American Bedu

Culture Shock
Current mood: educational
Category: educational Travel and Places

I’ve received several personal emails asking why I have not made my entries more personalized and talk more about the people, culture and customs.  I’m happy to expand on culture and customs but beforehand must mention that in doing so, foremost on Saudi culture is the custom of preserving privacy.  Saudi families are very close to one another and will always exhibit politeness and hospitality to those who are “outside” of the family.  However, privacy is sacred.  What goes on within a family stays within a family and the old addage, if you do not have something nice to say then don’t say anything at all applies.  What I specifically mean by this statement is that even within Saudi families, one does not gossip or discuss other family members.  Again, the emphasis is on privacy.  This is quite different from the openness of Americans who readily discuss issues and problems with both family and close friends.Regardless of how much one may have traveled before entering the Kingdom, there will be a degree of culture shock as Saudi Arabia is like no other country.  Whether one has an enjoyable or miserable experience in the Kingdom depends upon the reception one receives and an individuals mindset.Women are forbidden by law to drive in Saudi Arabia.  However that being said, given the way typical drivers already drive recklessly and carelessly on the roads here, if women were given the opportunity to drive it would probably cause even more chaos.  The male drivers would not know how to react and respond seeing female drivers on the roads and likely cause even more accidents!Saudi women will typically cover their faces so that only their eyes are visible.  As anyone who has been exposed to muslim women in various countries, the issue on how much to cover has always been widely debated.  Most women will tell you that covering all but their eyes is their choice.  While I will not disagree with them, I will say that this choice is also likely influenced by the customs and culture in which they were born.  For example, as a Westerner who has been raised in a different environment, I respect the choices and decisions but personally do not prefer to cover the head.  I find the times that I have worn a hijjab (only covering the hair; not the entire face), I find it feeling restrictive, hot and diminishing my freedom of movement.  Although not all muslim women will wear an abaya (usually a garment which looks like a long black robe) it is required in Saudi Arabia.  It does not matter what country a woman is from.  If she is in Saudi Arabia she will wear an abaya when going out in public.As one gets to know a Saudi, it is okay to enquire to a male how is ones family but one should never ask him about his wife.  Wives are a taboo and sacred topic.  I’m not saying that in very close and personal relationships discussions to include well-being of wives does not take place, but one should realize it is not the norm.Saudi culture is such that men and women who are not close family relatives (brothers, sisters, sons, daughters) will not look directly at each others eyes when having discussions.  This can be interpreted as being too forward.  Therefore among some Saudis, Westerners and particularly western women, can be inadvertantly perceived as being too forward because of the Western (American) culture of being direct and looking one in the eye when speaking.  For example, when a western woman is in a shopping mall, it is better to interact with the male sales clerk by looking above or beyond him rather than at him.  Otherwise he may interpret a direct glance as “she likes me” and attempt to be too friendly and overbearing in turn.Speaking of sales clerks brings up the subject of shopping.  Unless a woman goes specifically to a “ladies mall,” all the sales clerks in the shops will be male.  And yes, this will also include male staff in the many lingerie shops which abound in the malls.  It is just one of the many contradictions that abound in Saudi culture.While there are always exceptions, it is the norm that a Saudi woman would unlikely shake hands in the Western way with a male.  If one receives an invitation to a Saudi home, just like in America, it is appropriate to bring a gift.  Flowers or chocolates are always well-received.  Most gatherings among friends or relatives will likely be segregated with women in one area and the men in another.  Again, there can always be exceptions but this is the norm.  In the event a Saudi woman is present among mixed company who is not a direct relative, she will likely be covered in a chador (similar to a lightweight blanket in which she will cover herself entirely to include face so as not to be seen before an unknown male).Naturally schools are segregated and separate with boys schools and girls schools.  The same applies for Universities.  Banks will have separate entrances and sections for female customers.  Again, functions and activities (such as a conference) where male and female are mixed will most likely find the women fully covered.Changes are taking place in Saudi.  There is no law requiring non-Saudi or Saudi women to cover their heads and faces.  Many foreign (Western, Arab and Asian) women do not cover their heads at all.  One sees more and more Saudi women who are choosing not to cover their heads.  Although driving by women may be prohibited in Saudi Arabia, a number of Saudi women do know how to drive and those who have traveled may even have international drivers license.  More Saudi women have entered the workforce.  A few Saudi companies have men and women working together instead of segregated.  Prince Al-Waleed has established a number of enterprises in Saudi Arabia and has been at the forefront of promoting opportunities for women in Saudi Arabia.I mentioned earlier that Saudi culture is to be very polite.  This can be confusing to westerners as a Saudi does not like to be the bearer of bad or unfavorable news.  Therefore at times it can be confusing in business transactions and one must be very careful in discussions to ensure there are no misunderstandings.  A Saudi does not like to emphatically say “No” outright.  Therefore it is not uncommon for a response to be “inshallah” which means God Willing rather than simply state No.  One must learn to discern between the nuances to determine the reality.I’ll close this posting with thanking those of you who have provided feedback and questions.  I want this blog to be informative and realistic as well as educational on the realities, contradictions, challenges and beauty of Saudi Arabia.

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