An Australian woman and her Saudi husband have kindly allowed me to interview them about their relationship, bi-cultural experiences and future plans.
To begin with, let’s start with Mohammed. When did you arrive in Australia? And what brought you to Australia?
July 2007. I came to study my Masters Degree.
Is this your first time to Australia? And what made you decide to come to Australia to study?
Yes. I tried to get a visa for America, but they made me wait for almost a year. So I decided to apply for Australia (it took two weeks for the visa!)
At what point did you meet the woman who is now your wife? How did you meet? What was it that attracted you to her? And how soon after meeting her did you wish to marry her?
November 2007. We met at my homestay, she was a friend of the woman who ran the home stay. I liked that she was shy and had green eyes. I was thinking about marriage three months after we met – we were friends for that time.
Does your Saudi family know that you have married an Australian woman? And if so, what was their reaction? How accepting were they to learn that you have married a foreign woman? If they do not know, why not?
Yes, they know. Half of my family agree and half of them don’t.
What kind of wedding did you have in Australia? How long have you been married now?
We didn’t have a wedding, it was just an Islamic one. We are saving the real wedding for later when I have my visas and when we have saved money for the wedding party (if we have it in Saudi Arabia, it will cost a lot of money). We have been married for about a year and three months.
How would you describe your married life in Australia? Do you and your wife have more of a Western or Eastern lifestyle? What Australian traditions have been adapted and what Saudi traditions are followed?
Our married life is great. Our lifestyle is about 50% each way. For the Saudi way, sometimes depending on who is visiting we sit separately. I think Australian traditions have influenced us to sit with certain couples as well, not separate.
What are some of the cultural challenges you and your wife have experienced? How have you resolved these challenges?
One big thing is that for Australians, it’s normal for men to hug women if they’re friends. I wasn’t really ok with that, so my wife figured out a way around the hugs.
Do you prefer for you and your wife to remain in Australia? Why or why not?
Yes! I like the multicultural aspect of Australia.
Where are you originally from in Saudi Arabia?
The Eastern Province.
What challenges do you expect to face in taking your Australian wife to Saudi? Will your extended family be accepting that you have chosen a foreign wife over a Saudi wife?
That she won’t like it at all. I think my extended family is split again, between who supports us and who doesn’t.
How are you preparing your wife for a life in Saudi Arabia?
I took her to my friends to show her how they live, my mother sent her an abaya, I have brought her mishmars (for around the house) and hijabs from Saudi Arabia. I also try to teach her what she can and can’t do there so she knows everything about it.
Overall do you recommend that Saudis who have a foreign wife live in or outside of Saudi Arabia? Why or why not?
Both because both people have families and they have to keep in good contact with them.
Have you obtained Saudi governmental approval for your marriage yet? If so, was it a difficult and timely process? If not, why not?
No. We haven’t started trying yet – if I do it while on a scholarship, they will cancel it.
And now let’s shift to “E”, Mrs. Mohammad. Would you please begin with how you met your husband?
We met at his home-stay, as my mother was friends with the woman who ran it. It was nearing my birthday and we were all organizing to have a small party there and I met him when he came home from university.
Did you have a traditional or non-traditional courtship?
Half half. We were friends for about 3 months after we met – this isn’t traditional for me, as for my friends if they met a guy they would just start dating instead of being friends.
What attracted you to Mohammad? What drew you to him over Australian guys?
I just liked how different he was, he really stood out. He was very polite when I met him which was definitely attractive to me. I don’t think I made a conscious decision at the time about preferring him over Australians but I definitely prefer his values and the way he treats me in our marriage.
What was your family and friends reactions when they learned you were marrying a Saudi? Were they accepting? Did any try to discourage you?
My friends didn’t know for a very long time – this was only because I couldn’t imagine trying to explain the ins and outs of an Islamic marriage. I have introduced them to the idea of it now and they like it very much. All my family support us wholeheartedly. No one has tried to discourage us – as for my friends, they met him in the very beginning and all of them believe that he is the best man for me.
How much did you know about Saudi Arabia before marrying your husband? And do you feel like you know more about Saudi Arabia and its culture and traditions now?
Not very much! Probably nothing at all. Now, I would consider myself able to educate people about the country – so I guess I know a lot more. I understand the culture better and have learned to appreciate it, which is different from the beginning where I found it quite hard.
Can you speak Arabic? If not, are you learning Arabic?
I can understand the direction of a conversation and speak a bit, but I can’t read or write at all. I am still trying to learn more spoken Arabic and am hoping to take formal lessons soon.
Please describe your wedding. Was it big or small? What kind of outfit did you wear? Did you receive a dowry?
It wasn’t big at all. Like my husband said, it was just an Islamic ceremony. We are hoping to have a proper wedding party when we have cleared all Mohammad’s visas and decided what we are doing when he finishes his degree. I received a small dowry which was actually in the form of a ring – I was happy with that as I didn’t actually want any sort of dowry with money. I prefer things like receiving rings or promising a trip to Hajj or something like that. Both have monetary value but I myself just don’t feel very comfortable receiving or having the opportunity to receive a lot of money at the time of marrying.
Have you met or spoke to any of your husband’s family yet?
I have tried to speak to his mother, but the language differences make it hard. I have spoken to his sisters over the internet. My husband finishes his studies at the end of this year and I am planning to go to Bahrain (very close to his city) around that time so I have the opportunity to meet them.
What has it been like setting up house and learning to live with a spouse who has differing traditions and customs? Have there been any challenges to overcome?
Wow, very different! For instance, I’ve come to expect that if a man and woman come, the woman and I will naturally sit with each other. This wasn’t the case in the beginning as I am quite shy when getting to know new people but I’m happy with that arrangement now. We’ve definitely had some challenges – I’d say the biggest is that his Saudi friends just turned up at our house. They didn’t call first, which is something I am used to. It made me feel quite uncomfortable, because usually I like to tidy the house, do the dishes etc and get some food prepared before people come. My husband has resolved this, first by letting his friends know that they must call first and secondly (which turned out to be very hilarious) he stopped opening the door.
How do you feel about possibly relocating to Saudi Arabia? What do you expect your life to be like there?
The possibility is very exciting to me. It’s a bit scary, but I am happy to try something new. I expect my life to be very different and more family orientated than it is now. My husband has an arrangement with his father (quite common in Saudi) where the father builds a new story on top of the house for his son and his wife. So if we go there, we will be living in the same home as his family. I expect that my life will difficult but I also trust Mohammad in that he will do whatever he can to make it easier for me. I am looking forward to it. I am hoping to be able to work there as well, although considering I am studying politics, I am not sure how I will find a job.
What advice would you give to other women who are contemplating marriage to a Saudi? What do they need to know?
I would tell them that their husband’s or future husband’s family is very important in his life and that they should a) understand that and b) try really hard to form a good relationship with them. They need to be open minded and patient.. It’s also important to talk with them about their future husband’s views on women and how they want their wife to act. My husband, for example, expects me to be more modest when I am around men. This isn’t a problem for me as I don’t have male friends anyway, but for women with male friends perhaps that could be a challenge. I would also advise them to educate themselves about Islam and be open to the religion – if you are completely against your husband’s religion, it will be harder. It also gives you a lot more things to do in Saudi (e.g. lectures, plays, etc). I know that many women married to Saudis are not Muslim, but (and I am speaking from experience) it is harder if you’re not. This more so depends on the man’s family, as they will play a big role in the upbringing of your children if you live in Saudi. If you are not comfortable with your children being Muslim, then you also have to come around to the idea as many Saudi men will consider that a necessity.
Are there any additional comments you’d like to add?
No, other than it’s been a lovely interview.
In closing, I sincerely thank Mr. and Mrs. Mohammad for allowing me to jointly interview them and sincerely wish them both all the best.
