Comments on: Saudi Marriages: What Are the Rights of the Woman?

By: VoteNader

VoteNader — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:39:32 +0000

@ Croixian1:

While it’s easy to see this arrangement as oppressive, it guarantees a familial nucleus, unlike the arrangement now used in the United States and elsewhere. While our meritocratic/democratic system is meant to bring equality between the sexes (at least symbolically, or at least purchasing power), it prizes individualism and self-gratification above traditional familial institutions. In the United States, we don’t have institutions or arrangements to restore this balance, like better vacation/paternal-maternal leave/subsidized daycare/strict social rules for families, so that we become isolated even from our own family members. While I, as an American, would feel oppressed if I were a woman in a Saudi marriage, it’s important to see that their institution has real social value and we in the US should try to reform our institutions to create a better atmosphere for fostering families.

By: delhi4cats

delhi4cats — Wed, 21 May 2008 02:57:29 +0000

This post is meant to illustrate the rights but I should also add it is one snapshot of expectations and does not go into what the man in turns expects. Like marriages anywhere, while there may be defined rights, there also has to be a give and take and partnership. However I do like how certain rights are clearly identified, known and expected…now if only all the men would adhere to them….

By: Safiyyah

Safiyyah — Wed, 21 May 2008 00:21:27 +0000

Hi Carol:

Well, that pretty much explains it: a mix of Islam and Saudi culture.

(I repeat: don’t give the men any of your money!!!!!!!)

By: belanaparis

belanaparis — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:40:00 +0000

I vote for the “gilded cage”…what an amazing arrangement!!! after 26 years of being the decision maker, I’m worn out being the boss of me! I long for someone to take care of me for a change. For 26years of my marriage all my husband has had to do is – show up! Every cruise, movie, restaurant we ever go to, I chose it, arranged it, suggested it! No surprises here…I just want to hear the word ” Get dressed honey, we’re going out” last year I received neither birthday, christmas nor valentines cards, never mind a gift…and it’s not that my husband is bad or mean, he just can’t be bothered! Get me a Saudi husband!

By: tina

tina — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:50:35 +0000

Boy, you girls in Saudia got it good! Don’t always think the grass is greener on the other side. Don’t get me wrong, Alhumdulillah, my husband is great and tries his best to provide for our wants and needs but its not always easy in America. I would never think about asking for a maid or a nanny. It would probably cost my husbands whole income for the month. I was never offered any dowry but I did receive a wedding ring and a necklace and was more than happy with that. Guess I’m just not a material girl and my husband should thank his lucky stars for it too!! ; ) As far as the house being furnished, we had the basics and that’s all we really needed at the time. Alhumdulillah as time has gone by we’ve been able to get rid of some of the old and replace it with new. I guess while having all of the things you mentioned above are great, being humble and greatful for what Allah has provided is good too!

By: WM

WM — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:30:18 +0000

I didn’t deny that it was her right.

No wonder marriage is referred to as a gilded cage

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:06:21 +0000

Actually according to Islam, a woman is entitled to respectful and kind treatment from her husband. This is another of her rights–that he be good to her. Not just that he spends on her, but that she is satisfied sexually (yes) and treated with compassion. It is even mentioned in the Qur’an that men are supposed to live in harmony with their wives, and there is narration from the Prophet Muhammad that the best among his followers are those who treat their wives the best.

By: Aafke

Aafke — Tue, 20 May 2008 11:33:29 +0000

Croxian, I can assure you that any man I might choose to be mine will be treated exactely as my horse. He will be very well cared for, groomed, very happy, feel appreciated and admired, and will be loved beyond anything.
The only difference will be that I’m not going to pay for his stable.
So what’s the problem?

WM, go back to your studies, so you will be able to get a good job later on.
You now know what your responsibilities are!

By: delhi4cats

delhi4cats — Tue, 20 May 2008 05:57:55 +0000

Croixan,

This particular post was in response to query from a reader who wanted to know specifically the rights of a woman when married to a Saudi. If you have the time and inclination you’ll see that I have written a number of past posts about relationships, value, committment and partnership.

WM – that is HER RIGHT.

By: WM

WM — Tue, 20 May 2008 04:40:38 +0000

“However if a man takes another wife there should be no expectation on the part of the husband that any of his wives should then have to play a more proactive role in helping maintain and support a household.”

This is her revenge, no?