Comments on: The Second Wife of a Saudi – She too Feels Pain

By: American Bedu

American Bedu — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 01:53:12 +0000

call me old fashioned but I think the sharing of each others body is the greatest gift and connection one can give (other than a child) so to me being intimate is far more than S E X

By: Aafke

Aafke — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:38:50 +0000

Sandy, I think polygamy is adultery. Condoned by religious leaders, but to the women it is pure adultery.
I don’t see why people get so riled up about sex.
Sex is natural. Humans are made to like and have lots of sex. It’s mainly the later patriarchal religions who go so berserk about it. And especially about women having sex of course, for men there are different rules. It’s all about ownership and control over women. In older religions, especially where the Goddess was worshiped people had a much more natural and healthy attitude towards sex.

Tarick, the only women who want to be second wives are brainwashed ”reverts” or really mean bitches and home wreckers. Not the best examples of humanity.

By: coolred38

coolred38 — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:54:57 +0000

While I will never and have never condoned casual sex…I will never understand the punishment meted out…either emotionally, physically or reputation wise concerning unmarried sex. What the hell is the big deal really?

Could someone please explain the very real crime being committed when unmarried sex takes place? Human beings invented marriage. Before that we just hung out together cause we liked each other…shared a cave…a tent…a tree house. Then along come religous folk who declare that a man and a woman have to sign a piece of paper before they can have sex…and suddenly sex is the WORST sin people can do in the eyes of OTHER people.

I dont understand it. Anyone?

By: Sandy

Sandy — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 13:45:12 +0000

When the second wife was lied to- I have no problem with her- unless she stays when there are no children involved, in which case she should get out ASAP. Love is not enough and becomes irrelevant in a situation like this.

If co-wives really chose to be in a polygamous relationship (ie. not merely accept it because they are hostage to economic/child custody issues), I don’t have a problem, though religiously it probably doesn’t meet the rather narrow parameters that allow more than one wife.

If the second wife KNEW about the first wife- I have no sympathy at all and I will not associate with her. I don’t care if she was “in love” or thought “everyone does it” or whatever. She made a choice and she can live with the consequences- and most likely she is a homewrecker.

Also just to support what’s been written- it is VERY hard to find out how many wives a man has if he doesn’t want to be upfront.

I also find it interesting that people think polygamy somehow resolves the issue of fornication/adultry. Men with two wives are just as capable of cheating as those with one. A cheater is a cheater regardless of how many wives.

By: Tarick

Tarick — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:02:16 +0000

Who says that all women would not want to be a second wife? There are women who would not mind it at all..It is legal in Islam to have a second wife. Just because polygamy it is not the norm in the US, does not make it bad or wrong. These second wives are treated great and it is there choice to stay in the relationship. If this women is so unhappy, she can leave. I just hate when people put something down just because it is not the norm to them. You dont have to participate or even agree with it…Just dont knock it and make it look so bad just because it is not the norm to you. The fornication that takes place in the US is something that is respected and accepted by Americans because it is the norm. And fornication is a sin in Christianity. These same people who knock polygamy prob allow there son or daughter to have a girlfreind or boyfreind, know they have sex, and are ok with it. Why? Because its the norm? Is sex before marriage not disrespectful or degrading..especially to women?You need to help solve your problems and quit being hypocrites or close minded. These second wives do it by choice and its not a sin in Islam…So respect that.

By: Saudi Arabia: Should Polygamy Continue in Today’s World? « American Bedu

Saudi Arabia: Should Polygamy Continue in Today’s World? « American Bedu — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:02:17 +0000

[...] with his wife. The man wanting to be honorable will wish to marry the other woman as a second wife so he may have a halal relationship with her. It is debatable through on whether his honor would [...]

By: Saudi Arabia: What do the Wives Think? « American Bedu

Saudi Arabia: What do the Wives Think? « American Bedu — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:10:32 +0000

[...] multiple wives. It is also not uncommon to know and become friends with women who may be first, second, third or fourth wives. Is there a distinction though among female circle of friends when knowing [...]

By: American Bedu

American Bedu — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:48:02 +0000

@Nader – that is great to know. My question though is whether someone not associated with the MJ can check the database if they have the NIC number? Would a request from a woman or representative for her be honored?

@Munaqabah – you offer excellent advice and guidance although I think it would still be difficult if the future wife (and wali) are outside of KSA to do thorough checks. And I agree….of course family members from both sides will cite only the positive aspects of their loved one! (smile)

By: Chiara

Chiara — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:09:06 +0000

Nader–that is good news all around, both for checking marriage, divorce, and death records and for simplifying and making more accurate bureaucratic procedures for Saudi nationals.
US and Canadian vital statistics records–birth, marriage, divorce, death–can be searched by state/province or through genealogical search engines that search each country, and others by country.
The only problem I see is with privacy and access to information laws which for example allow access to the records of biological ancestors (parents, grandparents) but not even siblings, so perhaps not just anyone else you might be interested in.

Munaqabah–good examples of the types and limits of “on the ground research”. Other strategies that I’ve known others to use are to ask the neighbourhood grocer, barber, etc. about the whole family and then the individual.

By: Saudi in US

Saudi in US — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 14:39:21 +0000

Nader, That is good news and thanks for the info. Also, in all fairness it is hard to check on if someone is already married in the US. As there is no central data bank for the info.