Comments on: Saudis With Multiple Wives – Where Does The Foreign Wife Fit In? http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/ Experiences and observations of a former American diplomat now married to a Saudi and living in KSA... Tue, 29 May 2012 10:00:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: American Bedu http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-26767 Sat, 25 Jul 2009 01:20:55 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-26767 Samiara – I think the majority of us share your thoughts and sentiments exactly!

]]> By: samira http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-26755 Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:53:53 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-26755 I just came across this article about second wives . Well, first of all, how can any man says he loves a woman but he takes a second wife? I think weather the first wife knows about the husbands intentions of taking a second wife or not….. this still does not make it right….
Who cares if he is able to support equally both families, can a man really and honestly give the same physical, spiritual and emotional attention to two women and two families?
Even if both women are living like queens, how can you share the man you love with any body else?
How can you sleep at night thinking that your husband may be sleeping with somebody else?

I just cannot understand how a woman who is still in love with her husband, can accept the idea of sharing a man with another woman?
I mean, if the excuse is because we have to be good muslims and we have to help the poor woman in need, well, you can create an organization and give all your money to all the poor woman pass 30 years old.
I am sorry for my honesty …… but it is indeed hard to accept

]]> By: coolred38 http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-10354 Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:26:47 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-10354 Late to this post but have to comment on Pamelas story…girl…he is required to have separate living areas for additional wives…so bringing her home under YOUR roof is just a slap in the face far as I can see….and a definite no no.

You have to make it clear your not accepting this situation he created…Im always curious as to why the first wife etc should be the sacrificing party in the husbands desire to have his cake and eat it too….hmmm?

It would also make a refreshing changing if subsequent second, third wives etc….who actually KNOW they are second and third…if they would demand to meet face to face with first wife so that they can both meet the person whose life they are possibly about to destroy…and to actually find out if first wife even realizes shes about to become a multiple…its only fair.

]]> By: American Bedu http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-10350 Mon, 20 Oct 2008 11:52:03 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-10350 Pamela,

I can imagine your pain, anger and resentment. If you have not already done so I suggest you request to join the saudiwives@yahoogroups.com newsgroup which has a fantastic group of women, most in KSA and all married to Saudis. It is important for you to know you are not alone and a support network is out there.

Secondly if you believe you want out of the situation, that it is too much for you to handle, then you need to work on an action plan for YOU on how to cope and how YOU can support yourself and your two girls.

Sadly, as your comment points out, most (not all) Saudi men cannot be trusted and have no concept of faithfulness, partnership and trust.

]]> By: Pamela http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-10346 Mon, 20 Oct 2008 10:31:56 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-10346 Delhi4cats….I am the dumb woman who went back to her husband (I’m American revert Muslim & he is Saudi) and believed him when he said he wasn’t going to marry a second wife. A year later he did just that…he remarried the first wife he had divorced 13 years ago. He never said he was thinking about it or anything. I had been in the US with my mother (she had a stroke) for 2 months, returned to KSA and a week later was informed he was taking back his first wife. Two weeks have past, she has been here for a week, and I still resent my husband for his actions.

He tells me I should have good intentions towards the situation…lol that is easy for him to say, he wasn’t the one lied to! Oh and the best part is he said the agreement was just done, but she had sent her jewelry, shoes, and purses to the house (with her brothers) in boxes during Ramadan while I was still in the US. So I’d say the agreement was a long time before I got back!

So, how to deal with the anger…betrayal…etc. Anyone have any ideas? He knows that no one in my family will support me or my two girls – they are still angry at me for being a Muslim (since Desert Storm). I think this is why he takes advantage of the situation (will not say marriage since that requires trust and can’t trust him).

]]> By: delhi4cats http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4885 Sat, 14 Jun 2008 15:19:45 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4885 Thanks for your comments, Ruhsablogger and you too, Viking Daughter!

]]> By: ruhsablogger http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4879 Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:14:31 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4879 I do not know the details of Saudi law but it is not uncommon in some muslim- majority countries for the marriage contract (nikah) to stipulate that the man cannot take another wife without permission from the first. It is also sometimes added that in the circumstance that he does take another wife she can get a talaq (rather than a khula -economically advantageous for her). Another clause they add is the man having to pay a HUGE sum of money in the case of divorce (like a delayed mahr payment). Anything that is specified in the contract is then upheld by the courts.

BTW, if you look at Islamic history, Ali did not take another wife while married to Fatimah as per the request of the Prophet as she would be hurt by it. If husbands were able to respect their wives wishes 1400 yrs ago in very tribal circumstances u’d think they’d be able to do so today as well.

]]> By: ruhsablogger http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4880 Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:12:31 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4880 I do not know the details of Saudi law but it is not uncommon in some muslim- majority countries for the marriage contract (nikah) to stipulate that the man cannot take another wife without permission from the first. It is also sometimes added that in the circumstance that he does take another wife she can get a talaq (rather than a khula -economically advantageous for her). Another clause they add is the man having to pay a HUGE sum of money in the case of divorce (like a delayed mahr payment). Anything that is specified in the contract is then upheld by the courts.

BTW, if you look at Islamic history, Ali did not take another wife while married to Fatimah as per the request of the Prophet as she would be hurt by it. If husbands were able to respect their wives wishes 1400 yrs ago in very tribal circumstances u’d think they’d be able to do so today as well.

]]> By: Viking Daughter http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4868 Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:20:53 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4868 Popular topic here. Some seem to be unclear on the polygamy requirements. In Kuwait and any other country with Shari’ah law, a man does not need permission from wife one. He has to ”inform” her only.

Egypt now has a ruling that the husband must take permission, and Tunisia has banned it completely.

While most people rant on the man, let me bring up the other side. I lived with a very practicing polygamous family for over 20 years. No tip-toeing through the tulips and glows, sorry. I’ve seen the women’s pain and frustrations.

So, with this stated, how can any woman marry a man she know is married with kids and think it’s just perfectly pretty? Where is the sisterhood, the empathy for your fellow women?

It’s not just Arabs either. I personally know 4 Western women who have done this. Guess what? 2 of them ended up divorced because wife one refused to share, and the other 2 had the the new hubby marry on them!

There is some karma here.

On a serious note. The judges need to SERIOUSLY question these marriages since the men don’t get the ”can financially support more than one” and ”must be fair with both” nonsense. IF he cannot prove he can support them, why allow it? What about the children, who suffer over daddy’s sharing his income? Why would any woman support or pay bills in the houseshold to help him to have fun with wife number 2? Ludicrous.

Phantom Man: interesting comments. I would still choose to marry again even after a disaster, because I do truly believe marriage is a blessing–when you find the right partner. Keep an open heart.

]]> By: Cry Me A River, Saudi-American Style « What Do You Believe? http://americanbedu.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4859 Sat, 14 Jun 2008 04:55:39 +0000 http://delhi4cats.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/saudis-with-multiple-wives-where-does-the-foreign-wife-fit-in/#comment-4859 [...] Saudis With Multiple Wives – Where Does The Foreign Wife Fit In? [...]

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