My Saudi husband Meets his American Father-in-Law

Posted on March 16, 2010 by American Bedu

My father passed away in 2003 but he was always a character.  He never met a stranger, loved history and also loved to travel.  By the way, did I further mention that he loved to speak his mind?  He was not in the least bit shy to ask questions regardless of where or whom he was with.  Additionally he had a beautiful voice that would carry and be heard above all others.

Shortly after our marriage and settling in to life in the United States, Abdullah and I went to visit my father at his winter home in Florida.  My Dad and stepmom collected us at a local hotel we chose to stay at.  As they entered the room, my dad was wearing one of his favorite golfing baseball caps.  My stepmom in a loud whisper said, “Mike, your meeting your son-in-law the diplomat.  You should take off your hat.”  Typical for my Dad he responded “If my new son-in-law can’t accept me in a baseball cap then that’s his problem.”  Abdullah and I looked at each other and smiled and he proceeded to meet my Dad with his hand outstretched in greeting.

We chatted for a while in the room and then my Dad announced he was taking us to an “early bird” dinner at one of his favorite seafood restaurants.  Now my Dad and stepmom lived in a small retirement community in Florida and since my Dad never met a stranger, he was well known in the area with many friends.  As we entered the restaurant there were many other senior citizens there to enjoy the “early bird” special and my Dad and stepmom were stopped and greeted by many patrons.  As we sat down at a table the waitress greeted them by name.  Naturally my Dad also took pleasure in introducing his new Saudi son-in-law to his friends.  Although several times Abdullah corrected him when my Dad decided to introduce Abdullah as the Saudi Ambassador to Washington!  Each time Abdullah corrected him, my dad, without missing a blink would come back with “well you should be in my view.”  Again, that was my Dad and his strong personality.

We were seated at a table more in the center of the restaurant.  The dinner conversation covered many topics.  Of course just at the time when there was a lull in conversations around us, my Dad asks Abdullah in his carrying voice, “You said a man can have up to four wives in your country.  What happens then?  Does he wear four wedding bands?”  That was one of the first times I saw my dear husband blush but not lose his poise.  He simply responded to my Dad that would be up to the Saudi husband who was brave enough to have multiple wives.

Just when I was confident we made it through our only awkward moment, my Dad decided to ask another question.  By this time, some of the patrons were looking at us curiously if not unabashedly listening in to our conversation.  My Dad brings up my former career in governmental service and Abdullah’s continuing career in governmental service.  So far so good.  Abdullah loves to discuss and debate politics.  Then my Dad surprises us again and asks Abdullah “So does the Saudi government recruit and employ spies?  You’re not a spy are you?”  Again, my husband demonstrates what a poised and professional diplomat he is and tells my Dad that when he came to visit us, it would give Abdullah pleasure to have him as a VIP guest to the embassy where he could also meet others and ask more questions.

I’m happy to say that Abdullah and my Dad established a very warm and caring relationship between them.  Many times my Dad would call and after I answered the phone, ask to be put through to Abdullah!

Filed under: America, Freedoms, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, culture, friendship, islam, politics, relationships, religion, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Jeddah and the Hidden Treasures of the Red Sea

Posted on March 15, 2010 by American Bedu

Yasmin is among one of my dearest friends in Saudi.  Jeddah has been her home for many years.  I always enjoy hearing about her experiences and discoveries in Jeddah.  It is my pleasure that she has shared one day of her life in Jeddah with American Bedu.

Last Valentine’s my plans for an “Un-Valentine’s Day” dinner out with my friends fizzled before I could even make a single reservation. In order to save the day from total oblivion, I welcomed the chance to go to the beach with my friend Laila instead. It was one of those mornings when the water is nearly smooth as glass and just at the temperature to give you 10 minutes of shivering before the water feels like your own skin. It was so clear we could look down and see the white sand below us. I brought a picnic of chicken salad and bread and hadn’t had time to have breakfast. The dip in the sea would give me just the right edge of hunger that makes one feel they deserve their meal.

There are two strings of floats across the lagoon and I always said to myself that “one day” I was going to swim out to the first string. They are maybe 150 yards out and in real nautical terms hardly worth mentioning but for someone who usually splashes around near the surf it seems a distance. Since the water was so clear and we both had noodle floats I just started kicking out across the water. The floats are a little unwieldy but give you a sense of ‘take your time’. As I swam out over the water I passed a group of coral and looked down. I saw surgeon fish and striped zebra fish as well and multiple kinds of coral. I’ve been out before but with a snorkel and goggles. This time it was just me and the noodle. This was the halfway mark and usually I stop a few yards after the coral. I kept going and all of a surprisingly the bottom got much deeper which created the illusion like I was flying over a cliff. In this open water all of a sudden there were blue fish about the length of a hand swimming together as a school. It was thrilling to see them because of their color and unexpected appearance.

I started to wonder if I really and truly wanted to continue the trip to the floats as by now the distance behind me was much further than that ahead of me. Laila didn’t seem to mind too much so I kept working slowly forward. Most anyone who knows anything about the sea knows that sharks have nearly disappeared from our waters but the thought that one might somehow have come to join us for the morning swim was still in my mind. Having Laila there with me was added encouragement.

When I got to the string of yellow floats I saw that the net underneath them was festooned with white objects about the size of my fist and what looked like seaweed. If I had been a little bit braver I would have put my face under the surface to make sure what they were, perhaps some indigenous form of oysters?, but now I think they were stones to weigh down the net. Laila had already turned back by this time but I thought I didn’t come all that distance not to touch the floats so I pushed forward a little bit more to do exactly that. I am one to see something until the end and not stop before.

I then turned to go back to shore and worried a little about getting my feet trapped in the slimy net so I tucked my knees under my abdomen and used my arms to move away from the net. It took quite some time to get back to shore but the water felt wonderful and I had this sense of meeting a challenge I had set for myself. I didn’t look back once for a fin or any other imaginary thing I just enjoyed the movement of my body with slow, rhythmic strokes through the beautiful blue water.

I was in no real hurry to get out of the water but started to feel a chill, probably due to having skipped breakfast, so I came out and rinsed off and served lunch for myself and my friend. As I settled down after the meal it would have been even more delicious to nod off in the chaise lounge under the umbrella but something caught my eye. There was a large mass in the water where there never was coral before. It had to be 8 feet across and seemed to undulate. I walked down to the beach to have a better look. It was changing shape. I looked up to see if there were any fluffy clouds overhead to cast a shadow and was rewarded with an absolutely cloudless sky. I looked again into the water and noticed that it had changed shape to look like a manta ray. Since it was about 15 feet out from shore I really didn’t get a very clear look and I wasn’t overly convinced to wade in and have a closer one. I shouted for Laila to join me in case I was imagining this blue shadow under the water.

We looked again and noticed it was a cloud of small blue fish. I brought some bread and we started throwing some into the water. Up near the surf a bunch of juvenilia shaor started nibbling the bread; they were as thick and as long as a finger. We haven’t seen them for months and I thought they were all gone. Laila threw some soaked bread (which can be thrown further and more accurately we discovered) into the mass of the small blue fish. She then went back into the water and was soon surrounded by them. They swam around her without touching her once in the shape of a crescent and another time a jiggly donut. Meanwhile the silver shaor followed the bread up to the sandy gravel at the water’s edge. I thought they might be stranded in their enthusiasm to eat the bread.

It was a rare and beautiful day and I thought one of the best Un-Valentine’s I had ever had.

Jasmin in Jeddah

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Saudi Arabia and the Marriage Contract

Posted on March 14, 2010 by American Bedu

When it comes to marriage to a Saudi, how many women, whether Saudi or non-Saudi pay a lot of attention to or read what is in the marriage contract?  I got to thinking about marriage contracts on reading this article in slate.com which indicates that the majority of Pakistani women, even those who are highly educated such as doctors and lawyers, fail or disregard to read their marriage contract.  Some of the women are even prohibited or strongly discouraged by their families to read the marriage contract believing it is starting the marriage on a foot of distrust instead of faith in the husband.  Yet the article also points out that many of the women found that rights they are entitled to under Islam were taken away from them by the words of the marriage contract.

One women’s rights activist, Rubina Sehgal, believes that a primary reason the women are not being more forward and insisting on seeing the marriage contract is “It has to do with their upbringing,” she said. “Women are brought up to believe that marriage implies submission and obedience and so, when it comes to the marriage contract, they just sign it. They forget at that time that they have the right to read it, vet it, and even suggest changes. At the time of tying the knot, a lot of importance is given to trust—trust your soon-to-be-husband, trust your parents.”

Speaking of my own personal experience, I paid little attention to the marriage contract.  The concept of a marriage contract was foreign to me as a Westerner.  My continued belief of marriage is “to love and to cherish; to trust and to honor; and to death do us part.”  I remember Abdullah kept asking me if I wanted anything included in the marriage contract and my reluctance to discuss it.

So I’d like to hear from those who married Saudis and Saudi women.  Was the marriage contract read?  Were there many negotiations?  Or as Rubina Sehgal suggests, more importance is given to trust rather than reading the fine lines of print?

Filed under: America, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, Women Issues, culture, gender, islam, relationships, religion, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments »

Saudi Arabia: The Barter System is Alive and Well

Posted on March 13, 2010 by American Bedu

Some traditions from days past never die out as illustrated in this Arab News article.  A Saudi who has his farm within Jeddah’s municipality was informed that he would need to pay SAR 248,000 (US$66,133.28) in order to get electricity since his property was two meters from the nearest line.  Now for anyone that is a significant amount of money and especially for a villager who supports himself through his farm.  Towards showing his intent and desire for electricity, he took it upon himself to deliver what he believed to be the equivalent amount…in goats.

This story also reminds me of an experience that Abdullah had in Pakistan.  He had provided some assistance to a Pakistani national.  This individual, towards showing his assistance had three gorgeous peacocks delivered to Abdullah’s home in Islamabad.  Abdullah was not expecting such a thoughtful gift and at the time did not have a pen for the peacocks.  As a result, until a pen was built, his security guards were spending most of their time chasing the peacocks around the neighborhood!

Filed under: Animals, Economy, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, culture, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Saudi Arabia and Happy Heineken

Posted on March 12, 2010 by American Bedu

I had to debate with myself on whether to write about this but it shows such an endearing side of Abdullah.  He had always been an open-minded individual and willing to try new experiences.  For example, when we would visit my father it was expected we would attend Sunday church service as a family.  Abdullah never objected and would insist on driving my dad and stepmom to the church.  After the service my dad proudly introduced his Saudi son-in-law to the minister as well as other friends at the service.  The minister was surprised and happy to have a distinguished muslim guest attend the service.  They had a lengthy discussion about differences AND similarities between Christianity and Islam.  And of course his willingness to attend the service in respect to my Dad just further endeared Abdullah to my Dad and stepmom.

Back in Northern Virginia where we lived at the time, our next door neighbors were Jewish.  Not only Jewish but one of them was Israeli.  We had a cordial relationship with them.  After all, they were our next door neighbors and delightful individuals.  Abdullah enjoyed some animated  intellectual debates and discussions with them.

These neighbors would always decorate the outside of their house during Hanukkah with blue and white lights.  It was similar to how Christians would decorate with red and green lights or muslims with white lights during Eid.  Abdullah and I were outside walking and our neighbor’s were outside in their yard.  As we passed them by, my dear husband greeted them with “Happy Heineken!”  He did not realize what he had said and was surprised when all of us started laughing (the neighbors had an excellent sense of humor).  But after he was advised of what he had said he was so embarrassed and profusely apologized.  Our neighbors reassured him not to worry and that they knew what he really meant to have said.

Filed under: America, Freedoms, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, culture, friendship, islam, politics, relationships, religion, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments »

Saudi February 2010 Fun Quiz is Ready!

Posted on March 11, 2010 by American Bedu

The Saudi February 2010 Fun Quiz is ready for your enjoyment!  However I suggest that if you are not familiar with American Bedu blog, you may wish to review the February posts before going directly to the quiz.  I’ve chosen to personalize the monthly quiz a little bit more this month and hope you enjoy.

Good luck and have fun!

Filed under: America, Charity, Dress, Entertainment, Hobbies, Just for fun, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi Quiz, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, culture, islam, relationships, religion, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

My Saudi Prince Meets an American Paint Horse

Posted on March 11, 2010 by American Bedu

Abdullah has loved horses all of his life and naturally he is partial to the Arabian stallion.  One afternoon when we were in the Washington, DC area we took a drive through the Virginia countryside.  Virginia is also known for its horse farms.  As we were driving on a country road with gated fields, we saw several horses.  I was driving since I was more familiar with the area and it allowed Abdullah the opportunity to enjoy the drive and look around.  He animatedly asked me to “Quick, stop the car, please.”  There was no traffic around us so I easily pulled to the side of the road.

Without saying a word, Abdullah proceeded to exit the car and walk up to the gate.  I joined him and he then turned to me asking “Are these real horses?”  The horses in the field were all brown and white colored.  This breed of horse is known as the American Paint Horse.  I asked Abdullah hadn’t he seen horses like this before in some of the old John Wayne movies or other Westerns as he was a big fan of western movies.  He told me that he had seen them on tv but had always assumed the colors were painted on to the horse.  He did not know there was an actual breed with the dual coloring.

It was a very special and touching moment when one of the horses, curious of us, sauntered over to the gate where we were standing.  Abdullah was able to pet and run his hands over the side of the horse’s body.  He expressed his amazement at how the one color would just blend over to the other.

One of our dreams was that when we retired we had hoped to have a small farm in Saudi Arabia where I could have as many cats as I wanted and he could have his American Paint Horse and a greyhound dog.

Filed under: America, Animals, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, culture, horses, pets, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Saudi Arabia: Take a Road Trip

Posted on March 10, 2010 by American Bedu

Chris Zwierzynski, from Tripbase.com shares some expert advice on road trips.

One thing you must know about Saudi is that there’s a lot to see, but to experience any worthwhile chunk of it in one go, the best thing you can do is hit the road with friends and/or family and just head out and explore until your heart’s content. That’s right; you need to head out on a road trip, explore the local sights and sounds, then drive all over the place to experience and take part in all that this magical place has to offer!

The first road trip was allegedly undertaken by Ramses II after he rode in his chariot for the duration of an entire night, after coming back from Memphis, which must have been a heck of a journey back in those days.

Road trips have since become an integral part of the human experience, with road trips being planned and embarked upon in their multitudes, sometimes even unplanned and impromptu, further adding to the overall experience. Some might even go so far as to say that the road trip is a “persistent element of human culture”; likening it to what famous thinker Carl Jung had to say on the subject.

Regardless of your opinions on the subject, it as an undeniable fact that road trips play an important part in human life and is fast becoming one of the more popular hobbies of modern times and not simply just as part of a vacation, but sometimes IS the vacation, consisting of nothing much more than a coterie of close friends traveling on the open roads. The hobby has progressed so much so that groups calling themselves “road enthusiasts” have propagated and are becoming increasingly prevalent, especially online where a budding road enthusiast will thoroughly document their road trips and experiences along life’s proverbial and literal highway. In the eyes of these people, it has become an art, something to be pursued with one’s body and soul, perhaps in order to discover some part of themselves, either new or previously unseen.

If you happen to be of the road-tripper persuasion, then there is no better time (and no better excuse) to embark on a fantastic journey than now, for now is the time to seize life by the reins and travel, either for a reason or purely for the sake of it, to enjoy something that precious few others might experience: living just the way you want to.

For more travel tips and vacation inspiration, check out the Tripbase
Travel Blog /Tripbase site .

About Tripbase:

Tripbase eliminates the time-consuming and frustrating online search
process by providing travelers with personalized travel
recommendations for their next trip.

Tripbase was named Top Travel Website for Destination Ideas by Travel
and Leisure magazine in November 2008.
www.tripbase.com

Filed under: Freedoms, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, culture, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Saudi Photography – Al Janadriyah Festival

Posted on March 9, 2010 by American Bedu

Each year just a short drive outside of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia hosts its Al Janadriyah Festival.  This is the largest annual cultural event held in the Kingdom.  This is the special event for anyone residing in or visiting the Kingdom to see.  Al Janadriyah showcases the best of the best of Saudi culture, customs and traditions.  There are numerous activities allowing one to sample traditional Saudi dishes from the various regions of Saudi to observing the best dancers and singers from each region performing traditional dances and songs of their region.  Al Janadriyah allows one to feel like they have gone back in time to the early history and beginnings of Saudi Arabia.

Saudi photographer kindly provided these two photos which he took during the last Al Janadriyah Festival which depict Saudi men continuing trade and handicraft today as it was practiced hundreds of years ago.

Filed under: Charity, Dress, Entertainment, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, culture, travel | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Grieving for my Saudi Prince

Posted on March 8, 2010 by American Bedu

It has now been one month since Abdullah passed away, succumbing to an aggressive type of acute leukemia.  On the surface, life goes on. But inside myself I continue to grieve daily and miss his presence.  In spite of telling myself he is free of pain and at rest, the selfish part of me was not ready to let him go.  We were truly the epitome of two peas in a pod with our unique closeness, understanding and ability to communicate.  We had occasional spats like any married couple but they were always quickly resolved and usually resolved with humor.

Now, I am trying to move forward although honestly I don’t know just when life will return to “nearly normal.”  I’m still undergoing my own chemotherapy and after that will be six weeks of daily radiation therapy.  I need to figure out how to rebuild a life without the love of my life and my life partner.

Someone, actually a few someones, have told me that grief becomes smaller over time.  I guess I’ll just have to take their words for it.  And I am not asking for pity or sympathy here.  I am just a new widow who is expressing what is on her mind and how she is feeling.

I’ve been asked whether I wish to return to Saudi Arabia.  I will say that I consider Saudi another home where I am very comfortable.  I am at ease with the customs, culture and tradition of Saudi.  Furthermore I am blessed with a compassionate extended Saudi family.  As I know has been known to happen, some of us have become even closer with Abdullah’s passing.  Whether I would permanently relocate back to Saudi I truly do not know but I need to at least return for a period.  Once my treatment is behind me, I need to go and perform umrah for myself and also in memory of Abdullah.  I won’t have that additional peace until I’ve done so.

I have always been passionate and intense on speaking out on cancer and the need for a cure and new breakthroughs in treatments.  Since Abdullah’s death, I am even more passionate on this topic.  In May I am participating in the large American Cancer Society Relay for Life.  I will be participating in memory of Abdullah as well as for some other strong Warriors.  If you wish to support my participation you can by clicking on this link.  I feel so strongly on this subject I am not shy at all to reach out and ask.  I hope that after my own treatment is behind me I can somehow work where my efforts can make a difference in the fight for a cure as well as in the area of education and support to those who are affected by cancer.  I believe Abdullah would support this desire of mine.

I don’t feel like a widow.  I still feel and smell Abdullah all around me.  I’m sure I am not the only one with these feelings.  In addition to his family who I know also grieve and miss him, Abdullah was the type of person who touched everyone who met him.

He was the man who always wanted to help and be kind.  Most mornings when he was driving to work at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs he would notice a Sudanese man who worked in a low level position at the Ministry and would be walking to work.  Each time Abdullah saw him he would stop his car and give this man a lift.  Abdullah loved his work and he loved each and every assignment he had.  He made a difference each place he worked and his letters from senior officials, Ambassadors and members of the Royal Family reiterated the appreciation for his service to his country.

Abdullah was the epitome of the “New Age Saudi diplomat.”  Of course he was an expert in his subject matters and unlike many Saudi diplomats to date, he liked to be pro-active and interact with other diplomats and host country nationals.  He enjoyed attending seminars and conferences related to issues he followed.  He spoke excellent English and was not shy to engage someone in conversation.  He was not shy or afraid to try new initiatives.  And I have no doubt he has had many more experiences than the ones I am aware of which were likely of large significance.  He was a person that could be easily trusted and exuded confidence.

It gives me great comfort each time I speak with Abdullah’s children.  They have the same manner of speaking as he did and they are a precious part of him.  Abdullah, with his children, left a legacy he can be very proud of.

In closing this post, I wish that everyone who reads this could have had the honor of meeting my Prince, the love of my life.  May God Bless him and continue to watch over him.

Filed under: America, Charity, Health, Saudi Arabia, Saudi Living, Saudi blogs, Saudi culture, Saudi customs, Saudi education, cancer, culture, islam, politics, relationships, religion | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments »

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