, and as the prophet himself did not wish a polygamous marriage for his own daughter, I think there can be no valid argument against any woman wishing to have this in her own marriage contract.
Gloria–it is Islamically permissible elsewhere, and presumably in Saud,i though worth checking.
The problem would seem to be more that as one Saudi lawyer told a group of Western women, as was posted by American Bedu, the marriage contracts in Saudi are not necessarily enforced as written. You would need a Saudi lawyer to best protect your rights in the drafting of the contract, and in ensuring its fulfilment.
It seems as if you are expecting to live in Saudi if you marry your Saudi boyfriend. It might be safer to assume it might happen in the future whether or not you want to now, but if not, your concerns would not be as great. All Muslims are required to follow the laws of the countries they live in, and you would come under the divorce law in the place which you reside long enough to legally file for divorce (6 mos in some US states). Based on a friend’s 4 country divorce/ widowhood experience (he died before the divorce could happen), a team of lawyers, one from each primary country and with international family law specialization is adviseable in drawing up the marriage contract, wills, etc.
Where in the world are you now? NAmerica, ME, Bahrain, other GCC, or sworn to secrecy? LOL
Munaqabah–yes Saudi follow hanbali fiqh. Good information and link, thanks.
[...] written many many posts previously on this subject of marriage and the approval process. This is the first time [...]
[...] Saudi, how many women, whether Saudi or non-Saudi pay a lot of attention to or read what is in the marriage contract? I got to thinking about marriage contracts on reading this article in slate.com which indicates [...]