Prior to and at the time of marriage in accordance with Islam and Saudi culture and customs, the new bride should receive the following: a dowry (this is usually a sum of money which is supposed to be for her to do as she pleases, whether save or use for other purposes. It should not go to her family but in few cases a percentage of it may towards paying off high wedding costs); jewels (sometimes considered part of the dowry but the groom and family members usually present the bride with an assortment of gold jewelry. Last of all, she should be provided with a furnished house. The house may not be outrightly owned by the man or his family but it is expected that a new bride will have a home of her own, or if in the unusual circumstances living within an extended family, she should have an area which is all hers. In Saudi Arabia it is normal for both sides of a family to participate in furnishing and equipping the home for the bride. The bride may very well choose furnishings so that the home is to her taste. So that is the basic set up on marriage. But the rights of the woman in regards to the expectations of the husband do not stop there.
The husband is expected to continue to take care of his wife. He is to be responsible for upkeep of the home in the sense of paying for all costs associated with running the home such as utility bills. Because the culture in Saudi Arabia leads to many families having a housemaid, the husband is the one typically expected to pay any costs associated with acquiring and employing a housemaid. If the wife needs to be out and about, the husband is expected to provide transport for her. As the emerging theme indicates, the husband is to be the provider ensuring the needs of the wife are met. This should also include feeding and clothing her, paying her mobile bill as well as providing her with a regular “allowance” that she can spend freely. The husband is the one expected to provide funds for groceries although the wife may either do or assist in the actual grocery shopping. If she is ill, he should provide her with medical care and any needed medicines. When a wife marries a Saudi, her lifestyle should either remain the same or improve as it is expected the husband would maintain her in the manner in which she was accustomed and raised.
If the woman works outside of the home (or works from home but receives monies for services) that is considered HER money. She is not obligated or required to spend it on her husband, family or towards maintaining the house. If she chooses to, that is her choice, but there is no stated requirement that she do so.
In today’s modern Saudi Arabia, like elsewhere in the world, it has become more common for wives to pro-actively assist. The rate of inflation and cost of living has made it a necessity in some cases. However if a man takes another wife there should be no expectation on the part of the husband that any of his wives should then have to play a more proactive role in helping maintain and support a household. After all, a man is not supposed to take another wife if he cannot afford to do so. In Saudi culture, expecting a wife to support and take care of herself in regards to any financial needs and also maintain a home is not acceptable in the society unless a husband and wife specifically agree to such terms.
Filed under: America, Saudi Arabia, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, culture, gender, islam, relationships, religion, travel
Well said, you covered every single tiny detail. I have nothing to add. If someone asked me in the future about marriage in KSA, I’ll for sure point her/him to this post. I cannot put it better myself. So short and sweet, and above this all, in my opinion, it’s 100% correct.
Back to my books
Thanks Khalid! And good luck with your studies.
So, basically, the woman in Saudi Arabia is treated no different than, say, a horse here in the States is? You make it sound like a wife is nothing more that an expensive pet. There is no mention in your post of love, emotional support and commitment or cherishing and honoring one another.
Sorry, I still see it as oppression, fancy oppression, but oppression none the less.
“However if a man takes another wife there should be no expectation on the part of the husband that any of his wives should then have to play a more proactive role in helping maintain and support a household.”
This is her revenge, no?
Croixan,
This particular post was in response to query from a reader who wanted to know specifically the rights of a woman when married to a Saudi. If you have the time and inclination you’ll see that I have written a number of past posts about relationships, value, committment and partnership.
WM – that is HER RIGHT.
Croxian, I can assure you that any man I might choose to be mine will be treated exactely as my horse. He will be very well cared for, groomed, very happy, feel appreciated and admired, and will be loved beyond anything.
The only difference will be that I’m not going to pay for his stable.
So what’s the problem?
WM, go back to your studies, so you will be able to get a good job later on.
You now know what your responsibilities are!
Actually according to Islam, a woman is entitled to respectful and kind treatment from her husband. This is another of her rights–that he be good to her. Not just that he spends on her, but that she is satisfied sexually (yes) and treated with compassion. It is even mentioned in the Qur’an that men are supposed to live in harmony with their wives, and there is narration from the Prophet Muhammad that the best among his followers are those who treat their wives the best.
I didn’t deny that it was her right.
No wonder marriage is referred to as a gilded cage
Boy, you girls in Saudia got it good! Don’t always think the grass is greener on the other side. Don’t get me wrong, Alhumdulillah, my husband is great and tries his best to provide for our wants and needs but its not always easy in America. I would never think about asking for a maid or a nanny. It would probably cost my husbands whole income for the month. I was never offered any dowry but I did receive a wedding ring and a necklace and was more than happy with that. Guess I’m just not a material girl and my husband should thank his lucky stars for it too!! ; ) As far as the house being furnished, we had the basics and that’s all we really needed at the time. Alhumdulillah as time has gone by we’ve been able to get rid of some of the old and replace it with new. I guess while having all of the things you mentioned above are great, being humble and greatful for what Allah has provided is good too!
I vote for the “gilded cage”…what an amazing arrangement!!! after 26 years of being the decision maker, I’m worn out being the boss of me! I long for someone to take care of me for a change. For 26years of my marriage all my husband has had to do is – show up! Every cruise, movie, restaurant we ever go to, I chose it, arranged it, suggested it! No surprises here…I just want to hear the word ” Get dressed honey, we’re going out” last year I received neither birthday, christmas nor valentines cards, never mind a gift…and it’s not that my husband is bad or mean, he just can’t be bothered! Get me a Saudi husband!
Hi Carol:
Well, that pretty much explains it: a mix of Islam and Saudi culture.
(I repeat: don’t give the men any of your money!!!!!!!)
This post is meant to illustrate the rights but I should also add it is one snapshot of expectations and does not go into what the man in turns expects. Like marriages anywhere, while there may be defined rights, there also has to be a give and take and partnership. However I do like how certain rights are clearly identified, known and expected…now if only all the men would adhere to them….
@ Croixian1:
While it’s easy to see this arrangement as oppressive, it guarantees a familial nucleus, unlike the arrangement now used in the United States and elsewhere. While our meritocratic/democratic system is meant to bring equality between the sexes (at least symbolically, or at least purchasing power), it prizes individualism and self-gratification above traditional familial institutions. In the United States, we don’t have institutions or arrangements to restore this balance, like better vacation/paternal-maternal leave/subsidized daycare/strict social rules for families, so that we become isolated even from our own family members. While I, as an American, would feel oppressed if I were a woman in a Saudi marriage, it’s important to see that their institution has real social value and we in the US should try to reform our institutions to create a better atmosphere for fostering families.