Arab News had an article recently that near Taif, men from a particular tribe were offering to pay 20,000 SAR (about US$5000) for a man to wed a woman from the village as a second wife. Seems there were a shortage of men and the tribe did not want the women to be spinsters or face a life alone without a husband. On one hand I guess one could commend the men of the tribe for taking such an initiative and showing concern for the single women of marriageable age. On the other hand you could ask, why are they offering funds for a man to marry her as a second wife?
This also raises the query whether there is a “male” shortage in the Kingdom or not…well, according to the CIA fact book, Saudi Arabia actually has MORE MEN than women. I encourage you to also check it out for yourselves: https://www. cia.gov/library/ publications/ the-world-factbook/geos/sa.html
The statistics indicate:
Age structure:
0-14 years: 38.1% (male 5,469,641/female 5,258,508)
15-64 years: 59.5% (male 9,467,325/female 7,284,077)
65 years and over: 2.4% (male 355,173/female 326,693) (2008 est.)
Sex ratio:
at birth: 1.05 male(s)/female
under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 1.3 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 1.09 male(s)/female
total population: 1.19 male(s)/female (2008 est.)
So isn’t it natural to query that instead of encouraging men to take a second wife, couldn’t encouragement be given instead for the single men to marry?
Concurrently with the article pertaining to “buying” a second wife, a subsequent article was published on placing a moratorium on the amount of dowries to not exceed 50,000 SAR. According to the article, many single men were wishing to marry but unable to afford the high dowries the bride and her family were requesting.
For those not familiar with the concept of dowry, the dowry (which can be a combination of both jewelry and money) is supposed to go solely to the bride. This is her nest egg which is hers to use as she wishes. Not surprisingly many wives will use their dowry to purchase items for the home or for other purposes. Some will also not only hold on to that dowry but invest the funds as well whether in the stock market or in property.
I have mixed emotions on the dowry. On one hand it can be looked upon as “buying” a wife. On the other hand, if given properly, it is good for the new bride to come into her marriage with a nest egg that is all her own. However I question how attuned the Saudi woman actually is to managing her own finances. Yes; it does happen and happens routinely but there are also many women out there who do not have an idea of running a household in the fiscal sense as the husband routinely (should) take care of all financial aspects. As a result, it is also not surprising to see the funds from a dowry spent on non-essential items and before too long, the dowry has disappeared.
Filed under: America, culture, gender, islam, relationships, religion, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, travel, Uncategorized
Carol,
The split at birth and under 15 of age are roughly even like what you see in most countries. However the stats are skewed for the other groups, because of foreign workers which are more male than females. Specifically for the group between 15-64, which includes marrying age adults. Since male mortality rates typically accelerate much faster for men than women after the age of 18, these stats cannot be used as a measure (due to lack of separation of foreign workers). I do not know what the exact men vs women split for Saudi citizens, but I suspect that there are more women than men for that age group. Saudi Arabia has higher mortality rates for men adults non-senior citizens due to traffic accidents, chronic diseases like diabetes and the high percentage of smokers.
Regarding dowry, it is a requirement of the religion, but it does not have to be a high amount. Actually there are fathers that only require a small amount and focus on getting a good husband for their daughters instead of looking for rich ones. I am not a fan of high dowries, because like you indicated it usually gets spent and do not offer protection for the wife. I’d rather that a marriage contract is drawn up with protection for the woman against arbitrary divorce by the husband. This is called Muakhar Sadaq, which is a set payment that must be paid by the husband if he chooses to divorce. Such contracts were and are still used in the Hajaz region.
Saudi in US: I was under the impression that the stats were for Saudi nationals and excluded foreign workers. Nevertheless it saddens me that monies are being offered to take women as second wives. It continues to perpetuate the rise in polygamy.
Understanding the marriage contract and what can or should not be put into one is very important for any woman. Thanks for giving me this idea to do a future post on this subject.
I for one would love to know the reasoning and the logic behind the offer being valid only for men who are already married and not for single men. It makes no sense to me.
I think those specific stats included foreign workers. It is hard to explain the significant jump from 1.05 to 1.3, without something extraordinary like foreign workers.
I also agree regarding the second wife process as not a good way to take care of women.
Susie, I am only guessing as the article was not clear on this, but perhaps in that particular tribe there are more married men than single men?
S in US: I do not have an explanation for the jump unless that time period was a busy year for ….you know what….
Perhaps the women being “sold” are not likely choices for first wives. Maybe they have deficits such as lack of beauty, or physical and mental imperfections, etc. Men need more of an incentive to marry these women, especially in a society where the choice of a mate has little to do with character or personality but with observable attributes.
I don’t know Marahm….while you mention the choice of a mate has more to do with observable attributes yet given the dictates of the society and culture only the husband and woman’s direct male family members are allowed to observe her…
But nevertheless I hear what you are saying..I’m sure a woman who has a reputation as pleasing to gaze upon and winning personality will have many offers as compared to an older woman (girl) who is described differently.
I think the whole dowry issue is a bit of a side issue. Sure, dowries are high for young, single women, but this ignores the fact that there are tens of thousands of divorced or widowed women who find it next to impossible to get married in a real marriage, not just a misyary marriage.
If Saudi (Middle Eastern in general) culture didnt look down upon widowed or divorced women, especially those with children, this wouldnt be so much of an issue.
Divorced or widowed women do not usually demand a high dowry; when the “high dowry” issue is brought up it ignores these women. The assumption made is that the only women that are worth considering are those who have never been married before.
These men, when they site high dowries as an excuse to travel abroad to find a “cheaper” wife in a place like Yemen or Morroco, are not even considering the idea of looking for a Saudi woman that was married before.
So instead of marrying a Saudi woman who has been married before they’d rather spend the extra money to travel there, bring her back and then have to deal with getting of the paperwork in order for the Saudi government.
This is the real issue here, one that seems is being ignored, or blotted out with the “high dowry” red herring. Previously married women in Saudi culture are completely unequal and often must endure misyar marriages if they ever want to have a chance to have male companionship at all.
The drives a lot of things, not only does it raise the numbers of Saudi men who cannot get married because they refuse such women, it also forces a lot of Saudi women to stay in marriages they hate because they know what awaits them if they divorce. The choice is to stay with a man you cannot stand, or end up a divorcee in Saudi. Not much of a choice.
Like with every country, Saudi Arabia has its own share of social problems. Another issue in relation to marriage is that the father demands the dowry, and its high, which results in the girls not getting married at the right time, or not getting married at all. The conception exists that all Saudis r rich, but I have met people working for less than 1,500 a month and with these people the social problems r also more. Its sad …
Did you know that in the Torah/Old Testament it gives you the rules for selling your daughter into sexual slavery? Those wacky Israelites!
hey it cost money to keep up a wife…maybe they figured if someone will take the unwanted woman/women…then the tribe should help to offset the extra expense the man will incur…and at the same time, keep the tribe from having to keep the women up if they do not marry…and that would cost more than 5,000 dollars u.s. over the long haul…so it is like…an investment perhaps?…
Very odd
Thanks all for your comments.
I once asked someone about the very bizarre male-female ratio reported on CIA factbook. He told me that Arabs had a tendency to deliberately conceal the number of women in his family, suggesting this as the reason the figures would be so skewed. Originally I thought perhaps it was foreign workers, but he was rather adamant that his opinion was stronger. Perhaps you could investigate that theory?
Because with numbers like that, it would seem that there aren’t enough women for polygyny, without having disproportionate numbers of bachelors.
The dowry though is in fact a part of the religion–something that is commanded in the Qur’an, even. It is supposed to be a gift for the bride, a “free gift,” as it were. In the event of a divorce initiated by the husband, it is a kind of protection for her. And typically if the wife initiates the divorce, she returns the gift, whatever it might be, to the husband.
I have read a statistic survey once, and this goes for the whole world, because there isn’t really any difference in different countries, and it said that: at birth there is a larger number of males being born than females. But, boys are weaker and die faster. This also counts for so called ”developed” countries. By the time we are 18/20 the numbers are equal, after that women slowly start to outnumber men, and after 80 there are many more women than men.
These figures are what would naturally occur. Of course things like wars would significantly change the male/female ratios. I seem to remember that the the sura that speaks about polygamy was revealed after the battle of Uhud, when many of the muslim men had been killed leaving a disproportionate number of widows and orphans.
(the word is ‘widows’! I never believe the sura was meant to be abused as is fashionable now in some places)
You get it the other way around in countries like China and India, where girls are aborted, or left to die. These countries now have real problems in some areas without women. In China girls from far away country-side are abducted and forcibly married. If they don’t produce a boychild they are put away somewhere, to hide them from the abortion-gangs in hopes that the next one will be a boy.
I can’t believe how in every situation women get the short end of the stick!
Sad that they would need to go so low as to pay someone to take one of their women in Taif. And, what’s to keep the men that might agree to this payment from dumping the gal right after the honeymoon? And how is the woman to feel that gets ‘sold’ off this way to a man? Grrrrrr
Amy, you are quite right about men being protective of the females in the family but at the same time, I don’t think this should be an issue if an official census is being taken. Aafke raises good points about men and auto accidents and women in general outliving the men.
Yeah, A2S – I think if I were in one of those women’s shoes, I’d feel like I’d been sold.
Re: the men/women numbers disparity, I heard a counselor say that statistically, women live twenty years longer than their husbands, at least here in the West.
In this case, are women getting the short end of the stick? That might be a philosophical question!
Yes, we should be more careful of our men, We shouldn’t let them drive in such dangerous places as KSA, if a couple of women snuff it, it matters less, the numbers will stay more equal.
Marahm, who wants to live forever?
I think pretty much all over the men do live shorter lives. Now what does that tell you about women?
Isn’t the wedding ring in the US also some sort of a dowry.
I am also puzzled by the second-wives phenonemon while the majority of the dudes are single. This create an imbalance and a social unrest.
Nationman – although what I am sharing here is my own personal opinion, I also thought the wedding ring was a symbol of love, partnership and committment for after all, it is expected that the man and woman would each wear a wedding ring. Although now that this subject has come up, I’ve noticed that many married men in the Middle East world often choose to forego wearing a wedding ring.
Thank you for your comment and welcome.